Stressdoc: The Dangers of Work-Related Stress

Public Speaking as Interactive Improv: Taking Leadership (and Your Audience) to Inspiring Heights

The Stress Doc designs a new, hybrid public performance concept:

Interactive Improv Speaker-Leader

When I think of improvisation, my typical association is players in an improv troupe announcing a general skit theme, then asking audience members to free associate specific topics.  The players want the audience to help flesh out the original premise.  This is followed by the troupe evolving a “spontaneous” skit based on audience ideas and imagery.  However, this past week, another conception of improvisation emerged during a program with food service workers from the five high schools of the Fremont H.S. School District in San Jose, CA.  (The district borders on Silicon Valley.  In fact, Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, went to one of the high schools.)  And, as I’m typing, the background Ravens-Colts football game may be providing a performance arena analogy to help flesh out this variation on an improv theme.

Sports Improv Illustration

For example, a quarterback may have a “run play” sent in by the coach.  But, after assessing the alignment of the players on defense, he may decide to audible, that is, change the play at the line of scrimmage.  The QB now decides on a quick slant pass play over the middle.  And this decision has to come quickly, within thirty seconds, if he doesn’t want to waste a timeout.  Also, a quick decision may heighten the element of surprise, sometimes alas for both members of his team as well as the opposition.  (Now, his teammates, akin to an improv troupe have to know the change of direction signals, and be able to rapidly and smoothly get on the same page.)  In essence, the QB uses his oppositional audience, their positioning and body language, and sometimes verbal expressions, as a feedback source for his individual and team performance options and decisions.  And clearly, it takes some practice and experience to pull this off effectively.

With all this in mind, let me first outline the sequence of events leading to the Stress Doc’s interactive improv process, before illustrating my improv insight.  And, putting it all together, here are your “Seven Key Steps for Designing “Public Speaking as Interactive Improv”:

1.  Initial Audience Engagement.  Like many other speakers or high impact communicators, I often use memorable language and humor to start the connection process.  For example, “My goal is to help an audience ‘Get FIT’:  this program will be FUN-Interactive & Thought-provoking.  And ‘Get FIT’ will be achieved through my Triple ‘A’ method:  you will grapple with some Anxiety, act out a little Aggression (oh, I see some people are already getting excited), and, finally, engage life’s slings and arrows with some playful yet purposeful Absurdity.  FIT… Triple ‘A’… You know something about me.  You know I’ve been living in the DC-area way too long.  (In fact, almost anyone who works or interacts with a government agency is a candidate for my new 12-Step, AA Support Group:  Acronyms Anonymous!  I suspect a number of you need to sign up.”

I then finish this opening gambit with a tongue-only-slightly-in-cheek warning:  “Hey, we’ll have fun, but it’s not all fun and games… I can be tough.  I recall a somewhat pompous State Dept. Manager during one of my workshops challenge me with, ‘What do you call it if you don’t have any stress?’  My immediate reply: Denial!... I’m sure none of you are in denial, but as my mother would say, ‘Mark, I trust you but I worry.’  And being a dutiful son, well, let’s see how you all are doing when it comes to stress.”  And this leads to the first exercise.

2.  Three “B” Stress Barometer Exercise.   The Three “B” opening exercise breaks the large group into smaller groups of four or five, and then asks:  “How does your Brain, your Body, and your Behavior let you know when you are under more stress than usual?”  A recorder in each group captures the responses, followed by several groups reading off their stress lists.  Invariably, I begin to play off the group responses, for example: 

“What about these mind-body warning signs:

a) sleep disturbance: aren’t there folks who some mornings just don’t want to get out from under the covers; then there are those who at 3am know all the best buys on e-bay or QVC Home Shopping Channel

b) eating patterns: be honest, anyone out there tend to eat more when under stress to numb that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach?  Are there any folks that lose their appetite and eat less when feeling stressed or depressed?  And, of course we hate those people, don’t we!

c) finally, what about muscle tension?  You know, real tightness or soreness in the shoulders, neck, or back.  Oh, what about TMJ?  You know what TMJ – chronic clenching of teeth and painful jaw strain – really stands for?  TOO MANY JERKS!“

3.  Recognizing a Change in Atmosphere.  My playful transition from engaging with stress to the new yet related subject is delivered through a question:  “What is the b-word associated with stress… and it’s not ‘boredom’ or the b-word that rhymes with witch?  That’s right, it’s burnout.”  (Boredom, alas, can lead to burnout, e.g. When Mastery times Monotony provides an index of MISERY!)

