Two socio-demographic
characteristics of Columbia/Howard County, MD, are its quality of education and
diversity of cultures, including racial and ethnic groups. However, sometimes even positive intentions
and progressive dynamics can fuel psychological and social pressures and
tensions within and among individuals and groups of students. And such differences and dynamics can
contribute to bullying behavior. And of
course, these days bullying behavior is not confined to the classroom, hallway,
cafeteria, schoolyard, or on the trek or travel home. In a digital age it can occur virtually
anywhere and at any time, day or night!
I. Proposal Overview: Problem Description and Assessment
A. Bullying Defined
According to bullying.gov:
In 2014, the Centers for Disease
Control and Department of Education released the first federal uniform
definition of bullying for research and surveillance. The
core elements of the definition include: unwanted aggressive behavior; observed
or perceived power imbalance; and repetition of behaviors or high likelihood of
repetition. There are many different
modes and types of bullying. The current
definition acknowledges two modes and four types by which youth can be bullied
or can bully others. The two modes of
bullying include direct (e.g., bullying that occurs in the presence of a
targeted youth) and indirect (e.g., bullying not directly communicated to a
targeted youth such as spreading rumors). In addition to these two modes, the
four types of bullying include broad categories of physical, verbal, relational
(e.g., efforts to harm the reputation or relationships of the targeted youth),
and damage to property.
Bullying can happen in any number
of places, contexts, or locations.
Sometimes that place is online or with a cellphone. Bullying that occurs using technology
(including but not limited to phones, email, chat rooms, instant messaging, and
online posts) is considered electronic bullying and is viewed as a context or
location. Electronic bullying or
cyberbullying involves primarily verbal aggression (e.g., threatening or
harassing electronic communications) and relational aggression (e.g., spreading
rumors electronically). Electronic
bullying or cyberbullying can also involve property damage resulting from
electronic attacks that lead to the modification, dissemination, damage, or
destruction of a youth's privately stored electronic information.
Some bullying actions can fall into criminal categories,
such as harassment, hazing, or assault.
B. Who’s at Risk: Potential
Local Sources of Pressure and Tension
No single factor puts a child at risk of being bullied or bullying
others. Bullying can happen anywhere—cities, suburbs, or rural towns. Depending
on the environment, some groups—such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender
(LGBT) youth, youth with disabilities, and socially isolated youth—may be at an
increased risk of being bullied (bullying.gov).
1)
Howard County. In Columbia/Howard
County, sources of student stress and tension might include socio-economic
differences, differences in exposure to childhood trauma, including acts of
violence, and early separation and loss issues, a competitive, high demand
“college prep” culture, adaptability to a traditional classroom setting,
students with special needs, racial and ethnic diversity, everyday family
stress levels and communication patterns, immigrant status and relocation
stress, etc.
2) Critical Difference. Whether in an individual or a group,
differences are often the characteristics “that are going to be made fun of and known
as odd or weird because (they are) different (or alien).” Variation in social rules, language, dress,
and religious practices may contribute to bullies’ views of victims as strange
or weak. These differences can lead to students being less accepted by their
peers, having less friends from other cultures (or social groups), and feeling
isolated or lonely.
3) Mitigating/Instigating Factors. A child’s ability to consider another’s views
or feelings, how much competition or conflict a student experiences directly or
believes exists between groups at school or in the community, and prejudicial
beliefs (such as an unreasonable fear of foreigners) expressed by important
people in a child’s environment all factor in to the likelihood of he or she
bullying others (Scherr, T. G., & Larson, J. (2010). Bullying
dynamics associated with race, ethnicity, and immigration status. In S. R.
Jimerson, S. M. Swearer, & D. L. Espelage (Eds.).The Handbook of Bullying in Schools: An International Perspective.
New York: Routledge).
