Agenda:
1) Partnerships that Drive
Performance: Radio Podcast #4: CONFLICT!
2) Conflict Poems
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Partnerships that Dive
Performance: Radio Podcast #4: CONFLICT! You got
a problem with that!
During our pre-show
preparation, Emily, my co-host, challenged me to be more spontaneously
interactive and engaged with her. And she was right. I think it
resulted in our most animated and stimulating effort yet.
Any time listening link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ptdp
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stress Doc Radio Blog:
Partnerships that Drive
Performance!
Tuesday Nights 8:30pm EST
Jan 28, 2016
Wonderful, Mark! I have
had a listen and like what I hear. I've promoted it on Orate's social media
channels. Keep me updated on the developments of the communications speaking
program. Best, Erin
Erin C. Reeve, Community
Marketing Manager
ORATE Speakers Bureau
~~~~~~~~~~~
Dueling yet
collaborative mind-behavior-interaction strategy experts blur the lines of
conventional wisdom in their quest to pull back the curtain on communication,
creativity, and collaboration -- that is, on "Partnerships the Drive
Performance." And
you can call-in: 646-564-9624.
~~~~~~~
Program # 4 Synopsis
During our pre-show
preparation, Emily, my co-host challenged me to be more spontaneously
interactive and engaged with her. And she was right. I think it
resulted in our most animated and stimulating effort yet. And for a
little lagniappe, after the radio blog, her husband was commenting about our
growing repertoire of shows. The word "repertoire" sounded
slightly off-kilter, and suddenly I realized we had created a new word, a
neologism: we are developing a "web-ertoire."
Highlights of Show # 4
-- CONFLICT!
1. Why are first
associations to the word "conflict" often negative? How many
grew up in families where it really felt safe and secure having angry
arguments or being in the middle of conflict?
2. A discussion of
the double-edged -- positive and negative, approach and avoidance -- nature of
conflict; how conflict creates tension and dissension, yet also can
focus attention, heighten motivation, generate imaginative
problem-solving, and spur survival and creative collaboration.
3. Emily's
personal share around the initial sharp differences between her and her husband
around "saving or spending money," and how they constructively
negotiated their differences.
4. We engaged
in one of the Stress Doc's "power struggle exercise":
"You Can't Make Me"..."Oh, Yes I Can." And
while our increasingly charged banter was evolving from the playful to the
more serious...it was our analysis of the exchange that really proved
meaningful.
5. We went back
and forth discussing and illustrating the "Six "C"s of Power
Struggles"; why is it so easy to fall into the power struggle trap.
The Six "C"s: Control, Competition, Change, Cultural Diversity,
Communication Skills, and Courage. Once again the Stress Doc demonstrates
why he is a charter member of the new AA group Acronyms Anonymous!
6. The Murray
Story captures how a grizzled salesman is challenged to work through his
anger with the new, young, brash CEO (likely covering insecurity with an
aggressive front), approach the young buck in a way that both men can save
face, and even become an elder statesman in the company.
7. We talked about
the importance and steps for achieving consensus: where everyone gives up
a little for the common good.
8. And finally,
the real highlight was the spirited interplay between the Communication
Strategist and the Stress Doc.
Enjoy.
Emily and Mark
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conflict Poems
Crazy
for “You”
“It’s
all your fault”; “You drive me crazy!”
Sounds
like an assault from a mind that is lazy.
Do not
be shy, here’s one good reply –
Looking
eye to eye…with tone a tad dry:
“Time
after time, I know you have said it…
Alas,
you still give me way too much credit.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tea
for Two: The Narcissist’s Version
You
for me and me for me
Oh how
nurturing you will be
Forget
“to be or not to be”…
Just
simply think of Me, Me, Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Losing
It…Resting It
You
may think I’m at a loss
Not
having you as a boss.
But
when it’s just me
Not us
or you…
Please,
do not tell me what to do.
Even
when you “know what’s best”
(Though
never quite put to the test)
Let me
flounder; wait...still better
A
request: Geez, Louise…Just let it rest!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had
started working on a poem, seemingly about hostile communication, but didn’t
get very far. Perhaps the first four
lines. So I let it go. Recently, while trying to track down other
poems on conflict, I came across these lonely, forgotten words. Now I had a person in mind; and the further I
progressed with the lyrics, additional tense encounters with other “stress
carriers” flooded my mindscape. And the
common characteristic: people who didn’t
deal with conflict straight on or with a genuine give-and-take quality. Their pattern was to hit and run, subtly
ridicule and walk away, or snake bite and tune out or block. As the lines progressed, as I captured this
toxic, passive-aggressive pattern, as the poem was gaining greater definition…a
new self-recognition appeared on the mental horizon. I too was feeling more defined and solid; the
memories of these encounters did not leave me feeling wounded or agitated,
plotting revenge. I was puzzling out and
declaring a poetic measure of personal evolution; letting go of some of the
darkness and letting in pristine light.
The Double-Edged Curse of Conflict-Averse
You’re
so in control
Above
the fray.
Cutting
wit – saber cool
What dare
I say?
Of
course, you don’t let emotions
Get in
the way.
Hey,
you’re no fool…
When
it comes to survival:
The
head trumps the heart –
The DarthVinian rule!
And
when there’s contention
You
know your part:
Just
shoot a dart!
That
kills discussion
Before
it can start.
Oh to
react: “Please…Make my day!”
But “how
could s/he?” toxic shock
Mutes
any smart play.
To be a smooth
"black or white" rock
No...I drift in shades
of gray.
With a
Cheshire sneer
Poof…you
disappear.
But
one day we’ll learn
Waiting
on your return
For
better and worse
When a
“Lady or Master of the Universe”
Is so
discord-averse
Yet
not disinclined
To mess
with your mind –
Hiding
lethal claws
In a self-righteous
cause
While
a “please be so kind”
Becomes
a legal clause.
Before
I start to churn
Let us
give pause…
There now
dawns a new day
No
need to beg and pray
No
false self to betray.
For with
vision and verse
Let me
be terse:
You
can’t touch my core
Like
you did once before.
So
whatever you choose
For
me, there’s nothing to lose…
I’ve
stopped keeping score
And
won’t sing those old blues
As I
finally, yes really
Show
you the door!
** A
Stress Doc neologism: a callous, perverted
mix of Darth Vader and Social Darwinism
© Mark Gorkin
2016
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
Mark
Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a
nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a
former psychotherapist and Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the
U.S. Postal Service. Mark is a Trauma
Debriefing and Critical Incident Consultant for variety of organizations,
including the national post-earthquake, Nepali Behavioral Health & Wellness
Initiative. He has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team
Building Retreats for US Army Senior Officers and Sergeants. The Doc is the
author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four
Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap
™. His latest, soon to be published
book, Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh, and Love. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online
"HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace
resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).
Email stressdoc@aol.com
for more info.
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