After establishing my own burnout bona fides, burning out while working on a creative doctoral dissertation that was off the academic wall, I introduced my “Four Stages of Burnout, a truly powerful self-assessment tool, that just might have you, like others, feeling a little vulnerable.  Let me explain.  In the middle of a stress program held in N’Awlins, during a break following a discussion of burnout stages, a gentleman came up to me and asked if I’d been to N. Louisiana.  I shook my head, ‘No,’ and gave a puzzled look.  He then said, ‘Cause you been lookin’ in my window.’”

I won’t go into detail here about these stages; but feel free to request my classic essay, “Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront.”  FYI, the Four Stages of Burnout:

1.  Physical, Mental, and Emotional Exhaustion

2.  Shame and Doubt

3.  Cynicism and Callousness

4.  Failure, Helplessness, and Crisis

Again, I use some humor in the early going.  But as I succinctly yet powerfully bring to life the four stages, the atmosphere in the room is palpably changing.  By the fourth stage, there’s a seriousness on people’s faces, a rapt look in people’s eyes, a self-absorbed/self-reflective energy.

I know the next slide is, “The Six ‘R’s of Burnout Recovery.”  A perfectly logical progression from describing the problem, that is, the four stages.  But my intuition says no.

4.  Reading the Audience, Trusting One’s Heart and Gut.  Ironically, the audience is so absorbed in their own personal associations and emotions to the “Four Stages” material… I realize they would not be maximally receptive or responsive to cognitive information.  They need an experience that will touch the heart more than the head.  They also are primed to act out, if not work through, this self-absorbed energy.  It’s time to flip the energy and exercise improv switch!

But before doing my magic trick, I don’t want to minimize the experience, skill, and trust required as a public presenter to engage in improv.  First, of course, many speakers are very self-conscious, trying to deliver the message in a clear and logical, thoughtful and heartfelt manner.  Coming across as polished and well-prepared may dominate the focus.  Of course, these qualities are often the foundation for effective presentation.  However, to build upon your foundation, to create an interactive and inspiring platform, may well require a capacity to read your audience.  It’s vital not to cling to a “life jacket” script; doing so, alas, helps it morph into a straightjacket.  A higher-level speaker can be both self-conscious while still evolving audience awareness – that is taking in verbal and nonverbal audience cues, filtering this information through the presenter’s own head, heart, and memory bank, and trusting one’s gut to venture out in a new direction.  And if you’ve already made some meaningful connection with the room, the audience will be ready to follow.

Actually, to my way of thinking, such a mutual feedback loop, is essential if the goal is not to simply inform and include, but to motivate and inspire.  And this loop is only heightened when a presenter orchestrates an interactive process that pairs thought-provoking content with mind-to-mind, heart-to-heart engaging small group exercise.

5.  The Improv Pivot:  Flipping the Script.  Unlike the traditional improv scenario outlined in the opening, (more akin to the football/reading the defense analogy), this improv turning point does not ask for audience feedback… It’s triggered by the audience already providing “next step” data through facial expressions, the serious and attentive looks and body posture, their radiating emotional energy.  Speaker experience, non-verbal sensitivity, and confidence in going “off script” allows for an alternative, “spontaneous” method of engagement.  Actually, I switched to a power struggle exercise that was planned for a later program segment.  The change in strategy adds an element of surprise to the engagement equation.  The audience senses that the speaker is undergoing some kind of metamorphosis.  People are on the edge of their seats… What’s coming next from this edgy guy?  Utilizing surprise and shift, raising pregnant questions, whether planned or in a spontaneous manner, heightens the connection between speaker and audience.  This interactive swing often places both the presenter and the room on the performance edge.

