The Sound and the Synergy: Leading with Purpose and Passion

This essay on "Synergy" was inspired by two recent speaking programs:  a) Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity at the June 2015 International Public Management Association (IPMA-HR) Eastern Regional Conference and b) Building Stress and Change Resilience through Humor for ENDependece Center of Northern VA, Disability Advocacy Org.  In a human system, the free-flow of ideas, positive conflict, unexpected happenings, encouragement, etc., provide the foundation for expanded parts-whole synergy.  And experiencing group synergy also helps unleash individual creativity along with interactive community, as these testimonials suggest.  Consider the testimonials and enjoy the essay.

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International Public Management Association for Human Resources (IPMA-HR) -- 2015 Eastern Regional Conference; Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity; 1.5 hours; 50 attendees

July 13, 2015

Mark Gorkin, aka "The Stress Doc," was a recent presenter at the Eastern Region IPMA annual training and development forum (Jun 2015).  He led the participants on a passionate and creative ride through the topic, "Leading with Passion."  His unique training style was full of surprises and encouraged the participants to "go for it."  Mark was very interactive and he provided extensive materials for the attendees to use as resources.  One of the comments from the attendees was, "Bring him back :>)".

Vicki Arpin, IPMA-CP
2014 Program Committee Chairperson
CT Department of Transportationvicki.arpin@ct.gov
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From a Congressional Senior Staffer:

ENDependece Center of Northern VA; Disability Advocacy Org; Building Stress and Change Resilience through Humor; Staff & Clients; 2 hrs

July 10, 2015

Morning, Mark:

Likewise!  In fact, I enjoyed your presentation so much I was planning to get your contact information from Bob.  Sorry I had to leave before you finished, but I had a ride scheduled that I had to meet.

The immediate thought I had was that your message would be a great complement to the National Rehabilitation Hospital's programs.  I would promote the thought that both, patients and staff, would benefit from your program. So please do shoot me your promo material.

Of course, I have no idea if they have a budget or who they allow to contribute to sponsor presentations such as yours.  However, I am glad to find out and let you know.

Kent

T. Kent Keyser
601 30th Road South
Arlington, VA  22206
703 379-6381
tkentkeyser@gmail.com
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The Sound and the Synergy:  Leading with Purpose and Passion

I wasn't a class clown, by any literal or figurative stretch of the imagination.  As a child, I was mostly socialized to "be good" and not stand out. And, unfortunately, I wasn't a rebellious adolescent.  In my angst-ridden yet also suppressed and academically underachieving teen years I never felt confident let alone cocky enough to take on authority figures or play to my peers.  (Fortunately or not, overt childhood depression was submerged by expending large doses of bottled-up aggression in competitive schoolyard athletics and mindless TV.)  Maybe this helps explain why as a presenter I love being a tad "out-rage-ous," and am mischievously pleased when notified that my room's energy and volume is a distraction for our classroom neighbors.  Though I do make a three-quarter-hearted effort to rein in the excitement.  Alas, not an easy task with a program titled, Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity.  For once again, this was the scenario at the June 2015 International Professionall Managers Association (IPMA) Eastern Regional Conference.  And, naturally, my ego glows a little brighter when folks come up and say, "I should have been in your session."

Actually, there is a more objective reason I appreciate this "outside" feedback.  It's further verification, beyond my subjective impression, that presenter and audience are creating tangible collective synergy:  not only is the whole greater -- as well as louder and more energetic -- than the sum of the parts...but the parts, especially through the "Get FIT" -- FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking -- small group exercises transform parts into purposeful and passionate partners.  Communicational flow helps a community grow!

Synergy or Bust!

So what key factors facilitate the synergistic -- speaker-audience -- experience?  Interestingly, these factors resonate with my "Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership:

Attention:  Almost immediately say or do something that makes your audience "Stop, Look & Listen."

Anticipation:  Now project some edginess; have people on the edge of their seats wondering "what is this guy (or gal) going to do next?"

Animation:  Share something personal, for example, a story that reveals your vulnerability and flawed yet determined humanity; most important, be a model:  in small groups, have the audience engage in moderately intimate sharing; subsequent exercises can incrementally increase the personal sharing.

Activation:  Orchestrate a series of small and large group discussions that encourage sharing, laughter, the release of aggressive energy, and help people explore or find their own voice along with their common humanity.

Actualization:  Provide a conceptual model for "Higher Self Integration" and an exercise for achievable application; and then close by modeling the model.

Five Steps-Strategies for Speaker-Audience Synergy

Here are key "synergy" steps and strategies from the recent successful IPMA program:

1.  Quickly Establish Your Credibility and Absurdity.  Living in the Washington, DC area, when I do local presentations most in the audience have a federal government connection.  A typical opening:  "My goal is to help audience's 'Get FIT' with a program that is FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking.  And I have my Triple 'A' Method:  grappling with some anxiety, acting out a little aggression, and engaging life's 'slings and arrows' with playful yet purposeful absurdity.  FIT...Triple 'A'...You already know something about me...That I've lived in the DC area way too long.  I'm convinced if you lived in the DC area for a year or more, or you interact at work with the federal government, you should be mandated to a new Twelve Step AA group (of which I'm the founding member):  Acronyms Anonymous!  The knowing laughter indicates the degree of recognition.  Hand waves signal the immediate volunteers.

