Courageous Resilience & Creative Risk-Taking (CR2): The Art of Designing Disorder – Program and Poem

Over the past few months, I have been developing a collaborative relationship with ORATE, a new national speaker/webinar bureau.  I have a pretty cool home page:

Click here: Mark Gorkin « Orate or http://www.orate.me/resume/mark-gorkin/

The page includes videos, program blurbs, testimonials and some fun pics.  In fact, the final program addition appears directly below:

Courageous Resilience & Creative Risk-Taking (CR²):
The New "R & R" or the Art of Designing Disorder

In today’s TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven and Distracted World, there’s definitely a need for a new and improved “R and R” model and method – Resilience and Risk-taking! Discover and practice “hands on and helmets off” tools and techniques, skills and strategies for: a) identifying “barriers” to courage and creativity, and b) building resilient and risk-taking professional-team “bridges.” Learn to “aware-ily jump in” and “strive high and embrace failure”; “thrive on thrustration” and “take an incubation vacation.” Prepare for “courageous conversations.” “Learn to fail or fail to learn.” Create “winning” teams that blend individual creativity and interactive community. Stimulate and integrate your head and heart, the obscure, the obvious, and even the oppositional. Come out of the courageous and creative closets.

1.  From Agenda to the Arena: focus on “constructive discontent” and prepare and develop a courageous and paradoxical (vital & vulnerable) mindset

 

2.  Aware-ily Jump In Over Head: generate rapid learning curve – threat-loss-challenge; quick assessment of skills & resources; beware of alligators

3.  Strive to Survive High Dive: “Strive High and Embrace Failure”; “Resilience & Risk-Taking” time frame; “come up for air”; TLC resource collaboration

4.  Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to Illuminate: embrace and harness creative tension; take an “Incubation Vacation”: from letting go to letting come, from frustration to flow

5.  Design for Error and Evaluation, Coming Out and Opportunity: range of possibilities over fixed or ideal goals; choosing confusion over illusion of control; avoid “b.s.”; develop IC2 Networks

So seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor…May the Farce Be with You!
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And this leads directly to the latest addition of “Resiliency Poetry”:  Courageous Resilience & Creative Risk-Taking:  The ABCs of Designing Disorder.  Actually, both the program and poem are based on an article penned in the 1980s, after a chaotic two season “Mind-Body Connection” experience/experiment on the newly arrived New Orleans Cox Cable Television.  (In addition to the weekly performance angst due to my “tele-virgin” status, the fondest memory is of my closing salutation:  “This is Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™.  Good night and good connections!”)

In addition to the ORATE posting, I will introduce my (CR²) model and method at an upcoming June program, Inspiring with Passion Power, for the Eastern Region of the International Professional Management Association (IPMA).  So with (CR²) on the brain, I decided to jump in the “Resiliency Poetry” waters, once again.  I hope you enjoy the ride!

Mark

P.S.  Notice the vertical letter pattern to the left of the first “Preamble” stanza.  It’s the rhyme scheme:  A-B-CC-A-B-CCC.  This is the basic scheme throughout the poem.  Also, it’s one reason the poem is subtitled, “The ABCs of Designing Disorder.”
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Courageous Resilience & Creative Risk-Taking (CR²):  The ABCs of Designing Disorder

Preamble Trio

A     Resilience and Risk

B     The new “R & R”

C     Where effort and pluck

C     With guidance and luck

A     Help you stretch and stick

B     To that rising star

C     Even when feeling stuck…

C     Just don’t pass the buck, alas

C     There’s that crawl through the muck!

-------------

 

You’ve been tossed aside

And question your worth

From reaping and sowing

Which way’s the wind blowing?

Will you choose to hide?

Or still walk this earth?

With the tide ebb and flowing

All the time knowing

Not a clue where you’re going!

-------------

Is failing shameful?

Or a chance to learn

About life and living

To be forgiving

If not successful, then

A point where you turn

“Right-Wrong” believing

Last gasp self-deceiving…

Look…a Phoenix:  “born again” grieving!

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Five Stages of Courageous Resilience and Creative Risk-Taking

 

How do you cultivate

Risk & Resilience?

With ”coeur”-rage and a savvy “tete”:  **

Fling an alert-anxious net

Focus your radar sensate

Explore shadow and substance

“Five Stages” is the conduit…

Less a gamble; more fierce mindset

“Design Disorder”…sans regret!

