How to Talk to the Bully: Five Strategic Tools, Techniques, and Tips

Now that we have a definition of bullying and some key psychosocial conditions that encourage this often demeaning, ego- or power-driven, and manipulative process, let's continue with the final segment...How to engage and set limits on the bully and bullying interaction by employing absurdity and metaphor:

Ø  Be Affirming with Realistic Expectations

Ø  Be Courageously Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphor

Ø  Announce an Intention to Bring in a Third Party

Ø  Facilitated Confrontation or Conflict Mediation

Ø  Purposefully Walk Away to Fight Another Day

  

2.  Be Courageously Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphor.  A quick review of synonyms for "absurd" include ridiculous, silly, strange, illogical, meaningless, bizarre, and incongruous.  If "reasonable" is its antonym, then absurd, while "unreasonable," may also border on the paradoxical and the imaginative if not the "out-rage-ous."  And creatively transforming fear and paralysis is one way to surprise an antagonist while nurturing hope, heart, and courage!

Years back, I was engaged in some family therapy with a single mother and her ten-year old son.  Curtis,  a quiet, shy, overweight artistic youngster hardly saw his father.  Not surprisingly, he was emotionally tied to his mother.  The presenting problem was that kids in his class frequently teased Curtis, calling him a "Big Butterball Turkey" (then a popular TV commercial product).  With eyes downcast, he nodded when asked if this bothered him.

Early on in the interview Joanne mentioned that the school psychiatrist thought  she really had the problem; Joanne made a point of saying she was not going back to see him.  It was clear:  mom was putting me on notice!  I recall acknowledging my needing her as a consultant to help me work with Curtis.

Just so happened,  it was approaching the end of October and a wild notion hit me:  prefacing my idea as a bit strange, I asked:  "How about for Halloween going to school dressed as a Butterball Turkey?  Predictably, mom quickly dismissed the idea, saying the kids would just tease him.  When I countered, this was going on anyway...I asked Curtis what he thought.  For the first time, giving me hope, his eyes animated the heretofore mostly dour countenance.  And when I said, "I bet you and your mom could come make a great costume"...even Janice was coming around.  Clearly, mom preferred being part of the solution to being labeled a major problem.  I also affirmed that while taking courage, working as a team, he could do it.

And sure enough...Curtis was the star of the class costume party.  His classmates, being so surprised, instead of laughing at him, were now laughing with him.  Suddenly, in the face of conflict, Curtis saw that by poking fun at himself, he preempted the aggressors.  He made himself less vulnerable, less of a target for teasing or bullying.  The empowering covert message:  "I can tease myself a lot better than you all ever can tease me!"  Magically, being a "Big Butterball Turkey" became a metaphor for being imaginative and daring.  Others' words lose much of their capacity to hurt; they no longer are "sticks and stones."  (As a final aside, I recall eventually turning this therapeutic experience into a circa 19th c., Eastern European, "Wise Old Rabbi" tale, with me in the role of the venerable sage and Benjamin as the young Jewish outcast.   My closing punch line:  You might even say that Benjamin, by being a "Big Butterball Turkey"... was no longer a "Little Kosher Chicken!")

Making Fun of the Frenzied

Here's another unexpected benefit of humor -- the power of distraction.  The setting:  seated in a movie theatre about to watch Terminator II: Judgment Day.  Actually, the lights had just turned dark in the theatre and Terminator I highlights were on.  Suddenly, a technical difficulty occurred.  The sound went off and the picture kept rolling.  Well, as you would expect from a Terminator II crowd, the audience was a model of patience and civility.  Yeah, right!!  The place started erupting.  People are whistling, shouting, stomping their feet and, very quickly, throwing everything you can imagine.  It's getting a little scary, especially as there's no sign the projectionist or theatre management have a clue.  An impulsive idea hits.  I take a deep breath, screw up my courage, stand up (with objects whistling about me) and shout:  Terminator III: The Movie Audience!

