“Gentoring” ™: Building a New Mentoring Role for Bridging the
Generational-Digital Divide or “Don’t Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur!”
In today’s 24/7 always on, multicultural world and workforce, rapidly cycling between constant upgrading and “doing more with less,” creating communication and team coordination bridges among the organizational generations (and among all its culturally diverse components) is mission and morale critical. There’s definitely a need for a wide communication-relationship highway to surmount the digital divide between the Traditionals and Boomers and the Gen Xers and Millenials (not to mention the fast-approaching next generation –- the Multi-MIDS ™ (Multi-Media Instantaneous Digitals). And there’s one generational bridge and new mentoring role ready for operation: Gentoring: Pairing a Gen Xer or Gen Y/Millennial as a coach or mentor (“Gentor” ™) with a more senior and computer/multimedia stressed colleague. Discover the Stress Doc’s acclaimed interactive and inspiring “playshop” experience: supplement the younger employee’s digital facility with upgraded and FUN psychological, communicational and interpersonal-interactive tools and exercises for: a) lowering resistance to new learning and b) helping computer or social/multimedia averse members of earlier generations improve their techno-literacy and comfort. Reduce generational-cultural power struggles by enabling seniors to vent playfully their frustration with their generational juniors while appreciating and learning from the latter’s digital and collaborative fluency. Finally, remember, people are more open to a serious message that’s gift wrapped with humor…So, build a Gentoring Network to “pet and partner” with the dinosaur and bridge the “dinosaur-digital divide.”
Outline/Objectives
A. Overview of Generational Differences and “the Digital Divide”
1. Identify Differences between Generations – Culture, Attitude, Values and Education (Getting Out of the CAVE)
2. Why the Need for Gentoring? Danger and Opportunity on both Sides of the Digital Divide
B. Barriers to Crossing and Connecting the Generational-Digital Divide
1. Fear of Change, Loss of Control and “Confronting the Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure”
2. Intervention in a Generational-Multicultural Workplace Battle Zone: Case Example of Stopping Grievance Procedure Hemorrhaging
C. Psychological-Communicational-Cultural Challenges in the Gentoring Process
1. Psychological Dynamics of Inverting the Authority Role – Recognizing “Hot Buttons” when the Digital Generation (DGs) Partner with or Supervise Traditionals and Boomers (TBs)
2. Exercises for Defusing Power Struggles, Disarming Critical Aggressors, Building Trust and Generating Collaborative Styles of Conflict Resolution (using the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles Inventory)
D. Building Generational-Gentoring Bridges across the “Dinosaur-Digital” Divide
1. Benefits of and Necessary Coaching, Active Listening, Empathy and Questioning Skills for One-on-One Gentoring
2. Helping the Generations Appreciate and Value Generational Differences and Commonalities for Creating Yin-Yang Partnership Synergy
-----------------------------
“Gentoring” ™: Building a New Mentoring Role for Bridging the
Generational-Digital Divide or “Don’t Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur!”
This week I led a “Bridging Generational Communication” workshop with a major DC Government utility. The groups of managers and employees (a mix of Boomers and Gen Xers) were asked to identify an area of breakdown in generational relations and then list some problem-solving recommendations. One team focused on how many of the “older” field employees are techno-dinosaurs, at least with computers. And now management wants to put laptops on the trucks so workers can immediately process field reports. Stress and frustration levels are increasing!
I was an observer-participant during this group’s “taming the dinosaur” brainstorm. (My newest mantra: "Don't Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur.") We came up with several recommendations, besides employees attending computer training, including:
1. Have the Mountain Come to Mohammed. Even mandating computer classes at HQ for field employees still might not be the most effective recruiting tool. How about a mobile computer lab traveling to different work sites during the day?
2. One-On-One Computer Coaching. I personally shared my “computer virgin” status in the early ’90s, including struggling with my “Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure.” The smartest thing I did was hire an out of work computer consultant, to sit with me, walk me through key operations, hold my hand as necessary, etc. She came to the office about twice a week for four weeks. I have no doubt that a faster learning curve was my ROI, not to mention the money I saved on anticipated psychotherapy sessions.
3. A Generational Bridge. The group understood the value of personal coaching or mentoring relationship with a potentially anxious or resistant student. One group member discussed the importance of having a trusted colleague as a coach. Clearly, not wanting to feel embarrassed or humiliated was on folks’ minds. Eventually, though, I saw a generational bridge just waiting to be put into operation: how about pairing a Gen Xer or Gen Y/Millennial as a coach or mentor with a more senior and computer stressed colleague? (Naturally, at home the kids can potentially coach the parents, though this might be tricky.)