**  “coeur”  and “tete” – French for heart and head respectively

1.  First an Agenda…Then into the Arena

Grabs your mind, heart, and gut
You’re alive yet still wary –
Just “Constructive Discontent”
Or a brain bolt heaven sent?
Finally, out of your rut
Wrestling with the contrary
Hones the range of intent
While still being hell-bent…
On a stage all too pregnant!

2.  Aware-ily Jump In Over Your Head

Take the plunge; eyes wild and wide
Quickly glean skills and resources
For the challenge of losing (it)
Excites laser learning (and wit)…
And surprise! – a dopamine ride
Craving pleasure and dark forces:
Are you in flight or still fighting?
To avert stage fright freezing
Keep the play brain juice flowing!

3.  Strive to Survive the High Dive

Facing Your Intimate FOE:
Oh no…”Fear of Exposure” –
That gap between ambition
And a burnout situation…
Cutting edge tension:  “b.s.” or grow.
So “Strive High, Embrace Failure” –
Yin/Yang paradox potion:
Repetition with reflection…still
Beware Icarus ** perspiration!

**  Icarus – in Greek mythology, son of Daedalus who lost his life daring to fly too near the sun on wings of feathers and wax

4.  Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to Illuminate

Your ideas just won’t unite
Still, don’t fight the big muddle
Slowly harness frustration…
Build a platform for “thrustration”:  **
Volcanic dreams in the night
A lava light for your puzzle…
Now drift with meditation
Join in collaboration, then
An “incubation vacation”:
Let go…retreat…hatch new creation!

**  “thrustration” – a term coined by Dr. Richard Rabkin; I defined it as being torn between thrusting ahead with direct action and frustration as you cannot quite put together those key puzzle pieces

5.  Design for Error and Evaluation, Coming Out and Opportunity

Pursue three-fold pathways:
Trial, error, and appraisal
Not a fixed or “my way” goal
More “b.s.” – be safe! control.
So set hollowed truths ablaze…
From the ashes…mythic renewal:
Mandala ** vision of the soul
Spirit voice from a black hole
Are you ready?…Let’s “Rock 'n Roll!

**  Mandala – Sanskrit for “magic circle”; a meditative tool/artistic structure often displaying geometric – concentric and symmetric – patterning; for the pioneering psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, a collective unconscious symbol of psychological wholeness or “individuation”; email for more information

Closing

On this “R & R” journey
Not “a means to an end”
Nor a quest “one and done”…
Battles seem lost ere you’ve begun.
Red-hot electric memory
Lurking around every bend…
Dark images eclipse your sun
Still…there’s a chance for madhouse fun:
Will you resist that urge to run?

© Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

How to Reach Hutch?: Poetry-Therapy in Five Acts

I closed my recent “Resiliency Poetry” piece, “The Four Faces of Anger:  A Poetic Paradigm,” with the following lines:

And for the next “Resiliency Rap”

The Stress Doc ™ will draw a disarming map
To defuse a hostile or enraged time bomb
With “purposeful passion” and some aplomb!
(Email stressdoc@aol.com for the entire verse.)

Well, here’s your map.  Actually, I think we are exploring new ground:  “Poetry-Therapy” in a theatrical context.  I liken it to a two-person poetic play in five mini-acts.  (It’s a far cry from the reams of case/process recording I labored over in graduate school and my first year at a family agency.)  Would love any and all feedback.  Best wishes and inner vision.  Mark

How to Reach Hutch?:  Poetry-Therapy in Five Acts

Act I:  Setting the Crime Scene

Hutch walked through the door…

“Why am I here?”
A square-set jaw
Face framed by a sneer.

His wife on the brink:
“Get your head straight
Go see this shrink
And maybe I’ll wait.”

For this trouble shooter
Had problems at work
Now working under
A real hostile “jerk!”

The “jerk” ran a unit

Seemed to be sinking
There was more to it –
Real trouble with drinking.

The company head

Alas, much too loyal
“Hutch, just stop the bleed”…
Big boss in denial.

For the “jerk,” no doubt
Hutch was a threat.
So he cursed Hutch out
“A damn pain in my neck!”

Act II:  “The Poetic Scream”

Red-faced Hutch, of course

Would not let the “jerk” win
Or admit the obvious:
“He’s under my skin.”

Hutch just kept on bitchin

Unfairly put down.
A volcano was building
Where was the real wound?

My rumbling frustration

With Hutch’s blind rage…
Could I get his attention?
Find a common page?

