The Stress Doc’s Critical Intervention-Chicken Gumbo Recipe for Soothing the Heart, Sustaining the Soul, and Searching Anew for Purpose and Passion – Part II

The Stress Doc illustrates parallel “hybrid” – focused and flexible – processes in preparing for an emotionally challenging Critical Incident (CI) Intervention and attempting to relive and convey the “trauma-grief debrief” experience on the page or screen.  The paradoxical goal:  to soothe the heart and sustain the soul...and to make order from chaos and even generate some chaos from order!

http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2014/02/performance-mood-mindset-and.html

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The Stress Doc’s Critical Intervention-Chicken Gumbo Recipe for Soothing the Heart, Sustaining the Soul, and Searching Anew for Purpose and Passion – Part II

 

“Critical Intervening and Creative Writing – Part I” outlined parallel “hybrid” processes for achieving a focused and flexible despite being a tad fearful mindset when:  a) preparing for an emotionally challenging Critical Incident (CI) Intervention, especially one involving a time-limited  large group session and b) also attempting to relive and convey the “trauma-grief debrief” experience on the page or screen.

 

Specifically, the previous evening, a popular employee, a male nurse, had been brutally killed outside of work, most likely in a crime of domestic passion.  In each of the two 20-minute “grief debrief” sessions about twenty hospital colleagues clustered in the ward information-control desk area.  A subdued, if not heavy, tension was palpable, especially during the second session as the deceased had worked in this unit.

 

Now, as promised, here’s the strategic content-process “step-by-step” recipe for a time limited, large group CI & Grief orientation-engagement. (Please know that deviations and trial and error experimentations will be highly likely and/or necessary.)  Let’s call this “The Stress Doc’s Critical Intervention-Chicken Gumbo for Soothing the Heart, Sustaining the Soul, and Searching Anew for Purpose and Passion.”

 

1.  First Impression.  Addressing the assembly, the Human Resources Director began her brief introduction of me and why I was present with a reflexive “good morning.”  My first words:  “Normally I would say ‘good morning,’ but today’s is not a good morning; it’s a very tough one.”  Immediately I had distinguished myself and my role while demonstrating an awareness of the emotional state and place of the folks in the room.  It wouldn’t be business as usual, yet…

 

2.  Getting Down to Business.  Having only 20 minutes necessitates a strategic opening and basic outline, including:

a) sharing some common traumatic effects of sudden and horrific death (a violent death often heightens the sense of trauma) and grief – e.g., an immediate state of shock, feeling numb, sadness, generalized angst, and/or anger (ranging from being angry with God and fate to the deceased, himself), social withdrawal, feeling bereft or emotionally out of control, possibly losing one’s appetite (or overusing substances to numb pain), having difficulty sleeping, etc.

 

b) placing these stress and loss smoke signals in a time frame, that is, the presence of some or a number of the above effects for a handful of days is fairly normal, (unless, of course, these grief signals are of overwhelming intensity); if the distracting or disturbing presence of any effects approach two weeks, then an assessment with an Employee Assistance Grief Counselor is strongly advisable.  And here’s why…

 

3.  Trauma takes off the Stress and “Grief Ghost” Cover.  Another piece of educational information relates to the disruptive potential of a sudden traumatic experience:

a) individuals currently experiencing high levels of stress in their lives, separate from the tensions related to the death of a colleague, are more likely to have heightened reactions to the immediate loss; they don’t have room to handle another stressor on their emotional plate and

 

b) consciously or not, we all carry around some emotional baggage from our psychosocial-historical past; if a person has not sufficiently grieved a previous loss – actual or psychological – especially regarding significant others or family/group relations, then the weight of this baggage becomes more onerous.  For such a burdened individual, a traumatic experience:

1) either increases the heaviness of one’s emotional load or

 

2) breaks open your luggage; now painful feelings and memories from the past – what I call “grief ghosts” – begin or are primed to flood your work-life space.  During trauma or “crisis,” defenses are lowered or punctured, the mask is uncovered.  People often wonder why they are having such a strong reaction to the immediate tragedy:  “Why am I suddenly thinking of people who don’t typically appear on, let alone crowd, my psychic radar?”  The short answer:  you are likely grappling with multiple losses – one’s both immediate and historic.  Consider this poignant example:  several days after 911, my webmaster, a former US Army officer and Vietnam combat vet, couldn’t understand why he was still having a vague sense of unease.  Asking a few questions helped him reconnect to the subterranean memory of having lost his wife decades earlier in a tragic house fire.  He had been unsuccessful in his rescue attempts.  Trauma surfaces the overt and the covert.