My follow-up:  "Hey, while we'll have fun, this program is not all fun and games.  I can be tough.  During a stress program, I recall this somewhat pompous State Department Manager challenging me:  'What do you call it if you don't have any stress?'  My rapid counter:  Denial!  Now the group is chuckling if not cheering me on.  (I have their Attention.)

2.  Be Puzzling and/or Risk-Taking; Have the Audience Engage, Even Challenge, You.  After this engaging -- a bit provocative yet empathic and amusing -- opening, I make a 180 degree turn:  What do you think of this guy up here, besides the fact that he's a BMWG -- Bald Man with Glasses?  The effect of this sudden shift in focus is revealed both by the initial silence...then cascading comments.  Most of the responses focus on my energy and obvious "love" of what I do.  Some note my being an attention seeker.  My retort while pointing to myself:  "You know the old saw:  Vanity thy name is Gorkin!  (I have definitely created some edgy Anticipation.)

However, I'll never forget one rejoinder:  "Now you're going to tell us how your were scarred by childhood!"  I laughed, then said, "No, I'll spare you for now," but acknowledged she was insightful.  In fact, this was just the challenging, even caustic comment I wanted to evoke.  When an audience sees you can handle this kind of interaction the trust and safety level in the room increases tangibly.  And this is vital when you are also using such repartee to set the stage for your first self-disclosing group exercise.

3.  Structure a Somewhat Intimate Group Exercise.  Building on the comments regarding my energy level, I show a power slide on "Personal Energy:  Boosters & Barriers" with the following questions:

When do you have your best personal and/or interpersonal energy?

What enables you to express this energy and “go with the flow”?

What factors stifle courageous and creative “head and heart” energy release?

What is the connection between pain, purpose and passion?

Small groups grapple with these questions.  In addition to engaging insights from team members and cultivating a climate of openness and trust, report backs from the teams to the larger audience expand the sharing.  Learning, letting go,  and laughing are also community builders!  (We are surely engaged in a spirited Animation phase.)

4.  Encourage "Letting Go" and Surprise the Group with an "Out-Rage-ous" Exercise.  Next the groups wrestle with the concept of letting go.  "What does it mean to 'let go' within a personal context or an interpersonal relationship?  Provide examples.  What enabled you to 'let go' (the decision or action); what made "letting go" (the process) difficult?"

Invariably, examples of moving on from a toxic job situation and a dysfunctional personal relationship, to the loss of a loved one or a long-sought dream surface.  During the small group sharing and even somewhat in the large group discussion, fears and emptiness are acknowledged; stages of grief are recounted; our vulnerable humanity is embraced.  (These exercises provide "hands on" Activation tools, including "Emotional Intelligence" skills and "hard-earned wisdom" for "letting go," for "voice exploring" and "resilient or creative mobilization.")

I then expand the articulation of "letting go" by engaging in behavior perceived to be deviant, on the wild side, outside a comfort zone, if not a tad "Out-Rage-ous!"  Donning a black Blues Brothers hat and black sunglasses, shaking a black tambourine, I start performing one of my psychologically humorous, Shrink Rap ™ ditties -- this time, Double-Edged Depression.  The words range from the poignant to the playful...and are often provocative (as in mind arousing).  You can't miss the gaping mouths...or the enthusiastic applause upon finishing.  (Of course my riposte:  "I've been doing this long enough.  I know when an audience is applauding out of relief.")

And there is a method to my madness:  First, I'm modeling and activating a dramatic if not daring (okay, maybe delusional) form of "letting go."  I'm preparing us for a liberating moment.  I want the group to experience a version of letting go that's highly personal in an interpersonal -- power struggle -- context.  People pair up choosing a letter, A or B.  Each participant must think of one person, past or present, who is or has been "a pain in your butt."  Person A will say, "You can't make me!"  Person B:  "Oh yes I can!"  Final instructions:  after a couple of "YCME...OYIC" volleys, each is to say what they would really like to say to that "pain in their head (and butt)."  Maybe I should call this the "Butthead Exercise."  ;-)

Not surprisingly, at some point during this exchange, for many folks there is an eruption of laughter.  (When we can both exhibit moderate aggression and also laugh at ourselves, for me, that's one cathartic letting go.  People often comment the venting exercise is stress relieving.  Actually, at a military spouse program, the outpouring was so loud and animated the soldiers in a room across the hall became startled and concerned; they were about to storm into our meeting.)  Perhaps it’s the somewhat artificial and absurd nature of the interaction.  Also, some folks cover up intense emotions, such as angst or aggression, through nervous laughter.  Of course, the spouses had been holding in a lot of emotion for a good while, that is, being "strong" for their "in harm's way" soldier.  The exercise allows them to break out of character and/or role, to engage in a mostly playful yet still purposeful “primal scream,” as it were.  Still, for me, the number of people who get hooked by the battle, who “want to win,” seems significant.  (Hurt and anger if not tempered by some self-reflective humor or acknowledgement of a mutual humanity just may impede "letting go.")

If a mix of vital energy, liberating laughter, and free flowing yet reflective communication is fundamental to relational synergy...we are there!

