I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully: Parts I & II

For an upcoming Health Fair at the US Patent and Trademark Office, exhibitors (of which I’m one) were asked to come up with activities for the children accompanying their parents, that is, the PTO employees.  My activity will be helping the kids – ages ten to teens – write their own Resiliency Raps.  I also thought I’d better be a role model.  So here is my latest effort, a subject that, alas, too many kids can relate to – bullying!  I wrote this Rap using language and imagery that, hopefully, can span the age spectrum.  There also are discussion questions after Parts I and II.  If you like it and think “I’m a Bully” might have value in a classroom or discussion group, please share with friends, colleagues, and family, any and all educators, counselors, and students, etc.

 

In this season of Passover (liberation) and Easter (rebirth), developing a mindset and skills for escaping psychological or physical bondage and for greater psychological competence and confidence, renewal and freedom, seems especially apt.  My May 3rd Busy Women's Retreat surely captures this spirit.  Email for more info.

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  I’m a Bully, You’re a Nerdie – Part I

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

It’s getting way late

Clam up and listen to me

Gonna set you straight.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

The “T-Rex of the School”

I’m a Bully, you’re a baby

You better follow my rules.

 

At home I must hide

Never good or smart enough

When I escape outside

I’m king or queen of mean and tough!

 

I’ll make fun of you

Maybe curse you out

What else can I do

Full of raging doubt.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

You’re either weak or strong

I’m a Bully, who’s being silly?

Don’t ever tell me I am wrong!

 

I may not like myself

But I sure hate feeling sad.

So I’ll threaten your health

Now we both can feel bad.

 

When I put you down

I build myself up.

I’m like a volcano

That’s about to erupt.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Dark Prince of village and the hood

I’m a Bully, you’re a nerdie

Give me your money, phone, or food.

 

If you freeze from fear

My wolf pack will attack

A wounded deer; that headlights stare.

Better watch you’re back when you’re in Iraq.

 

My in-crowd may be jealous

Cause you’re pretty or smart.

We’ll gossip among us

Tearing your friends apart.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Are you lonely, out of your mind?

I’m a Bully, catch my fury

Time to Sandy Hook…or Columbine?

 

Some bullies have a snake sense

With a sudden toxic bite.

Don’t suffer in silence

Because of shame or utter fright.

When you see me come a hunting

Tell me, now what will you do?

Some keep forever running

Some form a rival gang or crew.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I won’t let you rest

I’m a Bully, ain’t it funny

I’m your biggest test.

 

 

Possible Discussion Questions

 

Before moving into Part II, the group might discuss the following:

1.  Does the Bully character seem real, like someone you know?  Why might someone engage in bully-type behavior?

2.  Can you describe a bully character that you know?  Have you ever engaged (or thought about engaging) in bully-type behavior.  If so, why; if not, why not?
 

3.  Have you ever experienced being bullied or made fun of and/or put down on a regular basis?

4.  If so, how did it feel?  What were your biggest fears or concerns, for yourself, with your friends, with your family, with classmates, etc.?

5.  If you have been bullied, or know someone who’s been bullied, how did you (or this individual) attempt to deal with the bully situation?

a) What specific steps or actions were taken?
b) Were some steps or actions helpful; were some steps not helpful, even harmful?
c) In hindsight, were actions not taken that might have been helpful?

6.  Or, if it’s easier to generate discussion, ask the group how they would deal with the bully situation described in the “Resiliency Rap” ™?

 

The level of group discussion and audience age/attention span, may determine the best time to read and discuss Part II.

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  You’re a Nerdie, I’m a Needy – Part II

 

You don’t have to be a hero

Shouting “Make my day!”

You are not a zero

When you simply walk away.

 

Hey, it shows real nerve

To just stand; neither flee nor fight

There is strength in smart reserve:

All that might still don’t make it right!

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I pretend to be cool

I’m a Bully, can’t you see through me?

So who’s the bigger fool?

 

Don’t hang with kids or teens

Who think they’re the only stars.

Make one or two friends

Who like you for who you are.

 

But with chronic fears and safety

Alas, friends are not enough.

A rites of passage journey…

Facing your emotions – now that’s real scary stuff!

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Maybe acting like a common thug

I’m a Bully, that’s real needy

For some tough loving wrapped in one bear hug.

 

Find a teacher-counselor guide

Someone you can really trust!

A grown-up by your side

Learning skills for feeling safe…is the only must!

 

A wise dolphin – man or woman

With wide open eyes and ears

As you swim the roughest ocean

No longer drowning in your tears.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Could this happen to me?

I’m a Bully, hey, my Nerdie

I need you to set me free.

 

Talking with a caring shepherd

Is not being a snitch

It’s not being a “b”-word

That rhymes with witch.

 

It takes real courage

To admit to having fear

And to do the right thing

When no one seems aware.

 

I can’t admit it, but it’s plainly true

As a bully, I am sorry…

Cause I need all the help

Just as much as you!