4) Traumatic
Experience. Finally, a factor that
may well exacerbate the likelihood of being bullied or being the aggressor is
exposure to trauma: Traumatic experiences and high levels of “toxic stress,” can change the
course of a life. If untreated, trauma
can interfere with an individual’s emotional well-being, physical and cognitive
health, and interpersonal relationships. Ultimately, it can change the way individuals
view the world and the systems of care around them. Traumatic and adverse experiences, whether
chronic or in isolation, generally occur in the context of community. They happen in people’s homes, at their jobs,
and in their neighborhoods and schools. Both
individuals and communities can experience trauma, through neighborhood
violence, pervasive poverty, and shared experience of oppression, racial
discrimination and injustice. (Bloom, S. (2006). “Neither liberty nor
safety: The impact of fear on individuals, institutions, and societies, part
IV,” Psychotherapy and Politics International, 4-23. Retrieved January
16, 2015)
C. Victim or Bully: Warning Signs
Whether bullied or
the bully, both individuals are caught in a dysfunctional behavior pattern with
consequences for maturational growth and adaptive educational-psycho-social
development.
Signs a child is
being bullied:
" Unexplainable
injuries
" Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics or jewelry
" Frequent headaches or stomachaches, feeling sick or faking illness
" Changes in eating habits, such as suddenly skipping meals or binge eating; kids also may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch
" Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
" Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork or not wanting to go to school
" Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
" Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
" Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves or talking about suicide
" Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics or jewelry
" Frequent headaches or stomachaches, feeling sick or faking illness
" Changes in eating habits, such as suddenly skipping meals or binge eating; kids also may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch
" Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
" Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork or not wanting to go to school
" Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
" Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
" Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves or talking about suicide
Signs a child is bullying others:
" Get into physical or verbal fights
" Have friends who bully others
" Are increasingly aggressive
" Get sent to the principal's office or to detention frequently
" Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
" Blame others for their problems
" Don't accept responsibility for their actions
" Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity
[From Erin Stewart, "Is Your Child a Bully or a Victim?," Erin Stewart, Desert News, Nov. 2 2015]
" Get into physical or verbal fights
" Have friends who bully others
" Are increasingly aggressive
" Get sent to the principal's office or to detention frequently
" Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
" Blame others for their problems
" Don't accept responsibility for their actions
" Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity
[From Erin Stewart, "Is Your Child a Bully or a Victim?," Erin Stewart, Desert News, Nov. 2 2015]
II. Bullying
Prevention and Early Intervention Plan:
Structure and Strategy
Focusing
on the above psycho-social-cultural assessment, a team of local and national
experts – educators, e.g., local teachers, former NYC Principal of an Intl High
School, clinical social worker, motivational speaker/workshop leader and stress
resilience/trauma consultant, and substance abuse specialist, etc. – have
developed (and will continue to evolve) a comprehensive and multifaceted Stop the Bullying Program: Prevention and Early Intervention for
Columbia/Howard County School System.
A. Target Audience
The prevention/early intervention structures and
strategies proposed will be specifically designed for and shared with three
main audiences:
1)
students (from middle school to high school; might also be relevant for
pre-middle schoolers)
2)
teachers staff, and administrators
3)
parents and close family members
All three stakeholder groups would also have
meaningful input in shaping the substance and structure of a prevention/early
intervention program before it is launched.
Focus groups led by team facilitators would solicit input and,
hopefully, constituent buy-in.
B. Learning and Sharing, Support and Healing Structures
and Strategies: A Program/Services Menu
Based on the above diagnostics and dynamics, an
initial menu of structures and strategies is hereby proposed for positively
increasing awareness and understanding of the bullying problem as well as
strengthening the security, safety, and trust levels in classrooms, of the
overall school environment, within and between families, etc. The key is creating structures, providing
tools and techniques, and creating climates for more open dialogue and
emotional sharing among students, faculty and staff, and parents/family
members.