The “You Can’t Make Me… Oh, Yes I Can” exercise pairs two participants.  While eyeballing each other, the individual antagonists are thinking of “someone in your life who is or has been a pain in your butt.”  And when instructed, Person A says “You can’t make me; Person B says, “Oh yes, I can.”  Now I announce:  “The only instructions are, you can’t get out of your seat… You can be aggressive or passive-aggressive.”  (My tone of voice and body posture prove illustrative.)  Then I add:  “If the person you are looking at is also the imagined “pain in your butt”… we have a problem.  Invariably, tension-relieving group laughter ensues.  And my final directive:  “After a few seconds of the You Can’t/I Can” volley, while still in eyeball mode, say what you’d really like to say to that person in your head, that ‘pain in the butt.’”  (I call out the shift to the spontaneous, unscripted “say what you’d like to say” encounter.)  You might say one improv process fuels another!

6.  The Emotional and Nonverbal Outpouring.  Needless to say, what had been a room of self-absorbed energy, perhaps bordering on tension, feelings of vulnerability, and free-floating discomfort, is suddenly transformed.  In addition to the verbal confrontations, energy explosion, and cacophony of sound, including palpable laughter, there’s also a seeming infinite variety of interpersonal body language, gesture, and movement.  (More than once this exercise has elicited an “emergency response” from individuals outside the room, but still in hearing distance.  For example, I was facilitating a US Army leadership pre-deployment retreat at Ft. Hood in the early stages of the Iraq War.  After my workshop work with the soldiers, they retreated into their private, deployment strategy session.  In an adjacent room, I facilitated a support workshop for sixty spouses.  Not surprisingly, this group of women, maybe one or two men, knew stress!  It’s tough being on the home front when your soldier is deployed faraway, in harm’s way.  And it’s even tougher when you are given the message, time and time again, “Be strong for your soldier!”  Anyway, when we did the “You Can’t Make Me” Exercise, the volume in the room practically raised the roof.  Pent up frustration was pouring out.  Later, at dinner, a number of soldiers came up to me saying, “We were about to storm the room.  We could hear the uproar.” We thought a riot had broken out!”)

Tapping into and harnessing audience energy, whether purposefully or spontaneously, encourages all kinds of engagement.  This occurs both during the experiential moment as well as in the post-exercise debrief and follow-up learning forum.

7.  Reaching Closure and Taking a Break.  The power struggle exercise lends itself to some processing of learning concept questions, such as:

a) Why is it so easy to get caught up in power struggles?

b) When did we first engage in power struggles?  (My answer for the audience… “Certainly, by toilet training,” usually gets a laugh.  “It means we all are susceptible.”)  And,

c) Why is it so hard to drop the proverbial rope?  (I literally engage in a tug-of-war with a participant using an imaginary rope.  When I tell my antagonist to pull on “three,” and I drop the rope on “two” (and then start running away as I “suspect he’s coming after me”; actually, a face-saving gesture for the role-playing volunteer), this leads to a powerful discussion of the aforementioned question, and constructive alternatives to having a full blown, pride-driven tug, including purposefully letting go of the rope.

After getting feedback from the group about how they dealt with the “You Can’t/I Can” role-play, relevant conflict problem-solving tools and techniques are itemized. I then reconnect these tactics with the power struggle dynamic while providing a possible disarming sequence.   This begins with me playing Person B (as a supervisor or manager) and saying:  “I don’t know if I can make you or I can’t make you… that’s not where I’m coming from.”  (I then ask the group, “Have I given up my power or authority, or have I momentarily put it on the shelf?”  Email stressdoc@aol.com for the whole conflict defusing sequence.)