5.  Provide a Model and Opportunity for Expanding Self-Concept, Confronting the Intimate FOE, and Collaborative-Integrative Flow.  The self-awareness and expression expanding template is my "Five 'P's of Passion Power Model."  This 2x2, Mindset (Cognitive -- Affective) and Moodset (Gravitas -- Comedia) Matrix yields four "Passion Power" cells:

Cognitive-Gravitas:        Purposeful -- attending, understanding, and responding to self and others

Cognitive-Comedia:       Provocative -- viewing conflict as a source of trust, learning, and growth

Affective-Gravitas:        Passionate -- transforming pain into practice, progress, and possibility

Affective-Comedia:       Playful -- humbling, healing, and harmonizing diverse ideas and people

(Email stressdoc@aol.com for my writings on The Four "P"s of Passion Power.)

And the integration of these Ps spawns a Five "P" Model, that is, engaging the Philosophical (the exploration of inner and outer/individual and team spirit and wisdom).

Passion Power Model in Action

Initially, I have small group members identify themselves within the Four "P" framework:  which of the "P"s -- Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful -- is a "strength" and which is a "shadow" (an underdeveloped emotional-communicational muscle)?  Next "strengths" and "shadows" pair up and share what helped turn a "shadow" into a "strength."

After small group feedback and large group discussion, turning playfully provocative, I wonder aloud:  "Is it possible to be Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful simultaneously?  The question is a springboard to the closing "Four Word Exercise":  Share an Embarrassing Moment!  Once again the room yis alive with the sound of manic...and Four "P" music to my ears.  Suffice to say when folks "Confront the Intimate FOE":  Transforming Fear of  Exposure into the Fun of Embarrassment, they often bring the Four or Five "P"s of Passion Power to Life, both individually and as synergistic "high task and human touch" team.

And finally, I demonstrate my "Passion Power" as well as a capacity for embarrassing myself by breaking into a closing Shrink Rap ™.  Both the Five "P" model and my being a "Passion Power" model (hopefully throughout the program) has opened a pathway of expanded integration:  an Actualization process for realizing one's fullest self without becoming full of oneself!

Closing Summary

A path and model of the "Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership" as well as generating individual and group synergy has been outlined and illustrated:

"Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership":

Attention-Anticipation-Animation-Activation-Actualization

"Five Steps-Strategies for Speaker-Audience Synergy":

1.  Quickly Establish Your Credibility and Absurdity

2.  Be Puzzling and/or Risk-Taking; Have the Audience Engage, Even Challenge, You

3.  Structure a Somewhat Intimate Group Exercise

4.  Encourage "Letting Go" and Surprise the Group with an "Out-Rage-ous" Exercise

5.  Provide a Model and Opportunity for Expanding Self-Concept, Confronting the Intimate FOE, and Collaborative-Integrative Flow, including the...

"Five 'P's of Passion Power":

Being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful-Philosophical

This synergy path not only yields "a whole greater than the sum of its parts"...but parts have the potential to become purposeful and passionate partners.  And a little "lagniappe"...a "Passion Power" leader is encouraged to be both "a wise man and a wise guy."  To which I say, Amen and Women!

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

How to Talk to the Bully: Disarming Workplace Bullying

Prologue:  As many of you know, when I write about bullying or trauma in general it comes from my personal well, including several years of childhood bully trauma:  stricken by shame, taunted by peers but mostly stalked by my own lurking fear and helplessness, a constant struggle to concentrate, unaware of my smoldering depression, subliminal rage, and omnipresent mask.  Then there was the nuclear tension and family secrets (e.g., a father's hidden fifteen years of shock therapy.  In such a closeted  environment, one learns to stuff all kinds of emotions, even terror, until you can't.)  With the help of Army Basic Training, my Social Work graduate studies, and a lot of therapy, I survived and developed some important self-awareness and vital emotional muscles.  As an adult, my bully learning lab was "hazardous duty" experience, especially doing stress, conflict, violence prevention, and team building consulting with such major government agencies as the US Postal Service, National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, and the Department of Commerce. 

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The subject of bullying and animal types came up several times this week:  from a divorce process involving a psychologically battering spouse and his "shark" attorney to a woman watching a friend's dog "bully" her own dog while caring for this "mad dog."  (My dogie endearment term.  Already fed, the guest canine would still snarl at my friend's pet while he was trying to eat.  She realized her dog was hardly eating and started feeding the two in separate rooms.)  My friend's household observation eventually triggered a conceptual bridge to and discussion around "bullying in the workplace."  Perhaps at a later date I'll share our program development thoughts, but for now let me provide a subjective definition:

A bully is an individual who has a need to dominate others along with an extreme, self-centered craving for control, especially of others for whom they feel a sense of threat or envy.

This dominant or aggressive pattern often is cultivated by being bullied or abused in one's family or in a peer group.  Of course, this environment models intimidation as a problem-solving tool of choice.  And once a pattern of success is achieved through bullying, an individual may simply enjoy the power and dopamine boost of seeing others squirm under his or her literal or figurative thumb.