My play for control

Had a touch of stealth:
“Why does this injured soul
Define your sense of ‘self’?”

For the very first time

Hutch snapped from his trance:
Was he a partner in crime
In a dysfunctional dance?

Session over…a hard stare

But we opened a crack
With TLC:  Tough Loving Care
I knew Hutch would be back.

Act III:  A Vivid Dream

Now through the door

An all too smug grin
A bit too self-assured
How would he begin?

Hutch had found “the answer” –

Echoes inside his memory drum.
The “jerk” was in diapers
Throwing a tantrum, sucking his thumb!

Hutch was no longer chafing

Riding his quarter-moon smirk.
For all day he was laughing
Behind the back of the “jerk.”

Being passive-aggressive

Gave Hutch some control
But this path…self-destructive
Would lead to his downfall.

I had to take action

Be the bump in the road
Deflate self-satisfaction
It’s in my therapy code.

Now call me defiant

To Hutch’s sun, I’m the dark moon.
You must not let a client
Feel good for too long…
Or feel too good too soon.  ;-)

Act IV:  Not What it Seems

So my challenge to Hutch:

“I see…you’ve found a cure
Thank you very much
But it’s a tad premature.”

“Glad you don’t feel the victim

Perhaps you’ve evened the score.
Still, I have one question:
When have you known such rage before?”

For all that “jerk” sound and fury

Was out of proportion
To your own mind’s judge and jury…
Where lies the distortion?

Hutch now asked, “What are you doing

To my head with this whack?”
My reply: “Just some ungluing”…
We must begin to look back.”

Finally, Hutch understood

Family was the key
To embrace real mind and mood
To make heart and soul free.

He began to recall

Bitter fights between parents.
Pushed against the wall…
Let loose dad’s alcohol rants.

His eyes began to water

Hutch tried looking away
On the verge…on the border…
“Let’s call it a day.”

Act V:  A New Scene and Scheme

Now into the office

A less edgy sober man
No longer hard surface
Hutch softly began.

The “jerk,” truth be known

Not the primary issue.
Hutch might still pick a bone…but
Now gleaned connective tissue.

Old family dynamics

Playing out at work
Blowing up the tragic
Blindly blaming the “jerk.”

But there was still more

An additional tangle…
Knocking on the boss’ door:
No more “office triangle.”

Hutch had been too proud

To admit to the boss
To declare out loud:
“I am at a loss.”

“He is not a ‘jerk’

Just a man who is ill
I can’t make it work
Without proper help…it never will!?

Not sure the conclusion

Hutch was ready to fly
Without any illusions
A most heartfelt good-bye:
A lasting bridge…inner eye-to-eye!

© Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Capturing and Captivating No Matter the Setting: Mastering the Interview Process and Training the Trainer

Two pieces on how to capture and captivate, whether during an interview (an essay) or as a public speaker-trainer-educator (a program blurb-objectives on Training the Trainer and Educator: Informing and Inspiring through Passion Power & Interactive Humor).  Enjoy!

Mastering the Interview Process: Turning (and Dancing On) the Tables

After reading a colleague’s essay on how companies can better manage an interview process, my Janusian nature, quick to discern both (or multiple) sides of an issue, fairly jumped out of its skin, declaring, Au contraire!  How about the interviewee strategically, if not outrageously, stealing the evaluative show?  (FYI, Janus, is the double-profiled ancient Roman God.  The god of beginnings and endings, leavings and returns, gazes left and right simultaneously.)

Actually, I had been quietly percolating on this subject ever since an HR Professional at a Washington, DC Public Charter School recently commented on my unique approach to being interviewed.  Meeting with her, her boss, and the COO of the school, my mission was clear:  to convince the troika that the “Stress Doc” ™ was the best person to deliver a training workshop on “Managing Conflict” to school administrators, faculty, and staff.

My method, apparently, was compelling.  Actually, the HR Pro (who I’ll call Z), in a post-workshop chat, acknowledged that my unexpected methodology was outside her realm of “interview” experience, and certainly made an impression.  Let me illustrate.  Almost from the outset, not letting the encounter settle into a predictable Q & A rhythm, I suddenly turned the interview into an interactive performance-learning lab.  More specifically, I challenged them to play my “Four Faces of Anger” Game.  Basically, it was a word association to constructive or destructive, purposeful or spontaneous expressions of anger.  Instantaneously, the room became alive with energy and expectation:  I definitely had their attention and all were wondering where this quirky fellow was taking them?  This instructor-expert was challenging his “students” to think on their feet.  (I was no longer the only person in the room being evaluated.)  And no matter the responses, some encouraging if not affirming feedback was provided…The first rule of “how to make friends and influence people.”

