NEWS FLASH: Not the Same Old “D & I” – Diversity & Inclusion – Program

My mental health advocacy and education work with the Nepali professional and lay communities (http://www.bewellinitiative.com/) is encouraging me to expand energy and ideas into surprising cultural/educational realms.  More specifically, Dr, Anita Nahal, "The Diversity Doc," a recognized cultural diversity expert, both in the US and in India, and I are teaming up to offer an uncommon mix of East and West, "Diversity & Inclusion," and Stress Resilience ideas and interventions.  Our goal: recognizing and transforming unconscious workplace "Assumptions, Biases, and misguided Communications."  These are the "Cultural ABCs" that weaken team resilience, resourcefulness, collaboration, and creativity.  And while this partnership breaks new ground, it sustains the "Get FIT" spirit of all Stress Doc programs:  by being FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking!

For more info on how this unique partnership can help boost your team's, organization's, or company's productivity and purpose, energy and community morale, please send a linked-in text or email to stressdoc@aol.com.

Don't miss your appointment with the Diversity Doc and the Stress Doc!

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NEWS FLASH:  Not the Same Old “D & I” – Diversity & Inclusion – Program

Dr. Anita Nahal, PhD, CDP, acclaimed author, administrator, professor, and D & I Consultant, the Diversity Doc, and Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, acclaimed speaker, team building consultant, and Motivational Psychohumorist ™, the Stress Doc ™, have joined forces.  This dynamic duo will help you and your company or organization discover the possibility and power of “human touch in a high-tech world” through their innovative D & I, East-West Synergy Model & Method.  Recognize and practice how an awareness of bias enhances self-discovery, mutual empathy, and stimulating diversity. And this applied learning helps build an inclusive cultural climate of trust and civility as well as the sharing of ideas, positive conflict, and productive energy, i.e., stress resilience, greater morale, and interpersonal/team creativity!

Through lively and en-light-ening presentation and real world small group exercises, Anita and Mark will help your team “Get FIT” with their FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking program.  Discover tools and techniques, skills and strategies (see objectives below) for applying a novel approach that brings bias barriers to light and “D & I” to life!

Don’t miss your appointment with the Diversity and Stress Docs!

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The Beauty and CHALLENGES of Diversity & Inclusion (D & I)

“THE EAST-WEST SYNERGY Model” for Overcoming Unconscious Bias

while Strengthening Resilience, Trust, Morale &

DROI – Diversity Return on Investment

Overview:  This UNIQUE workshop BROUGHT TO YOU BY TWO VERY DIVERSE PROFESSIONALS will inspire individuals and groups to develop workable solutions that transform the opportunities and challenges of diversity and inclusion (D & I) into stress resilience, trust- and team-building.  Learn to view unconscious bias (UB) as a window to self-understanding and human connection. More specifically, participants will learn to release stress, transform conflict, build cultural-interpersonal bridges, evolve “winning teams,” and achieve the “diversity return on investment.” This has never been more critical…in today’s always on TNT – Time-Numbers-Techno – Driven, Distracted & Distressed (3-“D”) World.  In fact, recent research reveals one out of two employees leave their job because of burnout!

Learning Objectives:

Participants will:

1. Understand the Overviews of D & I and UB, and Stress and Burnout/Stress and Conflict Resilience Concepts and Theories:  An INTER-CULTURAL Partnership and Program

2. Grasp the Layered Nature of D & I:  Psychological-Cultural and Self-Other-Environment Awareness

3. Learn to Disarm Power Struggles and Engaging Critical (or Passive) Aggressors:  Communication Tools for Increasing Understanding, Respect, and Trust

4. Understand the Concepts of Unconscious Bias and Their Impact on Perceptions, Value Judgments, and Actions

5. Use Mind-Mapping for Meaningful Self-Analysis and Understanding to deal with ONE'S own Unconscious Bias; Discover the Universal Judgmental Error through Attribution Theory

6. Explore and Apply the Inter-Cultural Conflict and Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles:  Models, Methods, and Problem-Solving Exercises; develop workplace workable strategies and solutions

7.  Confront the Intimate FOE and Experience the Power of Writing and the Creative – East and West – Expressions

About the presenters:

