Do
good things also come in threes? If not,
let’s start a precedent. First, my new
e-book is on Amazon: Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love. (See synopsis/link immediately below.) And two recent dynamic presentations – on leadership and communication skills –
inspiring today’s essay, “Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes” (following the
book info). Enjoy, Mark
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fierce Longing…Fiery
Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love Kindle Edition by Mark
Gorkin, The Stress Doc ™; Nice Price, 3.99
Fierce Longing…Fiery
Loss is a
comic-to-tragic-and-back-again “Resiliency Poetry” and "Rebuilding
the Fire" essay road-map. It’s the insightful-edgy expression of a
one-of-a-kind Psychohumorist ™ and Shrink Rapper ™, yet all too human Stress
Doc ™. Journey with Mark as he explores varieties of love – from
vital to delusional – in an array of intimate (okay, sometimes more sensual
than intimate) relationships. FL2 also examines love and loss in a
variety of work-family life battlefields (symbolic as well as literal) – and
puts you on the path of codependent discovery and courageous recovery.
The work reveals an
individual who often must deep dive into dark shadowy grief – the shock, the
rage, the searing pain of loss…yet also struggles and persists – three strokes
forward two strokes back or v.v. – to resurface, moving closer to the light; to
reviving and rediscovering a now more en-light-ened head and heart. For
example, see the wickedly fun lyric, “Double-Edged Depression” where you choose
between “chemistry or confession” and ultimately find salvation in “creative
expression.” Conversely, discover the Doc’s collateral damage when a
ten-year partnership suddenly is no more: his ex-communication from the
family and the gut-wrenching loss of his ex’s 3-year-old granddaughter.
Still, you’ll be touched and tickled by the love Lil Charlotte inspired, and you’ll
cheer the Doc’s decision to take on those all-powerful Queens of Hearts…if only
in his “curiouser and curiouser” if not slightly crazed mind.
The book is divided into
four sections: 1) Fierce Longing, 2) Fiery Loss, 3) Relearning to Let Go, Laugh
& Love, and 4) Grief Journaling, including truly evocative, spectrum of
emotion eulogies written for special loved ones. Engage with the book’s
distinctive four-part structure: 1) the creative context for the poem or essay,
2) the evocative piece, 3) a sometimes brief, sometimes more developed
commentary and thoughtful retrospective on Poetic Perspective and Power, along
with 4) Discussion Questions that sharpen poetic meaning and intensity while
providing you stimulating “fast food for thought” voices, insight, and intimate
engagement.
This unique collection
will definitely assist in your “head work, heart work, and homework.”
• Encounter vivid and
visual ideas and images, insightful and inspiring analogies, and “Resiliency
Poetry” strategies for once again “letting go, laughing, and loving”
• Embrace those “grief
ghosts” and internalize the difference between “feeling sorry for yourself and
feeling your sorrow”
• Be inspired to embark
on your own self-inventory as well as voyage of self-discovery and invention:
grapple with demeaning inner voices, work through meaningful relationship
anger, harness pain into Mountain Vision purpose, and laugh with “higher power”
healing humor
• Use Resiliency Poetry
& Shrink Rap ™ as a learning-discussion tool in a variety of
classroom/learning settings, psycho-educational support, study, and book
groups, as well as around the family, coffeehouse, or breakroom and boardroom
table
Be energized by the
Stress Doc’s “New KISS Mantra”: Keep It Short & Smart. Amen and
Women to that!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Today’s Essay:
Many
mistakenly believe you have to be an orator, a standup comic, or a spellbinding
storyteller to quickly capture an audience.
In fact, I do like warming up a group with a slightly playful
introduction, often sharing some quirky yet relevant personal background
info. I also want to demonstrate an
ability to speak the group’s or community’s language, perhaps reveal some
understanding of the world they inhabit or the conceptual air that they
breathe. But without having developed
the aforementioned communication skills, to quickly capture any audience –
large or small, mature or youthful, professional or student, diverse or
homogeneous, etc. – consider reverting to the role of “Get FIT” orchestra
leader: structure a dynamic and
meaningful group experience that enables individuals and teams (not unlike
soloists and quartets) to play with
“power” and “passion.” Help folks bring out their best music! (And if you’d like some guidance or want the
“live experience,” don’t hesitate to email:
stressdoc@aol.com.)
Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes:
The “Get FIT” Nexus of Power & Passion
Within
four days, from Daytona, FL to Catonsville, MD, from a world-wide aeronautics
university to a local community college, from a leadership retreat to a basic
communications class, from supervisors and middle managers to Millennial undergraduates…What’s
the connection? Simple: in each venue, the Stress Doc ™ introduced a
variation of his non-traditional traditional warm-up, the “Three ‘B’ Stress
Barometer” Exercise. And the impact was
compelling, helping launch “awesome” learning and sharing, whether for a day or
for an hour. As the head of the
Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University Leadership Program affirmed, she was so
glad her folks had “The Stress Doc Experience (TSDE)!” (Ah, you know the old saw: Vanity
thy name is Gorkin! ;-)
And a
key component of TSDE is the power of quickly engaging and capturing an
audience with a stimulating/mind-expanding small group exercise. Actually, this tactic is part of a larger
“Get FIT” learning-sharing-synergizing strategy – to make our experience FUN-Interactive & Thought-provoking! So let’s provide some program context and illustrate
the specific exercise questions and group responses:
Embry-Riddle: The Stress Doc’s “Three ‘B’ Power Barometer” Exercise
My one
day workshop was titled, “Building Power through Conflict.” Of course, if power is to be mutual and shared, that is, not a win-lose outcome, then
we are striving for collaborative conflict resolution. As give and take dialogue occurs and each party’s
deeper concerns, emotions, and hidden agendas are gradually revealed…trust
grows. Jazz riff brainstorming often
unleashes novel and creative possibilities.
All sides are feeling empowered.
Naturally, this is the ideal. In
the real world…
Breaking
the larger audience into groups of four or five produced six groups. The room is divided in half: Three groups engage with the following:
1. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior”
let you know when you are feeling “powerful”?
The
other three groups with:
2. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior”
let you know when you are feeling “powerless”?
And
finally, a question for both sections:
3. How does feeling “powerful” or feeling
“powerless” affect your ability to deal with conflict?
(Upon
my return from Florida, hearing these questions, a friend who works for a major
State University Medical Center shared that she would need to retreat and
reflect on these questions for a week.
Okay, so I gave folks about 10 minutes. You, on the other hand, take as
long as you want. ;-) Hand gestures,
animated facial expressions, erect or forward leaning body posture were the
order of the day for the “powerful.” Except
for the one woman who started dancing in her seat.
While
I will not be providing an in-depth analysis here, I will say, as an
“observer,” it was fascinating to watch the body language of the “powerful” as
opposed to the “powerless” groups.
Alas,
for the “powerless,” more signs of depression than animation was on
display: slouching, sighing, a sense of
uncertainty if not inertia, etc. And
when it came to conflict problem-solving, not surprising, one contingent was
more optimistic and confident, the other more pessimistic, not feeling very
hopeful.
Yet,
this was a pretty sophisticated crowd; they didn’t just see the glass as “half
full or half empty.” Both segments
eventually realized their “half full and half empty potentials.” For example, “the powerful” realized the
possibility of becoming “full of oneself,” getting caught up in one’s sense of might makes right “power,” ultimately believing
one can dominate the negotiation process.
While “the powerless” eventually got tired of their passivity and
helplessness. They came to life through guerilla
strategizing – how to break out of confining walls, both external and,
sometimes, self-imposed, that is, succumbing to a perception of futility.
Catonsville Community College: The
Stress Doc’s “Three ‘B’ Passion Barometer”
Exercise
My one-hour
college guest lecture for Communications 101 was “Captivating an Audience in 5
Minutes.” When it comes to public
speaking, whether addressing a group or responding to individual questions
about the art of presentation, first and foremost I underscore the
following: Passion and Purpose is
more important than “Polish” or “Perfection.”
And as
previously outlined for the leadership participants, I let the students know my
goal is to help them “Get FIT” – by making our experience FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking!