 

 

Possible Discussion Questions

 

1.  What do you think of the “dealing with the bully strategies” suggested in the Rap?  Which ones seemed most or least helpful?

2.  Is it difficult to find or talk to a trustworthy adult about a bullying situation?  If so, what makes it difficult?

3.  There are schools that have conflict resolution programs led by trained students with adult counselor advisors.  Would it be easier to talk with a student/peer about bullying than with an adult?  If so, why?

4.  Is it possible that the “Bully” and the “Nerdie” might have some common fears and concerns, issues or problems?

5.  With adult and peer guidance, is it possible for a bully to recognize and admit his own pain and needs related to jealousy and unworthiness, as well as for love, acceptance, and validation?

6.  Is it possible for both the Bully and the Nerdie to change; to make healthier, more interpersonally successful psychosocial-behavioral adaptations?

 

© Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions


Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Building Stress Resilience and Personnel Retention: Balancing “Work-Wellness” Steps and Strategies

[This Q & A was written for Workforce.com]

 

Dear Workforce:

I am an HR generalist at a nonprofit social-services agency that deals with domestic violence.  Due to the nature of the work, we have always experienced a turnover rate between 30-40%.  I have two questions in one:  1) Is our turnover similar to benchmark data for this line of work and 2) Knowing we can't change the stressful nature of the work, how do we help keep our best people from burning out?

Stress is Killing Us, HR/facilities manager, nonprofit, Phoenix, Arizona

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Let me jump into your first question by noting I was not able to find specific percentages regarding employee turnover in agencies working with domestic or family abuse.  However, the extensive number of articles and research grants on “secondary burnout” and “compassion fatigue” – where the level of emotional engagement and identification with a client’s trauma, rage, and/or helplessness exhausts the caregiver – speaks volumes regarding the immediacy and gravity of the issue.  Also, some jobs are meant to have a shorter shelf life, at least when it comes to front-line work.  Having trained and coached many units in the military, for example, once a soldier goes beyond two or three consecutive “in harm’s way” tours of duty, the potential for some post-traumatic effects significantly increases.  That said, now let’s address question two.  Here are “Five ‘Work-Wellness’ Steps for Strengthening Organizational and Individual Stress Resilience and Personnel Retention”:

 

1.  Maximize the Triple “A”.  Organizations that recognize and support individual knowledge and experience (“Authority”), encourage reasonable decision-making discretion (“Autonomy”), and hold all managers and employees to high and ethical yet attainable performance standards (“Accountability”) not only have more committed people but also more resilient professionals and teams.

 

2. Hold Task and Touch Meetings.  Hold team meetings that are not just task and numbers driven. Carve out ten-fifteen minutes to discuss how the team is doing as a mutual support system.  Are there any relationship conflicts that need to be addressed by the group or need to be addressed in primate with the supervisor?  Sometimes you may want to use this segment to focus on the kinds of people/cases that are the most difficult or volatile, that tend to emotionally drain most professionals.  Also, this is a good time and place for getting input from members on policy, practices, and procedures that impact people daily routine.  This process helps folks feel more in control and less prone to burnout.

 

I also believe there’s more commitment and camaraderie when team members, rather than the supervisor, facilitate this meeting on a rotational basis.  And speaking of rotation, job rotation or job sharing/partnering may inoculate for burnout, including the opportunity for special assignments.  As the Stress Doc says:  Fireproof your life with Variety!

 

3.  Individual Consultation to Professional Counseling.  Schedule regular coaching/consultation sessions, at least one or two/month with a supervisor or an in-house coach, experienced in a particular subject area.  Consider developing a mentor system.  In addition, supervisors and managers need to create time for “as needed” drop-ins.  Another resiliency building idea:  encourage a stress buddy relation; a trusted colleague who will provide the Stress Doc’s TLC:  Tender Loving Criticism and Tough Loving Care!

 

Two of the biggest psycho-social challenges working in the field of abuse:  a) beware rigid, “save the world” idealism and b) respond positively when one’s own personal history and painful memories bleed into a client’s domestic dysfunctional drama.  Front-line employees need ready access to professional counseling, ideally provided by a high quality and confidential organizational Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

 

4.  Pizza Parties and Promotions.  Foster “work-wellness balance.”  If possible, once a month, let all the staff meet informally, in the office or off site, e.g., Friday afternoon at 4pm, for collective social-support, for “R & R” – Recreation & Resilience.  You might even explore if a sister social agency would join you.  It’s good for the mind, heart and soul to share a knowing laugh about life’s absurdities with folks who not only have walked in our shoes, but also can feel our bunions.  Speaking of which, what about a reward system where an employee wins a day at a health spa?  Btw, encourage your staff to take periodic long weekend tune ups or escapades instead of just one big vacation.

 

5.  Resilience Education and Application.  Have periodic workshops on “Compassion Fatigue” and developing “Stress Resilience” focusing on such topics as Sleep-Priorities/Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet, i.e., the Stress Doc’s formula for Natural SPEED.