Anita Nahal, PhD, CDP is a poet, children's books author, professor, administrator, D&I Consultant, & Founder & Chairperson, http://www.diversitydiscover.com/   Dr. Anita Nahal resides in New Jersey with her blessing, her son. Some of Nahal's past positions include: Mellon Fellowship Program Administrator for the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture; Assistant Provost for International Programs, Howard University, Washington D.C.; Visiting Associate Professor of History at the State University of New York at Binghamton, New York; and Associate Professor of History, Sri Venkateswara College, University of Delhi, India. Nahal has held various academic honors, such as the Fulbright and the National Endowment for the Humanities. Besides two academic books, Nahal has one book of poems (Initiations-1988), three children’s books, & over 30 articles in journals & blogs. She writes periodically on LinkedIn. Nahal's most recent data oriented study on Ethnic and Cultural Diversity at HBCUs was published as a chapter in a book in 2015. Her second volume of poems is ready for publication, and some of the poems form this volume can be found in Aberration Labyrinth, Better Than Starbucks, Confluence & aaduna. Nahal has travelled to over 15 countries, speaks three foreign languages, and comes from a family of writers and educators. Nahal has two awards in diversity awareness and promotion, and has three certifications to her credit in diversity and inclusion training. More info on Nahal at: http://diversitydiscover.com/founder.html

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, known as the "The Stress Doc" ™, is an acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a Leadership Coach/Training-Retreat Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. Mark is also a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  Over the years, the Doc has trained and consulted with many hundreds of government agencies and corporations.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous transformative – silo-breaking and communications bridge-building – Pre- and Post-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for US Army Senior Officers and Sergeants.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress:  Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression, The Four Faces of Anger:  Transforming Hostility and Rage into Assertion and Passion, Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World:  Writings, Raps & Rhymes.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  The Doc also provides Stress Resilience and Burnout Recovery In-Person and Phone-Skype Counseling as well as Communication/Public Speaking Coaching.  For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.

Transforming Loss and Memory into “Human Touch” Moments: Two Critical Incident Vignettes

What does “high tech” mean to you?  “Making our old ways slow and useless” or “The far flung, wild creativity of our plug and play connected world” (Joshua Cooper Ramo, The Seventh Sense:  Power, Fortune, and Survival in the Age of Networks, 2016)?  No doubt, the physical and psychic landscape and mindscape are being transformed by our always on and everywhere linked “Digital/Social Media Age.”  However, every once in a while, time and space slow down, if not come to a sudden halt; and I’m reminded of the critical importance of “human touch” in handling everyday life and death struggles.  Let me share two vignettes where high tech takes a back seat to human touch.

This week I did Critical Incident/Stress Management (CISM) work for a state government agency.  More specifically, I provided Grief Facilitation-Counseling both in groups and one-on-one for about forty employees who, just the day before, learned of the death of a beloved upper level administrator/manager. The news was as sudden as it was shocking.  R was forty-seven, seemingly healthy, married with two kids.  Towards the end of last week, he went home feeling bad…went to the hospital…and by Sunday night, incomprehensibly, he was dead from a stroke.

This was a mostly blue-collar crew – equally divided racially, more men than women, fairly wide age distribution, etc.  Many had expressed doubts about the value of this “grief stuff.”  However, by the end of our session, all expressed heartfelt appreciation.  One likened it to a family wake…where everyone has a chance to share a personal memory about or a shared moment with the deceased.  After people expressed their shock, or shed some tears, or made a point of saying how R was not like some of the other managers walking around, I guided the sharing thusly:  What’s one trait of R’s that you especially admired and might be willing to try and cultivate in yourself and “play forward” with others?  (In light of this universal outpouring, it seems especially significant that he’d only been with this facility for three years.  Many marveled at R’s personal-professional impact in such a relatively short period of time.)  Consider their “trait” list:

1.  He always listened, even when he didn’t agree with you; he would think about your position, at the same time acknowledging he may still see things differently.

2.  He was always personally willing to help resolve a bureaucratic or operational problem.

3.  He would go to bat for you when you needed an ally with the “higher ups.”

4.  He took the time to get to know you personally.

5.  You always knew where he stood; he didn’t play games (with your head).

6.  Yet, he was fun-loving; a game player who could take kidding, even criticism.

7.  He went out of his way to drop in and talk with folks, and for more than five minutes.  (One secretary expressed total surprise when, one day, R talked with her for forty minutes about her educational-professional goals, encouraging her to expand her horizon.)

8.  He was concerned about your career and would frequently be talking with you about it.

9.  He treated everyone fairly and with respect.  (It was only after the group session did I even discover that R was African-American.)  And…

10. He made you feel special!

Inspired Musings:  Endings and Beginnings

This was a “Human Touch” gentleman in a “High Tech” world…who was truly curious and concerned about his colleagues.  R’s essence touched hearts and minds, maybe even souls.  Reviewing this list, I can only say, from the perspective of the Jewish religion/culture, R would be considered a real “mensch,” a truly wise and caring, a down to earth good man.  One closing “human touch” observation:  though today technology appears omniscient and omnipotent, there are some human depths that still elude the digital.