Prevention/Early
Intervention Programs
A three-part prevention/early intervention sequence
is proposed: 1) Psycho-Educational
Classes, 2) Supportive Workshops, and 3) Individual Counseling/Coaching or
Clinical Referral
1. Psycho-Educational Classes: classes may be designed for each of the above
three audiences; depending on social-cultural demographics, there may initially
be classes held for different grouping of students before mixing groups of
students, e.g., boys and girls groups, immigrant groups, etc.; when deemed
appropriate, the three main groups (H.S. students, teachers/staff, family
members) may be asked to participate in the same class; the below topic
sections can comprise an overview class as well as a stand-alone offering
a) Identifying the Bully-Bullied Cycle: risk factors, sources of stress, pressure and
tension – from individual to communal, social to cultural warning signs
b) Anger Dynamics and the Bullying Process: acclaimed Four
Faces of Anger: Model and Method; learning to see anger as potentially
constructive or destructive; becoming aware of sources of anger and “hot
buttons”; practicing assertiveness skills; replacing blaming “You” messages
with affirming “I”s; learning how to say “No,” learning how to walk away;
c) Stress Resilience and Conflict Resolution
Skills and Strategies: classroom and
peer group tools for understanding the impact of trauma and “toxic stress”; defusing
power struggles, disarming critical aggressors and conflict negotiation skills;
overcoming rigid or dysfunctional perfectionism; the Stress Doc’s formula for
Natural SPEED; affirming self-esteem and learning to reach out for appropriate
support, inside and outside the school; actions to take as a witness to bullying;
speaking up is courageous not snitching, etc.
d) Loss (of Control), Trauma, and the Grief
Process: understanding and
overcoming sense of shame, feeling out of control and panic, addressing and
dressing emotional wounds; compassionately challenging hopelessness and
helplessness; letting go of toxic peer groups, recognizing codependent
behavior, and building healthier friendship systems; replacing dysfunctional
behavioral patterns with positive activities, hobbies, creative expression,
etc.; when indicated, making “gentle handoff” to appropriate referral resources
e) Substance Abuse and Going MA&DD (Media
Addiction and Digital Distraction):
linking substance abuse and compulsive gaming/gadget
use with increased anxiety, aggressive behavior, apathy, and depression
f) Cyberbullying: adapting above skills and strategies, tools
and techniques for addressing critical or crisis electronic
communication/social media situations; recognition that with greater distance
and anonymity in communication empathy often decreases and aggression increases
2. Bullying Prevention/Early Intervention
Training for School Personnel
a.
Disarming the Bullying Cycle: for teachers, administrators, and
staff; skills and strategies for effective intervention in bullying, anger
management, or conflict intervention; creating a climate of trust, learning,
consequences, and support for bullying targets, aggressors, and witnesses
3. Peer Support Workshops: Adult Facilitated and Peer Facilitated
a. Supportive
Workshop: opportunity for students
and others who have (or have not) attended the psycho-educational class, to
more intimately discuss bullying experiences inside or outside of school, e.g.,
in family, neighborhood; peer group; community gang, etc.; separate groups for
students; also for faculty/staff and parents as needed; early peer support
workshops led by trained adult facilitator; adult facilitator may shift to
observer role; or depending on the maturity of the students might function
without adult in the room
b. Peer
Support Workshops and Train the (High School) Student Facilitator Trainings:
1) workshops initially facilitated by trained adult facilitator; (2) with
successful training, peer facilitated student support groups; student
facilitators will be formally supervised by appropriate school personnel
c. High School Culture: recognition that more subtle or disguised
bullying often occurs in this setting
4. Sustaining a Bullying Prevention/Early
Intervention School Culture: Additional
Structures and Strategies
a.
Sprigeo Online Reporting System (being introduced at Harper’s Choice Middle School)
“We recognize that creating a safe
learning environment is a critical part of helping each child achieve academic
success. This year we will introduce Sprigeo, a new online system that students
can use to report bullying incidents and school safety incidents. Sprigeo will
give your child another medium for communicating with our school administration
when bullying or school safety incidents occur. All information sent through
the Sprigeo system goes directly to selected central office staff who will then
send the report to our administrators through a secure online connection.
How does the Sprigeo system work?
Students can access the reporting form directly through a link on our school web site or they may go to the Sprigeo.com website. After completing the reporting form and clicking the "submit" button, the report details are sent in a secure email to selected central office staff who will then send the report to our administrators through a secure online connection. Over 90% of students include their name when using the Sprigeo system. However, reports can be made anonymously.”
