The Vortex of Violence: The Columbia Mall Shooting and Beyond

To paraphrase "Ol Blue Eyes," If it can happen here...it can happen anywhere!

The Columbia Mall shooting has a personal cast for me.  Not only do I live three miles from the complex, but during the football season I was there most every Sunday pulling for the Baltimore Ravens.  (On a lighter note, often invaluable during serious times, last weekend, while the Ravens weren’t playing in the conference championship games, the sports bar’s turkey sandwich with very crisp bacon, slices of avocado, lettuce, and tomato, add some ketchup, on dark rye with potato chips was also a draw.)  Alas, many people were and will continue to be impacted by this tragedy beyond the obvious victims:  first and foremost, those who saw the shootings, next those who heard the exploding sound, as well as folks scrambling for cover or those anxiously barricaded in back rooms, then employees in the Mall, shoppers who were there, future patrons who will glance nervously over their shoulders, etc.

While my observations are second-hand, a recent Critical Incident Stress Debriefing with bank tellers after a robbery by a man, possibly possessing a gun, has increased my understanding.  (One of the most surprising factors gleaned – all the tellers had experienced previous bank robberies in different banks or branches; for one woman, this was her fourth incident.  Over time, working for a bank without high security conditions, you may face Las Vegas odds for a traumatic experience.)  And if you are already dealing with disruptive life stressors or are carrying unresolved emotions from previous losses and traumas, and you’re caught in the vortex of such a violent episode, look out for psychological smoke signals.  Know that chronic anxiety, disturbed sleep, moodiness, misusing substances for numbing purposes, or even panic attacks may for a period of time follow you around.

With all this in mind, here is a previous “Stress Doc” ™ essay outlining how an organization or company might positively and pro-actively help people impacted by critical trauma.  Be safe.

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Maximizing the Healing and Growth Potential of Critical/Grief Intervention: Benefits of Structured and Spontaneous Workplace Grief Consultation

 

After a “loss of life” critical incident – for example, whether a valued employee “dies unexpectedly in his sleep,” is “murdered outside of work,” “succumbs quickly to a diagnosed or undiagnosed disease,” is “killed in a horrific motor vehicle accident while driving to work,” or “takes his own life,” how the company or organization structures and manages the grief debriefing process is critical.  It is vital to have a grief counselor/critical incident specialist:  a) address employees as a whole, b) when operationally feasible and appropriate, allow the grief specialist both to formally meet with employees in a private setting and also to walk around and tactfully converse with personnel, and c) engage especially with teams or departments most closely connected with the deceased colleague.

 

Expecting individual employees to find their way to a room in which the critical incident-debriefing counselor is sequestered limits the personal healing as well as the professional learning, problem-detection, prevention, and growth potential.  Remember, by definition, a critical incident, especially when involving the loss of life, is a “strike when the psyche (and culture) is hot” grief tragedy.  That is, many people are emotionally upset or in turmoil; just about all are open to words that facilitate understanding, soothing, or healing.   And a well-timed, knowledgeable, and compassionate connection has the ability both to help relieve some of the immediate pain and even to safely touch employees with preexisting wounds related to loss, threat, and trauma.  A healthful or hazardous work setting just may be in the balance.

 

Psychologically-interpersonally wounded employees enter the workplace every day, impacting productivity, relations, morale, and overall environmental ambiance.  There are major personal, team, and organizational benefits and opportunities for a company that facilitates a more open, “all hands-heads-hearts” and a “friendly grief counselor walking the halls and floors” intervention approach.  Consider these “Key Workplace Grief Intervention Benefits”:

 

1) Walk the Talk, Don’t Fuel It – the organization “walks its talk” about having compassion for their employees; a company acknowledges that certain critical events take precedence over “business as usual”; not responding appropriately, for example,  may open top management to speculative criticism about their actions while the employee was still alive,

 

2) Facilitates Expression and Acceptance – it facilitates if not the full the expression of pain at least an acceptance of grief emotions and the asking of questions about the deceased, his or her family, ways of memorializing the deceased, or supporting the family; in general, structured openness illuminates and validates the grief process,

 