Case in point:  my next vignette involves human intuition leading to a “mitzvah,” another Yiddish expression meaning a “blessing, or truly good, often compassionate deed.”  (I wonder if the subject of death and grief is a pipeline to memories of a language spoken in my childhood household, occasionally by my parents, but especially by a beloved grandmother.  A woman in a wheelchair, who lost both her legs, first to medical incompetence, then, years later, to diabetes…A woman who personified “human touch,” without speaking a word of English, and was truly a “mensch.”)

Connecting the Grieving:  Sisters in Sorrow

Shortly after the group gathering, I had a chance to sit down with various individuals; in this instance two experienced female administrators.  (One had to leave the group session early.  The other was stationed at another facility and had come by for an admin meeting.  Both seemed to have close working relations with R; the visitor knew him for fourteen years in other state agencies.  The two women, roughly similar in age, had never met; however, they had talked briefly on the phone.)  Both women had cried openly in my one-on-ones, expressing disbelief having seen R just the week before.  One, with a sense of irony, even expressed expecting R to show up at work, then exclaim it was all a “sick joke.”  I was talking with the visitor when the obvious hit me:  these two ladies should be commiserating with and supporting each other.  A new role – grief matchmaker was born!

I now asked the visiting admin if her collegial counterpart might join us.  A bit surprised, nonetheless she agreed.  I jumped up, went to the other’s office, and got quick consent.  (I had made a strong connection with her earlier.)  Suffice to say, the two symbolically fell in each other’s arms, alternatively providing “lean on me” shoulders for one another.  Perhaps the seeds of a sisterly bond were being nurtured.  And wouldn’t that be a fitting legacy:  in this time of tragedy, two women having a near-brotherly relation with R, discover their own kindred connection.  All I can say is amen and women to that!

Concluding Words and Question

A grief belief penned many years ago: Whether the loss is a key person, a desired position or a powerful illusion each deserves the respect of a mourning. The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like spring upon winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal. And by connecting our authentic essence with a caring human touch, “the better angels of our nature” will surely rise once more.

The Last Question:  Must we wait for a tragedy to more purposefully and spontaneously engage in “human touch”…to make “high tech and human touch” equal workplace partners?

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World, and Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

“Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools & Techniques for Surviving Trauma, Transition, and Everyday Stress

I have been a co-founding partner of the Be Well Initiative for the Nepali Diaspora in America.  The tragic April 25, 2015 earthquake ignited a vision for a friend and colleague, Dr. DK Gurung.  (DK called me a day after, both for some venting and to share his communal dream.)  Born in Nepal, he understood that mental health services were needed in the face of such a natural disaster, but not just for people living in Nepal.  The stress was also great for family and friends 10,000 miles from ground zero.  But beyond the immediate disaster, cultural norms, honor and shame, and indirect or secretive communication patterns made it difficult for Nepalis to fully acknowledge let alone discuss emotional issues of stress, anxiety and depression.  The US Nepali community had to come out of the trauma, immigrant transition, and pressure of “Pursuing the American Dream” as well as everyday stress, closets.

This past year, Be Well Initiative has put into motion “Stress Survey” data collection, mind-body wellness and mental health educational reach out, along with running focus groups at various community events, centers, and programs.  We will close out the year with a memorial EQ15 service on April 24^th in Herndon, VA.  (Email stressdoc@aol.com if you’d like more information.)  As part of the interactive/community participation service, attendees will engage in small group discussion about past and present stressors and coping strategies.  Participants will also provide ideas for developing future mental health resources and services.  It should be a very moving, meaningful, and uniquely affirming experience.

“Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools & Techniques

for Surviving Trauma, Transition, and Everyday Stress

This past year we have witnessed how imbalances and stressors in nature may suddenly erupt producing devastating consequences.  While not as cataclysmic, work-family-life imbalances and pressures may manifest in confusing, overwhelming and destructive, even life-threatening, emotions and behaviors.  As one Nepali community leader articulated:  “We too will erupt if our life gets out of balance, if we deplete ourselves, run ourselves to the ground, stretch ourselves thin, and live for all the wrong reasons.  We will either collapse into ourselves or explode onto others.”