Improving employees sleep patterns, helping them set boundaries with self and others, productively escaping into a passionate hobby, finding a solid and empathic “stress buddy,” getting regular exercise, and eating to fortify one’s mind and mood will go a long way to fostering individual and organizational hardiness.  (Email for the Natural SPEED article.

 

These five strategic “work-wellness” steps will help cultivate more rested and resilient, “psychologically hardy” professionals and organizations; people will learn to pace themselves for a career marathon, or at least for the mid-distance race, not just the burning star-burnout dash.

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Busy Women's Retreat: Building Stress Resilience & Passion Power

Busy Women's Retreat:

Building Stress Resilience & Passion Power

A One-Day Stress Doc ™ Retreat in Columbia MD (between DC & Baltimore)

 

Date &Time:  Saturday May 3^rd from 9:00am to 4:30pm

Where:           Sheraton Columbia Town Center Hotel (more hotel info below)

                            10207 Wincopin Circle, Columbia, MD 21044  [Near I-95; off of MD 32 and 175]

Cost:              $125 for Sat; lunch on your own; morning and afternoon snacks provided)

 

More Info:      301-875-2567; stressdoc@aol.com; www.stressdoc.com

Want to come for a Fri half-day – afternoon or evening – workshop? $50 cost; overnight stay option at Sheraton; if we have the numbers, one can attend Fri and not attend Sat or vice versa.

 

In response to several recent requests, the Busy Women's Retreat (BWR) lives again.  This day-long FIT event – FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking – will be led and facilitated by Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc™, MSW, LICSW, acclaimed, speaker, writer, therapist, critical incident consultant, work-life coach, and retreat leader.  The Doc's website – www.stressdoc.com – has been called a "Workplace Resource" by National Public Radio.  [See testimonials below.]

 

Hotel Overview:  The newly renovated Sheraton Hotel overlooks the lovely Lake Kittamaquandi.  The Sheraton is in walking distance of an array of quality restaurants and the Columbia Town Center Mall:  Macy's, Nordstrom’s, and many other stores.  [More info below]

 

Busy Women’s Retreat:  Key Content Areas & Objectives

 

In a TNT/3-D -- Time-Numbers-Technology/Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – World taking time for “R & R” – Reflect & Recharge – is vital.  There's no better way to do this than by:

 

1) partnering with the uncommon experience and skillful, compassionate, and creative guidance of the Stress Doc, and

 

2) with the Doc as gifted facilitator, joining forces with kindred spirits to generate new and powerful healing and harmonizing perspective, especially the possibility and power of hope.

In this interactive, "Helmet's Off" and "How To" program, you’ll gain skills, tools, and techniques for strengthening stress resilience, appreciating healing humor and the capacity to both laugh at and embrace one's flaws and foibles; learn to grieve productively and let go, be more resiliently risk-taking, and bring more healing, playful, and passionate energy along with creative focus to your personal-professional-family-relational goals, challenges, and dreams.

1.  Stress Resilience.  Quickly Identify Stress Smoke Signals and the Popular "Four Stages of Burnout"; learn Strategic Steps for Preventing/Rebuilding from Burnout; discover Research-based Psychological Hardiness, especially vital during Transitional Times; learn the Stress Doc’s Stress Resiliency, Brain Agility, and Emotional Integrity Formula – Natural SPEED

2.  Good Grief.  Recognize and Embrace "Grief Ghosts; differentiate among Loss, Grief, and Depression; learn how to Release Guilt/Shame and more deeply "Grieve, Let Go and Grow with the Flow"; gain guidance and support on the ever-increasing Challenge of Family Care-Taking

3.  Disarming and Defusing Communication Skills.  Learn to Defuse Self-Defeating Power Struggles by Asking Courageous and Trust-building "Good Questions"; distinguish Healthy from Dysfunctional Conflict; practice Meta-Communication and "I"-Message Tools and Techniques for Disarming Critical Aggressors

4.  Risk-Taking and Passion Power.  Discover the Model for Creative Risk-Taking and the Doc's Four "P"s of Passion Power – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful (see SHRM testimonial below); learn to Challenge Your Intimate FOE – Fear of Exposure

5.  Healing Humor and Team Building.  Engage in the Doc's acclaimed “Intimate FOE Small Group Exercise”; experience the power of Self-Affirming Storytelling, Group Art Therapy, and sharing Healing Humor.

And most important, we will learn from one another, understanding each of our vulnerabilities and drawing on each participant’s personal-cultural strengths.  As was noted by the coordinator of the first Busy Women's Retreat:

Transforming Stress, Conflict and Change into Passion Power" was itself a very powerful theme, and you were able to so skillfully present and guide the group! This subject brought a lot of heavy emotions from the women to the surface. Your ability to help the women work through their issues, and even more importantly, your ability to give them tools with which to transform their stress was truly amazing. The participants in the retreat told me personally that they were very impressed with the way that you managed the group and that they took away many things that they can use in their everyday life. Your presentation helped them to evaluate their stressors differently, to see the positive in every stress, conflict and/or change. Moreover, you helped them to realize they are not alone, and you were so skilled at allowing and encouraging others to give feedback within the group!