And to prove I was not a one-hit wonder, we jumped into a second exercise.  I had the HR folks pair off:  one had just given an important presentation at a board meeting; her colleague was to give her feedback.  In the instructions, it appears that the feedback will be balanced; the reality is quite different.  Her colleague, reading from a sheet that I quickly scripted, the presenter hears, Wow, you fumbled the data.  I thought you said you prepared!  While the first exercise mostly challenged the head, this one definitely massages both head and heart!

And finally, the COO’s use of the word “compromise” as a conflict-resolution ideal became my cue for introducing the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles Inventory.  The five styles are based on the “high” or “low” degree of an individual’s “Assertiveness” and “Cooperativeness:  Competition-Avoidance-Accommodation-Collaboration-(and in the middle)-Compromise.  While each style has positive and negative aspects, I differentiated my ideal – “Collaboration” (High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness) – from middle-of-the-road “compromise.”  Compromise is quick and dirty, a convenient agreement.  Collaboration takes time and energy as you uncover hidden ideas, agendas, and emotions, allowing difference and diversity to spark short-term conflict for evolving creativity.  Another potential payoff:  an opportunity for real buy-in and to forge productive partnerships.

And, in fact, during the interview process we had generated some synergy:  not only had the individual pieces/people created a whole greater than the sum of the parts, but magically the parts had begun building a partnership.

Actually, there were two final steps – first, homework was assigned:  I would write-up a program draft with objectives based on our discussion, and the interview team would solicit staff to further shape our workshop focus.  Then I ended the meeting giving all a small sample of my pioneering efforts in the field of psychologically humorous rap music…Shrink Rap ™ Productions!

Key Structures and Strategies for Capturing the Interview Process

1.  Quickly take charge of the interview process

2.  Initially, don’t be afraid to puzzle your audience, or to be a bit edgy or quirky

3.  Actively engage interviewers in some structured (even if spontaneous) learning exercise

4.  Turn the interview process into your planned and improvisational stage

5.  Make sure the “audience” is part of the show

6. While an educational and entertaining experience, give the interviewers a chance to “show off’ their knowledge and expertise; as Ernest Becker, acclaimed American philosopher, observed, The most important human urge is the desire to feel important!

7. Make it easy for the interviewer or interview team to imagine you as a dynamic performer-contributor in whatever your future role-assignment with the company or organization: Stand Out, Don’t Just Be Outstanding!

8.  Assign post-meeting tasks that encourage follow-up

9.  Between the interview and your “start date,” share and discuss new or evolving information and ideas

10.  And finish with a memorable close, one that has both pith and punch, that is, the Stress Doc’s “New KISS” – Keep It Short & Smart!

Oh yes, a little “lagniappe”:  The process generates real synergy – the individuals begin working as a motivated and coordinated team!

Some tips to help you Practice Safe Stress before, during, and after an interview.

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Training the Trainer and Educator: Informing and Inspiring through Passion Power and Interactive Humor

In a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven and Distracted World, getting and holding people’s attention is critical.  Capturing your audience is necessary, but still not sufficient.  As noted by a Diversity Consultant and Program Coordinator for Human Resources of Palm Beach County, FL, the local SHRM affiliate:  (The Stress Doc ™) has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more…a must hear!

When information inspires and inspiring methods inform, then the Director of Diabetes Education, Mercy Medical Center/Baltimore, acclaims:  Great presentation. It really inspired me to improve my own presentation skills and brainstorm with my coworkers how to make our diabetes education classes more fun.

Have no fear…Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, acclaimed speaker, author, educator, therapist, Stress Resilience Consultant, and “Psychohumorist” ™ is here to share his experience and expertise.  Help your folks “Get FIT” – through FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking – speaking, training, and workshop methods and programs.  Enable your organization or company trainers and educators to be informative and inspiring…and to share the wealth of stimulating and strategic ideas and exercises with potential learners.  Actually, the Doc’s “how to” blend of mind-jolting concepts and dynamically engaging small-large group exercises is for anyone that wants to be a more compelling leader-communicator.  Or for a leader that wants to build more productive, better communicating and coordinating teams.