We need a powerful stress tool kit to manage such stressors as: a) being emotionally connected to two homelands, b) separated from significant others as well as from geographical and cultural markers, c) everyday pressures pursuing the American Dream, including adapting to new cultural values, d) the challenges of finding meaningful employment, and especially, e) being an individual new to the US, feeling like “a stranger in a strange land.”

Perhaps most critical, as a community we need to affirm that reaching out for mental and emotional health services (the mind-heart) is as natural and normal as seeking help for physical illness (the body).  We must help our under-served community come out of the shadows of shame, stigma, and silence and discover a new horizon of hope!

Here is Be Well Initiative and the Stress Doc’s ™ “Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools and Techniques for Surviving Crises and Everyday Stress:

1.  Find a “Stress Buddy.”  When it comes to stress, we initially may need to share our feelings outside of our immediate family, perhaps with a trusted friend or community leader.  Having another help put the situation in a more reasonable or calm perspective, may reduce feelings of guilt and self-blame and make it easier to later discuss the situation with family members.  If still relatively new in the US, it’s vital to have a “Stress Buddy” who understands the “trials and pressures” of immigrant stress.

2.  Speak to a Professional.  If you are feeling intense levels of stress, anger, and/or depression, with disrupted patterns of eating and sleeping, misusing alcohol and drugs or simply wanting to withdraw from life, it is time to speak with a person trained in providing mental health counseling.  There are Crisis Hot Lines for you to call.  If you are not sure where to go, contact one of the counseling/clinical members of the Be Well Initiative Team:

Bharati Devkota,  Nepali Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone # 443-742-2575

Anshu Basnyat, Nepali Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone #  443-574-3430; call for an appointment

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc, Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW) – telephone # 301-875-2567

3.  Join a Support Group.  Share your pain, purpose, and passion with a group of like-minded community members and a qualified facilitator; talking with one another, we lean on, learn from, and then provide an ear or a shoulder to our brothers and sisters.  Consider starting a Nepali/community support group.  BWI will be glad to assist.  Also, there are a variety of free, 12-Step Groups – from dealing with problem drinking (or being a family member of a problem drinker) to handling difficult emotions – located in schools, churches, community centers, etc., throughout the Greater DC-VA-MD area.

4.  Understand Change, Loss, and the Need to Grieve.  Whether it’s a devastating earthquake trauma or just a more quiet realization of missing loved ones, alive or deceased, no longer close by, or longing for our former life…we need to take time to remember.  The challenge of change is omnipresent for people adapting to a new land and way of life, or just going through transition.  Grief stages – shock, sadness, anger, fear, confusion, disbelief – are not just products of death and dying; grief can be stirred by the loss of a job, the loss of health and mobility, or the loss of a dream.  Grieving may help you make peace with both your past and present…and open paths for a more productive future.  Of course, there is not one way to grieve; each person has his or her own grief rhythm and time frame.  However, if after 2-4 weeks you are not back into your routine, find a trustworthy and understanding stress buddy or, even better, consider consulting with a professional counselor.

5.  Make Sleeping/Rejuvenating and Healthy Eating a Top Priority.  When it comes to sleep, we often provide solid guidance with our kids, but don’t follow our own advice.  Try to apply those sleep routine principles that you’ve designed for your children:  turn off the gadgets, take a shower or listen to soothing sounds of nature, or do quiet reading in bed.  And, limit alcohol and caffeine several hours before bedtime.  Meditation or taking a ten-fifteen minute “power nap” can be an effective way to rejuvenate during the day.

As for food and fuel intake, beware of picking up some of the sloppy eating habits of too many Americans.  Reduce your intake of salts, sugars, and saturated fats – those cans of soda and bags of chips.  Eat more fruits, especially the berries, and green and leafy vegetables; whole grains, beans and legumes and, if not going vegan, Omega-3 fish – salmon and sardines, are heart-healthy choices.  Listen to your grandmother!

6.  Get Regular Exercise.  Do you get thirty minutes of brisk exercise three-five times a week?  Regular exercise provides both physical and psychological advantages.  Thirty minutes (or even two fifteen minute segments) of vigorous, non-stop, large muscle movement activity – brisk walking, swimming, bike riding, dancing, etc. – releases brain chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine which are the mind-body's natural mood enhancers and pain relievers.  It's less a runner's high and more that we can step back and see things with a calmer disposition and fresher perspective. 

When stressed, everything feel’s up in the air.  The answer: to feel grounded.  There is nothing like a brisk thirty minute walk for creating a beginning and end point for a tangible sense of accomplishment and control.  Actually, you’re developing a “success ritual.”  And while I don’t always love to exercise, after my ten-minute “while still in bed” morning routine of stretching, sit-ups, push-ups, yoga positions, etc. and my early evening walk…well, I do like feeling virtuous.  And if you’re having difficulty getting started…find a walking partner.