Other Testimonials

1) From a member of the original Busy Women's Retreat; Ann-Marie became a phone coaching client

Oct 12, 2013

I am so glad you are offering your services to many. You are an insightful man who helped me to have clarity and find my strength in chaos. I honestly believe that "God" put you in my path. I am still unsure of my future but I do know that I made the right choice. Without your understanding, patience and knowledge, I would not have been able to make that move. I may have slip-ups but I hear your voice and your words in my head and you continue to guide me.

Ann-Marie
(Phone Coaching Client)
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2)  Developing Stress Resiliency, Humor, and Passion Power:  The Gift of Interactive Engagement; for Human Resources Palm Beach County, FL (HRPBC; SHRM affiliate); Kickoff Speaker; 100 attendees; 1.25 hrs

Feb 27, 2014


Hello Mark,

HR Palm Beach County had the wonderful pleasure of having Mark Gorkin "The Stress Doc" present at one of our monthly dinner meetings. Mark's presentation was both insightful and engaging. He has a way of captivating the audience and make them want to hear more. We enjoyed his insights on the factors that cause stress and how to overcome them. We hope to hear more from "The Stress Doc". It was definitely time well spent. We especially enjoyed his perspective of Passion and Power. Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

Tanya Vaughn-Patterso
HRPBC Program Chair

Diversity & Inclusion Consultant
NEXTERA ENERGY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sheraton Columbia Town Center Hotel
MD/Columbia/Sheraton_Columbia_Town_Center_Hotel [Average overnight room rate is @$100.]
10207 Wincopin Circle, Columbia, MD 21044
Click here: Columbia (for more hotel info)
or
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Come experience a whole new feel at Sheraton Columbia Town Center Hotel. Our $12 million renovation project encompassed a fresh new lobby as well as 290 transformed guest rooms, offering calm, stylish décor and Sheraton Sweet Sleeper™ Beds plus sleek new bathrooms. We've remodeled our sleek Lobby Lounge, ideal for enjoying light bites or cocktails, and renewed the fine, award-winning Waterside Restaurant, where carefully prepared and delicious local cuisine is served amidst crystal, fresh flowers and views of the lake. Connect with guests, work, or family at the new Link@Sheraton experienced with Microsoft, located on our lobby level. Centrally located between Baltimore's Inner Harbor and Washington D.C., the Sheraton Columbia Town Center Hotel has everything you need for work and for play. Stroll around our 12 wooded acres in Columbia, Maryland, overlooking the serene Lake Kittamaquandi. Shopping, sporting events and more are all nearby. Complimentary garage and outdoor parking is available. When you return from a full day of meetings or sightseeing, you'll feel brand new after experiencing our refreshing outdoor pool and 24-hour state of the art fitness facility.

Creative Risk-Taking and Performing in a “TNT/3-D” World: Pathway and Process, Partnering, and Platform Building

This essay is for anyone communicating with small or large groups of people, especially a leader-educator-trainer-counselor trying to awaken, engage, and inspire minds of all shapes and sizes…to work and play smarter, both as individuals, as a team, and/or a community.

Creative Risk-Taking and Performing in a “TNT/3-D” World:  Pathway and Process, Partnering, and Platform Building

As the testimonials below illustrate, two recent “kickoff and keynote” programs powerfully and personally resonated with 100 + audiences.  While having previously received enthusiastic testimonials, I’ve had to make modifications in presentational style and substance to keep up with these “TNT/3-D” – Time-Numbers-Technology/Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – times:

a) people seem to have more data distracted minds or digitally induced shorter attention spans;

b) the balance between lecture (or even Q and A) and group exercises and role play-type encounters must be increasingly skewed to the active, participatory learning dynamic,

c) participants want relevant tools and techniques they can apply RIGHT NOW, and

d) ideally the learning process is one that helps folks become more FIT – by being Fun-Interactive-Thought-provoking!  (And I find all generations are receptive, not just Millennials and Gen Texters.)

The Insightful-Interactive Performance Foundation:  From Concept to Application

Let me start this reflection process from a foundational perspective.  For over thirty years I have led and facilitated highly interactive speaking and workshop programs.  Playing in this arena has fostered the conviction that people buy-in and learn more when they experience and engage with “concepts in action and interaction,” especially ones that have personal-professional relevance for:

1) Work-life-relationship wellbeing – enhancing personal wellness and vitality or mind-body integrity; strengthening work-skills ability and productivity and transitional stress resilience; and improving communicational and relational capacities,

2) “Helmet’s Off” atmosphere – establishing “helmet’s off” and “hand’s on” trust through listening, sharing, and suspending status barriers while setting and exploring healthy boundaries, that is,

3) Openness and collaboration – facilitating safe levels of emotional openness, along with collaborative problem solving,

4) Dialogue, diversity, and depth – understanding how both expressing one’s personal viewpoint and considering diverse even seemingly contradictory input often broadens and/or deepens perspective while stimulating individual and group creative output, and

5) Individual and community growth and goals – achieving individual and/or team goals while becoming more comfortable in one’s own skin and demonstrating commitment to a larger community.

