---------------
The New “R and R” – Courageous RESILIENCE and Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder
Immediately after a recent “Stress
Resilience and Passion Power” Program for the Unitarian Universalist
Congregation of Columbia, MD two attendees approached me – one was the UU
Director of Learning, the other a scientist and parent. Both expressed the belief that my
interactive, thought-provoking, and humorous method, and especially my material
on “Stress Resilience,” “Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn,” and the “Steps of
Creative Risk-Taking” would be great for high school students. Howard County Schools tend to put
considerable emphasis (and workload) on high level achievement; not
surprisingly, student and parent stress levels can be plenty elevated. Both plan to talk with the Youth Director of
the Congregation to see if we can pilot a student program that might be able to
spread its wings and fly in county schools.
Then, the next day at a Social Work
Conference, keynoter Brene Brown walked her “Daring Greatly” talk. She focused on having the courage to be
vulnerable; in fact, for her, true courage does not exist without feeling
vulnerable. The topic (and her book of
the same title) was inspired by the oft-cited quote by President Teddy
Roosevelt:
It
is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit
belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and
again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does
actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great
devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the
end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least
he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold
and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
Barriers
to and Transfusions for Blood and Guts
Too often people mistake vulnerability
for weakness. This is not surprising
when the familiar synonyms are: susceptible,
weak or weak position, defenseless, helpless, exposed; also open to, in danger,
at risk, etc. Who wants to be vulnerable!!!
That’s the paradox: it takes courage to be vulnerable. In fact, there’s a big difference between being
overwhelmed by fear, helplessness, or risk and staying and working with
gnawing, even hyperventilating anxiety. One
fork, frequently echoing voices of shame and blame, leads to panic or paralysis;
the other path somehow has your mind-body sweating yet grappling with these
same disruptive and dread-full emotions.
(And sometimes the courageous act
is recognizing when biochemistry not moral character is the driving dynamic.) In the face of such vulnerability, pluck
remains resilient and passionate by getting back in the saddle and continuing
to problem-solve, especially in the face of setbacks. Courage may require admitting
the need for support – from the biochemical to the interpersonal (e.g. daring
to do a medication trial or joining a therapy group). When regularly set into motion (that is,
harnessing the “motion” in emotion),
the acceptance of vulnerability paired with passionate-courageous action aids
the “off the wall” (wonder-art-love-learning)
search for meaning, integrity, and community, for future plans and hope.
Vulnerability has always been a critical part of my
“Creative Risk-Taking Model.” Actually, near
obsession about vulnerability (and a longstanding diagnosis of
agitated-depression) stands on two key
pillars:
1) my anxiety-generating family
background (including a father secretly receiving fifteen years of shock
therapy for “manic-depression” and a beloved grandmother who lost both her
legs, one due to a botched surgery as a young adult, the other to diabetes
while living with us; gram died when I was twelve) and
2) a chronic childhood-early mid-teen condition
of near panic-paralyzing-terrifying fears that inhibited standing up to
bullying peers living in the same apartment building; this ongoing psychosocial
stress also disrupted my ability to concentrate and perform successfully at
school.
Not surprisingly, vulnerability is an
integral part of my conception of mind, heart, and soul. As a young adult, a number of critical
emotional-transitional scenarios fostered a rebirth of courage:
a) the invaluable help and leadership of
my father; while leaving the family temporarily he also stopped the ECT
treatments and began psychotherapy; my parents eventually reconciled and dad
continued in group therapy for a dozen years; for a few years, our household
was like an intense family therapy laboratory,
b) undergoing (for me) novel
demands and challenges in Army Basic Training,
c) soon thereafter, starting Social
Work graduate school and then personal and group therapy, where I began to
uncover primitive demons and primordial pain,
d) dad and I, truly for the first
time, having honest and tearful, loving and forgiving conversations, e.g., six
years after the disruptive family crisis, my finally having the courage to ask dad
why he needed shock therapy, and
e) leaving New York City for further
post-graduate work in New Orleans; actually, in “The Big Easy,” I eventually
came out of the creative closet, in some ways liberated by burning out while questing for the holy doctorate. (I call those daze: When
academic flashdancing whirled to a burnout tango!)