And, again, by the time I have completed my role model approach, the room has an aura of intensity.  I realize that in a fairly short period of time we have experienced a wave of emotional highs and lows, aggression and reaction, laughter and poignant reflection.  And, though it’s only a two-hour program and, potentially, still have much to cover, once again I consider energy levels.  Suddenly, I improvise, and call for a five-minute break. Both parties to this rapidly shifting interaction can use a timeout to reflect, recharge, and regroup.  I want folks to have time to let these emotional experiences sink in, both consciously and subconsciously, before hitting them with new info and interaction.  And I know reading the audience will again help determine some of the upcoming go to content and exercises.

Closing Summary

The best speakers aspire to be orchestra leaders, helping both individuals and the collective bring out their finest music! Yet, sometimes, another leadership role may be needed to help achieve this goal: the Interactive Improv Speaker-Leader. This is a speaker-leader who is able to read and relate to her audience. And then this leader takes interaction to another level. A process has been outlined: through the purposeful and planned use of engaging, perhaps compelling, content and exercise, such a leader has transformed the energy and attention level in the room. Then based on spontaneous audience assessment, it seems hearts need to be more engaged than heads. Or, folks are ready for an opportunity to truly act out and emotionally work through the individual and group intensity so palpable in the room. Trusting her capacity to read individual body language and the audience aura, trusting her speaker instincts and experience, the leader is willing to flip the script. She will suddenly plug the audience into an activity that allows one and all to engage in real interaction. Or, perhaps, it’s an interactivity that is slightly larger than life. For example, engaging in a power struggle role-play exercise that reveals how even aggression and laughter can be strange yet insightful bedfellows. And this improvisational pivot, by releasing this individual and collective intensity, by creating a shared experiential moment, has helped transform an audience into a learning and sharing community. Amen and women, to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Motivational Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant with IjonaSkills/US and for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. Presently Mark does Cross Cultural Facilitation and Presentations for organizational/corporate clients of HR Consulting Firm PRM. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.

The Spider and the Butterfly: The Dueling Dance of Codependency – Part III; (also Parts I & II)

A child-like family of origin poetic allegory captures meaningful complex family dynamics through the story of "The Spider and the Butterfly."  According to Merriam-Webster, "allegory" is the expression by means of symbolic fictional figures and actions of truths or generalizations about human existence.  The work below is a deep examination of early family of origin dynamics captured in a children’s story-like format.  More specifically, the poem illustrates one variation on the universal triangle themes of codependence, separation, loss, fear, and the struggle for individuation, for developing your own authentic voice.  Mr. and Mrs. Spider and a little butterfly are the principal players.  With its interplay of adult themes and children-of-all-ages format, I believe the evolving piece is both fairly compelling and insightful.  As always, would love your feedback.  Enjoy the epic journey.  MG

Part I of “The Spider and the Butterfly” outlines the meeting of our opening two protagonists – Mrs. Spider, head of her domain, and a little boy butterfly attracted to her silky web.  Initially wary, lil b quickly succumbs to the Queen’s arms and charms…but at what price?

Part II of this epic poem, captures the wounded Mr. Spider’s story.  More than ever, not only does he feel like the subordinate partner, but now he’s being replaced.  So, Mr. S begins to plot his “role model/rite of passage” revenge.  But what is reality, what fantasy?

Part III captures the “family” showdown caught up in the classic triangle conflict:  the Queen and Mr. Spider and the little boy butterfly.  Who has the power?  Who will be passive?  Who will prevail?  Who will part ways?  Who will plot revenge?

Part I & II links:

http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2017/08/from-post-traumatic-stress-to-post.html

ttps://www.linkedin.com/pulse/from-post-traumatic-stress-growth-transforming-adversity-mark-gorkin?published=t

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Spider and the Butterfly:  Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story:  The Fateful Encounter – Part I

The spider spins a silky web

Of soft and shiny aura.

How will a little butterfly

Know the coming drama?

Lady S so wants a child

But she herself is dry

And a wounded Mr. Spider

Turns his back and cries.

Sunlight sparkles on the weave

Catching the ‘lil butter’s eye.

He soon alights upon the web

Her tapestry does hypnotize.