Rapid, Real, and Relevant Small Group Interaction:  Engagement, Vulnerability, Risk-taking, and Intimacy Effects

Especially when time is limited, this process of exploration and reflection, discovery and application is often energized and expedited by engaging in small group exercises, whether there are twenty or two hundred in the program arena.  The exercises, even opening “ice breakers,” are always based on meaningful “real world” needs or desires, problems or conflicts.  The interpersonal interaction grabs people’s attention and heightens a sense of unpredictability.  It’s difficult to hide in a small group.  The setting alone stimulates some emotional risk, reactions, and responses:  there’s both encouragement and some pressure to tentatively, purposefully, or playfully share.  Of course, sharing can take the form of all manner of self-disclosure as well as questioning, supporting, playing with, and/or challenging a partner or team members.  The exercises gradually increase the level of personal and group sharing, along with a sense of common task involvement and an acceptable level of vulnerability.  As some degree of trust evolves, the result invariably is a more interactive and intimate team and community.  A presenter can help participants create this “safe” atmosphere by reminding the audience that these are not “true confession” exercises:  do not share at a level that basically feels uncomfortable; emotional sharing and risk-taking should be a stretch…not a strain.  The individual ultimately (hopefully) determines his or her own pace and level of participation.

Rethinking and Reworking the Performance Ground

As mentioned above, the technological and social media revolution has me rethinking that optimal formula for presentational and interactional content and design – substance and style, form and function – especially:

1) the percentage of time, emphasis, and energy allotted among lecture, including being serious and humorous, Q and A and group discussion, and generating interactive exercises and

2) the selective juggling of roles – including educator and entertainer, time conscious audience reader, questioner, and organizer; of course, emotional energizer and group motivator; also skills and tools supplier, group interaction – process, support, and problem solving – facilitator, as well as challenging and inspirational leader (e.g., being an open and authentic, vulnerable and risk-taking role model helping individuals and teams bring out their best music), and even a community builder.

A Personal Path of Creative Risk-Taking (CRT)

There is a fluid and oftentimes unpredictable interplay of structure and spontaneity in most Stress Doc programs.  A determination to engage the multiple roles effectively and efficiently insures that I will be engaging in “Creative Risk-Taking:  The Art of Designing Disorder.”  (Not surprisingly, this is the title of an article forged over thirty years ago upon breaking into Cable TV with no prior media experience.  Over the decades, a few variations have been penned.  For example, two subtitles: “Cox Cable Chaos” and “Confronting Your Intimate FOE:  Fear of Exposure.”

Here is an article synopsis followed by a link:  The Stress Doc, drawing on his experience as a public speaker, takes a conceptual look at why challenging our need for rigid perfection and control is vital for becoming more risk-taking and more creative. The practical and comical comes next.  http://www.stressdoc.com/creative_risk_taking2.htm .)

The basic “Four CRT Steps” (with slight recent upgrade) are:

1. Aware-ily Jump in Over Your Head
2. Strive to Survive the High Dive
3. Thrive on “Thrustration,” Take an “Incubation Vacation”
4. Design for Error and Opportunity, Exploration and Integration

From Individual Path to Interactive Platform:  Strengthening Performance and Partnership Methodology and Message

As mentioned, the foundational four steps are elaborated upon in the above linked article.  However, let’s transition to the next set of steps that build on this CRT base.  On one level the first four steps help an individual test out and begin to flex his or her resilient and creative risk-taking muscles.  Let’s call this the “path.”  The second set of four enables this individual (let’s say she’s a presenter) to strengthen her methodological efficiency (“do the right thing”) and effectiveness (“do the thing right”).  At the same time the second skillset sharpens message clarity and contrast.  This is the “process.”  And as I’m discovering, these seemingly small but highly meaningful steps or adaptations (“tweaks” sounds slightly de-meaning) have tangible consequences for energy and empathy, motivation and morale, engagement and connection, shared learning and partnering, as well as creative performance and output.

So what are the “second set” tools, techniques, and tactics?  For now, here are the four adaptive step labels:

A.  Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths
B.  Keep It Simple and Smart
C.  Stand Out…Don’t Just Be Outstanding; Be Out-Rage-ous Not Just “Out of the Box”
D.  Design an IC² Platform for Creative Play, Performance, and Partnering

You also might say the first four are akin to the “forest” and the following four comprise the “trees.”  The latter fill in and give nuance and shading to the big picture; these second set of micro-tools help you fulfill the vision-mission, e.g., as a presenter staging an experience that strengthens participant FIT-ness:  by generating a program that’s FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking.  The opening set gets you quickly into a resilient and risk-taking, exploratory and skill-building (sometimes “hell-bent on survival”) pathway, both for presenter and the audience.  A “first set” image comes to mind:  a risk-taking presenter jumping off a diving board, holding the hand of the audience, and taking them along for the splashdown.  (Hopefully, this is not a Jim Jones/“drinking the Kool-Aid” moment.)  Actually, the second set of strategic communication tools and techniques not only protect against a crash landing, these method-message stratagems enhance a sense of competence and trust.  Skills and confidence levels enhanced through peer interaction motivate an audience to climb the board again, ready to venture into another group exercise.  Mindfully blending path and process yields a more purposeful plan and platform that facilitates practice, performance, and partnership!

