Offending Rules, Bending Rules and Upending Rulers While Defending the Rule of Life

Another Shrink Rap ™, one that draws on my organizational consulting and workshop leading experience.  (As noted in the lyric, I was a former Stress and Violence Prevention Expert for a well-known if not notorious government agency.)  This “Resiliency Rap” ranges from describing bullying culture to encouraging a participatory one; it also provides an example of using disarming and self-affirming humor as well as thoughts on evolutionary adaptation. Would love to hear your comments.  Please share with others.  Enjoy!
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Offending Rules, Bending Rules and Upending Rulers

While Defending the Rule of Life

Offending Rules

A powerful group makes subordinates stoop

One clan feels entitled the other belittled.
And free-floating anger may well signal danger
As “us” in the trenches or at their work benches
Tend to cower or glower at “them” in the tower
Who never touch ground nor walk around
Asking for ideas quite different from theirs.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
When survival means trust, give and take is a must!

Bending Rules and Upending Rulers

Here is an adage to manage such damage:

To be a man of your word means others are heard!
A great way to engage, flex emotional muscle.
To be viewed as a sage, spread the voice in the huddle.
Get on the same page through heartfelt rebuttal.
Defuse smoldering rage with healing humor most subtle.
Wake up…share the stage; there’s no time for rehearsal.
When the un-heard become a herd your domain’s “going postal!”
(And the Doc knows postal stress having consulted for the USPS.)

So consider these words, spiced with the absurd:

A roomful of nurses were radiating curses
Why were they distraught?  A speedy retort:
From all-knowing docs they get little respect
In their world of hard knocks, they must genuflect.
Then the nurse chief drumming tribal grief:
Does Top Dog have our back when we’re under attack?
How can one self-defend when you must always bend
To the will of those…alphas lacking real clothes?
What they wanted to say:  Go ahead, make my day!

Once again on the mind-racing spot:
How to untangle this pressurized knot

As hungry ears and eyes growl awaiting a most doubtful prize.
While the scene it was troubling, brain cells they were bubbling…
Then, all of a sudden, a bolt of intuition.
How about you declare with an unassuming air:
“Today I may not be my usual me.”
And when the doc gives a skeptical look
Say, matter of fact, “I hurt my back.”
Now when he groans, with a haughty tone
“How did you do that?”...Try a shrewd tack:
(Though some will misconstrue being “shrewd” for a shrew.)
“I must confess, it’s but a mere guess
And I fervently hope that it’s not my fate…Hmm
I’ve been bending over backwards for too many of late.
But do not be fearful; I’ll be much more careful
Of what does and does not get thrown on my plate!”

Now, on the double the nurses roared their approval.

Frustration was vented, their standing less dented
The issue of status was put on hiatus
As now group invective bowed to one self-directive:
A show of integrity mixed with solidarity
Softens the blow of “almighty authority.”

Defending the Rule of Life

A moral ending most fitting:

Though flora and fauna are diverse in stature
In fact, repetition is the law of nature. **
But when it comes to grappling with strife
It’s not always the strongest who last the longest
Or even one with the biggest knife.

Wrestling with an uncommon bind
Survivors have common traits well-aligned:
What sets the fittest apart – first, a brave open heart:
They don’t shrink in horror when facing a mirror
Nor shriek in terror when confronted with error
And over time, despite practice designed
Still embrace the chance to dance deviance.
It’s the problems they delve that help them evolve.
As mentioned before, let me underscore
Repetition and nature, like birds of a feather
By instinctive law are wedded together.
But Darwin’s adaptors, unlike lumbering raptors
(While they had a nice run, the dinos are done
Alas, even T-Rex is now merely an ex)
You’ll so often find when caught in the grind
Display a most agile, novel-seeking mind
Blending solo creation and cooperation.
With mutation and crisis as natural midwife
Variation, itself, is the main rule of life!  **

**  From Adam Gopnik, Angels and Ages: A Short Book about Darwin, Lincoln, and Modern Life, 2009; “Repetition is the law of nature but variation is the rule of life.”

© Mark Gorkin 2013

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Expert for Business Health Services, a National Wellness/EAP/OD Company. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

The Four Stages of Burnout: The Erosive Spiral -- Shrink Rap ™ Version

Personally, the latest Shrink Rap ™ is proving to be a fascinating experiment.  I'm using some of the basic ideas from my popular article on "Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront" to weave a rap about "The Four Stages of Burnout."  And the beauty of writing these poetic lyrics, it:  a) both compresses the emotional expression of the content and b) and takes the ideas and images in some totally unexpected yet relevant and fresh directions.  I hope the reading experience is nearly as enjoyable as the writing.  To good adventures,

Mark

Email if you’d like to see the original article.