The ‘lil one fills a big hole

In her broken heart.

The spin-stress knows not why she craves…

But he must play a part.

Is he embraced or entrapped

In the lady’s many arms?

Instinct tells ’lil b to flee

Despite her luring charms.

But Lady Spider starts to sing

Her haunting Siren ** song.

How is one so young to know

Just what is right from wrong?

The moon has journeyed many times

Giving in becomes veiled lie.

‘lil b now wonders who he is…

“Oh no.  I’ve forgotten how to fly!”

**  In Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.  (Wikipedia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Spider and the Butterfly:  Not Necessarily a Children's Story Mr. Spider’s Story – 
Part II

So where is Mr. Spider’s thread

In our enmeshed story?

For in this tale of web and woe

Lady S spins all the glory.

Mr. S, alas, cannot weave…

His scarlet mark of shame

Adding insult to injury:

The Queen’s needles are a pain.

To numb a spider’s injured pride

He gorges on the blood

Of his wife’s hard-earned bounty

Drinking far more than he should.

Mr. S silently seethes

Black clouds smoke his red-hot brain:

How can he seize ‘lil b

From the Queen’s web domain?

While ‘lil b so quietly

Morphs…now the “too good” child:

Wings aflutter cool spider fears, but

White noise “call of the wild!”

Then one day, Mr, Spider

Announces to his mate

That he and the butter boy

Have planned a hunting date.

‘lil b unexpectedly

Eyes Mr. S. with newfound hope

But quickly turns to reality…

Will she let us cut the rope?

© Mark Gorkin  2017

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

lil b may not know where he is going

but I believe he will know how to get there.

Just between you and me...

I'd stay tuned for Part III. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Spider and the Butterfly:  Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story:  The Dueling Dance of Codependency – Part III

Lady S and lil b

Still attached at the lip

Of the web hangs Mr. S, alone

By a thread getting a grip.

Grabbing a loose strand

He Ninjas towards the pair

To cut this Oedipal ** knot, but

Jerks to a stop mid-air.

A flash of panic in her orbs:

Then a Queen Cold Medusa ** stare.

Why this male bonding quest?

Mr. S... time for "truth or dare."

A survival of the fittest test:

Is a safe nest the answer?

Or is her "be safe" just b.s.?

Who folds from high noon terror?

She shoots the little one a look

A laser to his brain…

The winner of this domain duel:

The hypnotic, symbiotic

E-magnetic ball and chain.  **

Still Mr S. turns to the boy

Soul pleading with his eyes.

The little wings but sadly shrug

He knows where his butter lies!

Mr. Spider’s agony

War paint drips down his face

Turns fiery rejection red…

How to live with such disgrace?

For the little butterfly

One question rends his heart:

Why won’t Mr. Spider

Play his manly part?

Simply say to Mrs S.:

“The boy will come with me!”

But he meekly bows to the Queen

Yet scorns the lil b.

Mr. S crawling in pain

Takes one more parting glance:

First heal his own wounds, then

End the spider-butter trance!

** Oedipal – Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex is a Greek play that has captivated audiences and readers alike for centuries. In Freud’s hands the play became an illustration of the supposedly universal “Oedipus complex”— a group of emotions, usually unconscious, involving the desire of a child, especially a male child, to possess sexually the parent of the opposite sex while excluding the parent of the same sex (Psychology Today and The Free Dictionary).

**  Medusa was a monster, one of the Gorgon sisters and daughter of Phorkys and Keto, the children of Gaea (Earth) and Oceanus (Ocean). She had the face of an ugly woman with snakes instead of hair; anyone who looked into her eyes was immediately turned to stone (AOL/Medusa Greek Mythology).

** ball and chain – something that limits one's freedom or ability to do things (Merriam-Webster); someone who won't let you do or go anywhere without him/her (Urban Dictionary).