 

During the CI, I did not share these lines; however, they are certainly apt:

 

Grief Ghosts:  A Viral or Vital Metamorphosis

 

And the Grief Ghosts will rise from the ashes
When one tries to bury the pain.
Feeding a fire that chokes dreams and desire
Oh when will your tears fall like rain?

 

Too late…look, soul-sucking phantoms
Spiral higher and higher, madly morph and conspire
As Trojan worms raiding while aerating your brain.

 

Wait…Perhaps there is still time to reach for the sublime:

Grieve, let go…and grow with the flow!

 

© Mark Gorkin  2012

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

 

4.  Grief Is Still Individual.  Finally, upon reviewing useful grief data, remind one and all there is no one right way or exact timetable for grieving.  The process is truly personal, based on one’s life stage and experience, temperament, cultural influence, etc.  I do close this portion of the session with a heartfelt Stress Doc ™ adage:  There’s a real difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow.  When feeling sorry for yourself, you are likely blaming others.  When feeling your sorrow, you have the courage to face your pain.  And there will be times when each and every one of us must face and embrace our sorrow!”

 

5.  Changing Direction.  We had arrived at a transition point.  I paused and asked if anyone wanted to speak.  In one group, initially, no one responded.  (This is not so surprising when many are feeling numb or are still in a state of shock; still others are not sure what to say.)  In the second session, one person shared a general observation about life’s vulnerability.  And then silence loomed; I affirmed this was understandable.

 

6.  The Power of Silence.  A suggestion:  consider going with the flow.  Ask for a minute of silence so all could all be with their own thoughts.  Based on my experience as a group facilitator, an uneasy or weighted quiet often is a stimulus and space for helping people focus, and get more centered.  Ironically, silence itself becomes a lubricant for communication.  And in fact, participants in both groups began sharing personal, heartfelt stories capturing some poignant or playful interaction with the deceased.  In each group, one or two revealed the recent death of a significant family member.

 

7.  Build On the Sharing.  I mentioned there may be several ways of memorializing the deceased, beyond a service, including a visual-verbal picture-board or scrapbook, planting a garden, or turning an activity that the deceased enjoyed into an annual event, etc.  (For example, one hospital department named a bocce tournament for a fallen colleague who enjoyed the pastime.)

 

Then, with time running down, I compressed a grief exercise into a head- and heart-provoking encounter.  After summarizing many of the positive qualities mentioned, and also surmising the deceased “wasn’t always an angel” – sometime he might even be a “pain in the butt” (which elicited some knowing laughter) – I then posed a powerful question…

 

8.  An Existential-Spiritual Challenge.  “What would happen if each one identified a trait or quality that they admired or valued in the deceased? … And, too, if all committed to cultivating that trait within ourselves?”  While time constraints did not permit group discussion, I answered as follows:  “First, I believe you’d be giving yourself a gift by honoring your colleague.  And second, if each person took up this challenge, while your colleague would no longer be physically present, his spirit would certainly walk the hospital halls.”  The energy rise in the room was palpable.

 

9.  Closing Review and Resources.  After thanking everyone for their attention and for the individual sharing, I briefly affirmed the depth of emotion that can be evoked by trauma and grief.  Also underscored was the importance, during such trying times, of having a personal and/or professional ear and shoulder to lean on; a “stress buddy,” as I like to call it.  Sometimes, after the shock wears off, the pain and confusion may warrant talking to a professional.  Again, I reminded people of the availability of the Employee Assistance Program for free time-limited stress and grief consultation or counseling.  And finally, the HR Director reminded people that I would be available for one-on-one meetings after the group session..

 

I hope this strategic content-process “step-by-step” yet fluid recipe for acute stress relief and grief counseling proves useful should your company or organization find itself in the throes of life-and-death trauma.  Unfortunately, such understanding and capacity for therapeutic response may be increasingly critical in a rapidly changing world that too often appears to be outpacing the human and organizational capacity to adapt.  More than ever…Practice Safe Stress!