Well, I must have had an impact, as the bedlam slows and laughter breaks out.  I had momentarily distracted the mayhem...just long enough, luckily, for the technical glitch to be repaired.  I consider this one of my most dramatic group and clinical interventions:  getting a Schwartzenagger horde to return to its pre-pandemonium, latent state of aggressive hypermania without resorting to involuntary medication.  Today's moral:  When the unexpected occurs, keep your finger on the absurdity trigger.  You just never know when you'll have to distract a mad creature or quickly disarm a maddening crowd.  Once again, seek the "higher power" of Stress Doc humor: May the Farce Be with You!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A former psychotherapist, “The Doc” is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for the national TrainingPros and The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service and is a recognized Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing expert.  The Stress Doc is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

How to Talk to the Bully: Disarming Workplace Bullying

Prologue:  As many of you know, when I write about bullying or trauma in general it comes from my personal well, including several years of childhood bully trauma:  stricken by shame, taunted by peers but mostly stalked by my own lurking fear and helplessness, a constant struggle to concentrate, unaware of my smoldering depression, subliminal rage, and omnipresent mask.  Then there was the nuclear tension and family secrets (e.g., a father's hidden fifteen years of shock therapy.  In such a closeted  environment, one learns to stuff all kinds of emotions, even terror, until you can't.)  With the help of Army Basic Training, my Social Work graduate studies, and a lot of therapy, I survived and developed some important self-awareness and vital emotional muscles.  As an adult, my bully learning lab was "hazardous duty" experience, especially doing stress, conflict, violence prevention, and team building consulting with such major government agencies as the US Postal Service, National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, and the Department of Commerce. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The subject of bullying and animal types came up several times this week:  from a divorce process involving a psychologically battering spouse and his "shark" attorney to a woman watching a friend's dog "bully" her own dog while caring for this "mad dog."  (My dogie endearment term.  Already fed, the guest canine would still snarl at my friend's pet while he was trying to eat.  She realized her dog was hardly eating and started feeding the two in separate rooms.)  My friend's household observation eventually triggered a conceptual bridge to and discussion around "bullying in the workplace."  Perhaps at a later date I'll share our program development thoughts, but for now let me provide a subjective definition:

A bully is an individual who has a need to dominate others along with an extreme, self-centered craving for control, especially of others for whom they feel a sense of threat or envy.

This dominant or aggressive pattern often is cultivated by being bullied or abused in one's family or in a peer group.  Of course, this environment models intimidation as a problem-solving tool of choice.  And once a pattern of success is achieved through bullying, an individual may simply enjoy the power and dopamine boost of seeing others squirm under his or her literal or figurative thumb.

Conversely, bullying behavior can arise from the smoldering rage and insecurity of feeling abandoned or of being invisible in a family; or perhaps seeing oneself and being labeled as a "lower class" cultural outsider or outcast.  The bully may be quick to feel insulted or disrespected.  Subsequent aggressive behavior often reflects a wounded sense of self.  Which, not surprisingly, leads to the following dynamic:

The bully often physically or psychologically intimidates others as a way of boosting their own vulnerable sense of self.  In addition, the bully process helps to distract from their own insecurity and self-loathing or to deny a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

Here are five basic reasons why bullies have power over us:

a) Bully's Status -- they have the role, stature, and clout to inflict physical and/or psychological (including economic or career advancement) harm; to demean and diminish our social position, prestige, and power; such individuals may feel entitled to special treatment or immunity (e.g., "too big to fail" mentality); the bully also may play down his or her hostile actions and see the other as overly sensitive,

b) Superior-Subordinate Culture -- we have been raised in a family or culture that deems it wrong, bad, or disrespectful to talk back to people who are senior or in position of authority; tradition and convention are upheld on a rigid, "sacred cow" (another quiet bully animal?) pedestal.  Consider the "Stress Doc's Law of the Loyalty Loop and Lock":  Those who never want you to answer back always want you to back their answer,"

c) Ineffective Leadership -- especially in the workplace, but also in other educational or social settings, people in authority roles do not want to tackle the bully, whether from fear or because these individuals do not want to be bothered with the necessary "disciplinary paperwork."  Such leaders do not perceive the demoralizing potential of bullying, and/or try to ignore or isolate the problematic individual; (would you downplay, disregard, or simply isolate a serious virus in your computer?).  Alas, there are times when those in authority allow bullying or use the bully as overt or covert agents of aggression to send a message to the targeted individual(s), along with other team members. 

