Inspiring with Passion Power & Mastering Media and Digital (MAD) Addiction

I listen carefully when people respond quickly or intensely to a program idea or suggestion; also when receiving a cluster of exciting feedback regarding a common program medium.  Either the idea or my delivery is “hot” or cutting-edge.

First, two program concepts with blurbs and objectives that are stirring up considerable interest:
1a.  “Wow….You Have Such Great Energy!” – Inspiring Others with Passion Power
While “Passion Power” is a concept first conceived about a decade ago, I’m just now bringing it out of the conceptual-performance closet on a regular basis.  The Four “P”s of Passion Power is my Mind (Cognitive-Affective)-Mood (Gravitas-Comedia) Matrix for becoming a more dynamic and inspiring communicator and leader.  Btw, the “Wow…Energy” title was inspired by the fact that this phrase is what I often hear from folks after one of my presentations.  (And I suspect the implicit message is:  “How can I get more of that energy?”)

(So if you want some of that energy, email stressdoc@aol.com for more info on the “Passion Power” Model or Program.) The below SHRM event and enthusiastic feedback certainly was the “out of the closet” trigger.

Developing Stress Resiliency, Humor, and Passion Power:  The Gift of Interactive Engagement; for Human Resources Palm Beach County (HRPBC), FL; Kickoff Speaker; 100 attendees; 1.25 hrs

Feb 27, 2014

Hello Mark,

HR Palm Beach County had the wonderful pleasure of having Mark Gorkin “The Stress Doc” present at one of our monthly dinner meetings. Mark’s presentation was both insightful and engaging. He has a way of captivating the audience and make them want to hear more. We enjoyed his insights on the factors that cause stress and how to overcome them. We hope to hear more from “The Stress Doc”. It was definitely time well spent. We especially enjoyed his perspective of Passion and Power. Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

Tanya Vaughn-Patterson
HRPBC Program Chair

Diversity & Inclusion Consultant
NEXTERA ENERGY
Ofc: 561-694-4199
tanya.vaughn-patterson@fpl.com
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1b.  Up next for the “Wow….You Have Such Great Energy!” – Inspiring Others with Passion Power is as a workshop for the Greater-DC Area Federally Employed Women’s (FEW) Regional Conference on June 13, 2014 to be held in Silver Spring, MD.  (Email Helen Robinson, robinsonh@mail.nih.gov, for more info.)  And soon thereafter will be a webcam/webinar on “Addiction to Social Media” for The Organization of Legal Professionals/Paralegal Internet Association, www.theolp.org .  (Email Sue Byerly, Administrator, sue.byerly@theolp.org.)

Here’s the FEW/”Wow” Program Blurb and Objectives:

“Wow….You Have Such Great Energy!” – Inspiring Others with Passion Power

As a leader or “high impact” communicator in a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven-Distracted World, there are two critical challenges to professional and personal success:  1) Are you courageously developing and passionately applying your unique and most dynamic combination of energy and experience, strengths and skills? and 2) Are you truly “being heard or are you just making noise?”  With his singular wit and wisdom and by engaging in his FIT – FUN, Interactive, and Thought-provoking – small group exercises, let the Stress Doc provide “head & heart” tools and techniques for Creative Risk-Taking and unleashing and inspiring others with your “Passion Power.”

Objectives

a) gain a critical “conceptual tool” to expand your cognitive (head) and affective (heart) mindset and skillset

b) explore the process of “letting go” and the “Four Action Steps of Creative Risk-Taking”

c) discover the Stress Doc’s acclaimed “Four ‘P’ Model of Passion Power” – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful; bring out your fullest self without being full of yourself,

d) put “Passion Power” into action by confronting your “Intimate FOE” through animated sharing-storytelling and mutual laughter; especially critical for leaders and aspiring trailblazers, and

e) learn the “Secret of Wisdom” and experience the Doc’s pioneering efforts in the field of psychologically humorous rap music.  So…

 

Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor:  May the Farce Be with You.

Don’t miss your appointment with the Stress Doc!

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2.  Is Your Workplace Going MAD?:  Stress Resilience, Self-Control, and Strategic Team Building for Mastering Media and Digital Addiction

 

An excellent book by Winifred Gallagher, NEW:  Understanding Our Need for Novelty and Change (2012), along with my recent collaboration with addictions specialist, Nurse Bonnie, a sharp and delightful gal, and the constant bombardment of a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Digitally Driven and Distracted Age helped me see the obvious.  There are consequences when people start growing smartphones out of their ears and are constantly checking email or social media messages or letting video games or e-shopping affect their sleep-awake cycle:   how many need to detox from their inbox?  If, as the Supreme Court ruled, “Corporations are people,” then Media and Digital (MAD) Addiction, then ADDD – Aggressive Dysfunctions-Digital Distractions – are consuming individuals and organizations!  Are you ready to stop the MAD-ness?

