A
child-like family of origin poetic allegory captures meaningful complex family
dynamics through the story of "The Spider and the Butterfly." The poem is followed by an in-depth essay on
the process of traumatic to dramatic-creative transformation. Enjoy.
MG
From
Post-Traumatic Stress to Post-Traumatic
Growth: Transforming Adversity into Creative Rebirth
This is another head-
and heartfelt essay & poem combo about the motivational forces that for
me spurred new genre writing: poetic allegory. According to Merriam-Webster,
"allegory" is the expression by means of symbolic fictional
figures and actions of truths or generalizations about human existence. The
work below is a deep examination of early family of origin dynamics captured in
a children’s story-like format. More
specifically, the poem illustrates one variation on the universal triangle
themes of codependence, separation, loss, fear, and the struggle for
individuation, for developing your own authentic voice. Mr. and Mrs. Spider and a little butterfly
are the principal players. With its
interplay of adult themes and children-of-all-ages format, I believe the piece (Parts
I & II of a continuing saga) is both fairly compelling and insightful. I have placed it before the introductory
essay. The essay explores – both conceptually and personally – the
psychically disruptive backdrop to the creation of the allegory. As
always, would love your feedback. Enjoy the journey. MG
The
Spider and the Butterfly: Part I
Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
The
spider spins a silky web
Of
soft and shiny aura.
How
will a little butterfly
Know
the coming drama?
Lady S
so wants a child
But
she herself is dry
And a
wounded Mr. Spider
Turns
his back and cries.
Sunlight
sparkles on the weave
Catching
the ‘lil butter’s eye.
He
soon alights upon the web
Her
tapestry does hypnotize.
The
‘lil one fills a big hole
In her
broken heart.
The
spin-stress knows not why she craves…
But he
must play a part.
Is he
embraced or entrapped
In the
lady’s many arms?
Instinct
tells ’lil b to flee
Despite
her luring charms.
But
Lady Spider starts to sing
Her
haunting Siren ** song.
How is
one so young to know
Just
what is right from wrong?
The
moon has journeyed many times
Giving
in becomes veiled lie.
‘lil b now wonders who he is…
“Oh
no. I’ve forgotten how to fly!”
** In Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous
creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to
shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.
(Wikipedia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Spider and the Butterfly: Part II
Not
Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
So
where is Mr. Spider’s thread
In our
enmeshed story?
For in
this tale of web and woe
Lady S
spins all the glory.
Mr. S,
alas, cannot weave…
His
scarlet mark of shame
Adding
insult to injury:
The
Queen’s needles are a pain.
To
numb a spider’s injured pride
He
gorges on the blood
Of his
wife’s hard-earned bounty
Drinking
far more than he should.
Mr. S
silently seethes
Black smoke clouds
his red-hot brain:
How
can he seize ‘lil b
From
the Queen’s web domain?
While ‘lil b so quietly
Morphs…now
the “too good” child:
Wings
aflutter cool spider fears, but
White
noise “call of the wild!”
Then
one day, Mr, Spider
Announces
to his mate
That
he and the butter boy
Have
planned a hunting date.
‘lil b unexpectedly
Eyes
Mr. S. with newfound hope
But
quickly turns to reality…
Will she let us cut the rope?
© Mark Gorkin 2017
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
lil b may not know where he is going
but I believe he will know how to get there.
Just between you and me...