Conversely, bullying behavior can arise from the smoldering rage and insecurity of feeling abandoned or of being invisible in a family; or perhaps seeing oneself and being labeled as a "lower class" cultural outsider or outcast.  The bully may be quick to feel insulted or disrespected.  Subsequent aggressive behavior often reflects a wounded sense of self.  Which, not surprisingly, leads to the following dynamic:

The bully often physically or psychologically intimidates others as a way of boosting their own vulnerable sense of self.  In addition, the bully process helps to distract from their own insecurity and self-loathing or to deny a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

Here are five basic reasons why bullies have power over us:

a) Bully's Status -- they have the role, stature, and clout to inflict physical and/or psychological (including economic or career advancement) harm; to demean and diminish our social position, prestige, and power; such individuals may feel entitled to special treatment or immunity (e.g., "too big to fail" mentality); the bully also may play down his or her hostile actions and see the other as overly sensitive,

b) Superior-Subordinate Culture -- we have been raised in a family or culture that deems it wrong, bad, or disrespectful to talk back to people who are senior or in position of authority; tradition and convention are upheld on a rigid, "sacred cow" (another quiet bully animal?) pedestal.  Consider the "Stress Doc's Law of the Loyalty Loop and Lock":  Those who never want you to answer back always want you to back their answer,"

c) Ineffective Leadership -- especially in the workplace, but also in other educational or social settings, people in authority roles do not want to tackle the bully, whether from fear or because these individuals do not want to be bothered with the necessary "disciplinary paperwork."  Such leaders do not perceive the demoralizing potential of bullying, and/or try to ignore or isolate the problematic individual; (would you downplay, disregard, or simply isolate a serious virus in your computer?).  Alas, there are times when those in authority allow bullying or use the bully as overt or covert agents of aggression to send a message to the targeted individual(s), along with other team members. 

d) Learned Helplessness -- our own long-standing "learned helplessness," seeing ourselves as ineffective, including gripped by high anxiety and feelings of shame; we possess limited assertive conflict-problem solving communication skills; perhaps we have had role models who too believed they possessed low self-control, or we feel disconnected from potential allies; too often, this individual sees himself as helpless in the face of victimization or not worthy of self-defense,

e) Difficulty Asking for Help -- the bullied individual may have limited access to trustworthy adults who could become coaches in his corner; more likely he is afraid and ashamed to acknowledge feelings of terror or vulnerability, especially when a family motto is, "God helps those who help themselves!"  As targets, sometimes we can't conceive of people behaving in such a hostile or cruel manner and are left speechless, in a state of shock.  Remember, while there may be some risk in asking for help, it usually is much less destructive on your mind-body than any imagined retribution; alas, the perceived humiliation of asking for help is only outdone by the actual agony of suffering in silence.

Confronting Bullying:  Five Strategic Tools, Techniques, and Tips

Now that we have a definition of bullying and the psychosocial conditions that encourage this demeaning, power-driven, and manipulative process, our final segment...How to engage and set limits on the bully and bullying interaction:

Ø  Be Affirming with Realistic Expectations

Ø  Be Courageously Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphors

Ø  Announce an Intention to Bring in a Third Party

Ø  Facilitated Confrontation or Conflict Mediation

Ø  Purposefully Walk Away to Fight Another Day

1.  Be Affirming with Realistic Expectations.  Consider these three vignettes.

a) I recall being hired by a business owner for a technical writing project.  Once again he was criticizing my effort with a condescending and dismissive tone.  I finally protested, with perhaps a bit too much emotion:  "I don't mind specific negative feedback but globally dismissing my work; I don't buy it."  In fact, I mustered up some poise using an "I" message, not blurting out a blaming "You're just a bully."  I have not worked for him since, but the absence of that gnawing, self-berating angst, that toxic voice in my head -- "Why didn't you speak up!" -- is almost priceless.

b) Then there was a time years back when a Type A owner of a word processing company, (a former New Yawka, like myself) challenged me with, "How am I supposed to know what to do if you can't give instructions?  (Definitely an attacking "you" message there.)  My response was both verbal and nonverbal:  While tactfully declaring, "I'm not so sure," I also straightened my posture, held up one hand, palm facing her, (this was not a signal to "talk to the hand") while slightly elevating my voice.  Though verbally diplomatic, the gestalt of the message was, "That aggressive attitude and tone was not acceptable; it must stop."  And she did modify her counter:  "Well if there's a problem, it takes two."  And certainly when I'm in a hyper mode, I can't always be sure of the airtight accuracy of my instructions.  I smartly said, "I can live with that."  I wanted to maintain a working relationship as she did good work; I didn't need to puncture her ego nor prove I was right.

c) Finally, the coaching client who had been beaten down verbally and emotionally by her spouse over many years, stated her goal just before she and her soon-to-be-ex were meeting with their lawyers before a judge:  "I no longer want to be intimidated by him."  I immediately challenged this declaration.  "That's a longer term goal.  Right now you have to assemble a really competent and aggressive team, especially a battle-tested attorney, who will fight for your interests."

Closing

I will introduce the remaining four interventions as separate essays.  Up next:  "Be Absurd and Use the Power of Metaphors."  Until then...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A former psychotherapist, “The Doc” is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service and is a recognized Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing expert.  The Stress Doc is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Double Edge of Senior Time: A Resiliency Rap

It's a period of multiple "R and R" -- relationship and relocation -- transitions along with much uncertainty, not the least of which entails generating speaking and consulting work while well into my 60s.  In this psycho-existential and financial state of "danger" and "opportunity," I began to muse about aging as well as the state of heart and mindset.  And upon looking up the word senior, its multifaceted nature suddenly filled my heretofore blank mental canvas.  As they say in those 12-step groups, Thanks for letting me share.

Mark

stressdoc@aol.com
www.stressdoc.com
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The Double Edge of Senior Time

As a senior am I "older"

Or might one choose to be bolder?