7.  Learn to Say Set Limits.  During my workshops, more people have said to me, “Mark until I learned how to say ‘No’…I was living on the edge of stress!”  Remember, being a mature adult means that sometimes you will have to disappoint people.  For friends and family, for example, let them clearly know what you cannot do (at this moment in time) but also perhaps what you can do.  Give people the option to call you back in two days when your schedule might not be so busy. Naturally, expect that your initial “No” might prove upsetting.  But don’t overly explain your position; excess talking undermines your own sense of control and authority.  People see you as wishy-washy.  Briefly remind people of your stated position.

On the other hand, when relating with an impatient or “the sky is falling down” authority figure, e.g., the big boss at work, the key is not to let this person’s false or exaggerated sense of urgency become the only reality.  Remember, for something to be urgent or an emergency, it’s “life and death.”  Everything else can be prioritized.  So to regain some control, say to that boss, “I know this is a very important matter.  Because it is important, let’s take five minutes; help me prioritize – what should I put on the backburner while I focus on this new vital priority.”  Don’t let someone else’s false urgency become your anxiety!

8.  Identify and Defuse Stress Triggers.  We all have emotional areas in which we are especially sensitive or reactive – for example, someone questioning our honesty or intelligence, talking badly about a friend or family member, or trying to tell us how we must do something his or her way, etc.  We tend to overreact emotionally and verbally when someone hits our “hot button.”  To improve your capacity for self-regulation, before reacting:  a) take some deep breaths, b) pay attention to those “3 B” – Brain-Body-Behavior – stress smoke signals; as I like to say:  Count to ten...and check within, c) can I observe the other without making a snap judgement and if they are judging me not “shake, rattle and BLOW?,” d) learn to use assertive “I” messages instead of blaming “You” messages, for example, “I don’t agree” or “I am not comfortable with…” as opposed to “You’re wrong!” or “It’s your fault!”

Actually two of my favorite stress defusers also help set limits:

A firm “no” a day keeps the ulcers away and the hostilities, too.

Do know your limits and don’t limit your “No”s.

9.  Get Organized.  Chronic clutter in a room or office (or even a car) creates a messy mind.  Recognize that anger, fear, boredom, or depression often contributes to ongoing procrastination.  Develop an ABCD system:  “A” or “top priority” items deal with promptly; “B” or important items file in a “to do” file that’s visible or easily reachable; “C” items discard whenever possible; and have a “D” box or file for future reading or reference.  (Discard most items after a short period of time if not read.)   Again, if this ABCD system is not working, reach out to a concerned friend or a counselor.  Consider this variation of the “Serenity Prayer”:  Grant me the serenity to discard the things I really do not need, to save and file the things I do, and the wisdom to know the difference (or to brazenly eviscerate 90% of my in-box)!

10.  Discover a Hobby or Engage in an Art Project…Or Just Laugh.  A life that completely revolves around responsibilities to family and work, with no time for mind-body-spirit nourishment and rejuvenation, is a life at-risk.  Remember, burnout is less a sign of failure and more that we gave ourselves away!  Hobbies or art projects, engaging in sports or physical activity that especially integrate the mental-emotional-physical, e.g., digging in a garden, walking in parks or forests, going for bike rides, trying your hand at water coloring, writing poetry, playing tennis, regular meditation, taking dance lessons (research shows this is a an especially good activity for preventing dementia as it is both spontaneous and structured)…all enable us to step back, shift gears, have fun, and rediscover the sublime in nature and our true essence.  And if not quite ready for a hobby, at least read books or watch TV, videos, or movies that make you laugh.  Laughing with gusto is like “inner jogging,” giving vital organs a brief but hearty internal massage!

In closing, if you begin to apply these “Top Ten” tips and techniques you will become commander of your own stress ship, being able to navigate stormy seas and eventually reach your own island or homeland of mind-body-spirit resiliency and serenity.  Just remember…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

Stress Doc’s ™ Stress & Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation

I’m adding a new shingle to my speaking and training activities:

Stress & Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Relation Tension-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person

301-875-2567
www.stressdoc.com
stressdoc@aol.com

Please spread the word and do email or call with any questions, ideas, etc.

Mark
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Stress Doc’s ™ Credentials/Experience

·         Successful Phone Counseling-Coaching-Consultation experience (see testimonials below)

·         Long-standing Stress Resilience Expert-Speaker-Trainer for many government agencies, institutions, companies, associations, etc.

