Reality Radio Podcast #6: Closing the Gap between Thought and Action and Risk-taking Poetry

Partnerships that Drive Performance with the Stress Doc ™ and the Communications Strategist

What keeps people stagnant?  Why don’t people take action on things they know they should do? Discover reasons for this, and learn how you can influence others to action!  Feel free to listen live or download it later. http://tobtr.com/s/8311289.

Guest Call-In: 646-564-9624

This week’s show was broadcast live on Wed, Feb 17, instead of the usual Tues time (8:30-9:30 pm), due to the snow and ice stranding our engineer in upstate New York.

Show Synopsis

1.  Opening Theme.  The show focused on the commonplace phenomenon of not acting on knowledge when, by all intents and appearances, it would be advantageous to do so.  Emily, our Communications Strategist, has coached numerous clients who ardently, if not obsessively, pursue the “why” questions…without turning information and ideas into action.

Emily and Mark engaged in some “back and forth” on this issue from their respective professional role frames – as coach and therapist.  Ultimately, both concluded that the gap can be bridged when an individual goes beyond mere knowledge (the head) and really sits, with, embraces, and explores the underlying emotions (the heart…and the head, especially as it relates to powerful emotional memories).  Can you let go, grieve...and grow with the flow?

2.  Who’s on the Couch?  This week it was Emily’s turn.  She shared a reluctance to do independent walking.  While on the surface seemingly obvious – Emily is blind – as she shared more about her experience as a blind woman, walking alone, how people react – with or without words – the complexity of the experience and the complexity of Emily’s cognitive-affective processing of the experience, emerged.  The interview makes for a fascinating piece of “Reality Radio” ™.

New Developments

We have decided to do some experimentation with the show format.  We will trim the time to thirty minutes, hoping this adds to our intensity and punch.  And we anticipate that with this new timeframe, there will be some content-structure changes but without compromising the show’s personal-transparent-adventurous vision and interactive, if not combative, energy!

And, we also see this restructuring step as groundwork for moving into a new medium:  Partnerships that Drive Performance as a half-hour video program to be aired on YouTube.  So stay tuned…more insightful and practical, risk-taking and FUN ideas ahead!

Emily, Communication Strategist

Mark, The Stress Doc

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And speaking of risk-taking, the interview with Emily was so engaging, I didn’t have time to read my customary Resiliency Poetry or sing a “Shrink Rap” ™.  So without further ado…

Five Stages of Courageous Resilience & Creative Risk-taking

How do you cultivate

Risk & Resilience?

With ”coeur”-rage and a savvy “tete”:  **

Fling a wide, alert-anxious net

Focus search radar to spotlight intense

Explore shadow and substance

“Five Stages” the conduit…

Less a gamble; more fierce mindset

“Design Disorder”…sans regret!

**  “coeur”  and “tete” – French for heart and head respectively

1.  First an Agenda…Then into the Arena

It grabs your mind, heart, and gut

You’re alive yet still wary –

Just “Constructive Discontent”

Or a brain bolt heaven sent?

Finally, out of your rut

Wrestling with the contrary

Hones the range of intent

While still being hell-bent…

On a stage all too pregnant!

2.  Aware-ily Jump In Over Your Head

Take the plunge; eyes wild and wide

Quickly glean skills and resources

For the challenge of losing (it)

Excites laser learning (also wit)…

And surprise! – a dopamine ride

Craving pleasure and dark forces:

Are you in flight or still fighting?

To avert stage fright freezing

Get a back rub…prevent muscles tightening

Relax in the tub…keep the brain juice flowing!

3.  Strive to Survive the High Dive

Facing Your Intimate FOE:

Oh no…”Fear of Exposure” –

That gap between ambition

And “b.s.” – a burnout situation

Means cutting edge tension:

Do you have the nerve

To deeply observe?

Can you dance fast and slow

As you take time to grow?

So “Strive High, Embrace Failure” –

Yin/Yang paradox potion:

Repetition with reflection…still

Beware Icarus ** perspiration!