And later that evening I had a semantic “aha”: a new neologism and “job description” for our multigenerational workplace. When a younger employee helps a computer or social media averse member of a more senior generation improve their techno-literacy and comfort, the former is playing the role of “Gentor.” And the Gentor’s immediate function is to help bridge the digital divide. And while Gentoring may invert authority-status roles and sound original, challenging and hip, it's in the footsteps of a time-honored tradition of socialization, knowledge sharing and facilitating a vital rite of passage.
So get moving on that “Gentoring Program.” The younger generation likes being consultants, and hopefully this relationship will also increase their sense of responsibility and commitment to their colleagues and to the company. And the seniors can give their younger co-workers some of the recognition and affirmation that provides motivational meaning. Sounds like a win-win communicational-generational bridge that will help one and all…Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations. In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant. He is providing "Stress and Communication, as well as Managing Change, Leadership and Team Building" programs for the 1st Cavalry Division and 13th Expeditionary Support Command, Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services. Mark has also had a rotation as Military & Family Life Consultant (MFLC) at Ft. Campbell, KY. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, The Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.
Showing posts with label Cultural Diversity and Communication Skills and Reader Responses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cultural Diversity and Communication Skills and Reader Responses. Show all posts
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Confronting Prejudicial Comments in the Workplace and Reader Responses
The same day that the right wing terrorist invaded the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC and killed a security guard, my girl friend encountered a much more prosaic form of anti-Semitism. And while her experience was not in any way life-threatening, nonetheless her casual if not commonplace encounter merits documentation and its expression deserves confrontation. D. works part-time at a local plant nursery in a semi-rural community about 30 miles east of Cleveland. Most of her co-workers are women ranging in age from the 20s to the 60s. Overall, they work well together. The group was celebrating a colleague’s birthday and slices of cake were being passed around in circular fashion. A young woman, I will call K., with a definite rural upbringing, found herself with a piece of cake noticeably smaller than the previous offering. Suddenly, with a mix of matter of fact and frustration, the aggrieved party announces that, “Hey, I’ve been Jewed down.”
No one made a comment, though later several of the women expressed shock at the blatant prejudicial stereotyping. A couple of the women are Jewish, including my girlfriend. D.’s mother, born in Germany, escaped the Nazi madness at the 11th hour. Some of her family members were not so fortunate and perished at the concentration camps. So there’s added poignancy to her pain.
Later that evening, D. recounted the above events and also noted that the young woman’s mother, a manager in the nursery, is known to make disparaging comments about various ethnic groups. Sure sounds like the proverbial acorn falling near the dis-eased tree. Nonetheless, D. had decided she wanted to say something to K. Talking out loud, D. quickly spoke of how the woman had “made me upset,” had “hurt my feelings” and that she “felt disrespected.”
The Confrontations
I immediately had a visceral reaction. I fairly shouted, “Stop being a victim.” I proceeded to emphasize the importance of letting go of “you made me upset” or “you hurt my feelings” as such phrasing gives way too much power to this callow youth and makes D. seem overly sensitive. Better to say, “I was angry” by the “Jewed down” comment. I encouraged D. to basically convey that, “Your remarks are not only prejudicial, but ignorant and disrespectful as well.”
D. quickly appreciated the difference in approaches, and was ready to discard the victim role. Initially, D. said she wanted K. to really feel “embarrassed.” I had mixed feelings about using that as her motivation. While I could understand D.’s frustration, I reiterated my focus in such a situation: to let the person know he or she has violated my boundary as a human being, and I want the individual to know my anger, to know what I don’t like and why. Yes, I want them to be uncomfortable, maybe even anxious. But embarrass can easily be a code word for "humiliate" which means “to lower,” and synonyms are “to demote” and “to disgrace.” And to my way of thinking, that kind of sentiment is too close to having an intention similar to the initial prejudicial comment.
D. mulled over my remarks. With her basic sensitivity, I knew D. did not wish to push the young woman’s face in the mud. The next day, D. waited till K. was alone, and then said she wanted to talk to her about yesterday’s party. More specifically, “I was angry when you said you’d been ‘Jewed down’ over the piece of cake.” As D. had predicted, the young woman initially got defensive, nervously saying she, “didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just an expression all my friends use.” (In some ways, this is the most disheartening revelation. The casual stereotyping, that just slides off the tongue without any forethought: the prejudicial assumption that becomes an unquestioned axiom and everyday expression.)