3) Opportunity for Education and Evaluation – allowing a grief counselor to address large and small groups of people not only is an opportunity to provide grief (and perhaps mental health/illness) education, it also enables employees to check out the grief counselor; that is, is this an individual I might feel comfortable talking with individually, someone I might be willing to risk sharing my own vulnerability?; improving supervisory awareness of normative grief symptoms in contrast with signs of depression and/or disrupted work performance is a valuable diagnostic tool for identifying employees in need of additional psychological support and/or referral,

 

4) Identifies “Grief Ghost” Carriers – invariably, a significant percentage of employees are walking around with work-family-personal stress that drains energy and attention and/or are harboring “grief ghosts” (intense and/or unstable emotions and memories connected to past losses or traumas) that affect both productivity and the quality of work relations.  When compounded by a tragic event or some kind of crisis, people already in an emotionally sensitive, uncertain, or vulnerable place are in need of and especially ripe for a “reach out and touch someone” message,

 

5) Potential to Reduce Hazardous Environments – in an age of workplace harassment and bullying, grief intervention has the potential for early detection of troubled individuals and/or disruptive work relations; when workplace (and community) violence routinely make headlines, prevention is your most important intervention process!,

 

6) Receptivity for Support and Problem-Solving – people touched by mourning are often ready for momentary venting and a reassuring shoulder as well as being receptive to new problem-solving resources; e.g., after a brief one-on-one with a grief counselor, people are frequently more open to a “building stress resiliency” suggestion or life-health style change; they may seriously consider a recommendation to call an “in-house,” company sponsored Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for short-term counseling,

 

7) Affirms a “Work Family” and Allows for Venting – in light of the close professional and often personal nature of work relations, a grief session for members of the deceased’s team or department is especially vital and valuable; such a session affirms a sense of “work family” or a close-knit caring community, as individuals share personal associations or connections to the tragic loss; it helps members discover they are not alone with their jumble of emotions; people may vent their confusion or even anger at the deceased, at God, at the company, etc., and group discussion may help clear up any misunderstandings or circulating rumors, and finally,

 

8) Recognize and Integrate the Deceased’s Strengths – with proper facilitation, a team session may encourage individuals to recognize the qualities in the deceased they particularly admired and transform this sharing into two processes that enable the spirit of the deceased to symbolically, psychically, and productively walk the workplace halls and floors:

a. Individual Identification/Integration – for example, if a team member says he admired the deceased’s ability to give people undivided attention in conversation, this individual can be encouraged to practice and apply more undivided and empathic listening and questioning skills; and by doing so, the deceased’s spirit more strongly lives within the individual, and

 

b. Collective Identification/Integration – if an entire team or department selects a variety of admired qualities to emulate and assimilate, then a “fallen soldier’s” spirit truly burns not just within an individual psyche but also in the mental maps and heartbeats as well as the soulful rhythms and courageous communications of the collective consciousness.

 

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Maximizing the Healing and Growth Potential of Critical/Grief Intervention: Benefits of Structured and Spontaneous Workplace Grief Consultation

After a “loss of life” critical incident – for example, whether a valued employee “dies unexpectedly in his sleep,” is “murdered outside of work,” “succumbs quickly to a diagnosed or undiagnosed disease,” is “killed in a horrific motor vehicle accident while driving to work,” or “takes his own life,” how the company or organization structures and manages the grief debriefing process is critical.  It is vital to have a grief counselor/critical incident specialist:  a) address employees briefly as a whole, providing some “critical incident” perspective on the typical and varied responses to loss, death, and grief, b) when operationally feasible and appropriate, allow the grief specialist both to formally meet with employees in a private setting and also to walk around and tactfully converse with personnel, and c) engage especially with teams or departments most closely connected with the deceased colleague.

Expecting individual employees to find their way to a room in which the critical incident-debriefing counselor is sequestered limits the personal healing as well as the professional learning, problem-detection, prevention, and growth potential.  Remember, by definition, a critical incident, especially when involving the loss of life, is a “strike when the psyche (and culture) is hot” grief tragedy.  That is, many people are emotionally upset or in turmoil; just about all are open to words that facilitate understanding, soothing, or healing.   And a well-timed, knowledgeable, and compassionate connection has the ability both to help relieve some of the immediate pain and even to safely touch employees with preexisting wounds related to loss, threat, and trauma.  A healthful or hazardous work setting just may be in the balance.