**  Icarus – in Greek mythology, son of renowned craftsman, Daedalus; Icarus lost his life daring to fly too near the sun on wings of feathers and wax designed by his father

4.  Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to Illuminate

Your ideas just won’t unite

Still, don’t fight the big muddle

Slowly harness frustration…

Build a platform for “thrustration”:  **

Volcanic dreams in the night

A lava light for your puzzle…

Now drift with meditation

Join in collaboration, then

An “incubation vacation”:

Let go…retreat…hatch new creation!

**  “Thrustration” – a term coined by family therapist, Dr. Richard Rabkin; I defined it as being torn between thrusting ahead with direct action and frustration as you cannot, quite yet, put together those key puzzle pieces

5.  Design for Error and Evaluation, Coming Out and Opportunity

Pursue three-fold pathways:

Trial, error, and appraisal

Not a fixed or “my way” goal

More “b.s.” – be safe! control.
Break down the expected maze

Set some hollowed truths ablaze…

From the ashes…mythic renewal:

Mandala ** vision of the soul

Spirit voice from a black hole

Are you ready?…Let’s “Rock and Roll!

**  Mandala – Sanskrit for “magic circle”; a meditative tool/artistic structure often displaying geometric – concentric and symmetric – patterning; for the pioneering psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, a collective unconscious symbol of psychological wholeness or “individuation”; email for more information

Closing

On this “R and R” journey

Not “a means to an end”

Nor a quest “one and done”…

Battles seem lost ere you’ve begun.

Red-hot electric memory

Lurking around every bend…

Dark images eclipse your sun

Still…there’s a chance for madhouse fun:

Will you resist that urge to run?

© Mark Gorkin  2015; edited 2016

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a former psychotherapist and Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the U.S. Postal Service.  Mark is a Trauma Debriefing and Critical Incident Consultant for variety of organizations, including the national post-earthquake, Nepali Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. He has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for US Army Senior Officers and Sergeants. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap ™.  His latest, soon to be published book, Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh, and Love.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  Email stressdoc@aol.com for more info.

Radio Podcast #4: CONFLICT! -- Content Synopsis & Conflict Poems

Agenda:

1)  Partnerships that Drive Performance:  Radio Podcast #4:  CONFLICT!

2)  Conflict Poems

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Partnerships that Dive Performance:  Radio Podcast #4:  CONFLICT!  You got a problem with that!

During our pre-show preparation, Emily, my co-host, challenged me to be more spontaneously interactive and engaged with her.  And she was right.  I think it resulted in our most animated and stimulating effort yet.

Any time listening link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ptdp
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Stress Doc Radio Blog:  Partnerships that Drive Performance!

Tuesday Nights 8:30pm EST

Jan 28, 2016

Wonderful, Mark! I have had a listen and like what I hear. I've promoted it on Orate's social media channels. Keep me updated on the developments of the communications speaking program. Best, Erin

Erin C. Reeve, Community Marketing Manager

ORATE Speakers Bureau

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Dueling yet collaborative mind-behavior-interaction strategy experts blur the lines of conventional wisdom in their quest to pull back the curtain on communication, creativity, and collaboration -- that is, on "Partnerships the Drive Performance."  And you can call-in:  646-564-9624.

Any time listening link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ptdp

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Program # 4 Synopsis

During our pre-show preparation, Emily, my co-host challenged me to be more spontaneously interactive and engaged with her.  And she was right.  I think it resulted in our most animated and stimulating effort yet.  And for a little lagniappe, after the radio blog, her husband was commenting about our growing repertoire of shows.  The word "repertoire" sounded slightly off-kilter, and suddenly I realized we had created a new word, a neologism:  we are developing a "web-ertoire."

Highlights of Show # 4 -- CONFLICT!

1.  Why are first associations to the word "conflict" often negative?  How many grew up in families where it really felt safe and secure having angry arguments or being in the middle of conflict?

2.  A discussion of the double-edged -- positive and negative, approach and avoidance -- nature of conflict; how conflict creates tension and dissension, yet also can focus attention, heighten motivation, generate imaginative problem-solving, and spur survival and creative collaboration.

3.  Emily's personal share around the initial sharp differences between her and her husband around "saving or spending money," and how they constructively negotiated their differences.

4.  We engaged in one of the Stress Doc's "power struggle exercise":  "You Can't Make Me"..."Oh, Yes I Can."  And while our increasingly charged banter was evolving from the playful to the more serious...it was our analysis of the exchange that really proved meaningful.