D. quickly replied, “You didn’t hurt me. I was angry with your show of ignorance and disrespect.” Di told her that she and some others at work are Jewish. D. then asked her if she knew what the expression meant. K. said, “That Jews are cheap; they want to cheat you.”
D. then stated why the comment is so distasteful: “There are cheap individuals in all groups. But don’t label a whole group of people with that kind of prejudice and ignorance. And even if I wasn’t Jewish, it’s just being downright disrespectful…What if I called you a ‘hillbilly?’ Would you like that?”
The Unfinished Close
According to D., the young woman seemed to flinch and acknowledged that she wouldn’t like that. D. realized there was nothing left to say and walked away. (In an ideal world, perhaps D. might have closed the encounter with, “I do appreciate you listening.”) However, she didn’t make a point of avoiding or shunning K. the rest of the day. K. was still a colleague and D. needed to have a working relationship with her.
Upon returning to her work area, several of her colleagues somehow knew that D. had confronted K. and expressed their appreciation. However, what wasn’t discussed earlier or now was why people had not responded immediately to K.’s prejudicial remark. The women being initially startled accounts for some of the silent reaction, that is, the lack of head and heart responses. However, I believe another factor is at play: most of us don’t realize how toxic such comments are to the mind-body and moral and morale-sustaining atmosphere of a group or community. These days, people usually speak up when someone lights up a cigarette in a non-smoking area. We will have come a long way as a society when in similar fashion bystanders or team members set limits on and engage such prejudicial fodder.
Later that evening, D. wondered if she had made an impact with K. We agreed that it was hard to predict. But I supported D.’s comment that, “Maybe she’ll be just a little more uncomfortable when those around her resort to such stereotypes.” Amen and women to that! Thoughts to help us all...Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs. In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits and is AOL's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is an Adjunct Professor, No. VA (NOVA) Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas. A former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.
-------------
Responses to the 6/15/09 posting of "Confronting Prejudicial Comments in the Workplace"
These were the responses to the essay, "Confronting Prejudicial Comments in the Workplace" received over the past 36 hours. As I wrote to one of the respondents, who in turn shared personal experiences with prejudice, "You're so right, Walt. When it (prejudicial language) just "innocently" or "unawares" enters the language, that's when it can be most difficult to confront. It's like a silent virus; it doesn't overtly kill the body, it just infects the mind, heart and soul. [I've decided on a new appellation to describe this casual, perhaps unconscious, use of prejudicial language -- SBV: "Silent But Viral."]
-------------------------
Hi, Mark. Thanks for the article. I'm not Jew, I'm a Filipino. But I learned quite a number of things in this article about confrontation. Thanks. Shalom.
John
----------------
Thank you, Mark! This is a good article. You're right that so many of these comments go unchallenged, usually because of initial shock and then embarrassment, as if trying to protect the offender from him- or herself by not drawing attention to the comment. However, in the end, that does not do anyone a service. You did well in your coaching of your girlfriend. You are correct about not giving the assailant too much power by letting them know that they hurt you.
Dianne from NYC
----------------------
Mark, you have such a gift. What wonderful lessons to be re-learned here. Thanks so much for sharing. I will definitely share.
Ellen Gray, Manager
Center of Business Excellence
No. Virginia Community College (NVCC)
------------------------
Mark-Thanks for sharing. It reminded me how easy it is to say something that is prejudicial, even about ourselves. My temper flared up the other day and I blamed it on my Irish great-grandfather rather than the issue at hand. Thanks and have a wonderful day! -Jennie
Jennie E. Barchet CPS/CAP Administrative Assistant II
Bausch & Lomb Global Quality
Rochester, New York
-------------------------
Good morning Mark,
The best advice was to take away the thought of being the victim. It literally puts you in, for the lack of a better word, a lesser or lower position. It takes away the opportunity to make an impact on an individual and a community. D became the teacher, the position of power. Knowledge is power right? D had the privilege & power of teaching another human being the value of another human being who is distinctly different. Each one teach one. Also, the attitude of the teacher is paramount. If you have a victim mentality you will teach from a victims perspective. If you have a teacher/power mentality you will teach a powerful lesson. On my way to work. Keep me posted. Have a fantastic day!