d) Learned Helplessness -- our own long-standing "learned helplessness," seeing ourselves as ineffective, including gripped by high anxiety and feelings of shame; we possess limited assertive conflict-problem solving communication skills; perhaps we have had role models who too believed they possessed low self-control, or we feel disconnected from potential allies; too often, this individual sees himself as helpless in the face of victimization or not worthy of self-defense,

e) Difficulty Asking for Help -- the bullied individual may have limited access to trustworthy adults who could become coaches in his corner; more likely he is afraid and ashamed to acknowledge feelings of terror or vulnerability, especially when a family motto is, "God helps those who help themselves!"  As targets, sometimes we can't conceive of people behaving in such a hostile or cruel manner and are left speechless, in a state of shock.  Remember, while there may be some risk in asking for help, it usually is much less destructive on your mind-body than any imagined retribution; alas, the perceived humiliation of asking for help is only outdone by the actual agony of suffering in silence.

Confronting Bullying:  Five Strategic Tools, Techniques, and Tips

Now that we have a definition of bullying and the psychosocial conditions that encourage this demeaning, power-driven, and manipulative process, our final segment...How to engage and set limits on the bully and bullying interaction:

Ø  Be Affirming with Realistic Expectations

Ø  Be Courageously Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphors

Ø  Announce an Intention to Bring in a Third Party

Ø  Facilitated Confrontation or Conflict Mediation

Ø  Purposefully Walk Away to Fight Another Day

1.  Be Affirming with Realistic Expectations.  Consider these three vignettes.

a) I recall being hired by a business owner for a technical writing project.  Once again he was criticizing my effort with a condescending and dismissive tone.  I finally protested, with perhaps a bit too much emotion:  "I don't mind specific negative feedback but globally dismissing my work; I don't buy it."  In fact, I mustered up some poise using an "I" message, not blurting out a blaming "You're just a bully."  I have not worked for him since, but the absence of that gnawing, self-berating angst, that toxic voice in my head -- "Why didn't you speak up!" -- is almost priceless.

b) Then there was a time years back when a Type A owner of a word processing company, (a former New Yawka, like myself) challenged me with, "How am I supposed to know what to do if you can't give instructions?  (Definitely an attacking "you" message there.)  My response was both verbal and nonverbal:  While tactfully declaring, "I'm not so sure," I also straightened my posture, held up one hand, palm facing her, (this was not a signal to "talk to the hand") while slightly elevating my voice.  Though verbally diplomatic, the gestalt of the message was, "That aggressive attitude and tone was not acceptable; it must stop."  And she did modify her counter:  "Well if there's a problem, it takes two."  And certainly when I'm in a hyper mode, I can't always be sure of the airtight accuracy of my instructions.  I smartly said, "I can live with that."  I wanted to maintain a working relationship as she did good work; I didn't need to puncture her ego nor prove I was right.

c) Finally, the coaching client who had been beaten down verbally and emotionally by her spouse over many years, stated her goal just before she and her soon-to-be-ex were meeting with their lawyers before a judge:  "I no longer want to be intimidated by him."  I immediately challenged this declaration.  "That's a longer term goal.  Right now you have to assemble a really competent and aggressive team, especially a battle-tested attorney, who will fight for your interests."

Closing

I will introduce the remaining four interventions as separate essays.  Up next:  "Be Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphors."  Until then...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A former psychotherapist, “The Doc” is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service and is a recognized Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing expert.  The Stress Doc is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Silent Wall of Shame

Writing about “Bully Types” resurrected an emotion I have grappled with much of my life:  a) being part of a family, especially as a child and teen, riddled with mental illness and shrouded in family secrets, b) as a child and young teen, threatened and emotionally bullied by peers for too many years, c) as an oft underachieving student and, finally, d) as a financially vulnerable speaker/word artist.  The emotion is “SHAME!”  And the crown with the cross:  The ability to harness shame for uncommon empathy as well as creative and inspiring performance.  Perhaps you may relate and/or resonate with this piece.  Peace!