© Mark Gorkin  2017

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

From Post-Traumatic Stress to Post-Traumatic Growth: Transforming Adversity into Creative Rebirth

A child-like family of origin poetic allegory captures meaningful complex family dynamics through the story of "The Spider and the Butterfly."  The poem is followed by an in-depth essay on the process of traumatic to dramatic-creative transformation.  Enjoy.  MG

From Post-Traumatic Stress to Post-Traumatic Growth:  Transforming Adversity into Creative Rebirth

This is another head- and heartfelt essay & poem combo about the motivational forces that for me spurred new genre writing:  poetic allegory.  According to Merriam-Webster, "allegory" is the expression by means of symbolic fictional figures and actions of truths or generalizations about human existence.  The work below is a deep examination of early family of origin dynamics captured in a children’s story-like format.  More specifically, the poem illustrates one variation on the universal triangle themes of codependence, separation, loss, fear, and the struggle for individuation, for developing your own authentic voice.  Mr. and Mrs. Spider and a little butterfly are the principal players.  With its interplay of adult themes and children-of-all-ages format, I believe the piece (Parts I & II of a continuing saga) is both fairly compelling and insightful.  I have placed it before the introductory essay.  The essay explores – both conceptually and personally – the psychically disruptive backdrop to the creation of the allegory.  As always, would love your feedback.  Enjoy the journey.  MG

The Spider and the Butterfly:  Part I

Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story

The spider spins a silky web

Of soft and shiny aura.

How will a little butterfly

Know the coming drama?

Lady S so wants a child

But she herself is dry

And a wounded Mr. Spider

Turns his back and cries.

Sunlight sparkles on the weave

Catching the ‘lil butter’s eye.

He soon alights upon the web

Her tapestry does hypnotize.

The ‘lil one fills a big hole

In her broken heart.

The spin-stress knows not why she craves…

But he must play a part.

Is he embraced or entrapped

In the lady’s many arms?

Instinct tells ’lil b to flee

Despite her luring charms.

But Lady Spider starts to sing

Her haunting Siren ** song.

How is one so young to know

Just what is right from wrong?

The moon has journeyed many times

Giving in becomes veiled lie.

‘lil b now wonders who he is…

“Oh no.  I’ve forgotten how to fly!”

**  In Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.  (Wikipedia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Spider and the Butterfly:  Part II

Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story

So where is Mr. Spider’s thread

In our enmeshed story?

For in this tale of web and woe

Lady S spins all the glory.

Mr. S, alas, cannot weave…

His scarlet mark of shame

Adding insult to injury:

The Queen’s needles are a pain.

To numb a spider’s injured pride

He gorges on the blood

Of his wife’s hard-earned bounty

Drinking far more than he should.

Mr. S silently seethes

Black smoke clouds his red-hot brain:

How can he seize ‘lil b

From the Queen’s web domain?

While ‘lil b so quietly

Morphs…now the “too good” child:

Wings aflutter cool spider fears, but

White noise “call of the wild!”

Then one day, Mr, Spider

Announces to his mate

That he and the butter boy

Have planned a hunting date.

‘lil b unexpectedly

Eyes Mr. S. with newfound hope

But quickly turns to reality…

Will she let us cut the rope?

© Mark Gorkin  2017

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

lil b may not know where he is going

but I believe he will know how to get there.

Just between you and me...

I'd stay tuned for Part III. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Post-Traumatic Stress to Post-Traumatic Growth:  Transforming Adversity into Creative Rebirth