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The Four Stages of Burnout:  The Erosive Spiral – Shrink Rap ™ Version

If no matter what you do or how hard you try

Or how often escapes a bone weary sigh…
You still can’t say “No” or won’t ever let go
Because of time, money, and mostly ego.
So you carry around a two-ton albatross –
Not just a cross to bear; it’s a bear of a cross
Now, as they say, there’s a big price to pay:
The energy drain is the least of the pain.
Are you aware of the looming despair?
There’s not enough sympathy to dispel the apathy.
When once you were shrewd, it’s now rude or crude
Or you dismiss any obstacle with a laugh all too cynical
Who did you outsmart for that burnt out Purple Heart?

You may wonder how I know what I know:

“Have I been snooping outside your window?”
Alas, like you, a once non-stop hero
Flashdancing and whirling to that burnout tango.

Before talking burnout recovery, try a personal journey

While I have written pages, let’s distill critical gauges –
From stepping into the darkened maze
To a twisting path that may even craze.
To prevent going viral, grasp the “Erosive Spiral”
Let’s erase all doubt – “The Four Stages of Burnout.”

Four Stages for the Ages

First Stage

The first stage is a warning – yellow light caution:

Physical, Mental and Emotional Exhaustion
From nine to five you still are alive
But you’re not a dope; it’s been a tightrope.
You’ve made it home, like crossing a ridge
The very first thing – head for the fridge.
Get the Lite Beer or the Ben & Jerry’s
Forget the good cheer, just numb all those worries.
Put on the big screen, so you’re a slouch
It’s either “The Scream” or squashed out on the couch.

Second Sage

The second stage I call Doubt and Shame

Now you know you’re off of your game
The growing fear:  others realize the same.
When finally asked to take on a new project
You quickly wonder:  “Are my skills really suspect?
And the latest rub:  am I getting the snub?
Perhaps it’s time for the “Frequent Sighers Club.”

Third Stage

At long last, you’ve had it with being uncertain

Build an iron curtain around all your hurtin
Forget about once being a charmer
Start strapping on third stage heavy armor –
You’re not yet full of malice; alas, one big hard Callous.
Though you can give a clinic on being a Cynic.
It’s time for a self-centered run:  “Just look out for #1.”
Or you’ve seen him on cable; now do your best Gable:
Sorry to tell you, ma’am; “Frankly, I don’t give a damn!”

Don’t fall for the hype about that “strong silent type”:

A bottled up shell is its own quiet hell.
And at times “strong silent” is subtly violent:
For me to be strong…you must be silent!

Fourth Stage

As you know well; burnout can be one hell of a shell

With a push, that hard cover, at the fourth stage
May quickly fly off into impotent rage –
Failure and Helplessness now morph into Crisis:
Caught in a bind, losing one’s mind
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t
Should I keep trying; is it time to punt?
Damned if I stay, damned if I leave
Will the shame never end, can I get a reprieve?
If I could just go back to being a grouch
Now the next stop…the Stress Doc’s couch.  Ouch!

While painfully scary, do not be so leery,

It’s a doubled-edged stage; let me tell you a story
Of a tough egg on the outside; inside hollow and mushy
Now known as Hump D, his path would prove bumpy
Covered with bling, compulsively doing his thing
Always burning the candle, livin large on the wall
This big eggo was just beggin for a great fall.
So don’t feel too sorry for Mr. Dumpty
He needed to hit bottom, right on his rumpsky!

Closing Moral

Breaking out of a burnout hell

May take cracking holes in that once rigid shell
Most won’t reach out as long as there’s doubt.
Famous last words from Rambos and Nerds
From those Rambettes and high flyin Birds:

Who needs help off the shelf…I can do it myself!

Alas, it’s now crisis crossroad, no longer "more or less" –

Reach out and meaningfully progress

Hide out and critically regress.

© Mark Gorkin 2013

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Expert for Business Health Services, a National Wellness/EAP/OD Company. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

Building Stress Resilience and Organizational Hardiness despite Doing “More with Less”

[A shorter version of this Q & A will appear in Workforce.com]

Dear Workforce:

How do we cope with employee stress from them having to do more with less? Like many companies, ours has had to make tough choices in recent years. So far so good.... but we want to defuse any problems that might arise.

-- Chief Worry Officer, services/software, New York City

Building Stress Resilience and Organizational Hardiness despite Doing “More with Less”

Dear CWO,

I like your job title.  The troops will more likely sense you feel their pain.  And this is vital, for research has updated the old saw:  “Misery loves company.”  Actually, it really likes miserable company!  While I’m being a tad playful, there is a serious message.  When a company has had to make tough cutbacks, one of the most important dynamics is that everyone in the company makes some sacrifice; all, in some fashion, are walking in those “more with less” shoes, (and occasionally feel the bunions).