·         Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for US Postal Service

·         Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreat Leader for US Military

·         Critical Incident/Trauma & Grief Debriefing Consultant

·         Crisis Intervention/Brief Treatment Adjunct Professor for Tulane University Graduate School of Social Work

·         Author of Practice Safe Stress ™:  Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress Burnout & Depression, The Four Faces of Anger:  Transforming Anger, Rage& Conflict, and Resiliency Rap:  The Wit & Wisdom of the “Shrink Rapper” ™

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Overview of the Phone Consultation/Coaching Process

A recent phone coaching session with an owner of a small IT company in the Mountain West (I’m in Columbia, MD) once again reminded me of the possibility and power for distance connection in our digital age.  This business owner was having difficulty dealing with the behavior pattern of a sales employee -- aggressively immature and self-centered – who recently helped her land a big contract.  She was also burdening herself with unrealistic if not perfectionistic expectations regarding client performance delivery demands.  (Of course, hers is an ultra-competitive industry.)  She was straining her brain and body from “bending over backwards” too many times.

This business owner had read one of my popular articles on burnout.  (See attached.)  She recognized the signs of energy drain as well as diminished focus and increased confusion, and emailed asking for a consultation.

Initial Consultation and Subsequent Coaching

First, there was a free 15-minute consultation to: a) help me understand the problem basics and b) make sure we both believed working together made sense.  Mostly I listen and ask questions, and, finally, provide a summary and an initial action plan.  We both thought there was a good match and a 30-minute coaching session was set up later in the day.

Basically, the coaching session helped this owner:  a) realize that the employee was engaged in disruptive behavior that was not just affecting her health but also her leadership presence, b) understand that being “too nice” perpetuated the problem, c) recognize some similar interactional patterns with family members, and finally, d) gain communication-management skills (including documentation of the employee’s disruptive behavior and, literally, provide words the business owner could say) to give this employee a chance to change her communication behavior or face termination.  I also suggested offering a couple of company-sponsored coaching sessions for this potentially valuable employee.

Email Thread

After the coaching session, there was a brief flurry of emails (no extra charge ;-), beginning with this observation:

Was thinking about the initial contract with your clients.  Since you have a track record of on time/high performance delivery, would it be useful to add something like this?:

“High Expectations and Contingency Tweaking”

Inform (your clients) ahead of time regarding the need for a schedule or operational tweak, so you both don't get caught in 11th hour changes; also less rush confusion, missteps, etc.  I suspect you can word this more aptly than I.

MG

[My motivation was to help the owner reduce some of her self-imposed expectation-performance pressure.]
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The coaching client’s response:

This is really great! Thank you!
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My reply:

Great; one more thing:  if I say something that's not so great or seems “off the mark,” as it were, or that you just don't agree with, please don't let it slide; tell me; thanks; it will be useful for us both.
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And then a closing client response to my message:

Sure, will do! I'm already on my way to getting work done. Thanks so much for your help. I will definitely be in touch for a follow up appointment.
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Coaching Logistics & Testimonials

In general, sessions will be for 30 or 60 minutes.  We begin with a free 15 minute consultation to determine if there is a basis for a mutual, productive working relationship.  Fees to be determined.

Phone Counseling Testimonial

Oct 12, 2013

I am so glad you are offering your services to many. You are an insightful man who helped me to have clarity and find my strength in chaos. I honestly believe that "God" put you in my path. I am still unsure of my future but I do know that I made the right choice. Without your understanding, patience and knowledge, I would not have been able to make that move. I may have slip-ups but I hear your voice and your words in my head and you continue to guide me.

A
Long Island, NY
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Phone Coaching Testimonial

Oct 30, 2007

Hi Mark,

What growth has occurred since our work several weeks back.  I am most certain you were a gift to me during those months of coaching together.  As I remember, the most memorable character trait to me is your ability to blend courage and personal understanding; as one who has experienced suffering and risen to overcome.  Only one who has experienced the depth, could so acutely and masterfully, handle the heart of one suffering, to guide, to point out, to encourage voice to feelings.  Mark, Thank you, for your accurate assessment, time and again.  I am grateful beyond words.  I appreciate your flexibility in time zones and the presence with which you showed up is just solid.  I enjoyed your humor that you inflected with such appropriateness.  It means so much to have had you 'in my corner' through such an ordeal I found myself in.

My health has turned for the best and I deeply believe it has all to do with my state of mind.  As Victor Frankl observed over 40 years ago:  "Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man -- his courage and hope, or there lack of -- and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect."