Why not play a dashing Colonel

We all know hype springs eternal.

Simply change that common thinking

Now "senior" stands for "higher ranking":

Being "further up the ladder"

Even if you're a Mad Hatter.

"Leading," "chief," and "most important"

Well...I can simply rage and rant.

"Elder," superior," and a "boss"

Means never admitting at a loss!

In a mind so filled with magic

Ever juggling joy and tragic
Still "quipping the light fantastic"

While debating brick or plastic

Fighting set-in-stone-age limits

Must it be dinos vs. digits?

There's but one rule of thumb:

For the hearty and the frail

Who have trouble "getting real"

Long pursue the holy grail

Or the kingdom yet to come...

Blind faith in a life of learning

Trials by fire, soul still burning

Never, never to pain numb.

On bended knee in their garden

Ever planting seeds of wisdom

Surely, one day, a rising sun.

© Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™

Stress & Change Resilience Speaking--Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Bullying/Conflict-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person

301-875-2567
stressdoc@aol.com
www.stressdoc.com
http://www.orate.me/resume/mark-gorkin/
(ORATE Speakers Bureau Page: video clips, programs, testimonials)
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Speaking & Educational Videos-Essays
http://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
Google blog: http://www.blogger.com/home

2.5 min 3 Steps to Overcome Procrastination Video -- http://vimeo.com/73783964
2 min Shrink Rap Video Link: https://vimeo.com/69053828
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Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve), and be out-rage-ous!"

Jump-Starting Individual and Team "Consciousness-Communication-Creativity-Community": The IC2 Model and Method

Recently I led a one-day team building retreat for two city government divisions.  This is the fourth or fifth time I have led retreats or workshops over the past five years for these divisions.  As evidenced by the first two testimonials, once again, all had a rich and fun learning-sharing experience.  However, perhaps most important, there were follow-up strategic steps, for both preserving the spirit of the retreat and for tangibly building upon its foundation.  (See the third, June 2nd, testimonial.)

Community Services-Wells Robertson, Gaithersburg, MD City Govt; "Teaming, Timing, and Unleashing Our Talent:  A Stress and Team Resilience Retreat," 1-day


May 28, 2015

Thank you Mark for a wonderful presentation on Friday.  Your knowledge and energy were inspiring and the day was a lot of fun too!   I really appreciate your ability to engage everyone in the room in an enjoyable and productive way.

We enjoy working with you and appreciate your flexibility and friendship.

Take care and hope to work with you again soon.

Maureen Herndon
Division Manager
Community Services
City of Gaithersburg
301-258-6395 ex 1
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Mark I concur. I have not heard anything but good feedback about the retreat, although I am not the least bit surprised. You are a 10 good buddy!

Jimmy Frazier-Bey
Division Manager of Homeless Services
City of Gaithersburg

(301) 258-6398 (Main line)

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June 2, 2015

Hi Mark,

It was nice meeting you too. It seems the team definitely had a good gathering and came away with some fresh ideas and desire to bring about change for both staff and the people we serve. We were discussing the retreat in staff meetings yesterday.

Although it has been a few years since I have worked there, I think the Montgomery County Coalition for the Homeless could definitely benefit from your services. I am not sure who the point of contact would be but I am sure it can be found on their web site www.mcch.net. 

Everyone here at Wells/Robertson and Community Services has been incredibly welcoming. It was especially nice to end my first week at the retreat. Hearing staff voice their issues and also being able to see the way staff interact with each other has been helpful for me to get to know the team. 

Thank you and take care,

Lee

ljansky@gaithersburgmd.gov

Intake Supervisor
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Setting and "C"-ing the Learning-Sharing Ambiance

I suspect the "Get FIT" -- FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking --  individual and group learning-sharing framework, tone, and energy of the one-day program was established within the first hour.  Key start-up components included:

a) summarizing the previous retreat's compelling "communicating with authority" opening group exercise; in addition to refreshing memories, there were several new employees attending the present retreat

b) my sharing a newfound appreciation for the dynamics and value of "interdependency" based on a first time experience speaking and interacting with a distinctly diverse cultural group

c) another unprecedented learning experience:  reflecting on a very recent "live in" coaching opportunity with a long-time friend grappling with major depression; one outcome:  a better understanding of the essence of building a healing partnership

d) an opening exercise that asked small groups to engage in "individual reflection before collective brainstorm" to generate varying definitions of team; this helped illuminate the concept of "synergy" and facilitated pinpointing two concrete arteries for "head and heart" team development

e) generating a synthesis of "Consciousness" and "Communication" as well as "Creativity" and "Community" for strengthening resilience and collaboration.

As I reflect upon this list, to be illustrated momentarily, two aptitudes crystallize critical to shaping the retreat learning objectives along with its "Get FIT" structure and rhythm, substance and style: a capacity for stress- and team-resilience consciousness and a capacity for give-and-take communication.