Whether in a one-hour keynote or a two-day (or more) intensive, let the Doc boost your team or your company to the creative learning-performing edge!

Objectives:  Dynamic Dozen

[This menu can be adapted to your specific time logistics and learning needs]

1.  The Five “A”s of Arousing Communication: Attention-Anticipation-Animation-Activation-Actualization

2.  Opening Techniques for Quickly Capturing an Audience’s Attention…and Wondering, “What’s Next?”

3.  Harnessing the Power of “Self” and Dealing with Group Process to Hold, Captivate, and to Build Trust

4.  Imparting Concepts (& Power Points) with the Stress Doc’s “New KISS”:  Keep It Short & Smart!

5.  Turning Key Concepts into Playful and Powerful Group Exercises for Applied-Integrated Learning

6.  Discover the “Stress Doc’s 5 ‘P’s of Passion Power”:   Generating a More Compelling Presence & Creative Essence – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful-Philosophical

7.  Using Healing & Harmonizing (esp. Self-Effacing) Humor without being a Stand-up Comic

8.  Helping the Audience Generate Its Own Playful and Powerful Sharing Experiences:  The Art of Storytelling and Group Drawing; Transforming Angst and Aggression into Artful Absurdity

9.  Fielding Difficult Audience Questions; Dealing with Challenging Audience Members

10. Defining the Role of the Individual and the Group to Maximize Brainstorming

11. Group Reflection on Learning Achieved and Gaps, and Techniques/Tools for “Saving the Retreat”

12. Designing an “M & M” – Memorable and Motivating – Close…and Have Them Wanting More!

Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor:  May the Farce Be with You!

Don’t miss your appointment with the Stress Doc.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Four Faces of Anger: A Poetic Paradigm

For me, recent writings about “shame” and “bullying” naturally lead to the complex subject of anger.  Anger…a source of shame – whether target or troubled harbor; so too a frequent bullying partner whether involving overt justification or subterranean motivation.  And yet…

Anger! That double-edged power source. It's the high octane emotion for blazing performance and for igniting a legitimate grievance. Yet, when it's bottled up we smolder away; when we erupt it may engulf us. And, when we are the target of a volatile flamethrower, there will be scars. (Gorkin, Mark, "Anger or Aggression: Confronting the Passionate Edge," Legal Assistant Today, Winter 1986)

It took many years of therapy, work as a therapist, as well as a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant with the US Postal Service, along with some historic verbal “knock down” battles with my father and a few edgy exchanges with my mother, to overcome a deeply socialized fear of “being” (if not “going”) MAD!  (Email for personal family history.)  Learning how to overcome personal shame towards or fear of my own anger, even more than fearing another’s hostility or wrath is, without doubt, a defining achievement.   And, of course, being more comfortable expressing this charged emotion – passionately yet constructively – being able to defend or assert my integrity and space without demeaning (as a rule) even an antagonist, is its own reward.  And finally, recognizing being human; on occasion losing control of my anger expression, or turning anger into a hostile retort when feeling threatened or put down, or in a win-lose competition.  But now, instead of denying or being ashamed of my personal transgression, I work hard to acknowledge it, approach the offended party, apologize for whatever toxin I spread…and then restate my anger in a more clean and authentic manner!  Very rarely is anger swallowed, unless making a reasoned judgment; the amount of suppression in my first few decades is enough to last a lifetime.

So here is the beginning of a poetic series based on life lessons learned, and my book of the same name:  The Four Faces of Anger – Model and Method:  Transforming Anger, Rage and Conflict.  Peace!

Mark

The Four Faces of Anger can be purchased as an e-book from my website – www.stressdoc.com; email stressdoc@aol.com for an article on the “Four Faces.”
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The Four Faces of Anger:  A Poetic Paradigm

What’s the first thought upon reading “ANGER”?
Yelling, explosion, perhaps even danger!
For me, these words paint a red-hot bull
When “anger” is both half-empty and half-full.

Conflict resolution…determination
Anger may be a “get real” declaration.
So why does anger evoke fear or worse?
Alas, too many are anger averse.

Why so quick to think mostly negative?
Likely due to one’s family perspective.
At home…safe to express angry feelings?
Or were you at risk to be sent reeling?

Was direct anger labeled “mad or bad?”
You let them get to you…so very “sad.”
Better to smolder, and then get em back:
Chance for revenge…worth a heart attack!

Was healthy anger mistaken for rude?
Perhaps much safer to be “Obscure Jude?”
Cultural bias between tough and tender?:
I’ll go make war; you learn to surrender!