 

Program Synopsis

 

It’s a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven & Distracted Brave New World, when “Everything Happens NOW.”  While some see a half-full glass of unprecedented access and data…others perceive rampant “Infomania” – continuous stress and distraction caused by the combination of message overload, incessant interruptions, and “Time Urgency Syndrome”.  Through his Fun-Interactive-Thought-provoking (Get FIT) program, let the Stress Doc and his partner, Bonnie Fanckoviak, DNP, an experienced Addictions Expert with a Doctorate in Nursing, help you transform the MAD-ness:  Gain tools for 1) assessing individual/workplace addiction and 2) designing self-monitoring and team building structures and strategies for a stress resilient work environment.

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Is Your Workplace Going MAD?:  Stress Resilience, Self-Control, and Strategic Team Building for Mastering Media and Digital Addiction

 

In a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven & Distracted World, now promising “wearable technology…that keeps us in the moment,” always on takes on ever looming Brave New World dimensions.  When “Everything happens NOW,” is it more a time of breakthroughs or time for a breakdown?  While some see a half-full glass of unprecedented access and data…others perceive rampant “Infomania” – a mental state of continuous stress and distraction caused by the combination of message overload, incessant interruptions, and “Time Urgency Syndrome.”  (Did you know the average knowledge worker is interrupted every three minutes while working on a task?  When having conflict with a customer or colleague, do you tend to send emails or launch e-missiles?  Are you “Practicing Safe Text”?)

 

Attention spans are shrinking and self-absorbed instant gratification and self-centered entitlement is growing; increasingly, people expect you, 24/7, to immediately reply to their “high priority” texts and emails.  It may be time to ask: 

Ø  Is your digital world spinning out of control?  Are you ready to Practice Safe Stress?

Ø  Are work-life boundaries eroding; are you overwhelmed juggling work and personal-family time?  Do you crave or feel pressured to always be on the technological edge?

Ø  Do you know when to multi-task and when to be mindful?  Do you understand why this is a trick question?  Do you engage in restorative downtime?

Ø  Does lack of tech-gadget access evoke intense anxiety and discomfort, impatience and frustration, distraction and impaired concentration?

Ø  Do you keep rechecking your gadgets like some put quarters in one-armed bandits?  Do you need to detox from your inbox and dopamine-driven juicing?

Ø  Is video gaming or electronic shopping hurting your sleep, human touch, and productivity cycles?  Can you distinguish between capacity and usability, novelty and adaptability?

Ø  Does flitting between texts and tweets keep you in a constant/habituated state of high arousal; does downtime leave you feeling empty and edgy?

v  Are you or individuals in your work and social space dealing with MAD (Media and Digital) Addiction?

 

Is it time for you and your organization to address and redress the ever-growing MAD-ness?  Have no fear…With their Get FIT – Fun-Interactive-Thought-provoking – “hands on”concepts, assessment guides, tools, and lively and relevant small group exercises, “Nurse Bonnie, DNP and the Stress Doc ™, LICSW” are here to help you:

Program Objectives

 

1.  Rapidly recognize signs of ‘Infomania,” “junk-food information diet”/empty Internet calories, battlefield burnout, and MAD Addiction

 

2.  Understand how ‘Workplace ADDD” – Aggressive Dysfunctions-Digital Distractions – adversely impact productivity, morale, team coordination…your “bottom line!”

 

3.  Recognize parallels between MAD and other common addictions:  eating, drinking, smoking, gambling, drugging, etc.; recognize the dopamine-induced cyclical dangers of rapid responding-revved up reward cues while dismissing the future for the immediate-impulsive NOW

 

4.  Learn how to grieve and “let go” while exercising emotional-bio-psychosocial-behavioral regulation re: bad habits, compulsions, and addictions; outsmart the impulsive NOW; gain face-to-face conflict problem-solving skills and courage; learn to “keep the best and toss the rest”

 

5.  Create a safe climate for enabling management and employees to problem-solve ways of bridging “High Tech—Human Touch” in the workplace

 

6.  Develop stress-reducing, team building structures and strategies for reducing and preventing isolation and tech-compulsion; learn to redesign a stress resilient work environment

 

7.  Grasp the Stress Doc’s Natural SPEED Formula for Stress Resiliency, Brain Agility, and Emotional Integrity.

 

Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor:  May the Farce Be with You.