I'd stay tuned for Part III. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From
Post-Traumatic Stress to Post-Traumatic Growth:
Transforming Adversity into Creative
Rebirth
We all
have heard of “post-traumatic stress,” the aftermath of shock and
hypervigilance, loss and adversity with its many lingering, disruptive signs
and symptoms of mind-body turmoil. Hey,
what about post-traumatic growth? To
understand the latter, we must recognize the former. Potential major traumatic events
include: a) the death or painful loss of
a loved one, b) the end of a long-time, meaningful relationship, c) the sudden
and unexpected loss of a vital job, position, community, or role, d) a
life-threatening illness or accident, e) a social environment that has you
always on guard or living with a smoldering, just beneath the surface sense of
angst or near panic, whether because of a substance-abusing parent,
cyber-bullying peers, a climate of harassment, or nightly gunshots in your
neighborhood, f) a war-zone experience with its potential for multiple trauma
triggers, or g) a shocking natural catastrophe, along with the uncertain
waiting for aftershocks, as in the 2015 earthquakes in Nepal, etc. These complex events not only endanger a
basic sense of security and community, but may threaten or unravel a personal identity. Such trauma can challenge our foundational
belief systems. Assumptions and
expectations about ourselves, our supportive circle, the surrounding world,
about life or nature – human and otherwise – are being tested. Adding to the psychic injury, subterranean
memories or, at least, the lurking emotions, further disorient as they surge to
the forefront of consciousness. And
nothing can be taken for granted; we must reexamine fundamental premises. We must entertain unprecedented survival,
psychological, and existential-behavioral questions and patterns. And, of course, this reassessment or
mind-body-moral inventory is the conceptual, psycho-spiritual, and creative
bridge to new paths and possibilities.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Ironically,
it is just because our worldview, beliefs, and role-identities have been so
profoundly shaken if not shattered by physical, but especially psychic-seismic
upheaval, that we have the opportunity to experience the inverse of
post-traumatic stress…post-traumatic growth! “Growth after trauma can take a number of
different forms, including a greater appreciation for life, the identification
of new possibilities for one’s life, more satisfying interpersonal
relationships, (including increased empathy and altruism), a richer spiritual
life and a connection to something greater than oneself, and a sense of
personal strength.” (Scott Barry Kaufman
and Carolyn Gegoire, Wired to
Create: Understanding the Mysteries of
the Creative Mind, Perigee: Penguin
Random House; New York, 2015.)
How to
achieve such lofty goals as post-traumatic growth? Chaotic reality flies in the
face of past beliefs, emotional-interpersonal schemas, and action plans.
Letting go of the once predictable or familiar, while scary – the
approach/avoidance or risk/reward uncertainty conundrum – helps open us to new
or “nothing left to lose” perceptions, to consider unthinkable problem-solving
ideas and strategies, to generate novel ways of framing, defining and defying,
and, ultimately, giving meaning to crisis and loss, to pain and suffering. Akin
to a city whose neighborhoods, roadways, power lines, and monuments have been
rattled, battered, and razed by an earthquake, we must first distinguish the functional
from the dysfunctional. Then, one must learn from the past to rebuild schematic
structures that guide understanding and decision-making; that harness – individually and collectively – purpose,
passion, and persistence. Of course, initially there is a grief process –
shock, sadness, loss, anger, doubt and ambivalence, and angst, etc. – that
often precedes and gradually nurtures (though not always on a predictable
schedule), sustained rebuilding and rejuvenation.
Grief as Growth
In
fact, the path of grief is a major growth stimulant, a challenging and fluid
formula for finding-designing renewed meaning for living. With sufficient support and time, by
embracing the dark side of melancholy and mourning a new season of light and
rebirth imperceptibly yet magically often appears on the horizon. As I once penned: Whether
the loss is a key person, a desired position, or a powerful illusion, each
deserves the respect of a mourning. The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists
and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like spring upon winter,
the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal.
In
summary, to stabilize a self shaken at its roots, we often must let go of
comfortable and reassuring or stress-relieving habits, that is, coping
adaptations that have become limiting or, at the least, do not fit a new
post-trauma reality. We must learn to
both explore wildly and fail fearlessly – “strive high and embrace failure”
anyone? Or, at least move – whether
steadily or in fits and starts – out of that proverbial comfort zone. Why?
Because, as an adult, habitual cognitive-emotive-behavioral patterns not
courageously and thoroughly questioned have decided dysfunctional,
self-constricting, “b.s.” – be safe –
potential. However, through individual
and group grief, rumination, sharing, and reflection, and active trial and
error exploration-experimentation we are in a position to gain up-to-date
information about ourselves and our environments. My regeneration mantra: Learn
to Fail or Fail to Learn! We are now
rebuilding from the ground up; we are pursuing unprecedented – and perhaps
creative – pathways and opportunities.
The poignancy and pregnancy of this “no exit challenge,” will present
itself, especially if we understand the wisdom articulated by French-Algerian,
Nobel-prize winning author, Albert Camus:
Once we have accepted the fact of
loss, we understand that the loved one obstructed whole corners of the
possible…pure now as a sky washed by rain.