I am well.  I have had several courageous conversations.  There is movement.  Don't be surprised if our paths cross again ~ smile.

T
Associate Certified Coach, Speaker, Stunt woman
Valencia, CA
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In-Person Consultation Testimonial

Dec 7, 2010

Hi Mark.

It's been ages since we talked/met but I will always give u credit for referring me to Dr. B, recommending a low dose of anti-depressant, etc...I do give myself credit for seeking help and finding you in the first place...

It's been over 10 yrs but I've gone farther since than I'd ever dreamed....I got hired by my (large) client to do internal recruiting, moved into a semi high profile Human Resources generalist role for 2 yrs, then transferred to our federal human capital consulting practice...along the way I began facilitating various training workshops (from behavioral interviewing techniques to technical training on applicant tracking software to coaching skills…Wanted to drop a line to reconnect and say thanks again for steering me onto a path that led to my current path...in which I feel both challenged and successful!

Happy holidays Mark!
C

NoVA
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For more information, call 301-875-2567, or email stressdoc@aol.com.

 

Speaking & Educational Videos-Essayshttp://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
Google blog: http://www.blogger.com/home

2.5 min 3 Steps to Overcome Procrastination Video -- http://vimeo.com/73783964
2 min Shrink Rap Video Link: https://vimeo.com/69053828
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Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve), and be out-rage-ous!"
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Upgrading the (Shrink) Rap ™ on Mental Illness: The Challenge of Criticality…The Criticality of Being Challenged

Once again I’m reminded that when writing something "really good," it’s vital to get feedback from an objective-critical source.  And this time, I even managed to take full bore feedback from my toughest critic:  my 91 y.o. mother (who still manages to do the Sunday NY Times Magazine Crossword.  Living with my brother and his wife, I typically make a monthly family visit.)  I showed her my most recent rap:  A “Passion for Change”:  The (Shrink) Rap ™ on Mental Illness.  This Resiliency Rap ™ was written for “Passion for Change.”  PfC is a non-profit, 501c organization that educates and encourages the media to provide a more balanced/objective depiction of mental health and mental illness.

During the feedback session, perhaps the clearest sign of “comfortable in my own skin” evolution was being able to consider her heated protest (she was “getting sick” of all the “Passion, oh Passion” choruses) without losing my cool.  In the past, I would likely have channeled my anger and defensiveness by affirming within myself, or attempting to “show her,” the value of my position.  Hey, she could be a daunting adversary.  As a procrastinating teen and young adult, she would pointedly pull from her brainy quiver words of the ancient Roman poet Horace:  To begin is to be half done; dare to know…start!  (And you wonder why I’m such an expert on stress, guilt, and neurosis.)

Today, I could accept her being “convinced” of her rightness without losing my own conviction, trusting my gut as to what “felt right” without the need for justifying, defending, and winning (or winning her over).

She did like most of the creative wordplay sandwiched in between the choruses.  I reduced the number of “Passion” refrains; however I consolidated but did not eliminate them, keeping the best and tossing the rest.  (Actually, I did have to “let go” of a pearl:  The passion in compassion.)

In addition, she enjoyed hearing a tangential musing often shared with speaking audiences, my uncommon take on the “s”-word for “passion."  (It’s neither “sex,” nor “soap opera,” nor the Washington DC-related favorite…”Senator.”  Alas the latter is a bit passé after Mr. Clinton’s memorable performance.  Actually, with a good dictionary, the “s”-word for “passion” is “suffering,” as in “The Passion Play”:  specifically, the sufferings of Jesus or, more generically, the sufferings of a martyr.  Mom even laughed when I couldn’t resist my punchline:  “Imagine all this time I never knew my Jewish mother was such a passionate woman!”  Definitely a groundbreaking and loving, trust-building moment for the two of us.

Letting Go and Designing Flow (with the help of family and friends)

Let’s get back to the theme of the essay.  Mom’s challenging feedback not only shook up the puzzle, it made me mentally restless.  This “constructive discontent” freed a basic recognition:  I had not sufficiently set the stage for the purpose of the poem within the Shrink Rap itself.  (And, yes, I had given more presence to the “passion” choruses than was warranted.)  Suddenly, there was a window for adding more subject matter content, now in machine-gun rhythmic, Tom Lehrer-like fashion.  (Here’s a gift:  google a video clip of this ‘60s Harvard mathematician and satirical-political writer-piano player-singer extraordinaire.)  The second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth stanzas make a case for why we all should be more knowledgeable and passionate about the subject.