 

Don’t miss your appointment with “Nurse Bonnie and the Stress Doc!”

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

 

Less Is More and Play to Strengths: Inspiring Communication and Leadership Performance in a “TNT/3-D” Digital Age:

Reviewing my recent essay on “Compelling Communication and Leadership Performance,” I belatedly realized needing to better walk my talk and herd my words, especially in light of the essay’s theme.  So here’s a streamlined version that hopefully convinces that on many occasions “less is more.”

 

In this TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – World and 3-D – Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – Digital Age – capturing people’s attention amidst all the competing sources of data and diatribe, entertainment and excess is no small feat.  And then holding that ephemeral and excitable attention span borders on the extra-ordinary:  consider this feedback from an hour-long, “Stress Resilience & Passion Power” keynote with a mix of Human Resource Managers and Professionals:  Mark’s presentation was both “insightful and engaging”…. “very exciting and informative”…“very interactive and useful.”   He has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more… Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

So what is the magic elixir when it comes to capturing people’s attention, by being captivating not just commanding?  And believe me; it’s not just in my DNA, though some hypomanic tendencies probably play a role.  Presentational understanding and skills have evolved in trial and error (if not occasional terror) fashion over decades.  Here are four applied concepts you might want to add to your mindset and skillset:

A.  Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths
B.  Try to Keep It Simple and Smart
C.  Stand Out…Don’t Just Be Outstanding; Be Out-Rage-ous Not Just “Out of the Box”
D.  Design an IC² Platform for Creative Play, Performance, and Partnering

A.  Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths

So let me walk the talk and provide brief aphorisms and bullet points as well as stories to highlight “Less Is More”:

1.  The Range, Reins, and Rewards of “Less Is More”

a.  Have an Initial Tight Program Outline and Be Ready to Let Go and Go with the Flow.

(1) You can’t do it all; choose the best, toss the rest; and often it’s a learning curve
(2) Streamline on the fly; improvise based on audience response and time constraints
(3) Recognize limits and imperfect resolution

b.  Make the Audience Part of the Show.  Learn to transition from a solo performer to a leader that transforms an audience into quartets and ultimately an orchestra.  Generate meaningful educational and entertaining structures and activities.  Your goal: to help individuals and teams bring out their best music while boosting mind and mood, motivation and morale.

c.  “Less Is More” Payoff.  Sometimes it pays to give folks just a brief taste of an intriguing leadership concept such as my “mind-mood” integrative creative communication model “Passion Power.”  After briefly outlining the model for Human Resource leaders, we then moved into a social risk-taking exercise.  We spent a considerable amount of time on the exercise, which was a big hit.  Yet, when the Program Chair invited me to return in two months to speak on at the chapter’s annual conference, her requested topic, naturally, was “Passion Power.”  Seems like providing less had them wanting more!

d.  Less Is More…More or Less.  Of course, when it comes to quantity and quality, sometimes less is less and more is more.  However, I recall reading of a succinct apology to a contemporary by one of those noted 18^th c. English scribes due to his verbiage in a correspondence:  I’m sorry; I didn’t have time to write a brief letter.

Remember, you can’t do it all, that is, another “more or less” slogan; and perfection is an ideal if not an illusion.  Establishing boundaries sets limits; it also provides borders, challenges, and demarcations to be purposefully surveyed, surmounted, or surpassed.  With prescience and pith, acclaimed translator, James Falen, captures the power of constraint:

There are magic links and chains
Forged to loose our rigid brains,
Structures, structures, though they bind,
Strangely liberate the mind.

2.  “Less Is More” Means Being Pithy and Provocative, Palatable and Powerful

After you’ve selected the key program topic areas, the next challenge is to deliver the content in a manner that promotes the aforementioned FIT-ness:  the experience is FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking:

a. Introduce an Absorbing and Thought-Provoking Subject for Your Audience.  A catchy and pithy introductory title helps, for example, “The Four Stages of Burnout” or “Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront.”  In a “TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – world, a world that’s definitely “3-D” – Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – most people can personally relate!

b) Break It Down and Make It Digestible.  Break down your concept into key or critical, readily identifiable pieces or examples; deliver the data or ideas with a substance and style that’s easy to take in – clear and concise, motivating and memorable – bullet-like components; two or three “smoke signals” from the first stage should suffice.  For example:

(1) Mental, Physical, and Emotional Exhaustion – e.g., you may be holding it together at work, but as soon as you get home, do you head for the fridge, get out the Haagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry’s, turn on the tube, hit the sofa, and you’re comatose for the rest of the evening…or wish you could be?

c.. Present Info and Ideas in a “Scannable” Format.  When dealing with data overload, people want to take away important points without having to further strain their brain; make the message light and enlightening:  People are less defensive and more open to a serious message when gift-wrapped with humor!  Provide a supplemental handout for later in-depth exploration.

