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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The New “R & R” – Courageous RESILIENCE & Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder

Here's a speaking-workshop program decades in the making, though two recent catalysts – a church program and a social work conference – helped put the final pieces and touches together.  I believe it captures my inner Teddy Roosevelt.  Hope you think it’s as special as I do.  Enjoy!
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The New “R and R” – Courageous RESILIENCE and Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder
 
Immediately after a recent “Stress Resilience and Passion Power” Program for the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Columbia, MD two attendees approached me – one was the UU Director of Learning, the other a scientist and parent.  Both expressed the belief that my interactive, thought-provoking, and humorous method, and especially my material on “Stress Resilience,” “Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn,” and the “Steps of Creative Risk-Taking” would be great for high school students.  Howard County Schools tend to put considerable emphasis (and workload) on high level achievement; not surprisingly, student and parent stress levels can be plenty elevated.  Both plan to talk with the Youth Director of the Congregation to see if we can pilot a student program that might be able to spread its wings and fly in county schools.
 
Then, the next day at a Social Work Conference, keynoter Brene Brown walked her “Daring Greatly” talk.  She focused on having the courage to be vulnerable; in fact, for her, true courage does not exist without feeling vulnerable.  The topic (and her book of the same title) was inspired by the oft-cited quote by President Teddy Roosevelt:
 
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
 
Barriers to and Transfusions for Blood and Guts
 
Too often people mistake vulnerability for weakness.  This is not surprising when the familiar synonyms are:  susceptible, weak or weak position, defenseless, helpless, exposed; also open to, in danger, at risk, etc.  Who wants to be vulnerable!!!  That’s the paradox:  it takes courage to be vulnerable.  In fact, there’s a big difference between being overwhelmed by fear, helplessness, or risk and staying and working with gnawing, even hyperventilating anxiety.  One fork, frequently echoing voices of shame and blame, leads to panic or paralysis; the other path somehow has your mind-body sweating yet grappling with these same disruptive and dread-full emotions.  (And sometimes the courageous act is recognizing when biochemistry not moral character is the driving dynamic.)  In the face of such vulnerability, pluck remains resilient and passionate by getting back in the saddle and continuing to problem-solve, especially in the face of setbacks. Courage may require admitting the need for support – from the biochemical to the interpersonal (e.g. daring to do a medication trial or joining a therapy group).  When regularly set into motion (that is, harnessing the “motion” in emotion), the acceptance of vulnerability paired with passionate-courageous action aids the “off the wall” (wonder-art-love-learning) search for meaning, integrity, and community, for future plans and hope.
 
Vulnerability has always been a critical part of my “Creative Risk-Taking Model.”  Actually, near obsession about vulnerability (and a longstanding diagnosis of agitated-depression) stands on  two key pillars:
 
1) my anxiety-generating family background (including a father secretly receiving fifteen years of shock therapy for “manic-depression” and a beloved grandmother who lost both her legs, one due to a botched surgery as a young adult, the other to diabetes while living with us; gram died when I was twelve) and
 
2) a chronic childhood-early mid-teen condition of near panic-paralyzing-terrifying fears that inhibited standing up to bullying peers living in the same apartment building; this ongoing psychosocial stress also disrupted my ability to concentrate and perform successfully at school.
 
Not surprisingly, vulnerability is an integral part of my conception of mind, heart, and soul.  As a young adult, a number of critical emotional-transitional scenarios fostered a rebirth of courage:
a) the invaluable help and leadership of my father; while leaving the family temporarily he also stopped the ECT treatments and began psychotherapy; my parents eventually reconciled and dad continued in group therapy for a dozen years; for a few years, our household was like an intense family therapy laboratory,
 
b) undergoing (for me) novel demands and challenges in Army Basic Training,
 
c) soon thereafter, starting Social Work graduate school and then personal and group therapy, where I began to uncover primitive demons and primordial pain,
 
d) dad and I, truly for the first time, having honest and tearful, loving and forgiving conversations, e.g., six years after the disruptive family crisis, my finally having the courage to ask dad why he needed shock therapy, and
 
e) leaving New York City for further post-graduate work in New Orleans; actually, in “The Big Easy,” I eventually came out of the creative closet, in some ways liberated by burning out  while questing for the holy doctorate.  (I call those daze:  When academic flashdancing whirled to a burnout tango!)
 