Also, noteworthy, I’m definitely dancing on the creative edge in these stanzas: inventing new terms, slipping in a mythical-biblical reference, using genome as a verb and byte for bit.  The rap is substantively, not cosmetically, enriched; no trivial feat these upgrading at the push of a button daze!

I also received on point feedback from CJ, a friend and creative colleague (a talented visual artist).  Her critique motivated a search and design mode for several more descriptive or evocative terms and phrases.  For me, the challenge of creative writing, especially poetry, is weaving meaningful conceptual content into thought-provokingly memorable and, when possible, en-light-ening images, sounds, and rhythms.  The realm of Shrink Rap allows me to truly sew and spread “word artist” wings.  Hope you too will take flight.  Naturally, would love any and all feedback.  Enjoy!

Mark
stressdoc@aol.com 

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A “Passion for Change”:  The (Shrink) Rap ™ on Mental Illness

 

You say you're ready to "change for passion."

Sure, you’re hip to the latest fashion.
But will you really rearrange your brain...
Ready to work with a "Passion for Change"?

There is but one reason why
For all this “Passion” hue and cry
Mental Illness, my friend, this is no lie
Is American as apple pie!
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The (Shrink) Rap ™ on Mental Illness

When it comes to knowing inner demons
Life’s seasons yield all too human reasons:
Childhood trauma, chronic OCD
Addiction, abuse, brain anomaly
SAD, bipolar, or PTSD...
Finally, rounding out our litany
With fall color intensity
And spice of life variety
DSM disorders of personality.
Oh biochem-branch of our fallen family tree
Will you genome more labels or bloom creativity?

And now a new web of complexity
A Siren song to one’s sanity
Our all-consuming digitocracy
A multi-hyper Facebook Fraternity.
Whether vanity or solidarity
United in distractibility
Making Google eyes at the “TNT Trinity”
As we deify Time-Numbers-Technology!

Passion, oh passion
A cyber celebration
Passion, our passion
What’s real, what’s illusion?

In insta-mode most miss the irony:
We’ve become so sedentary
No time for nature, no space for serenity
Bowing to 24/7 availability
Sacrificing work-life integrity
Tracking texts as one-armed banditry
Saving face as a cyberbully
Gaming for eternity.
The question for the future…
What’s the breakthrough-breakdown boundary?

Still…there’s a “new normal” equality
Of this you must agree:
Patience is now a luxury
And OMG…Everyone is ADD!
So forget “To be or not to be?”
You’re likely viral if not a byte crazy!

Passion, oh passion
Not just mindless action
Passion, our passion
Sowing seeds of compassion

Can mental illness be a deviancy?

When one out of two, says the CDC
One day’ll show symptoms, predictably.
Now think about that…it might be you or me!

With mental illness most play a blame game

“Get it together, stop being so lame.”
Or we shake our heads: “It’s such a shame”
Now you’re only a diagnostic name.

Passion, oh passion

"Touched with Fire" ** interaction
Passion, my passion
The blazing pain of compassion

MI – Myocardial Infarction

A disease worthy of all our attention.
But MI – the Mental Illness version
It’s only an “in your head” perversion.

 

With a heart attack, you don’t get no flack

We rally troops and fight the no good plaque.

With a mind setback; wrong side of the tracks.

For the mentally ill there is no slack!

 

Passion, oh passion

Drives human exploration

Passion, our passion
Moral compass of compassion

 

This mental health rap is not meant to scare

But we still need to play “Truth AND Dare”

Especially when a family affair

That touches all whether distant or near

And it touches all for whom we care.

 

Mental illness breeds when slighting human needs!

With meds and counseling we can stop the bleed
With jobs and housing – a mind-body is freed.
To change heads and hearts takes both word and deed…
Join Passion for Change; now help take the lead!

 

Passion, oh passion

Past time for indignation
On beyond compassion
It's time for a decision!

 

Passion, my passion

A mind’s sacred mission
Passion, our passion
Will YOU commit to action?

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** Touched with Fire" – The title of Kay Redfield Jamison's book, Touched with Fire:  Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament; Jamison, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University Dept. of Psychiatry, also authored the best-selling autobiography, An Unquiet Mind.

 

© Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

 

 

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc leads one-day "Stress Resiliency" workshops for "METRO" Managers and Supervisors of the Washington Metro Area Transit Authority (WMATA).  "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for international consulting firm The Hays Companies.  Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter; info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.  And click https://vimeo.com/69053828 for the Stress Doc's wildly pioneering "Shrink Rap" video.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"