3. “Less Is More” Means Emphasizing “How To” Strengths for Participants and Presenter.  Consider these three realms for displaying action steps and strengths:

a. Accentuate Action Over Analysis.  Follow the old 80:20 axiom:  when dealing with a problem spend 20% of the time on problem description and diagnostics, 80% of time and energy in providing problem-solving tools and techniques.  I don’t need tech support to educate me in detail about my hardware glitch; just get me up and running!

b. Facilitate the Sharing of Strengths.  Once you establish your credibility as a concerned and knowledgeable leader, you really can loosen the reins and create forums/exercises that allow others to share and shine.  If you need help in generating real and relevant exercises, I provide skills and tools coaching in this arena.

c. Recognize the Value of Multiplicity and Variety.  Being a diversified presenter means playing such roles as an educator, an entertainer, as well as an emotional expression and empathy energizer.  Beware confining yourself to just one presentational slot, e.g., lecturer.  How about “Leading and Learning with “E”s:  Educate and Energize, Entertain and Evangelize…and, whenever possible, applying all concepts in group Exercise; actually, more on the value of acronyms and rhyme shortly.)  The challenge is not being one-dimensional.  Variety is the “spice” and “rule” of life, learning, and leading.  (I am not going to touch the fourth “l”…loving!)

d.  Mostly Play to Your Strength.  Still, when time is limited and the task is bounded, lead with your strengths.  If strongest as an “Educator,” let this be your trump suit or default position.  However, even if only for a short trial, inject one or two of the other “E”-roles in your presentation.  Be unpredictable; defy expectations.  Why?

(1) you capture people’s attention and generate on the edge anticipation,
(2) pleasurable surprise releases pain-reducing and joy-enhancing brain chemicals like endorphins and dopamine; and while there are differences in temperament, brains hunger for if not crave the new and optimal variety
(3) the continuous practice and expansion of range and repertoire builds your risk-taking and performance muscles; also, you achieve finer and finer definition especially as you evaluate and integrate audience feedback, that hard-earned source of adaptive wisdom, and finally,
(4) as a risk-taking and variety generating role model, you are also illuminating an evolutionary, multifaceted mind-mood-muscle skill path for your audience.  As Dr. Jonas Salk, the renowned founder of the polio vaccine, observed:  Evolution is about getting up one more time than you fall down; being courageous one more time than being fearful; trusting just one more time than being anxious!   Amen and women to that!

Closing

We have outlined three key components of “Less Is More…More or Less” and “Play to Strengths.  These performance- and leadership-enhancing dynamics include:

1.  The Range, Reins, and Rewards of “Less Is More”
2.  “Less Is More” Means Being Pithy and Provocative, Palatable and Powerful
3. “Less Is More” Means Emphasizing “How To” Strengths for Participants and Presenter

And there’s a sure way of knowing you are hitting that “sweet spot”:  When you give folks “less” they let you know that they want more!


Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Art of Letting Go: Freeing Up Grief, Defusing Power Struggles and Inspiring Flow

The phrase “letting go” has long been a vital part of my stress management overview, especially related to breaking the “erosive spiral” of that all-consuming “b”-word. (When it comes to stress, actually, a number of emotionally charged “b” words jump to mind, for example, “botox,” or when you have a BMW colleague, which I recently learned stands for an individual constantly “Bitching, Moaning and Whining.”) Now, of course, I’m talking about burnout. As noted in “The Vital Lesson of the Four ‘R’s”: If no matter what you do or how hard you try, Results, Rewards, Recognition and Relief are not forthcoming, and you can’t say “No” or won’t “let go” – because you’ve invested so much time and money, energy and ego in that one right person, position or possible outcome – so that you cannot or will not step back and consider new perspectives, resources or options…trouble awaits. The groundwork is being laid for apathy, callousness and despair.