We all have heard of “post-traumatic stress,” the aftermath of shock and hypervigilance, loss and adversity with its many lingering, disruptive signs and symptoms of mind-body turmoil.  Hey, what about post-traumatic growth?  To understand the latter, we must recognize the former.  Potential major traumatic events include:  a) the death or painful loss of a loved one, b) the end of a long-time, meaningful relationship, c) the sudden and unexpected loss of a vital job, position, community, or role, d) a life-threatening illness or accident, e) a social environment that has you always on guard or living with a smoldering, just beneath the surface sense of angst or near panic, whether because of a substance-abusing parent, cyber-bullying peers, a climate of harassment, or nightly gunshots in your neighborhood, f) a war-zone experience with its potential for multiple trauma triggers, or g) a shocking natural catastrophe, along with the uncertain waiting for aftershocks, as in the 2015 earthquakes in Nepal, etc.  These complex events not only endanger a basic sense of security and community, but may threaten or unravel a personal identity.  Such trauma can challenge our foundational belief systems.  Assumptions and expectations about ourselves, our supportive circle, the surrounding world, about life or nature – human and otherwise – are being tested.  Adding to the psychic injury, subterranean memories or, at least, the lurking emotions, further disorient as they surge to the forefront of consciousness.  And nothing can be taken for granted; we must reexamine fundamental premises.  We must entertain unprecedented survival, psychological, and existential-behavioral questions and patterns.  And, of course, this reassessment or mind-body-moral inventory is the conceptual, psycho-spiritual, and creative bridge to new paths and possibilities.

Post-Traumatic Growth

Ironically, it is just because our worldview, beliefs, and role-identities have been so profoundly shaken if not shattered by physical, but especially psychic-seismic upheaval, that we have the opportunity to experience the inverse of post-traumatic stress…post-traumatic growth!  “Growth after trauma can take a number of different forms, including a greater appreciation for life, the identification of new possibilities for one’s life, more satisfying interpersonal relationships, (including increased empathy and altruism), a richer spiritual life and a connection to something greater than oneself, and a sense of personal strength.”  (Scott Barry Kaufman and Carolyn Gegoire, Wired to Create:  Understanding the Mysteries of the Creative Mind, Perigee:  Penguin Random House; New York, 2015.)

How to achieve such lofty goals as post-traumatic growth? Chaotic reality flies in the face of past beliefs, emotional-interpersonal schemas, and action plans. Letting go of the once predictable or familiar, while scary – the approach/avoidance or risk/reward uncertainty conundrum – helps open us to new or “nothing left to lose” perceptions, to consider unthinkable problem-solving ideas and strategies, to generate novel ways of framing, defining and defying, and, ultimately, giving meaning to crisis and loss, to pain and suffering. Akin to a city whose neighborhoods, roadways, power lines, and monuments have been rattled, battered, and razed by an earthquake, we must first distinguish the functional from the dysfunctional. Then, one must learn from the past to rebuild schematic structures that guide understanding and decision-making; that harness – individually and collectively – purpose, passion, and persistence. Of course, initially there is a grief process – shock, sadness, loss, anger, doubt and ambivalence, and angst, etc. – that often precedes and gradually nurtures (though not always on a predictable schedule), sustained rebuilding and rejuvenation.

Grief as Growth

In fact, the path of grief is a major growth stimulant, a challenging and fluid formula for finding-designing renewed meaning for living.  With sufficient support and time, by embracing the dark side of melancholy and mourning a new season of light and rebirth imperceptibly yet magically often appears on the horizon.  As I once penned:  Whether the loss is a key person, a desired position, or a powerful illusion, each deserves the respect of a mourning.  The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time.  In mystical fashion, like spring upon winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal.

In summary, to stabilize a self shaken at its roots, we often must let go of comfortable and reassuring or stress-relieving habits, that is, coping adaptations that have become limiting or, at the least, do not fit a new post-trauma reality.  We must learn to both explore wildly and fail fearlessly – “strive high and embrace failure” anyone?  Or, at least move – whether steadily or in fits and starts – out of that proverbial comfort zone.  Why?  Because, as an adult, habitual cognitive-emotive-behavioral patterns not courageously and thoroughly questioned have decided dysfunctional, self-constricting, “b.s.” – be safe – potential.  However, through individual and group grief, rumination, sharing, and reflection, and active trial and error exploration-experimentation we are in a position to gain up-to-date information about ourselves and our environments.  My regeneration mantra:  Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn!  We are now rebuilding from the ground up; we are pursuing unprecedented – and perhaps creative – pathways and opportunities.  The poignancy and pregnancy of this “no exit challenge,” will present itself, especially if we understand the wisdom articulated by French-Algerian, Nobel-prize winning author, Albert Camus:  Once we have accepted the fact of loss, we understand that the loved one obstructed whole corners of the possible…pure now as a sky washed by rain.