Most anger expression seems quite regressive –
Intimidation to passive-aggressive.
There is a model that can light the way
That gives more options than just “Make my day!”

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Anger’s not one-dimension
Is this a surprise?
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
What is your intention?
Is your eye on the prize?

Here’s the “Four Faces Model of Anger”
None of the “Faces” is likely a stranger.
A mix of body language, tone, and word choice
Reveal substance and style of any voice.

At the Model’s base, the “Four Angry ‘I’s” –
Mind-body arousal and your personal “Why?”s:
Perceived “Injustice” or “Injury”
A real blow to you, a mere insult to me.

Next comes “Invasion,” a threat to one’s space –
Not just physical, as much loss of face.
Last, the “Intention” to redress these “I”s…
By being up front to e-missile replies!

Now for the Model’s two basic dimensions:
Sender intent and skill of transmission.
What is your aim and how much control?
Is there some balance between heart and skull?

What is the angered party’s motivation –
“Constructive or Destructive” anger expression?
Is anger thoughtful or more impetuous –
To wit, “Purposeful” or “Spontaneous?”

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Aggression is vital
Do not buy their lies
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Either direct or subtle (but beware the hostile)
Better than chronic sighs!

A “2 x 2” Model captured in rhyme:
“The Four Faces of Anger Paradigm.”
Ready to play the “Four Faces Game?”
Can you assign a useful “Face”-Box name?

Face-Box No. 1:  Purposeful-Constructive?
Face-Box No. 2:  Purposeful-Destructive?
Face-Box No. 3:  Spontaneous-Constructive?
Face-Box No. 4:  Spontaneous-Destructive?

Four Faces of Anger Matrix  

                                                                                               

                               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For me, Box No. 1 equals “Assertion”
Using “I” messages when you are hurtin.
Not “You are so wrong” but “I disagree.”
No need to explode to speak forcefully!

 

Don’t count to ten…and then yell, You Bozo!
Forget “shoot from the lip”…there’s power in slow.
“At the end of my rope; I’m not being heard…
Without give and take, not one other word.”

A time out seems wise; a chance to reflect…
Time to work out this new pain in my neck.  ;-)
If still banging heads…no end to frustration
There's mediation...or even migration.

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Embrace “Assertion”
Do not fear asking “Why?”
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Civil confrontation
No more sheep gal or guy!

Box No. 2 comprises “Hostility”
From blaming “You”s to pent-up passivity.
Not just declaring, “You low-life jerk,” but
Undermining another’s hard-earned work.

“I forgot the report for which you had asked
Okay, three times…well I’m just overtasked.
If you had to work in this kind of zoo
You’d look out for #1 just like I do!”

Another way to spot “the hostile” –
Polite criticism veiled with a smile.
Behind the cool mask – smart mouth and callous
Is one who smolders when they are jealous!

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
“Hostile” opposition…
Set boundaries with poise
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Sometimes rejection
A blessing in disguise!

No. 3 may surprise…I call it “Passion”
Think of an “s”-word…defy assumptions.
Forget about “sex”…ponder “suffering”
Do Jesus and “Passion Play” provide a ring?

Sufferings of Jesus or of a “martyr”…
(An icon of “passion” – my Jewish mother!)
Passion, of course, may well fire a spark
Think of that brave soul, Miss Rosa Parks.

With vital “passion” blaze through self-doubt
The opposite, oddly, of job burnout, yet
Passion inspires – ideals and knowledge
Just don’t let it drive you over the edge…

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Fight for your “Passion”
Question old ties
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Don’t lose your vision
By flying sky high!

For there is Box 4, Destructive “Rage”
Rational anger has fled the stage.
Sure you’re outraged by injustice spread wide, but
Dangerous “Rage” exposes injured pride.

Seemingly trapped in a “no exit” cage
A wounded animal…another gage.
Or feeling helpless; deadened desire
Nothing left to lose…a last burst of fire!

A blow to one’s status in a key role
Old screaming voices appear in control.
Add one more excuse to substance ill-use:
A ticking fuse for self-other abuse.

Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Know that blind “Rage”
Conceals anguished cries
Angry Faces and Angry “I”s
Get on the same page
With one who is wise!

And for the next “Resiliency Rap”

The Stress Doc ™ will draw a disarming map
To defuse a hostile or enraged time bomb
With “purposeful passion” and some aplomb!

© Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.