Medium, Method, and Message:  The Chance to be “Four-‘C’-ing”

The second package definitely refines the path through process, streamlining and sharpening the message. e.g., how ideas get shared and transformed in a variety of interactive channels.  Such media channels include:

1. a leader engaging with, a) an individual, b) a small group and/or c) the audience as a whole; whether presenting data verbally and/or visually, role modeling communication or leadership concepts or techniques, or singing a “Shrink Rap” ™, a definite risk-taking moment.  (Leading mostly interactive programs, I will bypass analyzing the use of Power Point Slides, only lingering long enough to note that slides can strengthen or suffocate audience engagement and learning.  This dynamic often depends on the “high tech or human touch” nature of the program, audience expectation, and a presenter’s slide usage. For example, problems may arise when, so attached to a slide show regimen, the presenter loses touch with his audience.), and

2. small groups engaging with, a) their own members, individually, as a subgroup, or as a whole, b) other individuals, including the leader, or with other groups, and/or c) the audience as a whole; having a chance to practice group interaction, that is, gradual sharing and risk-taking over a number of exercises typically enhances am evolving team’s capacity for partnership and problem-solving.

Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate that a speaker or group facilitator who is conscious and competent regarding self and systems (including cultural) dynamics as well as confident and calculating as a risk-taker (might we say one who is “four –‘c’-ing”?) has an array of performance and partnership variables to purposefully play and experiment with.  And according to Adam Gopnik, author of Angels and Ages:  A Short Book about Darwin, Lincoln, and Modern Life, this dynamic just may have Darwinian survival value:  Repetition is the law of nature but variation is the rule of life!

The Stress Doc’s Four Step Fine-tuning of Strategic Presentational Methods and Messages Tools and Techniques – Variations on Performance and Partnership Themes

It’s time to conceptually flesh out the aforementioned “second set” process-adaptive techniques and steps:

A.  Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths
B.  Keep It Simple and Smart
C.  Stand Out…Don’t Just Be Outstanding, Be Out-Rage-ous Not Just “Out of the Box”
D.  Design an IC² Platform for Creative Play, Performance, and Partnering

A.  Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths

In this day and digital age, capturing people’s attention amidst all the competing sources of data and diatribe, entertainment and excess is no small feat.  And then holding that ephemeral attention span borders on the extra-ordinary:  consider this feedback from a mix of Human Resource Managers and Professionals after an hour-long keynote:  Mark’s presentation was both “insightful and engaging”…. “very exciting and informative”…“very interactive and useful.”   He has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more… Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

1.  The Range, Reins, and Rewards of “Less Is More”

a.  Have an Initial Tight Program Outline and Be Ready to Let Go and Go with the Flow.  Especially when time is limited, taking up the “Less Is More”…More or Less” challenge is critical.  Hopefully, based on some preliminary discussion and research with event liaisons, you can whittle down your offering to three or four key conceptual areas of audience interest and need.  And even with this streamlined menu (“less is more”), when interactivity and spontaneity predominate, the overriding goal is to “go with audience flow.”  You may not get to all of your pre-planned agenda (hence, “more or less.”  Of course, when it comes to quantity and quality, sometimes less is less and more is more.  However, I recall reading of a succinct apology to a contemporary by one of those noted 18^th c. English scribes due to his verbiage in a correspondence:  I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to write a brief letter.


Remember, you can’t do it all, that is, another “more or less” exemplar; and perfection is an ideal if not an illusion.  Establishing boundaries sets limits; it also provides borders, challenges, and demarcations to be purposefully surveyed, surmounted, or surpassed.  With prescience and pith, acclaimed translator, James Falen, captures the power of constraint:

 

There are magic links and chains

Forged to loose our rigid brains,

Structures, structures, though they bind,

Strangely liberate the mind.

 

Finally, be prepared to improvise based on audience feedback, program time frame, setting and seating structure, i.e., are people around tables, in an auditorium, etc.  My “Less Is More” Mantra:  Plan for More, Discover what’s Best, and Toss the Rest!

b.  Make the Audience Part of the Show.  Hopefully, folks are so engaged in the learning-sharing-purposefully playing moment that they are not perturbed that some material has not been covered.  Let me elaborate.  I briefly sketched my “Four ‘P’s of Passion Power” Model – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful – as a way of introducing a final exercise.  This exercise, in fact, created a small group platform, for encouraging folks in surprising, if not startling, fashion to expressively emote by sharing personal stories.  Using both verbal and visual channels (there was a lot of spontaneous storytelling body language) the room was increasingly filled with a high octane buzz and knowing-affirming laughter.  Having a group share brief yet poignant personal stories, especially stories that reveal our imperfect, all-too human natures, quickly breaks down status barriers while enhancing a common humanity and stirring group camaraderie. And some competitive spirit is obvious when one team member says to a colleague who's just shared a story:  That was good...let me tell you what happened to me!