Mark

 

I just showed the latest version of "The Silent Wall of Shame" to a thoughtful high school female who works at Mad City Coffeehouse.  And she immediately said her English teacher could turn this into a class lesson/discussion; "the poem sends a great message."  I sent her the poem and encouraged her to share. 

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The Silent Wall of Shame

Why is it so hard to talk about “shame”?
What makes it the feeling we all fear to name?
How has our “shame” become a straitjacket?
“Shame” must break from that ghost-ridden closet!

"Why can’t you focus; make a decision?"
The shame-brain "iGnaws" mindful attention.
High noon to full  moon text-video dumb
Still can't quite get that frontal cortex numb.

Low scores at school, you're so far from cool:
“How can someone ‘so smart’ be a damn fool?”
Some veil their shame by being too good
Others act out...won't be understood.

When the shamed person gets flame-throwing red
To lose at anything…better to be dead!
Some will crawl under…others will throw rocks
Never try putting "the leper" in a box.

Admitting to shame, you’d wave a white flag.
Keep dragging that black-hole memory bag!
Sins of the family your DNA pulse…still
Why can’t you be like everyone else?

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Others blame you; you do the same.
The “Shame Game”; deceptive frame
It’s time to change a view that is lame.

When the culture is “win at all cost”
Then anything less means everything’s lost.
Meek against mighty, there’s no more high road
All know who’s right when there’s no moral code.

Where is shame’s trailhead, and where will it roam?
How does this virus make the mind its home?
An unwanted touch, a whiplash tongue
"Don't embarrass us":  You’re always wrong!

Though not an assault or stinging curse
Haunting family secrets may be the worst.
Like smoking those butts…puff, puff, puff toxin
Slowly…deadly…five senses corrosion.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
It’s not all your fault; some can’t say the same.
The “Shame game”; devious frame
It’s time to change; know what’s insane.

Each day one fails to secure safe haven
One more soul tremor if not spirit cave-in.
Whether for months or forty desert years
The shame cactus thrives on a trickle of tears.

Like the small lizard ever sensing danger
Changing colors for both friend and stranger.
More than noxious words or violent deeds
Inside our head, shadowy seeds.

Day after day betraying themselves
Souls lost in sealed jars alone on dark shelves.
Some shatter glass; others dwell in “sin”
Most learn to hide to save their own skin.

When drugs or drinking keep all on egg shells…
Will this be the night of family from hell?
An iceberg of torment, trapped base of rage…
Cracks in the ozone melting your courage.

An unknowing transfer of adult shame
An unconscious part of the psychic game:
“Damned if I’ll be like mom…the old man”
Tells me you’re scarred deep, deep from within.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Don’t close your eyes; look at the stain!
The “shame Game”; fictitious refrain
It’s time to change; wake up your brain.

Sometimes a “Rap” needs a true story
One that reveals a soul’s grief or glory:
A failed rite of passage, when but a tyke
My dad could not teach me to ride a bike.

Was the bike too big, his patience too short?
Was I so afraid?  Why did we abort?
Nothing was mentioned; for now, trust broken
In this cycle of life…hope went unspoken.

For so many years, I watched my friends ride
It’s “No big deal”…but, in truth, was sick inside.
And saddest of all when wearing a mask
You vanish so well…people no longer ask.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Please open up…despite the pain
The “shame game”; counterfeit frame
It’s time to change; fiercely complain!

The shame around failure breeds over time
Becomes a monster – no reason or rhyme.
You are possessed by the “Intimate FOE”:
Fear of Exposure chokes the will to grow.

Why should one try with peril so high?
Better set goals that are pie-in-the-sky.
No risk of failing when caught in a breach…
Simply avoid or just short-arm your reach.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Life involves risk; don’t buy chronic drain
The “s-game”; a corrupt frame
It’s time to change; explore your range.

Why pour out my words in this tale of pain?
Now recall never fails to fire my brain.
To no longer run, to no longer hide
Unlimited source of affirming pride.