Psychologically-interpersonally wounded employees enter the workplace every day, impacting productivity, relations, morale, and overall environmental ambiance.  There are major personal, team, and organizational benefits and opportunities for a company that facilitates a more open, “all hands-heads-hearts” and a “friendly grief counselor walking the halls and floors” intervention approach.  Consider these “Key Workplace Grief Intervention Benefits”:

1) Walk the Talk, Don’t Fuel It – the organization “walks its talk” about having compassion for their employees; a company acknowledges that certain critical events take precedence over “business as usual”; not responding appropriately, for example,  may open top management to speculative criticism about their actions while the employee was still alive,

2) Facilitates Expression and Acceptance – it facilitates if not the full the expression of pain at least an acceptance of grief emotions and the asking of questions about the deceased, his or her family, ways of memorializing the deceased, or supporting the family; in general, structured openness illuminates and validates the grief process,

3) Opportunity for Education and Evaluation – allowing a grief counselor to address large and small groups of people not only is an opportunity to provide grief (and perhaps mental health/illness) education, it also enables employees to check out the grief counselor; that is, is this an individual I might feel comfortable talking with individually, someone I might be willing to risk sharing my own vulnerability?; improving supervisory awareness of normative grief symptoms in contrast with signs of depression and/or disrupted work performance is a valuable diagnostic tool for identifying employees in need of additional psychological support and/or referral,

4) Identifies “Grief Ghost” Carriers – invariably, a significant percentage of employees are walking around with work-family-personal stress that drains energy and attention and/or are harboring “grief ghosts” (intense and/or unstable emotions and memories connected to past losses or traumas) that affect both productivity and the quality of work relations.  When compounded by a tragic event or some kind of crisis, people already in an emotionally sensitive, uncertain, or vulnerable place are in need of and especially ripe for a “reach out and touch someone” message,

5) Potential to Reduce Hazardous Environments – in an age of workplace harassment and bullying, grief intervention has the potential for early detection of troubled individuals and/or disruptive work relations; when workplace (and community) violence routinely make headlines, prevention is your most important intervention process!,

6) Receptivity for Support and Problem-Solving – people touched by mourning are often ready for momentary venting and a reassuring shoulder as well as being receptive to new problem-solving resources; e.g., after a brief one-on-one with a grief counselor, people are frequently more open to a “building stress resiliency” suggestion or life-health style change; they may seriously consider a recommendation to call an “in-house,” company sponsored Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for short-term counseling,

7) Affirms a “Work Family” and Allows for Venting – in light of the close professional and often personal nature of work relations, a grief session for members of the deceased’s team or department is especially vital and valuable; such a session affirms a sense of “work family” or a close-knit caring community, as individuals share personal associations or connections to the tragic loss; it helps members discover they are not alone with their jumble of emotions; people may vent their confusion or even anger at the deceased, at God, at the company, etc., and group discussion may help clear up any misunderstandings or circulating rumors, and finally,

8) Recognize and Integrate the Deceased’s Strengths – with proper facilitation, a team session may encourage individuals to recognize the qualities in the deceased they particularly admired and transform this sharing into two processes that enable the spirit of the deceased to symbolically, psychically, and productively walk the workplace halls and floors:

a. Individual Identification/Integration – for example, if a team member says he admired the deceased’s ability to give people undivided attention in conversation, this individual can be encouraged to practice and apply more undivided and empathic listening and questioning skills; and by doing so, the deceased’s spirit more strongly lives within the individual, and

b. Collective Identification/Integration – if an entire team or department selects a variety of admired qualities to emulate and assimilate, then a “fallen soldier’s” spirit truly burns not just within an individual psyche but also in the mental maps and heartbeats as well as the soulful rhythms and courageous communications of the collective consciousness.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc is also leading “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com.

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Adding Insult to Injury: When a Type A-Driven Company Shuts Down Workplace Grief – Part I

This is a rant disguised as a thoughtful essay. However, before spewing, (hopefully without making an ash of myself) let me provide some background data. Contemplation will follow ventilation, i.e., some meaningful and supportive ideas regarding the grief process.

The Anti-Wailing Wall (Street) Story

A prominent financial securities company requested a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention. One of their long-time brokers, a gentleman in his late 50s, married with a son in college, had recently retired. (I will call him Paul.) Actually, Paul’s decision to retire was not truly voluntary despite his being much beloved and admired for his gregarious and very giving nature. For many years Paul productively shared time, energy, and resources with one and all – from colleagues to community charities. (He was reported to have 35,000 names in his Rolodex!) 