I’ve come to appreciate three key arenas – psychological-interpersonal-motivational –in which “letting go” is critical for rebirth, resolution and resilient risk-taking, i.e., for generating new direction, a more daring focus and a revitalized determination, both for yourself and for others. And appropriately enough, the first two arenas of “letting go” stimulate your “Inner GPS,” providing a map and tools for "Engaging with ‘Grief’ and ‘Power Struggles'."

1. Letting Go as the Key to Freeing Up Grief. Consider my Mobius Strip mantra: “One must begin to separate; one must be separate to begin.” In paradoxical, yin-yang fashion, every beginning or separation contains its own seed of endings or returns; every ending or return has a beginning and separation seed lying dormant. Any transition, whether stirring rage or resignation, rejoicing or relief is a dynamic, ongoing mix and flux of endings-wanderings-settlings-separations and potentially-eventually new beginnings and returns. And in turn, every new beginning eventually comes to an end, once again providing both a fresh or unexplored landscape and mindscape of “danger and opportunity.” Having the courage and support to face the acute emotions of this ever twisting and turning transition –such as fear and anger, helplessness and hopelessness, panic and paralysis, and/or mania and melancholy – makes it more difficult to deny the swirling, shifting currents, makes it harder to merely tread water. Letting go and grappling with grief enables you to embrace and retrace, if not gradually replace, the past with new or reenergized purpose and passion. As I once wrote:

Whether the loss is a key person, a desired position or a powerful illusion each deserves the respect of a mourning. The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like spring upon winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal.

And what helps ignite the mystical or, at least, the mythical?

For the Phoenix to rise from the ashes
One must know the pain
To transform the fire to burning desire.

And if you can risk confronting that roaring river of pain – an often confusing rush and reliving of past and present emotions and memories – and over time can survive the occasional eerie stillness, the oftentimes tumultuous white water passage of grief, then you may arrive at a place more light than dark, a new transitional harbor offering some hard-earned healing and wisdom along with newfound maturity and opportunity.

According to Nobel Prize-winning author, Albert Camus, Once we have accepted the fact of loss, we understand that the loved one [or loved position] obstructed a whole corner of the possible pure now as a sky washed by rain.

Helping people engage with the emotional vulnerabilities, uncertainties and pain inherent in loss and major transition, that is, grappling with the psychological ramifications not merely with the changing physical realities – managing a new operating system, relocating an office, merging departments or divisions, etc. – is the foundational first step in the journey of evolution.

As renowned, 20th c. medical pioneer, Jonas Salk, declared: Evolution is about getting up one more time than you fall down; being courageous one more time than you are fearful; being trusting just one more time than you are anxious.

2. Letting Go as the Key to Defusing Power Struggles. In the heat of interpersonal battle, why is it so hard to let go? In addition to the fact that we’ve been engaged in such struggles most of our life (certainly toilet training was an early testing ground), power struggles definitely can set off some emotional “hot buttons.” Here are key psycho-social-cultural dynamics that impede stepping back and attempting to reengage more effectively – "The Five ‘C’s of Power Struggles”:

a. Control – who has control, who is in charge?; this relates to the authority-status-power dimension, whether in the workplace, e.g., supervisor-subordinate relation, or the parent-child family dynamic; however, sometimes control needs are driven less by role considerations and more by aggressive messages and actions; consider my take on the covert motivation of the dysfunctional “strong silent type”: “For me to be strong you must be silent!”
b. Competition – another family dynamic – sibling rivalry – or competition; who is the favorite who is better?; it’s easy for these issues to get acted out in the workplace as well
c. Change – times of change raise levels of uncertainty and anxiety; not surprisingly, at these times, many people have a greater need to be in control of their environment, including other people
d. Cultural Diversity – surely, different perspectives, values, customs, expectations, etc., forged by cultural upbringing and experience can contribute to misunderstanding and standoffs
e. Communication Skills – do the parties have the communicational competence to negotiate conflict and find “the pass in the impasse”?

Understanding the emotionally charged nature of these dimensions may allow for a cooling off period, at least for the person who can “let go.”

When the Other Party Won’t “Let Go”

My metaphor for letting go in an interpersonal context is “dropping the rope,” that is, acknowledging to the other party that the tug of war or words is not working for you. Dropping the rope is not a sign of resignation or intimidation. When declared up front, “letting go” opens another problem-solving pathway. Of course, real life is not always so rational; actually, it’s often more psycho-logical! As a recent workshop participant painfully declared, “What if the other person – a colleague at work – won’t let go of the argument; tries to call you out for wanting to cease and desist even after a reasonable attempt at problem-solving?” It was clear the workshop attendee’s blood pressure was rising even as she spoke. My response was brief and to the point. “Let the individual know that you are taking a time out from this back and forth (to this point unproductive, from your perspective). You are neither afraid of him nor are you giving up; in fact, you will get back to him the next day. However, if the two of you cannot resolve your differences, you are not going to continue this head banging. You will call in a third party; you are not going behind anyone’s back. But you will insist there be some form of mediation.” Her energetic “thank you” told me “message sent was message received.”