That
is, we have invested so much time, energy, emotion, ego in that one special
person, one right position or living space, one acceptable self-definition, only
one possible outcome, that we are not even aware fully of what else lives inside
us and what is conceivable outside us…and the evolving magical “transitional
space” when boldly and imaginatively playing with the two.
Corners of the Possible
Which
brings me to five new or reinvigorated “post-traumatic” corners of the possible
recently discovered and designed in the aftermath of: a) the end of a ten-year
relationship, b) the loss of a three-year old “grandchild,” c) the dissolution
of my Cleveland social network, d) having to find new living arrangements, d)
decidedly more ebb than flow in my speaking gigs, that is, e) basically having
to start over in Columbia, MD feeling mostly isolated, wounded, and defeated.
Five of
the recent corners of hibernation and healing:
1) participating regularly in a variety of twelve step groups, 2) making
new friends both inside and outside the “step” experience, 3) carefully
listening to my dreams, 4) engaging in creative-therapeutic writing, especially
capturing my traumatic stress to growth process through various forms of poetic
expression, and 5) finding creative partners to help turn poetic concepts into
creative products. I believe the common
and creative threads connecting the five corners is simple yet
substantial: All corners, especially the first four, provide a space for me to
discover what psychological emotions and ideas are swimming and swirling in my
conscious and subconscious minds.
For example, the first four corners definitely hold up a mirror to my
psyche, heart, and soul. This can occur
by talking out loud in a group to hear and, thereby, clarify the jumble of mind-body-spirit
thoughts and feelings. It also evolves
through give-and-take sharing and feedback with self-reflective kindred pals. I hear disguised or denied parts of myself in
their stories. Dreams are another subterranean,
self-revealing mirror (sometimes of a fun- and not-so-fun-house variety) that often
puzzle and propel me into deeper confusion and exploration.
Writing is Conceiving Is Believing Is
Reframing Is…
Then,
of course, there is creative writing. A number of colleagues have asked why I
keep exploring what appear to be familiar themes: why don’t you move on? For
me, relationship loss – whether of early or more recent origin – is a mine of
infinitely rich and vibrant, yet often painful, minerals. And the deeper I dig
and sift, recall and sort, the ore brought back to the surface is not just
richer but more of my human essence. And under red hot, laser-like inner gaze,
the ore becomes fluid and fleeting, inducing a state of mental meandering and
kaleidoscopic possibility. In dream-like fashion, the interplay of
past-present-future takes me down the rabbit hole…to unexpected places if not
unimaginable spaces. Once the ore begins to cool and my mind begins to converge
(that is, evolves from the seemingly psycho-logical to the more logical) … the
protean-like ore can be molded into a myriad of forms and functions, such as a
new format like poetic allegory. Finally, not surprisingly, soul material
always retains an element of unfinished mystery.
Let
the writing adventure begin. As I sit
before the computer, turned on by my performance angst, mind wandering is followed
by more focused, mindful/meditative states (or as easily, the reverse cognitive
sequence. I call this mercurial ebb and
flow finding that elusive balance between mindfulness and out-of-mindfulness; the latter being my specialty ;-). Shifting between unconscious percolation to
building surprising subconscious and conscious connections, then once more back
down into the writer’s well for additional sediments and sustenance. All this meandering, molding, and new meaning
construction hopefully, gradually, leads to clear, concise, and compelling
sentences or captivating visually rhythmic and evocative lines. This
discovery-to-design process helps soothe past pain, clarifies present
understanding, and purposefully yet playfully spins and shapes new corner
possibilities. (In fact, I think an essay about the importance and power of
these “five corners” is waiting in the wings.)
Phew.
Time to reread “The Spider and the Butterfly.” Hopefully, it brings to life
more tangibly the evolution – from pain
to poetry – of post-traumatic stress, growth and creativity. To be
continued! Amen and women, to that!
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker -- on stress
& burnout, performance-leadership & captivating communication
-- as well as recognized authour, and "Psychohumorist" ™.
Mark is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing
Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative
and is a current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international
Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former
Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led
numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the
US Army. Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for
organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services. The Doc is the
author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving
Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online
"HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.