 

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Critical Intervening and Creative Writing: Parallel Processes for Soothing the Heart, Sustaining the Soul, and Searching Anew for Purpose and Passion – Part l

The Stress Doc illustrates parallel “hybrid” – focused and flexible – processes in preparing for an emotionally challenging Critical Incident Intervention and attempting to relive and capture the “grief debrief” experience on the page or screen.  The paradoxical goal:  to soothe the heart and sustain the soul...and to make order from chaos and even generate some chaos from order!

Critical Intervening and Creative Writing:  Parallel Processes for Soothing the Heart, Sustaining the Soul, and Searching Anew for Purpose and Passion – Part l

At first, the intention of this essay was to provide a “content-process recipe” for a time-limited Critical Incident Debriefing involving the number of folks who crowd into the information-control central area of a typical hospital ward.  (Let’s say about twenty or so.)  And the recipe will be outlined in due course; actually in Part II.  However, as I let my fingers, mind, and words unfold on the keyboard and screen, parallels began percolating between preparing to write this piece and getting ready to lead and facilitate a critical intervention.  Certain events, like public speaking or facilitating a Critical Incident Intervention in the aftermath of some individual tragedy and organizational trauma, helps generate a hybrid mind space and set:  initially hyper-alert yet receptive and, hopefully, responsive as well as goal-driven, there often rises a need and desire for my own personal debriefing. Emotional catharsis and integration is facilitated by a post-intervention transitional space for reflection and written expression.

Linking the Cognitive and the Meditative
 

More specifically, each speaking and writing experience involves some mental rehearsal of key psycho-situational elements and strategies.  Almost simultaneously there’s a meditative-like contemplation of new relations among the ingredients – in real time the unfolding interactive and internal data and theories, tools, and techniques – along with the methods for cooking this informational gumbo.  An “R and R” – Rehearsal and Reflection – process allows swirling elements to slow and settle enough so that a point of entry emerges from the steamy mist.  Naturally, both arenas engage various ideas and memories derived from this and other intervention experiences.  From trial and error (sometimes terror; see below) experiences as a presenter and scribe I’ve gleaned hard earned wisdom:
a) a clear and concise initial focus along with,
b) a subsequent blend of rough logical outline and intuitive-trust your gut (while still seeking feedback) flexibility,
c) tends to be essential for a rational-reflective-responsive performance tool kit.
 

Performance Angst and Analysis, Adaptations and Art
 

In addition, the two settings stir performance anxiety, especially when alone, face-to-face with that computer scream, I mean screen.  To move beyond this “on the edge” self means silencing the “I’m not ready to do this” angst, and then leaping into the abyss.  Okay, I’m being a tad dramatic; it means throwing this cognitive-affective mix onto an electronic canvas – and then exploring next steps.  Sometimes the process is feverish; alas, sometimes I’m seemingly paralyzed, fortunate to be moving at a snail’s pace.

Nonetheless, I’m convinced, in Yin/Yang fashion, the courage to remain vulnerable during this crisis window of “danger and opportunity” heightens the grief learning curve both for presenter and participants.  Being at a loss, angry with or despairing of the status quo, thirsting for authentic connection and new possibility lays the groundwork for emotionally insightful, expressive, and creative vitality and connection.  For me, both speaking and writing are performance arts.  (It’s also possible that periodically watching the Winter Olympics – from preparation to performance, from elation to profound dejection – has helped prime my current thought process.)
 

The challenge is making sense over a period of time of a large and complex data configuration – whether doing a group grief session or, after the fact, trying to analyze the same.  With public presentation or group facilitation, once playing the opening move, a myriad of verbal and nonverbal emotional and communicational data points begin firing back at you.  And the trick is to make adjustments on your feet while still trusting your basic “walk the talk” path.  Also, to mix metaphors, as a writer, knowing when to deviate from the path and make your own finger prints; or expecting keyboard throwing to set the stage for predictable and surprising cutting and pasting, rewriting and editing maneuvers, including seeking input from outside sources.  Of course, as a conference speaker or a hospital grief consultant, I’m making my opening moves and editorial adaptations both in my mind and in front of an audience, an audience that may range from the receptive to the hostile.  And everything is happening Right Now!
 