People were definitely doing some risk-taking, bringing out their IPP (Inner Passion Power).  Having noticed that the Chapter President was captivating his small group, I volunteered him to share his animated story to the entire congregation.  And an exercise debrief captured why this exercise is especially primed to help today’s leader appear more accessible and be a risk-taking role model.

So by letting go and going with the audience flow, we did not get to my closing segment on Developing Natural SPEED – Sleep, Priorities, Passion, Empathy, Exercise, and Diet.  However, one and all discovered the power of addition by subtraction.

c.  “Less Is More” Payoff.  And the payoff was three-fold.  First, we captured my IC² formula for “winning teams.”  As opposed to the questionable if not tired slogan, “There’s no “I” in team,” we brought to life a new mantra:  “There may be no ‘I’ in team…but there are two “I’s in WINNING”…and these “I”s definitely can “C.”   Winning teams blend Individual Creativity and Interactive Community!

Second, as mentioned above, I received a great testimonial, including these kind words from the coordinator of the Society of Human Resource Managers (SHRM) program:  We especially enjoyed his perspective on Passion and Power.

And last but not least, immediately after the program, this Program Chair invited me to return in two months to speak on Passion Power at the chapter’s annual conference.  Seems like providing less had them wanting more!

2.  “Less Is More” Means Being Pithy and Provocative, Palatable and Powerful

After you’ve selected the key program topic areas, the next challenge is to deliver the content in a manner that promotes the aforementioned FIT-ness:  the experience is FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking:

a. Introduce an Absorbing and Thought-Provoking Subject for Your Audience.  A catchy and pithy introductory title helps, for example, “The Four Stages of Burnout” or “Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront.”  In a “TNT/3-D” world, most people can personally relate!

b) Break It Down and Make It Digestible.  Break down your concept into key or critical, readily identifiable pieces or examples; deliver the data or ideas with a substance and style that’s easy to take in – clear and concise, motivating and memorable – bullet-like components; two or three “smoke signal” examples for each stage will suffice:

1) Mental, Physical, and Emotional Exhaustion – e.g., you may be holding it together at work, but as soon as you get home, do you head for the fridge, get out the Haagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry’s, turn on the tube, hit the sofa, and you’re comatose for the rest of the evening…or wish you could be?

2) Shame and Doubt – e.g., you sense you’re not your old self; you’re worried friends and colleagues are starting to notice; here’s a giveaway:  you’re considering joining the Stress Doc’s “Frequent Sighers Club”

3) Cynicism and Callousness – e.g., tired of feeling uncertain and vulnerable?  Have you put on your heavy attitude armor:  “No one’s getting to me,” “Look out for # 1,” “Why should I go out of my way?,”  “Are you talking to me!,” and “Who gives a d_ _ m!”; and in the short-run it works…you become abrasive enough, now people are avoiding you

4) Failure, Helplessness, and Crisis – e.g., you start thinking, “Damned if I do, damned if I don’t; damned if I stay, damned if I leave”; you feel like your coping structure’s coming unglued…next stop the Stress Doc’s couch!

c.. Present Info and Ideas in a “Scannable” Format.  When dealing with data overload, people want to take away important points without having to further strain their brain; make the message light and enlightening:  People are less defensive and more open to a serious message when gift-wrapped with humor!  Provide a supplemental handout for optional in-depth exploration at a later time.

4. “Less Is More” Means Emphasizing “How To” Strengths for Participants and Presenter.  Consider these three realms for displaying action steps and strengths:

a. Accentuate Action Over Analysis.  When time is of the essence and you must choose between delivering background information about a problem or issue (diagnostics) or “how to” ideas and action steps (therapeutics), streamline the former (as in the four burnout stages) and concentrate on problem–solving action and power.  As an example, I share the research-based “Four ‘C’s of Psychological Hardiness” (gleaned in the midst of the 1980s Ma Bell breakup).  During this turbulent transition, “hardiness” differentiated the more adaptive and healthy execs from their less functional counterparts.  The former demonstrated an understanding of positive Commitment, Control, Change, and Conditioning.  (Email for more info; perhaps confirming less just may have folks asking for more?  ;-)

b. Facilitate the Sharing of Strengths.  Here’s another tactic based on the unsurprising fact that most people in a workshop group find it easier to reveal strengths than vulnerabilities.  For example, I use a “Stress Building Beliefs” survey that asks about your aptitude in four belief areas:  “Control and Perfection, Competence and People Pleasing.”  Initially I had participants identify and share with team members one of the belief areas in which they felt the most vulnerable.  Too often members of a workgroup downplayed the extent that these were personal problem areas…for them (okay, especially those of the male variety).  I soon inverted the approach:  each team member selects one area in which they feel most proficient, e.g., “Perfection.”  The individual discloses how s/he evolved a degree of stress belief mastery, providing an example of resisting “perfection” along with a positive problem solving application.  The give and take energy, sharing and learning increased dramatically.  People will learn from one another’s strengths, especially when each person has a chance to be strong in their own way.