Adam
Eldridge, Principal
Harper's Choice Middle School | 5450 Beaverkill
Road Columbia, MD 21044 | 410-313-6929 | hcms.hcpss.org
b. Stress Doc Experience. Based on my experience as a Stress and
Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service and as a Critical
Incident, Stress Resilience, and Organizational Development Consultant for a
variety of organizations, the following structures and strategies are proposed:
1) Face-to-Face Meeting with School
Administrator: once bully incident (or likely bully incident) is
identified, there’s a meeting with bully and bullied and when needed teachers
and/or with their respective family members
2) Ongoing Monthly Matrix Group: for three
main constituents to assess prevention/early intervention effectiveness; adult
and peer facilitators will also participate
3) Friendly “Listener” and “Observer” on the
Hall Beat: having a teacher, school
counselor/social worker walking the school halls during change of classes,
walking in the cafeteria, etc., to identify and engage with potential parties
to bullying or seemingly distressed/depressed individuals; this recommendation
is based on my experience as a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant walking
the workfloors and warehouses for the 6,000 person, 24/7 Baltimore Processing
& Distribution Plant; provided a supportive ear and shoulder for employees;
source of personal stress identification/intervention and employee-employee,
employee-supervisor, supervisor-manager, and within team conflict and
harassment; quickly identified employees needing informal workplace, personal,
and/or family stress coaching; also facilitated identifying individuals needing
counseling, including walking individuals to the Employee Assistance Program
(EAP) Office
4) Resiliency Rap/Poetry on the “Dance of
Bullying” in Groups: small groups
consisting of teachers, facilitators, and students from pre-middle to high
school reading and discussing the Stress Doc’s age-appropriate verse on
bullying and family behavior-communication patterns with different student
groups; for the past two years, author has had powerful experiences with
children under thirteen and their parents reading/singing the resiliency lyrics
at a US Patent and Trademark Office “Take Your Child to Work/Wellness Health
Fair”; “Resiliency Rap” samples in Addendum below
5) Stress Resilience/Stop the Bullying Health
Fair: invite all three constituents
to a Bullying Prevention Program kick off (with free pizza) as a way of getting
all parties engaged and excited about the launch of the prevention/early
intervention educational and support campaign
5. Additional
Prevention/Intervention Ideas and Strategies from a good friend, colleague, and team member:
Burt Rosenberg
Former NYC International High School Principal
National Coach for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
Consultant with several national education reform programs
Mark
You have certainly proposed a very
comprehensive approach, incorporating all the stake holders. Well
done. Many of your strategies are ones we've used at my school and I
know they can work. We focused more broadly on diminishing violence and
conflict resolution, but bullying is certainly an integral part of it.
I appreciate your extensive list of suggestions, knowing full well that schools
are pressed by limited resources and limited time, but such a comprehensive
list allows them to pick and choose.
In addition to all the strategies you
suggest, we also incorporated some other strategies that you may or may not
have included:
1) The use of role playing, which
is particularly effective as it is experiential and helps students model
appropriate behavior.
2) Inviting in a school (high
school or college) or community theater company that performs dramatizations of
potentially violent (or bullying) situations with an eye towards conflict
resolution. This could be followed by large or small group discussions to
debrief.
3) We conducted some sessions
specifically directed to the "bystander" or the "friend" of
the perpetrator, since most students are neither the bully nor the bullied, but
almost always witness or personally know the perpetrators. How should
they act? What can they do or say? Why should they get involved?
4) One issue you will confront in
trying to get such a program underway is structural i.e. where in the school
day could this take place? Here are some suggestions:
- Most schools
already have weekly professional development, whole faculty or department
meeting time.
- Most school have professional
development days.
- Many schools have
professional learning communities where these issues could be
discussed.
- Many schools have student
advisory time where teachers meet with small groups of students.
- On a given day, a school
could shorten class periods to allow for a large or small group meetings.
- Counselors could visit
designated classes to facilitate a discussion or do training.