Through such trials and errors and occasional terrors I learned to face if not embrace the ghosts of humiliation and to harness and ride the primal horse of vulnerable angst.  Step by step I was transforming and driving depression, fear and near panic states along with repressed rage and unfocused aggression into determination and daring.  Over the years, I’ve likely taken on some demanding if not daunting assignments, including breaking into radio and TV with no previous electronic media experience, being a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, and leading Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats with the military.  A definite driver was trying to overcome (without forgetting or numbing) the past shame of too often being a defenseless and co-dependent victim.  My co-pilot was that higher power triangle:  forging pain-purpose-passion into a new identity and direction.
 
The Art of Vital Vulnerability
 
Recently, a “Resiliency Rap” ™ captured what I’ve learned about the vulnerable-valiant process.  Let’s call it channeling that “Rough Rider,” my Inner TR.  First, though, two pithy poetic pieces to help set the arena:
 
Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the Phoenix we trust!
 
Some of you may recognize the above from my formal newsletter masthead.  And
 
For the Phoenix to rise from the ashes
One must know the pain
To transform the fire to burning desire!
 
Cowardice or Choice:  From Vice to Voice
 
A coward dies a thousand deaths; a hero dies but once **
No matter the total breaths; when it mattered…did you give your every ounce?
The saddest part of cowardice, the sacrifice of peaceful sleep
To cold night sweats of moral vice; a haunted voice that makes you weep.
Still…that twilight coliseum, a dreamscape of battling foes
A second chance for wrestling demons; will you now go blow for blow?
 
You may not win each contest; there will be trails of blood
But you may slowly lay to rest that nightmare-stalking brood.
Each hour brings another choice – to take a stand or run
Even lacking true clear voice, in no way are you dumb.
Dig deep for that rich ore of shame; you are near with fear or rage
Let a guide reveal a novel game; get off the “b.s.” (be safe) stage.
 
Lurking in shadows psychic, bubbling lava primal pain…
Sculpt and dance until there’s magic; Pygmalion’s art shall rise again.
No longer that once robot child, head twisting madly side-to-side
Yes, pursue the “Call of the Wild”; beware that, “Well, I tried.”
“Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn”; please forsake the craft of cool
Fiery spirit will once more burn when com/passion and purpose rule!
 
 
[** Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar]
 
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Courageous RESILIENCE and Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder
 
A.    From Agenda to the Arena
1) Feel and Focus on “Constructive Discontent”
2) Prepare for Courageous and Creative Engagement
3) Go from “Cowardice to Choice”:  Honor and Harness Angst
 
B.    Aware-ily Jump In Over Head
1) Generates Vulnerable State and Rapid Learning Curve:  Threat-Loss-Challenge
2) Quick Assessment of Skills and Resources:  SERVE
3) Beware of Alligators
 
C.    Strive to Survive High Dive
1) Strive High and Embrace Failure
2) Time Frame:  Beachheads and Battles
3) Come Up for Air; TLC and Collaboration
 
D.    Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to Illuminate
1) Torn between Direct Action and Frustration
2) Take an Incubation Vacation:  Letting Go to Letting Come
3) Creative Tension Spurs Meditative Volcano:  CHOP and Cognitive Disinhibition
 
E.    Design for Error & Evaluation, Being Out and Opportunity
1) Range of Possibilities over Fixed or Ideal Goals
2) Choosing Confusion over Illusion of Control; Avoid “b.s.”
3) Ambiguity for Connection and Vision; Out of the Closet and Develop Networks
 
F.  Discovering Your "Passion Power" and Creating a "Winning Team"
1) The Power of Conflict and Contradiction Exercise
2) Stress Doc's Inspiring "Four 'P's of Passion Power" Matrix
3) Confronting Your Intimate FOE Exercise:  Individual Creativity and Interactive Community.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist and Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite"www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

 

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