A fount of purpose, raging river passion
Ride out those waves of humiliation.
Your storm tossed quest…only two life jackets:
Reach out for help…do your best to hack it.

Build muscle memory, steady those nerves
Nothing can replace a true learning curve.
Oh yes, a final thought you might like:
I did teach myself to ride that darn bike.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
One step at a time; forge your own lane
The s-game; big bogus frame
It’s time to change; so what’s wrong with strange?

To break through that blocked head of shame
First bore a hole – a self-aware frame.
Sure you have that complex family tree…still
Shakespeare rings true:  To be or not to be?

Next, challenge a sense of dishonor
Not all alone…with trusted advisor.
Learn when to hold on, accept that things end…
Know when a hug is your most precious friend.

There is no disgrace in losing a race
When mind-body-spirit fused time and space.
Now discontent spurs determination
Or allows for “incubation vacation”…

Brood with kindred souls; lick wounds, let go…grieve.
Learn from past invective...now your reprieve:
Hatch new perspective – hopeful days and morrows
For having the courage to embrace all sorrows.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Burn that old frame with your inner flame
“Strive High, Embrace Failure” your new middle name
You’re ready to change the rules of the game.

Aha!  An answer to Shakespeare’s query

It’s not existential; just start “to bee” –

Circle your egos, unravel the guilt
Weave “brainbow”-colored threads as a group quilt. **

There’s limited juice squeezed from self-abuse
Harness pain and rage; tie a well-oiled noose.
Pull on the reins; guide your human-horse brain…
Now cry out and leap that “Silent Wall of Shame!”

**  “brainbow” – from Douglas Hofstadter & Emmanuel Sander, Surfaces and Essences:  Analogy as the Fuel and Fire of Thinking, Basic Books, 2013


© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Psychohumor ™ Pop Imagery of Workplace Bully Types and Stop Bullying Program

This is my first attempt at writing a Resiliency/Shrink Rap ™ on "Workplace Bully Types."  I am drawing upon:

1) professional experience, e.g., as a “Hazardous Workplace” expert for federal and city government agencies, as a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, as a Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing Consultant, and as a Licensed Psychotherapist (LICSW) and Executive Coach

2) previous writings, including my book, The Four Faces of Anger:  Model and Method – Transforming  Anger, Rage and Conflict, along with several lyrics/raps on children’s bullying, and

3) current thinking as well as planning for a March 2015 program with Wash, DC Federally Employed Women (FEW), "Coming Out of the Bullying Closet:  Personal Examination and Workplace Intervention."

In this "Rap," evocative types are skewered less with the KISS of Death ("Keep It Simple Stupid") and more with the spirit or the "Breath of KISS"…My spearing/sparing goal:  Keep Images Short and Smart!  It's 5similar to the life-force of my Psychohumor Pop:  Poetry with Pith and Punch.  (Email for previous “Pops.”)  Enjoy.

 

Mark

 

A little lagniappe – a “bullying” program blurb/objectives posted after the Rap:

Coming Out of the Bullying Closet – Personal Exploration and Workplace Intervention: Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying

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Bullies, Bullies Everywhere

(Oh Where Is There a Shrink?)

How many bully types

Can you start to name?
All those shapes and stripes…
Seek toys for their mind games.

Know-it-alls and demons
Stalking you at work.
Can’t wipe out their venom
Just muttering, “You jerk!”

For they will tease and taunt
Get underneath your skin.
Your dreams they too will haunt…
Oh, where do you begin?

Bully for you, Bully for Me
It’s time for your third degree
Bully for Me, Bully for you
Why are you turning so blue?

Let’s give them a label
Let us expose their rear –
The mean and the miserable
Craving status and your fear.

They’re sharks in the water
Smelling beads of blood
Preying on the weaker
To quench their own mood.

First the “HE Man” Nation
All those lusting for control.
Driven by H…“Humiliation” and E…“Envy”:
Trapped in a Type A-hole.

Next the “Savior” SHE Hound
Could be dudette or a dude
Ever bossing you around
Of course, for your own good!