5.  We went back and forth discussing and illustrating the "Six "C"s of Power Struggles"; why is it so easy to fall into the power struggle trap.  The Six "C"s:  Control, Competition, Change, Cultural Diversity, Communication Skills, and Courage.  Once again the Stress Doc demonstrates why he is a charter member of the new AA group Acronyms Anonymous!

6.  The Murray Story captures how a grizzled salesman is challenged to work through his anger with the new, young, brash CEO (likely covering insecurity with an aggressive front), approach the young buck in a way that both men can save face, and even become an elder statesman in the company.

7.  We talked about the importance and steps for achieving consensus:  where everyone gives up a little for the common good.

8.  And finally, the real highlight was the spirited interplay between the Communication Strategist and the Stress Doc.

Enjoy.

Emily and Mark

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Conflict Poems

Crazy for “You”

“It’s all your fault”; “You drive me crazy!”

Sounds like an assault from a mind that is lazy.

Do not be shy, here’s one good reply –

Looking eye to eye…with tone a tad dry:

“Time after time, I know you have said it…

Alas, you still give me way too much credit.”

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Tea for Two:  The Narcissist’s Version

You for me and me for me

Oh how nurturing you will be

Forget “to be or not to be”…

Just simply think of Me, Me, Me!

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Losing It…Resting It

You may think I’m at a loss

Not having you as a boss.

But when it’s just me

Not us or you…

Please, do not tell me what to do.

Even when you “know what’s best”

(Though never quite put to the test)

Let me flounder; wait...still better

A request:  Geez, Louise…Just let it rest!

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I had started working on a poem, seemingly about hostile communication, but didn’t get very far.  Perhaps the first four lines.  So I let it go.  Recently, while trying to track down other poems on conflict, I came across these lonely, forgotten words.  Now I had a person in mind; and the further I progressed with the lyrics, additional tense encounters with other “stress carriers” flooded my mindscape.  And the common characteristic:  people who didn’t deal with conflict straight on or with a genuine give-and-take quality.  Their pattern was to hit and run, subtly ridicule and walk away, or snake bite and tune out or block.  As the lines progressed, as I captured this toxic, passive-aggressive pattern, as the poem was gaining greater definition…a new self-recognition appeared on the mental horizon.  I too was feeling more defined and solid; the memories of these encounters did not leave me feeling wounded or agitated, plotting revenge.  I was puzzling out and declaring a poetic measure of personal evolution; letting go of some of the darkness and letting in pristine light.

The Double-Edged Curse of Conflict-Averse

You’re so in control

Above the fray.

Cutting wit – saber cool

What dare I say?

Of course, you don’t let emotions

Get in the way.

Hey, you’re no fool…

When it comes to survival:

The head trumps the heart –

The DarthVinian rule!

And when there’s contention

You know your part:

Just shoot a dart!

That kills discussion

Before it can start.

Oh to react:  “Please…Make my day!”

But “how could s/he?” toxic shock

Mutes any smart play.

To be a smooth "black or white" rock

No...I drift in shades of gray.

With a Cheshire sneer

Poof…you disappear.

But one day we’ll learn

Waiting on your return

For better and worse

When a “Lady or Master of the Universe”

Is so discord-averse

Yet not disinclined

To mess with your mind –

Hiding lethal claws

In a self-righteous cause

While a “please be so kind”

Becomes a legal clause.

Before I start to churn

Let us give pause…

There now dawns a new day

No need to beg and pray

No false self to betray.

For with vision and verse

Let me be terse:

You can’t touch my core

Like you did once before.

So whatever you choose

For me, there’s nothing to lose…

I’ve stopped keeping score

And won’t sing those old blues

As I finally, yes really

Show you the door!

** A Stress Doc neologism:  a callous, perverted mix of Darth Vader and Social Darwinism

©  Mark Gorkin  2016

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a former psychotherapist and Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the U.S. Postal Service.  Mark is a Trauma Debriefing and Critical Incident Consultant for variety of organizations, including the national post-earthquake, Nepali Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. He has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for US Army Senior Officers and Sergeants. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap ™.  His latest, soon to be published book, Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh, and Love.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  Email stressdoc@aol.com for more info.