Carlotta
------------------------
You are absolutely right, and you make me realise that I was a coward when, a few months ago, colleagues made cheap jokes about Christians in the workplace and I didn't speak up. Someone had bought wedding favours to go on her daughter's reception tables -- models of Jesus and Mohammed. Everyone else thought this hilarious. I just found it sick. But all I could manage was, 'Oh, Jane!' in the appropriate tone of voice. I didn't want to criticise her wedding plans. No-one stopped to think that I might have found the idea offensive -- but so too might some of her guests. Good for you for helping your girlfriend go back and confront the objectionable colleague the next day!
Karen McAulay
-----------------------
Hi Mark, That happened to me also 2 or three times -- also by people who are originally from very rural areas. The last time, it was from my neighbor across the street. She immediately apologized and said she was so embarrassed, especially to say that in front of me. But ever since that time, I can't help thinking that she and her family talk that way all the time. So there is that distance (that they really think that Jews have horns, etc.)
Yes, anti-Semitism is still very much alive. Take care
Rachel
-------------------------
Mark, this is a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing!
CD
Cleveland Clinic
--------------------------
Mark, I lost 5 uncles and countless other relatives in Auschwitz -- my father had 7 brothers, only 2 survived -- the 5 others died in the arms of the 2 that survived. They were told not to eat too much when they were liberated, their stomachs would burst, and that is exactly what happened.
Mark -- this will never end, not as long as we live.
Rho
-------------------------
Hi Mark,
Thanks! I really like this and am going to share it if that’s okay with you. I hope you’re doing well! I have been completely swamped! I just got back from an out of town trip so I’m trying to catch up on things. We’re still on for lunch on the 30th – see you then!
Linda
Linda L. Fresh
EEO Special Emphasis Programs Specialist
Federal Women's Program Manager
Department of Homeland Security
Headquarters Equal Employment Opportunity Office
---------------------------
On a similar note, I was on the phone with a guy once and when he quoted me a price that seemed too low for something, I was concerned that he was mistaken regarding what I was looking for. So, I quoted him the price I had typically paid to which he responded, “Whoever sold you those at that price must have had a lot Hebrew in him.” I literally couldn’t believe my ears and asked him to repeat, which he did with no shame. At this point, I politely told him that I was no longer interested in doing business with him and hung up. I’ve since regretted the lost opportunity to coach him on his ethnic bashing, but he certainly wasn’t going to get any of my money, even if his prices were a bargain! I did think, also, that he would have choice words for me, too, if he knew I was black! Thank goodness there is less bigotry to deal with now than when we were children, but it’s still out there. Walt
-----------
Great story, Mark! I abhor that particular epithet as well as another that’s in common usage, ‘gyp’. I explained to someone just the other day why that was inappropriate as it was a derogatory about Gypsies. In this case, the person truly wasn’t aware that the comment had ethnic origins, but it could still hurt nonetheless. Thanks for sharing this, Mark.
Walt
Walter B. Sanderson, III
Vice President, Human Resources
SiriusXM
-----------------------
Mark—This is a great article.
Senora Coggs
Senior Policy Advisor
Office of Civil RightsU.S. Department of Commerce
----------------------
Thank you for sending that article. It was both well-written and poignant.
Meryl
I plan to share this with others.
Meryl Trachtman
Jewish Community Center
Rockville, MD
----------------------
Mark, This is great. Please place it on my Anger Management Group discussion on Linkedin. (Click here: LinkedIn: Anderson & Anderson Anger Management Providers of the United States: Start a Discussion); mailto:AGeorgenderson@aol.com
-----------------------
No one made a comment, though later several of the women expressed shock at the blatant prejudicial stereotyping. A couple of the women are Jewish, including my girlfriend. D.’s mother, born in Germany, escaped the Nazi madness at the 11th hour. Some of her family members were not so fortunate and perished at the concentration camps. So there’s added poignancy to her pain.
Later that evening, D. recounted the above events and also noted that the young woman’s mother, a manager in the nursery, is known to make disparaging comments about various ethnic groups. Sure sounds like the proverbial acorn falling near the dis-eased tree. Nonetheless, D. had decided she wanted to say something to K. Talking out loud, D. quickly spoke of how the woman had “made me upset,” had “hurt my feelings” and that she “felt disrespected.”
The Confrontations
I immediately had a visceral reaction. I fairly shouted, “Stop being a victim.” I proceeded to emphasize the importance of letting go of “you made me upset” or “you hurt my feelings” as such phrasing gives way too much power to this callow youth and makes D. seem overly sensitive. Better to say, “I was angry” by the “Jewed down” comment. I encouraged D. to basically convey that, “Your remarks are not only prejudicial, but ignorant and disrespectful as well.”