Alas, Paul was likely suffering from a worsening bipolar illness over the past two years. Like many in the financial industry, he seemed to lead a high risk-high reward “larger than life” work-lifestyle. Apparently, the repressed economic conditions and concomitant stress had taken a toll on the status of his client list and his mind-body, bringing to the forefront pre-existing manic-depressive tendencies. Paul’s behavior at work was becoming increasingly erratic, and he needed to be hospitalized. Despite several attempts by the company to support the treatment plan, Paul would check himself out of the hospital against medical advice. He also was not taking the prescribed medication, and was becoming increasingly suspicious and pessimistic in his thinking. Unfortunately, untreated bipolar illness can be fatal; not surprisingly, over the weekend, two days before my arrival, Paul committed suicide with a handgun blast to the head. 

Why the Anger? 

A day before the intervention, the Human Resources Director mentioned that she wanted me to speak for ten minutes about the typical impact of such a tragic incident on employees, both as individuals and as a collective. However, in an early morning conference with the CEO and the HR Director, the former changed his tune, much to the surprise of the HR Director. He would say some words about Paul at the “all hands” meeting, and I would be cloistered in an office: those who wanted to meet with me could do so, but only on their own initiative. He even discouraged walking around and introducing myself to people, perhaps facilitating some spontaneous discussion and sharing of thoughts and emotions. 

The HR Director still held out hope that I might attend a meeting with the personnel in Paul’s former department. A manager in the unit, a female, was very supportive of my speaking to the team. Alas, as I was about to walk into the conference room, the Department Head, a man around 60 years of age, bluntly pronounced, “He’s not to be in here!” 

What was going on? Was this just macho-Type A-“don’t let them see you sweat or tear up” psycho-cultural behavior? (And I’ll let you decide where the emphasis goes on the “p-c” italicized terminology.) If only it was that straightforward. While I was encouraged to meet with Pauls’ female Administrative Assistant and another male employee who Paul had mentored (who, I discovered, knowingly chose not to come to work this day), top management was definitely walling me off from the staff. And my concern and frustration was building. 

Based on years of critical incident experience, I am all too aware that not only is there grief for the lost colleague; in addition, this kind of sudden and violent death, even if not so surprising, is still shocking or fairly incomprehensible for those in mourning’s orbit. And invariably, such a jarring vulnerable state rattles one’s own Pandora’s Box, bringing to the fore “grief ghosts” or personal demons – memories of prior losses along with smoldering guilt and regrets or shameful failures – both of longstanding and recent duration. (In addition, anticipated losses, for example, the impending death of an aging parent, the possibility of being downsized, etc., become fodder for this potentially volatile mix.) And the three people I spoke with (all women, perhaps not surprising in a testosterone-driven environment), only confirmed my hard-earned understanding. 

Four Brief “Ghost” Vignettes 

1. Administrative Assistant. This assistant had worked directly with Paul for nearly ten years. She was well aware of his deteriorating condition. While wishing she could have done more to help him, the assistant was not beating herself up. She had seen her mother unmercifully torment herself after the assistant’s brother had committed suicide when she was a teenager. She recognized that the hardest part of this tragedy would be “never seeing Paul again.” 

2. Human Resources Director. The HR director also was realistic about what can be done when a person is determined to end his life. She and the company had done all they could in terms of Paul’s treatment and “retirement.” However, when I mentioned my frustration about being “walled off,” about not being able to help people share their feelings regarding Paul while connecting with their own personal experiences of loss, this woman, with tears welling up, immediately associated to the death of her husband ten years earlier. We all bring our grief ghost pain to work with us. 

3. Department Manager. The HR Director had indicated this Manager needed to speak with me; she would drop by my office shortly. When she never showed, I asked the HR Director to firmly encourage her. When she finally showed, this woman of 40, who had wanted me to participate in the department meeting, teared up quickly as she spoke of Paul’s more recent “sturm und drang.” Yet again, upon mentioning the normative concept of “grief ghosts,” there was a soulful outpouring, this time of a recent shock to her system. She had just been diagnosed with skin cancer, and some form of radiation treatment would start within the week.  (Having had a tumor surgically removed from my thyroid, I understood somewhat her wave of anxiety.) 