So letting go doesn’t mean losing or giving up; it involves stepping back, presenting new perspectives and approaches, while reaffirming interpersonal boundaries as well as your personal integrity. And in a letting go process, at a particular juncture, you may have to accept that meaningful resolution may be out of your individual control. And you can live with this!

From GPS (Grief and Power Struggles) to Intimate FOE and Inspiring Flow

We’ve examined letting go both from a poignantly psychological perspective and from a power struggling and defusing one. Now let’s consider letting go from the vantage point of self-acceptance and meaningfully touching and moving others. My “four word” small group exercise hopefully will prove illustrative. It’s pretty basic: “Share an embarrassing moment.” And the room invariably goes through a metamorphosis – from somewhat anxious silence to uproarious verbal outpourings and animated nonverbal gesturing and posturing. One story cascades over another: “That was good; now let me tell you about my experience!”

3. Letting Go as the Key to Inspiring Flow. I especially like using this exercise with folks in leadership positions. Why is that? The exercise helps remove the “having it all together” or “always being in control” mask. One may have to risk revealing a vulnerable aspect of self. Yet, lo and behold, not only don’t people think less of you…hearing your story evokes knowing laughter, a genuine empathy (“not only have I walked in similar shoes, I can feel your bunions”), and even some admiration for your courage to share. I call this “Confronting Your Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure.” And as previously noted, the storyteller becomes a risk-taking role model; one vignette inspires another, invariably becoming more animate and passionate with each telling.

Making Room for Cultural Diversity, Mutual Humanity and Authenticity

Such unguarded sharing also reminds us that some experiences, like embarrassment, are universal and helps underscore our mutual humanity no matter how diverse our cultural backgrounds. Perhaps most important, for a precious moment in time, it breaks down artificial rank and status barriers between people, allowing for more personal and intimate connection. (For example, when the military wants a free flowing team exchange, despite the presence of “superior” rank in the room, they may hold a “Helmet’s Off” meeting. In fact, I have done facilitation work with army and air force units; my interactive exercises help them to better “walk their team and trust building talk.”) Remember, in a healthy social environment, not one simply manipulated by Big Brother media, machinations or mayhem, most people place their hopes and trust in authentic individuals whom they come to know through real give and take relationships. People identify with an imperfect yet accessible and courageous leader more than an unfeeling iconic statue.

A Closing Leadership Mantra and Message, Method and Model

Here’s a final leadership mantra: Learn to “Let Go”: Turn Your Intimate FOE into Inspiring Flow! People want to connect with real and risk-taking leaders. They too want to laugh at their flaws and foibles, to painfully learn from yet also playfully laugh in the face of failure…to finally let go of that incessant critical voice. Many want to taste and touch this potent, idiosyncratic and liberating energy and spirit. For when you bring both head and heart, when you simultaneously project a purposeful and provocative, passionate and playful message and presence, you become a magnet; people are drawn to your energy and essence. (Consider my expansion of a saying passed on by a battle-tested salesman: “Logic Tells and Passion Sells. And ‘Passion Power’ Compels.”) Yet, ironically, if your motivation is unselfish, you will help others become less afraid of speaking up, if not of breaking out and breaking away. Remember, from its biblical origins, spirit is “the breath and flow of life,” hence spirit’s connection with “respiration” and “inspiration.” So if you are determined to:

a) rebuild your purposeful and passionate, newfound possibilities fire,
b) not be distracted or constrained by draining and unproductive power struggles, and
c) embrace and share your imperfect humanity while breathing life and energy into others…try the Stress Doc’s CPR method – be a model for “Creative-Passionate-Risk-Taking” (CPR) Leadership…Grieve, Let Go and Become the Flow.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations. In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant. He is providing "Stress and Communication, as well as Managing Change, Leadership and Team Building" programs for the 1st Cavalry Division and 13th Expeditionary Support Command, Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services. Mark has also rotated as a Military & Family Life Consultant (MFLC) at Ft. Campbell, KY. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, The Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.