I
have been a co-founding partner of the Be Well Initiative for the Nepali
Diaspora in America. The tragic April
25, 2015 earthquake ignited a vision for a friend and colleague, Dr. DK
Gurung. (DK called me a day after, both
for some venting and to share his communal dream.) Born in Nepal, he understood that mental
health services were needed in the face of such a natural disaster, but not
just for people living in Nepal. The
stress was also great for family and friends 10,000 miles from ground zero. But beyond the immediate disaster, cultural
norms, honor and shame, and indirect or secretive communication patterns made
it difficult for Nepalis to fully acknowledge let alone discuss emotional
issues of stress, anxiety and depression.
The US Nepali community had to come out of the trauma, immigrant
transition, and pressure of “Pursuing the American Dream” as well as everyday
stress, closets.
This
past year, Be Well Initiative has put into motion “Stress Survey” data
collection, mind-body wellness and mental health educational reach out, along
with running focus groups at various community events, centers, and
programs. We will close out the year
with a memorial EQ15 service on April 24th in Herndon, VA. (Email stressdoc@aol.com
if you’d like more information.) As part
of the interactive/community participation service, attendees will engage in
small group discussion about past and present stressors and coping strategies. Participants will also provide ideas for
developing future mental health resources and services. It should be a very moving, meaningful, and uniquely
affirming experience.
“Top Ten” Stress
Resilience Tools & Techniques
for Surviving
Trauma, Transition, and Everyday Stress
This past
year we have witnessed how imbalances and stressors in nature may suddenly
erupt producing devastating consequences.
While not as cataclysmic, work-family-life imbalances and pressures may
manifest in confusing, overwhelming and destructive, even life-threatening, emotions
and behaviors. As one Nepali community
leader articulated: “We too will erupt
if our life gets out of balance, if we deplete ourselves, run ourselves to the
ground, stretch ourselves thin, and live for all the wrong reasons. We will either collapse into ourselves or
explode onto others.”
We need a powerful stress tool kit to manage such
stressors as: a) being emotionally connected to two homelands, b) separated
from significant others as well as from geographical and cultural markers, c)
everyday pressures pursuing the American Dream, including adapting to new
cultural values, d) the challenges of finding meaningful employment, and especially,
e) being an individual new to the US, feeling like “a stranger in a strange
land.”
Perhaps most critical, as a community we need to
affirm that reaching out for mental and emotional health services (the
mind-heart) is as natural and normal as seeking help for physical illness (the
body). We must help our under-served community
come out of the shadows of shame, stigma, and silence and discover a new
horizon of hope!
Here is Be Well Initiative
and the Stress Doc’s ™ “Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools and Techniques for
Surviving Crises and Everyday Stress:
1. Find a “Stress Buddy.” When it comes to stress, we initially may need to share our feelings
outside of our immediate family, perhaps with a trusted friend or community
leader. Having another help put the
situation in a more reasonable or calm perspective, may reduce feelings of
guilt and self-blame and make it easier to later discuss the situation with
family members. If still relatively new
in the US, it’s vital to have a “Stress Buddy” who understands the “trials and
pressures” of immigrant stress.
2. Speak to a Professional. If you are feeling intense
levels of stress, anger, and/or depression, with disrupted patterns of eating
and sleeping, misusing alcohol and drugs or simply wanting to withdraw from
life, it is time to speak with a person trained in providing mental health
counseling. There are Crisis Hot Lines for you to call. If you are not sure where to go, contact one
of the counseling/clinical members of the Be Well Initiative Team:
Bharati
Devkota, Nepali
Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone #
443-742-2575
Anshu Basnyat, Nepali
Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone
# 443-574-3430; call for an appointment
Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc,
Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW) – telephone # 301-875-2567
3.
Join a Support Group. Share your
pain, purpose, and passion with a group of like-minded community members and a
qualified facilitator; talking with one another, we lean on, learn from,
and then provide an ear or a shoulder to our brothers and sisters. Consider starting a Nepali/community support
group. BWI will be glad to assist. Also, there are a variety of free, 12-Step
Groups – from dealing with problem drinking (or being a family member of a
problem drinker) to handling difficult emotions – located in schools, churches,
community centers, etc., throughout the Greater DC-VA-MD area.
4. Understand Change, Loss, and the Need to
Grieve. Whether it’s a devastating earthquake trauma
or just a more quiet realization of missing loved ones, alive or deceased, no
longer close by, or longing for our former life…we need to take time to
remember. The challenge of change is
omnipresent for people adapting to a new land and way of life, or just going
through transition. Grief stages – shock, sadness, anger, fear, confusion,
disbelief – are not just products of death and dying; grief can be stirred
by the loss of a job, the loss of health and mobility, or the loss of a
dream. Grieving may help you make peace
with both your past and present…and open paths for a more productive future. Of course, there is not one way to grieve;
each person has his or her own grief rhythm and time frame. However, if after 2-4 weeks you are not back
into your routine, find a trustworthy and understanding stress buddy or, even
better, consider consulting with a professional counselor.
5. Make Sleeping/Rejuvenating and Healthy Eating
a Top Priority. When it comes to sleep, we often
provide solid guidance with our kids, but don’t follow our own advice. Try to apply those sleep routine principles
that you’ve designed for your children:
turn off the gadgets, take a shower or listen to soothing sounds of
nature, or do quiet reading in bed. And,
limit alcohol and caffeine several hours before bedtime. Meditation or taking a ten-fifteen minute “power
nap” can be an effective way to rejuvenate during the day.