D. quickly appreciated the difference in approaches, and was ready to discard the victim role. Initially, D. said she wanted K. to really feel “embarrassed.” I had mixed feelings about using that as her motivation. While I could understand D.’s frustration, I reiterated my focus in such a situation: to let the person know he or she has violated my boundary as a human being, and I want the individual to know my anger, to know what I don’t like and why. Yes, I want them to be uncomfortable, maybe even anxious. But embarrass can easily be a code word for "humiliate" which means “to lower,” and synonyms are “to demote” and “to disgrace.” And to my way of thinking, that kind of sentiment is too close to having an intention similar to the initial prejudicial comment.
D. mulled over my remarks. With her basic sensitivity, I knew D. did not wish to push the young woman’s face in the mud. The next day, D. waited till K. was alone, and then said she wanted to talk to her about yesterday’s party. More specifically, “I was angry when you said you’d been ‘Jewed down’ over the piece of cake.” As D. had predicted, the young woman initially got defensive, nervously saying she, “didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just an expression all my friends use.” (In some ways, this is the most disheartening revelation. The casual stereotyping, that just slides off the tongue without any forethought: the prejudicial assumption that becomes an unquestioned axiom and everyday expression.)
D. quickly replied, “You didn’t hurt me. I was angry with your show of ignorance and disrespect.” Di told her that she and some others at work are Jewish. D. then asked her if she knew what the expression meant. K. said, “That Jews are cheap; they want to cheat you.”
D. then stated why the comment is so distasteful: “There are cheap individuals in all groups. But don’t label a whole group of people with that kind of prejudice and ignorance. And even if I wasn’t Jewish, it’s just being downright disrespectful…What if I called you a ‘hillbilly?’ Would you like that?”
The Unfinished Close
According to D., the young woman seemed to flinch and acknowledged that she wouldn’t like that. D. realized there was nothing left to say and walked away. (In an ideal world, perhaps D. might have closed the encounter with, “I do appreciate you listening.”) However, she didn’t make a point of avoiding or shunning K. the rest of the day. K. was still a colleague and D. needed to have a working relationship with her.
Upon returning to her work area, several of her colleagues somehow knew that D. had confronted K. and expressed their appreciation. However, what wasn’t discussed earlier or now was why people had not responded immediately to K.’s prejudicial remark. The women being initially startled accounts for some of the silent reaction, that is, the lack of head and heart responses. However, I believe another factor is at play: most of us don’t realize how toxic such comments are to the mind-body and moral and morale-sustaining atmosphere of a group or community. These days, people usually speak up when someone lights up a cigarette in a non-smoking area. We will have come a long way as a society when in similar fashion bystanders or team members set limits on and engage such prejudicial fodder.
Later that evening, D. wondered if she had made an impact with K. We agreed that it was hard to predict. But I supported D.’s comment that, “Maybe she’ll be just a little more uncomfortable when those around her resort to such stereotypes.” Amen and women to that! Thoughts to help us all...Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs. In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits and is AOL's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is an Adjunct Professor, No. VA (NOVA) Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas. A former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.
-------------
Responses to the 6/15/09 posting of "Confronting Prejudicial Comments in the Workplace"
These were the responses to the essay, "Confronting Prejudicial Comments in the Workplace" received over the past 36 hours. As I wrote to one of the respondents, who in turn shared personal experiences with prejudice, "You're so right, Walt. When it (prejudicial language) just "innocently" or "unawares" enters the language, that's when it can be most difficult to confront. It's like a silent virus; it doesn't overtly kill the body, it just infects the mind, heart and soul. [I've decided on a new appellation to describe this casual, perhaps unconscious, use of prejudicial language -- SBV: "Silent But Viral."]
-------------------------
Hi, Mark. Thanks for the article. I'm not Jew, I'm a Filipino. But I learned quite a number of things in this article about confrontation. Thanks. Shalom.
John
----------------
Thank you, Mark! This is a good article. You're right that so many of these comments go unchallenged, usually because of initial shock and then embarrassment, as if trying to protect the offender from him- or herself by not drawing attention to the comment. However, in the end, that does not do anyone a service. You did well in your coaching of your girlfriend. You are correct about not giving the assailant too much power by letting them know that they hurt you.
Dianne from NYC
----------------------
Mark, you have such a gift. What wonderful lessons to be re-learned here. Thanks so much for sharing. I will definitely share.