Bully for you, Bully for Me
victim or Victor…can’t you see
Bully for Me, Bully for you
As long as you give Me my due.

There’s the one “Too BIG to Fire”
She shakes the money tree.
The top dogs give her a flyer and
Brown nose this mighty SHE.

The “Critical Aggressor”
Needs an “Approval Addict.”
They dance affixed together –
Codependent rules so strict.

Finally found your “Mr. Right”
You searched for nights and days
Who knew he’d be so uptight
With a first name of “Always!”  **

The “Explosive Flasher”
Her face flamethrowing red.
A “blame-aholic” boozer:
To lose is to be dead!

Bully for you, Bully for Me
Now here’s My final decree
Bully for Me, Bully for you
Go find one to bully, too!

The “Hollywood Strong Silent Man”
With those big broad shoulders
For him to be strong…You be silent, ma’am!
Just watch him seethe and smolder.

Composed on the outside
On razor’s edge within:
The “Dr. Jekyl-Mr. Hyde”
Backstabs with a Cheshire grin!

Mr. “Hostile Humor’s”
Trail of tears scarcasm.
A serial abuser
Joking off…his orgasm!

These bulbs on the bully tree
Have two things in common:
“The World Evolves Around Me”
And there’s but one opinion:

[For these last lines to ring most true
Sing it just like “Tea for Two”]

you for Me and Me for Me
Oh how nurturing you will be.
Forget to be or not to be…
Just simply think of ME, ME, ME!

 

 

** (Can’t recall the name of the female comic from whom I head the “Always” punchline)

 

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Coming Out of the Bullying Closet – Personal Exploration and Workplace Intervention: Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying

 

Bullying...it’s not just for school yards and lunch rooms; it’s increasingly found in offices and work-floors, and, of course, in cyberspace.  And workplace bullying, too, has seriously disruptive and damaging effects and consequences.  Bullying doesn’t just adversely impact an individual…when ignored or downplayed, it creates a climate of fear (“Where’s is leadership?”) and self-blame or shame that, like a virus, eats away at respect for leaders, individual and team trust and coordination, organizational performance and morale.  And there often is a communal wall of silence around this issue.  It’s way past time for “Workplace Bullying” to “Come Out of the Closet”!

 

And Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc will help us take off the blinders and shed light on this critical and controversial subject.  The Doc draws on years of experience as a: a) Psychotherapist (as well as a “Psychohumorist” ™ ;-), b) Crisis, Hazardous Workplace, and Critical Incident Consultant (including being a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service), c) Stress Resilience-Team Building Speaker, Consultant, Workshop/Retreat Leader for the US Army, e) author of Practices Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap, and e) his own powerful memories being bullied as a child and young teen.  Through a mix of poignant and energizing lecture, as well as thought-provoking and fun group exercises, all will have a better grasp of:

 

1) Workplace Culture, the Bullying Process, and Basic Definitions

2) “The Bullying Process” Behavior Patterns of both “The Bully” and “The Bullied”
3) The Four Faces of Anger Model for Transforming Rage and Hostility into Passion and Assertion
4) Defusing Power Struggles and Aggressors:  Assertive Communication-Negotiation Skills
5) Workplace Action Steps for “Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process”

 

Outline/Objectives

 

A.  Workplace Culture & the Bullying Process:  Overview

B.  Bullying Definitions and Derivations

C.  Bullying Process Practices and Environments:  Dynamic Dozen

D.  Bullying Personalities and the Bullying Processes:  Dynamic Dozen

E.  Warning Signs:  The Bully’s Behavior Patterns

F.  Warning Signs:  The Bullied’s Behavior Patterns

G.  Anger Dynamics and The Bullying Process

H.  Assertive Communication-Conflict Negotiation Skills

I.   Initial Bully Process Intervention

J.  Transforming Burnout, Loss & Grief and Creative Expression Skills

K. "Out of the Closet" -- Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process:   Action Steps

Don’t miss your Appointment with the Stress Doc:

 

It’s time for all to “Come Out of the Bullying Closet!”

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™
Stress& Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Bullying/Conflict-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person
301-875-2567
www.stressdoc.com
stressdoc@aol.com
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