Speaking and Writing in Rich Air and Ambiance
 

As a writer, I am most focused and impassioned shortly after actively experiencing and authentically engaging with an emotionally, physically, and/or interpersonally challenging situation or crisis state…even, at times, by reliving a provocative or disturbing dream.  Doing Critical Incident Work, interacting with people on the edge of tears and trauma, when words and nonverbal communication truly have the capacity to compassionately touch or turn off minds, hearts, and souls…this unpredictably sensitive yet vital surround enables me to breathe enriched oxygen.  Let me set the stage…
 

Before commencing the critical grief engagement, waiting in the wings to be introduced, the senses are finely tuned; my brain is on high alert.  I’m psycho-physiologically aroused yet, surprisingly, there’s an idling quiet, maybe a tad edgy calm.  The memory banks are open but on standby as I have few preconceived expectations.  My mind-body is in a focused-fluid space, both absorbing the scene with “soft” eyes and ears while scanning the environment for anomalies and possible noteworthy cues.  And this relaxed yet hyper-alert condition records and encodes emotional images and ideas will be accessible for review and reflection, if not imaginative reverie and wordplay, for some extended time period.  (Of course, recall is aided by jotting down brief yet salient points and images shortly after the charged or critical event.  However, if another experience, even more compelling or disruptive, captures or jams my mental radar, then the challenge becomes restoring some dynamic equilibrium.  I have to psychologically work my way back to that relaxed and attuned, “word artist” state; once again attempting to induce a hopefully pregnant, flexibly focused mind ready to plunge into that blank screen, that compelling, Siren-like writer’s web.)  As mentioned above, fortunately, this enriched atmosphere has a fairly long shelf life, enabling me to transport and harness this pulsating O₂ for the keyboard arena.

Finding Order in Chaos and Even Stirring Some Chaos in Order

As a grief consultant, a primary goal is helping employees make some sense of the incomprehensible tragedy of a life suddenly (and sometimes brutally) swept out of their personal lives and communal work space.  I also want to them to better understand the array of emotions and memories often triggered in the face of shocking news; to facilitate some heartfelt sharing while mutually designing a resilient border around the silently smoldering, streaming, or fuming chaos.
 

Clearly, as a grief consultant and writer, I too strive for deepened self-awareness.  Such understanding is enhanced by reflectively sketching, shaping, and sharing ideas and images, intuitions and insights gleaned in the lion’s den.  At the same time, both as writer and speaker, when the timing is right I occasionally induce some chaos (or creative confusion, e.g., through novel conception, unexpected expression, thought-provoking challenge, etc.) from order or convention.  I’ll even inject some “healing humor” when the moment seems apt.  As the pioneering film genius, Charlie Chaplin observed:  A paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it is precisely the tragic which arouses the funny.  We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces…and in order not to go crazy.
 

For example, I recently performed a “Shrink Rap” ™ during a group grief debrief.  Not only did participants begin to relax for the first time in days, staff also began laughing and swaying to my questionable rhythm.  People now realized it was okay to share a light-hearted moment within a dark background and laugh collectively.  Generating order from chaos and stimulating some chaos from order is a high priority objective, whether as a speaker, grief consultant, work-life coach, or writer.
 

Content-Process Guidelines for a Critical Incident Intervention
 

We are finally ready for my strategic intervention recipe, where the meal has to be prepared, served, and digested in twenty minutes.  (I’m beginning to feel like a contestant on some performance-based reality show.)  Actually, the serving a meal metaphor may not be so farfetched.  Shortly after completing the two 20-mintue interventions, the Hospital Chaplin approached me.  She thanked me for coming and then said:  “You had them in the palm of your hands.”  Taken aback, I was truly touched by her words.  Apparently, I was not only offering “food for thought,” but a balm for the heart, sustenance for the soul, and hope for the future.

In closing, the event to be examined is a blend – both Critical Incident Intervention and public presentation.  And, hopefully, my speaking-writing parallel gumbo has sufficiently whetted your appetite so you’ll stay for the rest of the dinner, which will be served in Part II.  Until then, just remember…Practice Safe Stress!