Let me also provide a proactive list of stress resiliency bullet points:

1.  Hold Town Hall Meeting.  Consider having an “all hands” meeting for the troops to review where you’ve been as company-division-department, etc. – bumps and strengths – during this tough transition. (And if necessary make it web-video friendly.)  I might hold a panel forum with an array of levels having an opportunity to share what have been the challenges, the stress points; some humor here is especially invaluable.  As I once penned:  “People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor.”

In addition, highlight what has been learned, including improvements made, noteworthy efforts and achievements, as well as areas to be strengthened.  Perhaps give out some awards.  Especially underscore where there’s been interdepartmental sharing and synergy.  Not only did systems circle the wagons in tough times, but they interlinked, supported, fortified, and coordinated as well.

2.  Seek Team-Department Input. 
Perhaps after the town meeting (or even in preparation for the big event), do a similar “local” analysis as noted above.  The more people believe they are being listened to, that their diverse “worries” and ideas are respected and considered, the more they will see themselves as not just part of the problem but also instrumental in the solution.  (Of course, acknowledgement doesn’t mean agreement.  And most don’t expect immediate accord.  But people want to know their argument is being genuinely heard if not addressed.) 

Finally, people will begin seeing you as a meaningful change agent – an aware, effective, and responsible individual who impacts positively mind, motivation, and morale and is also worthy of trust.

3. Generate “TnT” Environment.  Management, in particular, can do two things to facilitate trust, especially vital in a changing, sometimes uncertain or turbulent environment.  First be transparent – Transparency and Trust are soul sisters and brothers!  As much as possible, share openly with folks what you know and what you don’t know.  Don’t fudge facts.  Be clear when you are speculating.  Don’t put a positive spin on a problem to suppress angst in the short-term.  That pseudo-Yin energy will like turn around and bite you in the Yang. 

Second, allow your audience or team members to raise tough questions and even to challenge some decisions made.  Employees want leaders that can handle intense and intimate interaction without management getting defensive.  And hold off jumping on someone’s attitude if they are not being abusive. (A little or occasional attitude isn't unreasonable if "streamlined" or "right-sized" times have persisted for a good while.)  Don’t immediately handle an encounter by immediately proving why “you” are right and “they” are wrong.  Again, at least make sure the other party believes you understand their perspective.  And if you are not sure of an answer, say so up front.  Also, let people know of the research you will do to address the problem raised.  And provide some time-line for report back.  This kind of head-heart toughness also builds your trust account

4.  Make Psychological Hardiness a Priority.  Psychological hardiness is a concept developed by Dr. Suzanne Kobasa and her research team while studying the health of AT&T executives during the stressful breakup of “Ma Bell.” Some execs were having a hard time physically and emotionally, while others were coping effectively with the transitional storm. The hardiest executives demonstrated what I call the “Four C’s of Psychological Hardiness”:

a. Commitment.  The hardy execs while not crazy about all the changes were still committed to doing really good work.  They also were committed to finding work-life balance; they were not spending long nights at work hoping they would be rewarded for self-sacrifice.

b. Control.  These effective execs understood that they would have to let go of some real control; they did not bury themselves in their silos, but were more open to exploring new assignments and role-responsibility shifts.

c. Change.  The most stress resilient were able to release considerable control as they understood that “change happens.”  These individuals were quicker to grieve their loss, perceived or actual.  They were also quicker to jump into new learning curves; and did not fight being an uncomfortable beginner.  I would say their personal mantra; I’m a learner not a loser!

d. Conditioning.  The hardiest execs engaged in regular aerobic exercise or physical conditioning.  Not only does exercise help you stay fit, manage your weight and improve your endurance and cardiovascular health, but it also releases mood-lifting bio-chemicals, a good antidote to mild feelings of agitation and/or depression.  Also, when everything’s up in the air--you can’t seem to close any projects or meet elusive deadlines--structured exercise provides a self-defined beginning and endpoint, for a tangible self of accomplishment and control.

How about instituting a wellness/hardiness program or competition among departments, with some team rewards at the end of the challenge?

Closing

Follow these four resiliency-hardiness building measures and your ship, even when hitting some rough water, should continue to stay the course.  Bon voyage!

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Expert for Business Health Services, a National Wellness/EAP/OD Company. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.  And click https://vimeo.com/69053828 for the Stress Doc's wildly pioneering "Shrink Rap" video.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"