4. Department Head. The above Director and Manager both apologized for the stoic male culture and shed additional light on why the Department Head had likely been so brusque in his stop-order: his son had committed suicide! Clearly this individual was “protecting” himself from subterranean emotional pools in which he did not want to submerge. 

I could admire a man who chose to participate in such an emotionally charged venue, whether he spoke of his pain or not. I would respect a man who decided to excuse himself from such a meeting, whether he chose to explain his motives or not. But the real frustration is not this DH’s ability to control my access; my dismay comes from his power to deny other team members an opportunity to share, grieve, and reminisce in a uniquely intimate setting. 

Benefits of Structured Workplace Grief 

In contrast to setting strict boundaries on a grief counselor, there are several major personal, team, and organizational benefits for a company that facilitates a more open, “all hands-heads-hearts” approach to structured workplace grief:

1) Walk the Talk, Don’t Fuel It – the organization “walks its talk” about having compassion for their employees; a company acknowledges that certain critical events take precedence over “business as usual”; not responding appropriately to the above detailed critical incident may open top management to speculative criticism about their actions while the employee was still alive, 

2) Facilitates Expression and Acceptance – it facilitates if not the full the expression of pain at least an acceptance of grief emotions and the asking of questions about the deceased, his or her family, ways of memorializing the deceased, or supporting the family; structured openness illuminates the grief process in general, 

3) Opportunity for Education and Evaluation – allowing a grief counselor to address large and small groups of people not only is an opportunity to provide grief (and perhaps mental health/illness) education, it also enables employees to check out the grief counselor; that is, is this an individual I might feel comfortable talking with individually, someone I might be willing to risk sharing my own vulnerability?, 

4) Identifies “Grief Ghost” Carriers – invariably, a significant percentage of employees are walking around with work-family-personal stress that drains energy and attention and/or are harboring “grief ghosts” (past losses or traumas) that affect both productivity and the quality of work relations. When compounded by a tragic event or some kind of crisis, people already in an emotionally sensitive, uncertain, or vulnerable place are especially ripe for a “reach out and touch someone” message, 

5) Receptivity for Support and Problem-Solving – people touched by mourning are often ready for momentary venting and a reassuring shoulder as well as being receptive to new problem-solving resources; e.g., after a brief one-on-one with a grief counselor, people are frequently more open to considering an “in-house,” company sponsored, Employee Assistance Program (EAP) referral for short-term counseling, 

6) Affirms a “Work Family” and Allows for Venting – in light of the close professional and often personal nature of work relations, a grief session for members of the deceased’s team or department is especially vital and valuable; such a session affirms a sense of “work family” or a close-knit caring community, as individuals share personal associations or connections to the tragic loss; it helps members discover they are not alone with their jumble of emotions; people may vent their confusion or even anger at the deceased, at God, at the company, etc., and group discussion may help clear up any misunderstandings or circulating rumors, and finally, 

7) Recognize and Integrate the Deceased’s Strengths – with proper facilitation, a team session may encourage individuals to recognize the qualities in the deceased they particularly admired and transform this sharing into two processes that enable the spirit of the deceased to symbolically, psychically, and productively walk the workplace halls and floors: 

a. Individual Identification/Integration – for example, if a team member says he admired the deceased’s ability to give people undivided attention in conversation, this individual can be encouraged to practice and apply more undivided and empathic listening and questioning skills; and by doing so, the deceased’s spirit more strongly lives within the individual, and 

b. Collective Identification/Integration – if an entire team or department selects a variety of admired qualities to emulate and assimilate, then a “fallen soldier’s” spirit truly burns not just within an individual psyche but also in the mental maps and heartbeats as well as the soulful rhythms and courageous communications of the collective consciousness.

Closing Summary

The above essay illustrates the defensive and short-sighted modus operandi of a macho-driven work culture. The essay also depicts how such a culture, during times of death and grief, buries (their minds and emotions in the sand), thereby losing a unique opportunity to impact not just the bottom line, but also the interconnected heads, hearts, and spiritual well-being of the employees and the organization.

While not having a chance to give my grief talk, the final segment of this workplace grief series will be a written version of the words I was hoping to share with the company’s employees. Until then…Practice Safe Stress!

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring, and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations. In addition, the "Doc" is a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Expert for Business Health Services, a National EAP/Wellness/OD Company. He is providing "Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Leadership and Team Building" programs for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet. His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.