But let's not stop at these two "C"s.  Another overall facilitating if not philosophical agent is my personal IC² mantra about teaming.  Basically, I challenge the old saw:  "There's no 'I" in team."  While on its face discouraging self-centered egotism, for me, this group gospel can too easily morph into suppressing self-integrity and encouraging blind loyalty.  There's potential for an anti-diversity if not an Orwellian sense of group-speak homogeneity.  Reminds me of the Stress Doc's "Law of the Loyalty Loop & Lock":  Those who never want you to answer back always want you to back their answer!  And as we'll see shortly, forever holding up any (at least human) authority or guiding principle on a rigid or unquestioned pedestal, may well invite serious trouble.  So here's my challenging proposition:

While there may be no "I" in team...There are two "I"s in WINNING.  And these "I"s can "C":

Winning teams blend Individual Creativity and Interactive Community!

Illuminating the Foundational Five

To truly capture some of the purposeful and passionate, individual and interactive IC² atmosphere, let me briefly describe and analyze the initial five learning and sharing concepts and activities of the retreat.  In particular, notice my attempt to encourage a "Four 'C'-ing" process:  cultivating "Consciousness" and "Communication" along with "Creativity" and "Community."

1.  Communicating with Authority Study.  The previous retreat opened with a commercial case history outlined by Malcolm Gladwell in his best-selling book, Outliers.  In the 1980s, the Korean and Columbian Airlines were experiencing an inordinately large number of fatal accidents, way above the industrial  average.  After technological problems were ruled out, a cultural connection was discovered.  The critical factor it turns out was who was flying the plane -- the senior or junior pilot.  (The retreat exercise involved small groups deciding who was flying the plane at the time of the fatal accident and why was this significant for solving the safety dilemma.)  Challenging the obvious, the senior pilot was steering the craft.  And the lethal flaw:  these cultures venerated seniority and authority.  Upon sensing early signs of danger, the junior pilot hesitated instead of immediately issuing a strong warning.  And if he did finally call out, it was often too late:  out of the clouds...a side of a mountain!  The safety monitors discovered that the navigator was restrained by such dysfunctional-cultural beliefs as:  a) he would come across as being disrespectful, b) the older, more experienced pilot must know what he's doing, and/or c) it wasn't his role to correct or criticize his elder partner (if in the unlikely sense the less senior pilot identified himself as a partner; nor in this status-conscious culture was he likely recognized as such).  And the hypothetical proof was in the performance pudding:  as cited by Gladwell, at least for the Korean Airlines, once trained in Western assertiveness skills, lethal accidents plummeted and the airline's safety record matched the industry's statistical standard.

Not surprisingly, once again the retreat message was loud and clear:  how do we create an atmosphere where everyone on the team or in a division feels free to speak their mind, to dissent or disagree (hopefully, without being all-knowingly or condescendingly disagreeable) and, certainly, to express a different viewpoint with all levels of authority?  And surely this study addresses issues spanning our generational-digital divide.  (Or as I once penned, Don't be afraid to pet the dinosaur!)

Of course, acknowledgement does not necessarily mean agreement, but individuals wish to know they've had an honest hearing.  A passive colleague, the absence of timely feedback and open discussion invites error and serious disruption.  And will surely impede or erode any sense of trust.  Clearly there's a price to pay if and when an organization's culture (akin to a nation's) places the idea of authority, conventional wisdom, or guiding principle on a rigid, unquestioned, and soundproof pedestal.

2.  Dynamics and Value of Integrity and Interdependency, Humor and Courage.  Building on the importance of open and reciprocal communication, I shared a powerfully moving experience that occurred this past fall working with the Texas State Govt Division of Blind Services.  About a third of the 120 attendees were blind or near-blind employees.  I’ve not previously had such an immersion experience in this distinct culture.  Three eye- and mind-opening experiences stood out in the realm of interpersonal communication and trust-building.  (And yes, the word "eye-opening" was a conscious choice.):

a) how a blind woman quickly sensed my "fish out of water" discomfort in a casual social situation and encouraged me to be myself and just speak up.  “Don’t be afraid to use words like ‘see’ or ‘blind.’  Speak as you normally would…and if you’re not sure about something, ask questions.”  Her insight and guidance definitely helped break the ice and relaxed my mind.

b) the use of playful aggression or teasing in all manner of relations, but especially between the blind person and his or her sited guide.  This good-natured "in your face" interaction helps place these individuals on a more equal verbal footing despite visible differences (actually, maybe because of them).  Such bantering blurs physical and status disparities, and both parties are able to better appreciate and realize the value of a back-and-forth emotional partnership.

Humor is also used with non-sighted or limited-sight peers, for example, frequently reminding one another to “watch where you poke that guide stick.”  And the sighted don't escape their observational powers and clever tongue:  when walking with their guide stick on a crowded street, most people nervously and quickly step aside or scatter as if the oncoming tapping was a fire engine blasting its horn…or the non- or limited-sighted individual becomes a Moses parting the Red Sea!  Clearly, these men and women have done some “head work, heart work, and homework” to achieve this level of comfort in their own skin.  (A few days after the conference, I shared my cultural experience with a former Army First Sergeant who certainly had seen his share of battlefield casualties.  His immediate response:  “They owned their disability!”)