Ellen Gray, Manager
Center of Business Excellence
No. Virginia Community College (NVCC)
------------------------
Mark-Thanks for sharing. It reminded me how easy it is to say something that is prejudicial, even about ourselves. My temper flared up the other day and I blamed it on my Irish great-grandfather rather than the issue at hand. Thanks and have a wonderful day! -Jennie
Jennie E. Barchet CPS/CAP Administrative Assistant II
Bausch & Lomb Global Quality
Rochester, New York
-------------------------
Good morning Mark,
The best advice was to take away the thought of being the victim. It literally puts you in, for the lack of a better word, a lesser or lower position. It takes away the opportunity to make an impact on an individual and a community. D became the teacher, the position of power. Knowledge is power right? D had the privilege & power of teaching another human being the value of another human being who is distinctly different. Each one teach one. Also, the attitude of the teacher is paramount. If you have a victim mentality you will teach from a victims perspective. If you have a teacher/power mentality you will teach a powerful lesson. On my way to work. Keep me posted. Have a fantastic day!
Carlotta
------------------------
You are absolutely right, and you make me realise that I was a coward when, a few months ago, colleagues made cheap jokes about Christians in the workplace and I didn't speak up. Someone had bought wedding favours to go on her daughter's reception tables -- models of Jesus and Mohammed. Everyone else thought this hilarious. I just found it sick. But all I could manage was, 'Oh, Jane!' in the appropriate tone of voice. I didn't want to criticise her wedding plans. No-one stopped to think that I might have found the idea offensive -- but so too might some of her guests. Good for you for helping your girlfriend go back and confront the objectionable colleague the next day!
Karen McAulay
-----------------------
Hi Mark, That happened to me also 2 or three times -- also by people who are originally from very rural areas. The last time, it was from my neighbor across the street. She immediately apologized and said she was so embarrassed, especially to say that in front of me. But ever since that time, I can't help thinking that she and her family talk that way all the time. So there is that distance (that they really think that Jews have horns, etc.)
Yes, anti-Semitism is still very much alive. Take care
Rachel
-------------------------
Mark, this is a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing!
CD
Cleveland Clinic
--------------------------
Mark, I lost 5 uncles and countless other relatives in Auschwitz -- my father had 7 brothers, only 2 survived -- the 5 others died in the arms of the 2 that survived. They were told not to eat too much when they were liberated, their stomachs would burst, and that is exactly what happened.
Mark -- this will never end, not as long as we live.
Rho
-------------------------
Hi Mark,
Thanks! I really like this and am going to share it if that’s okay with you. I hope you’re doing well! I have been completely swamped! I just got back from an out of town trip so I’m trying to catch up on things. We’re still on for lunch on the 30th – see you then!
Linda
Linda L. Fresh
EEO Special Emphasis Programs Specialist
Federal Women's Program Manager
Department of Homeland Security
Headquarters Equal Employment Opportunity Office
---------------------------
On a similar note, I was on the phone with a guy once and when he quoted me a price that seemed too low for something, I was concerned that he was mistaken regarding what I was looking for. So, I quoted him the price I had typically paid to which he responded, “Whoever sold you those at that price must have had a lot Hebrew in him.” I literally couldn’t believe my ears and asked him to repeat, which he did with no shame. At this point, I politely told him that I was no longer interested in doing business with him and hung up. I’ve since regretted the lost opportunity to coach him on his ethnic bashing, but he certainly wasn’t going to get any of my money, even if his prices were a bargain! I did think, also, that he would have choice words for me, too, if he knew I was black! Thank goodness there is less bigotry to deal with now than when we were children, but it’s still out there. Walt
-----------
Great story, Mark! I abhor that particular epithet as well as another that’s in common usage, ‘gyp’. I explained to someone just the other day why that was inappropriate as it was a derogatory about Gypsies. In this case, the person truly wasn’t aware that the comment had ethnic origins, but it could still hurt nonetheless. Thanks for sharing this, Mark.
Walt
Walter B. Sanderson, III
Vice President, Human Resources
SiriusXM
-----------------------
Mark—This is a great article.
Senora Coggs
Senior Policy Advisor
Office of Civil RightsU.S. Department of Commerce
----------------------
Thank you for sending that article. It was both well-written and poignant.
Meryl
I plan to share this with others.
Meryl Trachtman
Jewish Community Center
Rockville, MD
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Mark, This is great. Please place it on my Anger Management Group discussion on Linkedin. (Click here: LinkedIn: Anderson & Anderson Anger Management Providers of the United States: Start a Discussion); mailto:AGeorgenderson@aol.com
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