That is, we have invested so much time, energy, emotion, ego in that one special person, one right position or living space, one acceptable self-definition, only one possible outcome, that we are not even aware fully of what else lives inside us and what is conceivable outside us…and the evolving magical “transitional space” when boldly and imaginatively playing with the two.

Corners of the Possible

Which brings me to five new or reinvigorated “post-traumatic” corners of the possible recently discovered and designed in the aftermath of: a) the end of a ten-year relationship, b) the loss of a three-year old “grandchild,” c) the dissolution of my Cleveland social network, d) having to find new living arrangements, d) decidedly more ebb than flow in my speaking gigs, that is, e) basically having to start over in Columbia, MD feeling mostly isolated, wounded, and defeated.

Five of the recent corners of hibernation and healing:  1) participating regularly in a variety of twelve step groups, 2) making new friends both inside and outside the “step” experience, 3) carefully listening to my dreams, 4) engaging in creative-therapeutic writing, especially capturing my traumatic stress to growth process through various forms of poetic expression, and 5) finding creative partners to help turn poetic concepts into creative products.  I believe the common and creative threads connecting the five corners is simple yet substantial:  All corners, especially the first four, provide a space for me to discover what psychological emotions and ideas are swimming and swirling in my conscious and subconscious minds.  For example, the first four corners definitely hold up a mirror to my psyche, heart, and soul.  This can occur by talking out loud in a group to hear and, thereby, clarify the jumble of mind-body-spirit thoughts and feelings.  It also evolves through give-and-take sharing and feedback with self-reflective kindred pals.  I hear disguised or denied parts of myself in their stories.  Dreams are another subterranean, self-revealing mirror (sometimes of a fun- and not-so-fun-house variety) that often puzzle and propel me into deeper confusion and exploration.

Writing is Conceiving Is Believing Is Reframing Is…

Then, of course, there is creative writing. A number of colleagues have asked why I keep exploring what appear to be familiar themes: why don’t you move on? For me, relationship loss – whether of early or more recent origin – is a mine of infinitely rich and vibrant, yet often painful, minerals. And the deeper I dig and sift, recall and sort, the ore brought back to the surface is not just richer but more of my human essence. And under red hot, laser-like inner gaze, the ore becomes fluid and fleeting, inducing a state of mental meandering and kaleidoscopic possibility. In dream-like fashion, the interplay of past-present-future takes me down the rabbit hole…to unexpected places if not unimaginable spaces. Once the ore begins to cool and my mind begins to converge (that is, evolves from the seemingly psycho-logical to the more logical) … the protean-like ore can be molded into a myriad of forms and functions, such as a new format like poetic allegory. Finally, not surprisingly, soul material always retains an element of unfinished mystery.

Let the writing adventure begin.  As I sit before the computer, turned on by my performance angst, mind wandering is followed by more focused, mindful/meditative states (or as easily, the reverse cognitive sequence.  I call this mercurial ebb and flow finding that elusive balance between mindfulness and out-of-mindfulness; the latter being my specialty ;-).  Shifting between unconscious percolation to building surprising subconscious and conscious connections, then once more back down into the writer’s well for additional sediments and sustenance.  All this meandering, molding, and new meaning construction hopefully, gradually, leads to clear, concise, and compelling sentences or captivating visually rhythmic and evocative lines. This discovery-to-design process helps soothe past pain, clarifies present understanding, and purposefully yet playfully spins and shapes new corner possibilities. (In fact, I think an essay about the importance and power of these “five corners” is waiting in the wings.)

Phew. Time to reread “The Spider and the Butterfly.” Hopefully, it brings to life more tangibly the evolution – from pain to poetry – of post-traumatic stress, growth and creativity. To be continued! Amen and women, to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker -- on stress & burnout, performance-leadership & captivating communication -- as well as recognized authour, and "Psychohumorist" ™.  Mark is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative and is a current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.