As
for food and fuel intake, beware of picking up some of the sloppy eating habits
of too many Americans. Reduce your
intake of salts, sugars, and saturated fats – those cans of soda and bags of
chips. Eat more fruits, especially the
berries, and green and leafy vegetables; whole grains, beans and legumes and,
if not going vegan, Omega-3 fish – salmon and sardines, are heart-healthy
choices. Listen to your grandmother!
6. Get Regular Exercise. Do you
get thirty minutes of brisk exercise three-five times a week? Regular exercise provides both physical and
psychological advantages. Thirty minutes
(or even two fifteen minute segments) of vigorous, non-stop, large muscle
movement activity – brisk walking, swimming, bike riding, dancing, etc. –
releases brain chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine which are the
mind-body's natural mood enhancers and pain relievers. It's less a runner's high and more that we
can step back and see things with a calmer disposition and fresher
perspective.
When stressed, everything feel’s up in the
air. The answer: to feel grounded. There is
nothing like a brisk thirty minute walk for creating a beginning and end point
for a tangible sense of accomplishment and control. Actually, you’re developing a “success
ritual.” And while I don’t always love
to exercise, after my ten-minute “while still in bed” morning routine of
stretching, sit-ups, push-ups, yoga positions, etc. and my early evening
walk…well, I do like feeling virtuous.
And if you’re having difficulty getting started…find a walking partner.
7. Learn to Say Set
Limits.
During my workshops, more people have said to me, “Mark until I learned
how to say ‘No’…I was living on the edge of stress!” Remember, being a mature adult means that sometimes you will have to disappoint people. For friends and family, for example, let them
clearly know what you cannot do (at this moment in time) but also perhaps what
you can do. Give people the option to
call you back in two days when your schedule might not be so busy. Naturally,
expect that your initial “No” might prove upsetting. But don’t overly explain your position;
excess talking undermines your own sense of control and authority. People see you as wishy-washy. Briefly remind
people of your stated position.
On the other hand, when relating with an
impatient or “the sky is falling down” authority figure, e.g., the big boss at
work, the key is not to let this person’s false or exaggerated sense of urgency
become the only reality. Remember, for
something to be urgent or an emergency, it’s “life and death.” Everything else can be prioritized. So to regain some control, say to that boss,
“I know this is a very important matter.
Because it is important, let’s take five minutes; help me prioritize –
what should I put on the backburner while I focus on this new vital priority.” Don’t
let someone else’s false urgency become your anxiety!
8.
Identify and Defuse Stress Triggers.
We all have emotional
areas in which we are especially sensitive or reactive – for example, someone
questioning our honesty or intelligence, talking badly about a friend or family
member, or trying to tell us how we must
do something his or her way, etc. We
tend to overreact emotionally and verbally when someone hits our “hot
button.” To improve your capacity for
self-regulation, before reacting: a) take some deep breaths, b) pay
attention to those “3 B” – Brain-Body-Behavior – stress smoke signals; as I like to
say: Count to ten...and check within, c) can I observe the other without
making a snap judgement and if they are judging me not “shake, rattle and BLOW?,” d) learn to use assertive “I”
messages instead of blaming “You” messages, for example, “I don’t agree” or “I
am not comfortable with…” as opposed to “You’re wrong!” or “It’s your fault!”
Actually two of my
favorite stress defusers also help set limits:
A firm “no” a day keeps the ulcers away and
the hostilities, too.
Do know your limits and don’t limit your
“No”s.
9.
Get Organized. Chronic clutter in a room or office (or even
a car) creates a messy mind. Recognize
that anger, fear, boredom, or depression often contributes to ongoing
procrastination. Develop an ABCD
system: “A” or “top priority” items deal
with promptly; “B” or important items file in a “to do” file that’s visible or
easily reachable; “C” items discard whenever possible; and have a “D” box or
file for future reading or reference. (Discard most items after a short period of
time if not read.) Again, if this ABCD system is not working,
reach out to a concerned friend or a counselor.
Consider this variation of the “Serenity Prayer”: Grant
me the serenity to discard the things I really do not need, to save and file
the things I do, and the wisdom to know the difference (or to brazenly eviscerate
90% of my in-box)!
10.
Discover a Hobby or Engage in an Art Project…Or Just Laugh. A
life that completely revolves around responsibilities to family and work, with
no time for mind-body-spirit nourishment and rejuvenation, is a life
at-risk. Remember, burnout is less a sign of failure and more that we gave ourselves away! Hobbies or art projects, engaging in sports
or physical activity that especially integrate the mental-emotional-physical,
e.g., digging in a garden, walking in parks or forests, going for bike rides,
trying your hand at water coloring, writing poetry, playing tennis, regular
meditation, taking dance lessons (research shows this is a an especially good
activity for preventing dementia as it is both spontaneous and
structured)…all enable us to step back, shift gears, have fun, and rediscover
the sublime in nature and our true essence.
And if not quite ready for a hobby, at least read books or watch TV,
videos, or movies that make you laugh. Laughing with gusto is like “inner jogging,”
giving vital organs a brief but hearty internal massage!
In closing, if you
begin to apply these “Top Ten” tips and techniques you will become commander of
your own stress ship, being able to navigate stormy seas and eventually reach
your own island or homeland of mind-body-spirit resiliency and serenity. Just remember…Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The
Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer,
and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience
and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health
& Wellness Initiative. A former Stress and Violence Prevention
Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress
Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online
"HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.
