In
talking with a colleague at the close of a support group meeting, I asked why
he had not shared this evening. He
usually does. This night he said he was
unsure how to organize his thoughts; he seemed concerned about how they would
come out, how they would be perceived, how he might be judged. So, in essence, he stifled himself, though
acknowledged a headache had been building throughout.
I
reflected on my less than smooth share.
On the one hand, I stumbled out of the gate, not exactly sure what I
wanted to say, or how I would connect the disparate elements, though convinced of
the need to talk. And while gradually
getting my verbal-emotional footing, I also recalled the voice of a group
member who had previously challenged my typically (in his ears/eyes) “down and
heavy” manner of presenting. While sharing
in the group, I was also wrestling with myself to just be real, pushing his
words to the side.
Awakening
this morning, I recognized a need to identify some forces of suppression. Then wanted to concisely capture guidelines
for disarming critical voices, often triggered by a struggle between our ideal
and real self. Would appreciate hearing
if this abbreviated substance and seemingly omniscient style works for
you. Thanks, Mark
~~~~~~~~~~~
Closing the Gap Between the Ideal and the
Real
Do not
try to impress or disarm by being who you are not.
Be
your authentic self – strengths and liabilities – even when falling short of an
ideal to which you aspire. Of course, be
careful this ideal is one you genuinely desire; not an impostor image to
deceive, please, or appease others.
See
this ideal-real distance less as a critical gap – a psychic hole to fall into,
thereby receiving censure or ridicule, surely from self (including old voices),
possibly from others – and more as a path for self-discovery.
Such
honest, albeit at times painful exploration, helps generate new perspective as
well as strengthens emotional muscles, including muscles of
self-affirmation. You are demonstrating
the courage to both challenge critical inner and external voices and to be your
flawed, imperfect self in the potentially daunting, if not damning, public
arena.
Finally,
each time you take this courageous path, facing those lurking antagonists,
coming out becomes easier. You are
confronting your biggest enemy…you are “Confronting Your Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure!” Now take a bow. ;-)
Just
remember…Practice Safe Stress!