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

From Resiliency Rap to Resiliency Rant & Generational-Digital Divide Manifesto – Part ll

Link to “From Resiliency Rap to Resiliency Rant – Part l”

http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2014/01/from-resiliency-rap-to-rant.html

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From Resiliency Rap to Resiliency Rant and Manifesto – Part ll

 

Hey, it’s just a multi-media/multi-tasking age

Where ADHD is all of the rage.
When instant gratification seems a delay…
BOREDOM!  ASAP:  Start texting away.

And when you can’t get online or even a signal
Oh, oh…real trouble!
They’ve cut your e-umbilical cord
Definite PANIC  time for the bored!

Today it’s “Privacy vs. Piracy”:  we’re under viral attack.
Identity theft from the neighborhood hack.
Even big Uncle Sam cannot safely “hold em”
Playing NSA Poker with one Mr. Snowden!

Of course, many leaders don’t have a clue
For an e-conference, just what do you do?
Without live eyes and bodies keeping them in line
“Little Napoleons” e-rupt in almost no time…

And with no sense of time
When presenting – on the Web or Skype phone
Give us a break; don’t just drone on and on.
Or for a Skype video; four words of warning:
Stuff that hired EGO!  I’m tired of yawning.

           Dinos and Digits can be mental midgets
           Digits and Dinos, like spoiled bambinos.

Younger folks say “inclusion,” a trophy for all

Forming an identity that’s off the Facebook Wall.

Grizzled Boomers want winners not mere pretenders

Start dividing the Alphas from those bleeding heart losers.

 

[Yet, these same so-called “losers,” head- and i-Phone abusers

Despite seeking “cloud” cover, connect with and touch others.

Often slower to prejudge diverse ideas and colors

Unlike their generational elders…

“Inclusion” may not bleed “black or white,” my sister and brother!]

 

Still… for those folks who both drive and talk

As if life is but one stroll in the park.

Or sleepwalk and text…and what do they expect?

Either I clear a path or I’m the pain in the neck.

 

Believe me; it wouldn’t take much of a dare

To shove that damn phone right up their…hot air!

Alas, I’m sounding more and more like a grouch

Maybe what’s needed is another approach.

           Dinos and Digits, both becoming misfits

           Digits and Dinos, my final warning before coming to blows:

           Do know your limits, don’t limit your “No”s!

A crusade:  “Save the Analog Whales”…Is that asking too much?
But first, lure digital hare-brains from their wired world hutch.
Pull heads out of smart phones; break FOMO ** media habits?
(Though “Get a Life” Coaching is for “Dinos,” not only “Digits.”)

Of course, don’t go cold turkey with a cyber-addiction…
Play “Past Life Regression” ® in a “calmer shooter” or “Kama Sutra” *** position.
Find a virtual guru, one who’s no techno slouch…now
Plug-and-play (if not hug-and-pay) on that 3-D “smart couch.”

Well, let me reach closure, before I “break bad”

On those always bragging about their iPad.

Consider my words, they are pretty rad:

I truly don’t mean to sound unkind…

Keep your iPad; I prefer an I-Mind!

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**  FOMO:  Fear of Missing Out

*** (an ancient Indian text on sexual positions; personal preference)

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It’s a Rap:  A “Mentor-Gentor” Manifesto

for Bridging the Generational-Digital Divide

 

But wait, what if, Lord willin

With the New Gospel accordin

To one ironic Bob Dylan, “The times are a changin”

So that neither oldest nor youngest were “first” or “last.”

The future and past arise in the present; shed light on a moment

When each generation shares their best education:

Could “High Tech” shake hands with “Human Touch”?

 

If those more senior would be savvy mentors

Praising the knowledge of able young gentors

While these gentors sought out wise mentors

Stead of oft being new wheel inventors

Raising the art of dialogue and such…

 

For the greater good and gain

Despite learning curve pain

With tears falling like rain

Easing the digital drain

Calming the analogue brain…for a time

As the young become leaders

The old must be followers

Both sides learning together –

The quest for tech skills and warm touch:

To survive stormy weather

To harness “Fear of Exposure”

As we level the playing field plane

To discover who comes through in the clutch.

 

My intuitive hunch, sans crystal ball

Please heed ye the call:

“Tear down that Generational Wall”

For one and all…It would mean so much!

 

 

©  Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.