c. Recognize Generalist-Specialist Multiplicity and Mostly Play to Your Strength.  As your experience and skills evolve in leading and training, there will be a learning curve trial as you juggle various roles.  Being a diversified presenter means playing such roles as an educator, an entertainer, as well as an emotional expression and empathy energizer; for consistency, might we call this expressive-empathic energizer the “evangelist” role?  (Oh, oh…another acronym-sighting:  “Leading and Learning with “E”s:  Educate and Energize, Entertain and Evangelize…and, whenever possible, applying all concepts in group Exercise; actually, more on the value of acronyms and rhyme shortly.)  The challenge is not being one-dimensional: for while some consistency is useful, “rigid consistency,” according to the American Philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson, “is the hobgoblin of little minds.”  It seems that variety is the “spice” and “rule” of life, learning, and leading.

Still, when time is limited and the task is bounded, lead with your strengths.  If strongest as an “Educator,” let this be your trump suit or default position.  However, even if only for a short trial, inject one or two of the other “E”-roles in your presentation.  Be unpredictable; defy expectations.  Not only do you capture people’s attention and generate on the edge anticipation, pleasurable surprise releases pain-reducing and pleasure-enhancing brain chemicals like endorphins and dopamine.  And the continuous practice and expansion of range and repertoire builds one’s risk-taking and performance muscles.  Also, you achieve finer and finer definition especially as you evaluate and integrate audience feedback, that hard-earned source of adaptive wisdom.  Finally, as a risk-taking and variety generating role model, you are also illuminating an evolutionary, multifaceted mind-mood-muscle skill path for your audience.  As Dr. Jonas Salk, a founder of the polio vaccine, observed:  Evolution is about getting up one more time than you fall down; being courageous one more time than being fearful; trusting just one more time than being anxious!   Amen and women to that!

Part II will flesh out the remaining three Process Steps.
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Human Resources Palm Beach County, FL (HRPBC; SHRM affiliate); Developing Stress Resilience, Humor, and Passion Power:  The Gift of Interactive Engagement; Human Resources Chapter Kickoff Speaker; 100 attendees; 1.25 hrs

Feb 27, 2014


Hello Mark.

HR Palm Beach County had the wonderful pleasure of having Mark Gorkin “The Stress Doc” present at one of our monthly dinner meetings. Mark’s presentation was both insightful and engaging. He has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more. We enjoyed his insights on the factors that cause stress and how to overcome them. We hope to hear more from “The Stress Doc”. It was definitely time well spent. We especially enjoyed his perspective on Passion and Power. Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

Tanya Vaughn-Patterson
HRPBC Program Chair

Diversity & Inclusion Consultant
NEXTERA ENERGY
Ofc: 561-694-4199
tanya.vaughn-patterson@fpl.com
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Hi.  Your presentation was very exciting and informative.  Thank you.  Yes, you may include me on your newsletter. 

I look forward to seeing you in May. 

Joyce Fenhaus, PHR
Human Resources Business Partner
Holy Cross Hospital
1000 NE 56th Street
Ft. Lauderdale, FL  33334

Joyce.Fenhaus@holy-cross.com
(954) 267-6881
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Thanks for your inspiring talk!  I really enjoyed it. 

I will certainly keep you in mind if an opportunity arises where we could use your expertise.

Regards,

Sheri

Sheri Resnick, PHR
Human Resources Analyst
The Scripps Research Institute, Scripps Florida
130 Scripps Way, 3B2
Jupiter, Florida 33458

sresnick@scripps.edu
Office:  (561) 228-2064
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Thiel College; "Building Winning Teams: Blending Individual Creativity and Interactive Community"; Semester Kickoff for 120 Faculty and Staff; 2 hrs

Feb 9, 2014

Dear Mark,

I just wanted to write a sincere note of thanks for your recent program at Thiel College, "Building Winning Teams: Blending Individual Creativity and Interactive Community."  The task force responsible for planning this event was delighted by the overwhelming amount of positive feedback we heard from our faculty and staff that participated.  The program was a lot of fun, and our employees benefited greatly from participating.  It was truly the perfect kick-off to a new semester, and we hope to bring you back in the near future.

Our participants especially appreciate how interactive the program was, and it was energizing to start the semester with so much laughter.  We could not have imagined the program going any better.

I highly recommend The Stress Doc to any organizations looking for an exceptional motivational speaker, especially if they are hoping for a strong dose of humor!

Best Regards,

Mike McKinney '02, Vice President of Student Life
THIEL COLLEGE I 75 College Avenue I Greenville, PA I 16125
724-589-2066 (o) I 724-456-4077 (m)
mmckinney@thiel.edu
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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.