Actually, these folks use of self-effacing humor reminds me of a wonderful quote from Ernst Kris, psychiatrist as well as student of Freudian psychology and humor:  What was once feared and is now mastered is laughed at.  And as the Stress Doc inverted:  What was once feared and is now laughed at is no longer a master!  Humor as a tool for affirming integrity and facilitating social parity.

c) the final "Blind Services" learning lab proved to be a madcap/multi-GPS car ride to a BBQ restaurant; it truly was worthy of a scene from a Marx Brothers movie.  Carol, the driver of the car and I were up front, while Anne (my original mentor) and Billy, a sharp-witted gentleman in his fifties with a refined Southern drawl, were talking up a storm in the back.  The madness reached its peak when we appeared to be lost.  Carol asked me to check her Smart Phone’s directional GPS, while Anne and Billy were doing the same with their audio GPS systems.  People are calling out wildly different route options.  While I was fumbling around with Carol’s phone, not making much headway, and knowing how far I am from a technology maven, a thought suddenly arose:  What we have here is the technically blind leading the blind!  Alas, I was unable to spontaneously voice this… However, the next morning, during my opening keynote remarks, I shared our road trip story, including my self-conscious/self-censored quote.  The audience’s laughter was palpable.  Finally, I thanked one and all, especially Anne, for:  a) being so welcoming and encouraging me to find my genuine voice, b) awakening me to the integrity and richness of the blind and sight-impaired community and c) helping me better appreciate the array of personalities and communication styles therein.

3.  Live-In Coaching and a Healing Partnership.  The third leg of my relationship-building platform

involved an individual grappling with a non-visible, often silent disability.  I briefly reflected on my recent "live-in" experience helping a long-time friend struggling with major depression.  And as previously noted, "Consciousness" and "Communication" are vital components for building a bridge between individual resilience and intimate collaboration.

a. Doing Honest Self-Inventory...Leading to Synergy -- assess individual and team strengths and vulnerabilities for "high task and human touch" intervention.  To have depth and breadth, a resilience inventory takes both personal courage and interpersonal feedback.  This necessary first step helps differentiate the ideal or illusion from the real or achievable.  Can we bravely look into the gap between the theoretical and the actual, between ability and disability, between future possibility and present, down to earth, "what we can realistically achieve right now" perspective?  And might we grapple with assessment anger or angst without feeling so diminished, despairing, enraged, helpless, or bereft...or seek appropriate support if engulfed by the latter?  ((For example, my depressed friend seemed to cycle between holding on to a miracle cure (though his meds were not producing the once achieved rebound effect) to despairing of ever being his old self.  Not fully owning his current disability hampered motivation to discover small but meaningful rehab and recovery steps at his design or disposal.))

More pivotal questions:  has something significant changed within our person or situation that is effecting our ability to manage, adapt to, or engage with our bio-psychosocial ecology?  To what extent have we contributed to meaningful gaps and shifts?  Can we use both heart and head to authentically examine the breach, to contemplate a new trial and error learning curve?  If so, then a shortcoming or blunder is not an omen of shame or failure. It's more a transitional space for skill-building or adding needed resources, for creatively and courageously exploring an uncertain or troublesome psychic or physical territory; for discovering whether you can reduce a learning gap; perhaps it's time to venture into a new arena.  However, a capacity for "letting go" is critical; not necessarily forsaking dreams and goals but accepting that there may be a fluid mix between disappointment and excitement.  Being at a loss often means meandering anxiously or grappling with momentary defeat.  Still, wandering in the desert is a time-honored way of stumbling upon a subterranean spring; but especially of uncovering one's own hidden oases.  This "dark night of the soul" is often an uncertain if not agonizing interlude, a prerequisite for illumination if not rebounding; a period of incubation for designing or discovering a fresh, even unchartered perspective, pathway, and plan of attack.

And by definition, a team retreat is a time and space to step back and reassess; an uncommon opportunity for personal and collaborative reflection if not group imagination and innovation.  For me a retreat is synonymous with synergy:  not only does this blank canvas with its free-flowing communicational space spur "a whole greater than the sum of its parts" but, even more magical...in a true sharing-learning lab parts have the potential to become vital partners!

b. Designing Structure and Sharing -- generate operational structure that establishes a purposeful goal, facilitates control while also allowing time and space for give-and-take feedback and meaningful problem-solving.  The best example was our initiating a half-hour brisk early morning "walk and talk."  This activity helped us both intentionally rise and rapidly focus, mentally anticipate and structure our day, as well as discuss any looming problematic issues.  Clearly, the retreat's use of several interactive exercises speak to the importance of structured focusing and sharing, supporting and strategizing.

c. Surmounting Stigma of Dependency -- recognize that it can be difficult for many people to reach out and ask for help, perhaps fearing that a knowledge or skill gap may be revealed, thereby triggering those "critical voices."  My strategy:  engaging in candid and courageous two-way discussion, asking my friend direct questions about his needs and preferences, frustrations and anxieties. (So too sharing my own personal concerns and quandaries.)  I'm a big believer in asking "good questions" and exploring various options, especially before making suggestions or giving advice.  For me a good question is a hallmark of "respect":  paying careful attention to a person's lived experience, emotional framework, and world view.  Valuing another's ideas or perspective can be a powerful tool for reducing status differences.  The implicit "open and humble" message:  I want to hear your thinking on this issue; I may learn something.  Finally, to reduce the onus of "dependency," we have also employed some of the playful bantering illustrated in my brief "blind culture" travels.  We seem to be evolving toward that "give and take," open to difference state of healthy  interdependence, essential for trust-building as well as interpersonal and productive team relating.