Through such trials and errors and
occasional terrors I learned to face if not embrace the ghosts of humiliation
and to harness and ride the primal horse of vulnerable angst. Step by step I was transforming and driving depression,
fear and near panic states along with repressed rage and unfocused aggression
into determination and daring. Over the
years, I’ve likely taken on some demanding if not daunting assignments, including
breaking into radio and TV with no previous electronic media experience, being
a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, and
leading Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats with the military. A definite driver was trying to overcome (without
forgetting or numbing) the past shame of too often being a defenseless and
co-dependent victim. My co-pilot was
that higher power triangle: forging
pain-purpose-passion into a new identity and direction.
The
Art of Vital Vulnerability
Recently, a “Resiliency Rap” ™
captured what I’ve learned about the vulnerable-valiant process. Let’s call it channeling that “Rough Rider,”
my Inner TR. First, though, two pithy poetic pieces to
help set the arena:
Fight
when you can
Take
flight when you must
Flow
like a dream
In
the Phoenix we trust!
Some of you may recognize the above
from my formal newsletter masthead. And
For
the Phoenix to rise from the ashes
One
must know the pain
To
transform the fire to burning desire!
Cowardice
or Choice: From Vice to Voice
A coward dies a thousand deaths; a
hero dies but once **
No matter the total breaths; when it
mattered…did you give your every ounce?
The saddest part of cowardice, the
sacrifice of peaceful sleep
To cold night sweats of moral vice; a
haunted voice that makes you weep.
Still…that twilight coliseum, a
dreamscape of battling foes
A second chance for wrestling demons;
will you now go blow for blow?
You may not win each contest; there
will be trails of blood
But you may slowly lay to rest that
nightmare-stalking brood.
Each hour brings another choice – to
take a stand or run
Even lacking true clear voice, in no
way are you dumb.
Dig deep for that rich ore of shame;
you are near with fear or rage
Let a guide reveal a novel game; get
off the “b.s.” (be safe) stage.
Lurking in shadows psychic, bubbling
lava primal pain…
Sculpt and dance until there’s magic;
Pygmalion’s art shall rise again.
No longer that once robot child, head twisting
madly side-to-side
Yes, pursue the “Call of the Wild”;
beware that, “Well, I tried.”
“Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn”;
please forsake the craft of cool
Fiery spirit will once more burn when
com/passion and purpose rule!
[** Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar]
-----------------------------------
Courageous
RESILIENCE and Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder
A. From Agenda to the Arena
1) Feel and Focus on “Constructive Discontent”
2) Prepare for Courageous and Creative
Engagement
3) Go from “Cowardice to Choice”: Honor and Harness Angst
B. Aware-ily Jump In Over Head
1) Generates Vulnerable State and Rapid
Learning Curve: Threat-Loss-Challenge
2) Quick Assessment of Skills and
Resources: SERVE
3) Beware of Alligators
C. Strive to Survive High Dive
1) Strive High and Embrace Failure
2) Time Frame:
Beachheads and Battles
3) Come Up for Air; TLC and Collaboration
D. Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to
Illuminate
1) Torn between Direct Action and Frustration
2) Take an Incubation Vacation: Letting Go to Letting Come
3) Creative Tension Spurs Meditative
Volcano: CHOP and Cognitive
Disinhibition
E. Design for Error & Evaluation, Being
Out and Opportunity
1) Range of Possibilities over Fixed or Ideal
Goals
2) Choosing Confusion over Illusion of Control;
Avoid “b.s.”
3) Ambiguity for Connection and Vision; Out of
the Closet and Develop Networks
F. Discovering Your
"Passion Power" and Creating a "Winning Team"
1) The Power of Conflict and Contradiction Exercise
2) Stress Doc's Inspiring "Four 'P's of
Passion Power" Matrix
3) Confronting Your Intimate FOE Exercise:
Individual Creativity and Interactive Community.
Mark
Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical
Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational
Humorist and Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive,
inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major
corporations. A training and Critical
Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company,
Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress,
Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed
Services. Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for
the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four
Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on
the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free
e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.
No comments:
Post a Comment