This time, with “passion” not
“power” being the driver, I chose the conceptual polarity of “focused” and
“distracted.” (Surely, “passion” has
been known to induce both states.) Once
again, dividing the audience into groups of four or five produced four
teams. The room is divided in half: Two groups engage with the following:
1. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior”
let you know when you are feeling “focused”?
The
other two groups with:
2. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior”
let you know when you are feeling “distracted”?
And
finally, a question for both sections:
3. How does feeling “focused” or feeling
“distracted” affect your ability to communicate in general and, more
specifically, present in public?
Once
again the double-edged nature of each state was acknowledged, though initially
several in the “focused” camp expressed feeling “relaxed” when “focused.” (I suspect they saw the opposite of focused
as “scattered” and “anxious.”) However,
I shared being somewhat puzzled by the “relaxed” response, asking: “Has anyone ever played sports? Do you need to be “focused” to play your
best?” Upon seeing a room full of
nodding heads, I continued: “Are you
totally relaxed or is there some intensity to your focus?” Again, an “intense” chorus emerged. And then I shared that both perspectives are
like Yin and Yang: The creative performance
state often involves “relaxed attention.”
And
the dangers of rigid focus were recognized:
becoming preoccupied with one aspect of a situation and overlooking
other possibilities, perspectives, or options.
So too with “distracted,” though I had to lend a helping hand. My example of “positive distraction” – daydreaming. Quickly the stress relieving, imaginative,
even creative possibilities emerged.
And as
the author of Preserving Human Touch in a
High Tech World, I couldn’t resist underscoring the challenge of staying
focused and not being distracted by all our digital bells, whistles, and
vibrations. Conversely, many educators
and psychologists worry that constant texting, for example, means we are
forfeiting that precious daydreaming/self-reflecting/imaginative
problem-solving space-time.
And
while I was tweaking our technological obsession, I still managed to bridge the
digital-generational divide. One useful
tool was my “Passion Power Model.” Basically,
this model is a 2x2 matrix illustrating key foundational “mind” and “mood”
concepts of dynamic communication – “Cognitive-Affective” and
“Gravitas-Comedia.” The interaction
yields the “Five ‘P’s of Passion Power”:
being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful. And when these pillars are simultaneously
synthesized…you are entering the realm Philosophical. (Email me for more info on the model.)
FYI, the
colleague who invited me to speak, shared some feedback from the class: Yes! The students really appreciated the
discussion ~ one spotted the word "philosophy" and asked about that. (I had only illustrated the four
pillars.) Another said that you modeled
all the qualities you described in the (Passion Power) chart.... neat, huh?
Closing Strategic Summary
Let’s review what enabled these opening 3
“B” Exercise variations to so rapidly and effectively capture audience
attention and imagination. Consider this
“Quick Captivating Top Ten”:
1.
Personal and Universal Recognition. Asking about a participant’s “Brain, Body
& Behavior” reactions lends itself to a myriad of personal-professional
issues – from “power” and “passion” to “joy” or “distraction.” The exercise is accessible to all.
2.
Get FIT Strategy. Being able to share one’s reactions,
especially bodily manifestations, or quirky habits of mind or behavior, often
evoke knowing laughter. A group
frequently goes from “Haha to Aha” humor.
It is easier to laugh at our own flaws and foibles. Not only is the experience FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking but is
also trust- and cohesion-building.
3.
Emotionally Charged Topic. Of course, it’s easier to engage with the 3
“B”s when talking about emotionally charged and personally relevant issues and
motivators like “power” and “passion.”
These psychological concepts are often on people’s minds or, like for my
friend, they would be if they had more time and space for reflection. Away from the daily routine, this is why a
retreat can be such a precious space.
4.
Ask “Good Questions.” Making questions open-ended, e.g., “How does
your ‘Brain, Body & Behavior’ react when it’s feeling powerful?” To answer the question, the individual must
self-reveal and elaborate. Each person’s
response adds to the group’s pool of knowledge as well as providing a basis for
self-reflective comparison and contrast.
5.