4.  Defining and Modeling "Team Exercise".  I wanted to illustrate the concept of "team" by having small groups come up with a definition.  I also varied the task for each unit:  a) one group was to define "team," b) the second illustrated a "high performing, high support, and morale-building team," and c) the final group, a "CS-Wells high performing, high support, and morale-building team."  Our definitions went from the general to the specific.  Another purposeful wrinkle:  I wanted the individuals in each group to come up with his or her own definition before engaging in the collective definitional brainstorm.  Research suggests this two-step process maximizes brainstorming results.  And true to my hypothesis, the definition of team both expanded and captured more discrete components as the groups' dialogue evolved from general to specific.

In each case, the definitions had a synergistic quality; the resultant group definition was conceptually richer and more insightful than any one members' semantic scribble.  Perhaps most important, two concepts were found in a majority of the groups:  stress resilience and honest collaboration!  The exercise also sparked a critical question from an experienced employee:  "We all agree that honesty and openness are vital...but how do we really achieve them?"

My first response:  creating a safe atmosphere and opportunity for genuine dialogue around important communication channels and conflict issues.  I then showed a Power Point Slide on Building Team Resilience -- The Magnificent Seven:  Helmet’s Off & Hands On.  Let me summarize key open team communication and trust-building structures and strategies:

1)  Wavelength Segment:  setting aside ten minutes in agenda-driven task-oriented meetings for factors positively and/or negatively impacting emotional communication-conflict and team coordination; key is to gradually evolve a "helmet's office" atmosphere where status distinctions do not inhibit idea or emotional expression or determine the value of shared ideas or information; the goal is the opposite of groupthink

2)  Two Hats:  team leader wears a member hat not just a managerial one; ironically, this helps facilitates helmet's off, no rank in the room discussion,

3)  Rotate Facilitators:  instead of the supervisor running the meeting, employee team members lead the meeting on a rotational basis; the peer leader meets with the supervisor and other team members to help set the agenda; supervisor gains new leadership perspective as participant-observer; this "hands on" role-learning often increases employee ownership-responsibility, participation, and commitment to meeting success,

4)  "Morning Quickie":  finding a morning time when all or most can gather for a five-minute huddle to discuss late-breaking news or unexpected developments, reaffirm schedules and plans, to share a funny story, and for starting the day with a "we're all in this together" mindset,

5)  Organizational IRAs & Career/Team Planning:  a Branch manager at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) had a potent idea for solidifying her relationship with individual team members and with branch  employees as a whole.  Twice a year she had a barbeque at her house; the primary objective:  How can I help you advance your career!,

6)  Manage Stress Carriers; Build-in Ongoing Rejuvenation and Connection:  two resilience fostering and idea/cross-team-building interventions:

a. it's vital that leaders not ignore dysfunctional performers and team members; nor should these leaders ask other team members to "just focus on your job"; such a "blind eye" or avoidance strategy allows a virus to fester with the potential to corrupt all manner of people, programs, and operations; also, a leader's credibility with her people is on the line; both documentation of a problematic pattern and a "soft referral" to, for example, the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), are the ideal way to proceed

b. a monthly pizza party, for example, is a great venue both for some "R & R" but also for creative cross-pollination, hopefully encouraging people and programs that don't often meet to have some fruitful mind-melding, and

7)  When to Call On a Stress Resilience/Team Conflict Guide:  periodically, interpersonal or team issues or conflicts arise that require a level of experience and expertise beyond a supervisor or manager's domain; this is when the savvy leader consults with HR or an EAP Consultant and/or looks for an outside Stress Resilience & Team Coordination Consultant; he or she knows to seek counsel and expand team resources and, ultimately, the problem-solving and emotionally supportive potential of the team.

5.  Putting the Four 'C'-ing" Process Together:  Cultivating "Consciousness" and "Communication" along with "Creativity" and "Community."  Finally, just about at the hour mark, we launched into an group exercise that spoke to the earlier, heartfelt question about fostering interpersonal organizational openness as well as the general concern about managing workplace stress, also noted in the opening "team definition" exercise,:  a) identify real workplace barriers to stress resilience and honest collaboration, and b) role-play a scenario that both captures the selected conflict issues and demonstrates some possible problem-solving bridges.  Suffice to say this released both "individual and interpersonal theatricality and creativity," along with considerable knowing laughter.  Combined with the audience responding analytically and emotionally to each of the workplace skits, we also were nurturing meaningful "interactive community."  The IC² model and method was coming to life!

Closing Summary

An "inspiring" team building retreat that "was also a lot of fun" along with igniting "some fresh ideas and desire to bring about change for both staff and the people we serve" spurred this analysis of the initial five learning and sharing retreat concepts and activities.  In particular, the first hour generated "Four 'C'-ing" energy and framework, introducing concepts and group exercises that challenged participants to explore "Consciousness-Communication-Creativity-Community."  Specifically, the foundational five were:

1.  Communicating with Authority Study

2.  Dynamics and Value of Integrity and Interdependency, Humor and Courage

3.  Live-In Coaching and a Healing Partnership

4.  Defining and Modeling "Team Exercise"

5.  Putting the Four 'C'-ing" Process Together"

From the importance of speaking truth to authority and the criticality of give-and-take interdependence to helping participants identify barriers to stress resilience and collaboration, and then act out problem-solving bridges, the IC² mantra dominated our morning: 

Winning teams blend Individual Creativity and Interactive Community!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for government agencies & major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness broker.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, Mark is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap.  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.