Build in and Recognize Difference. By dividing the room into the “Powerful” and
“Powerless” or “Focused” and “Distracted” you are building in not just
contrast, but also some tension if not group competition. Engagement is heightened by interest in the
other group’s perspective and experience.
6.
Jazz Riff Synergy Both Within and Between Groups. To return to our “orchestra
leader” metaphor, each person is his or her own musical instrument, generating
their own unique sound – raw or soft-spoken, polished or passionate, etc. Openly sharing and blending these tones and
tunes is what helps create the rich symphony (or tapestry, if you prefer a more
visual image). And reaching a Yin/Yang,
multifaceted perspective means moving beyond “black or white” thinking. Using each section’s discussion and
observations, folks are challenged to see the Yin/Yang perspective of “focused”
and “distracted.” This paradoxical if
not synergistic state yields relaxed
attention. And such back-and-forth, thesis-antithesis
contriving is often at the heart of creative
flow. In addition, consider the
Stress Doc’s “higher power” notion of “group synergy”: first, the whole is greater than the sum of
the parts (that is, 2+2 = 5 is due to the fact that open and novel
communicating yields something unexpected, a new form of relating
transcending the four riffing components).
And second, over time, interactive
“parts” may just magically transform into “partners.”
7.
From Concept to Application, from Memory to Motivation. Another tool to heighten the thought-provoking
nature and meaning of the exercise is, for example, exploring how being
“focused” or feeling “powerless” actually effects an ability to deal with “performance
pressure” or “conflict resolution.” This
state-impact question is almost existential, inviting participants to open
their memory banks and reflect on personal inventory and social comparison.
8.
Use Time as a Motivator. Having a defined time limit, with occasional “time
remaining” prompts, definitely adds energy and focus to the already lively
discussion. I also add some pressure by
encouraging sharing by all parties. (Task-time
pressure demands may increase some frustration; overall, based on my experience
as a facilitator, it’s a positive tradeoff.
And, if I sense the groups are not quite ready to close – by assessing
body language and buzz in the room – I typically will extend the interaction by
a couple of minutes.) This is an opening
engagement exercise; longer (though not long) and more in-depth exercises will
follow. Especially in a digital age of
shortened attention spans and need for novelty and variety, a mix of KISS – Keep It Short & Smart – exercises has
most hungry for more!
9.
Feedback Process: Affirm
Perspective and Challenge and Expand Mindset. Discussion and feedback typically occurs in
three realms: within the small groups,
between the groups, with my facilitation, and the groups as a whole interacting
me. Though, by asking additional
questions, challenging assumed positions, etc., I also bring the interaction
back to the groups and collective for further exploration. Good questions can be a mirror for helping
one take a more honest, reflective look as well as for encouraging below the
surface introspection.
10.
Allow Participants to Be Stars and Become Winning Teams. I believe it was Maya Angelou who said, and
I’m paraphrasing here, people won’t
remember so much what they heard you say but more how you made them feel. My experience is that these “Get FIT” small
group exercises stir emotion; the 3 “B”s and their interactive ilk get people
to open up and engage with each other. There’s
an opportunity to show empathy; to not just walk in another’s shoes, but to
feel their bunions! Taking risks, and
knowing you are being heard, sometimes laughing together, realizing you are not
alone with your issues, even being constructively challenged, all contributes
to a sense of relief and a lightening of one’s load. This group process also is affirming; each
individual is a meaningful contributor to the communal goal if not a greater
good. And while “introverts” may
initially be less comfortable than more social, out-going extraverts, I find
the gap closes pretty quickly with small group intimacy.
A
final process observation: in my book,
the individual voice should never be lost or stifled. While there may be no “I” in team…There are
two “I”s in “winning.” And these “I”s
definitely can “C”: Winning teams blend Individual
Creativity & Interactive Community! Healthy tension between the individual and
the communal can heighten creative and adaptive problem-solving. After a few of these “Get FIT” exercises, most
groups are morphing into high task and
human touch teams! (Not
surprisingly, one of my new e-books on Amazon is titled, Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Amen and women to that! ;-)
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW,
"The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer,
and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience
and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health
& Wellness Initiative. Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant
for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention
Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress
Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online
"HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.