- One school department could
incorporate a unit on bullying into their curriculum. It could
easily be incorporated into language arts or health.
- Involving extracurricular
groups to get involved, e.g. starting a peer counseling group, the school
newspaper to publicize bullying, a sports team (to serve as role models),
the school theater group, etc.
5) Of course a critical piece of
this is getting faculty buy-in. You don't need every staff member to get
on board initially. A principal just needs to designate one interested
faculty member who could lead the effort.
What you're doing is important.
Hope this all works out. I'll send you my resume next.
Good luck
Burt
~~~~~~~~~
6. General Strategies for Reducing Bullying
·
Bullying prevention programs. Contact
the school and ask about anti-bullying procedures and diversity education. Do
they have research to back up their programs’ effectiveness? Bully prevention programs and diversity
education are most likely to be effective if they’re used regularly and are
backed by research showing they have been tried and shown to be effective
before.
·
Codes of conduct. Make sure that everyone is
protected by asking the school to list detailed descriptions of the types of
bullying (racial, ethnic, immigrant, etc.) that won’t be tolerated. Conduct
codes often list just a few of the most common types of bullying, and students
may not understand that other kinds of bullying are wrong, too.
·
Recorded stories. Keep track of bullying that
targets race, ethnicity, or immigration, so you can begin to evaluate the
extent of the problem at your school. Once you’ve gathered sufficient data,
present it to the administration or school board to help facilitate change.
Sharing actual examples can help show school leadership that there is a problem
that needs attention.
·
Reach out. Make sure that students
have an on-campus adult who shares their language—or at least has an
understanding of their culture. A
trusted adult can give kids the courage to report bullying incidents,
especially if they believe the report will result in help being given.
·
Survey. Student surveys and focus groups can help spread the word about
local conflicts and possible solutions to bullying. Additionally, putting a
spotlight on these incidents will show students that their school is aware of
this problem and is working to fix it.
Rally the troops. Encourage educators, parents and community leaders to work together and
solve problems related to bullying. The more solutions that are suggested,
the better chance the group has of finding an effective solution to bullying
based on race, ethnicity and immigration. (Scherr, T. G., & Larson,
J. (2010). Bullying dynamics associated with race, ethnicity, and immigration
status. In S. R. Jimerson, S. M. Swearer, & D. L. Espelage (Eds.).The Handbook of Bullying in Schools: An
International Perspective. New York: Routledge).
C. Program Lead’s and Team Members’ Bios and
Credentials
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW,
"The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally
acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist” ™, is a former
psychotherapist and Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the US
Postal Service. The Doc is a Trauma
Debriefing and Critical Incident Consultant for variety of organizations,
including the national post-earthquake, Nepali Behavioral Health & Wellness
Initiative. He has led numerous transformative -- silo-breaking and
communications bridge-building -- Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team
Building Retreats for US Army Senior Officers and Sergeants.
From a Ft. Hood Brigade
Commander: Your (Command Offsite) session on managing change and stress was the
perfect lead-in to the work we had to accomplish throughout the
conference. It set the conditions for
the free, uninhibited work (regardless of rank). Here's the BLUF: Your session
was the critical building block on which we built the rest of the conference. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing
and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression and The Four Faces of Anger: Transforming Hostility and Rage into
Assertion and Passion. The Stress
Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com and WorkforceWeek.com.
His award-winning, USA Today
Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). As SHRM
and IPMA-HR Program Chairs recently noted, Mark
has a way of captivating an audience and makes them want to hear more...Take a
passionate and creative ride with the Stress Doc!
The Stress Doc’s Bullying Prevention/Early Intervention
Credentials are based on:
a. long-recognized
expertise as a Stress & Change Resilience and Critical Incident – Grief
& Trauma – Debriefing Consultant, Inspiring Speaker, Workshp/Retreat
Leader, Group/Team Facilitator; Stress Doc Programs help audiences “Get FIT” by
being FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking; over twenty years as a private
practice psychotherapist
b. decades experience
as a Stress & Violence Consultant for the US Postal Service and a Stress
Resilience-Humor-Tean Building Retreat Leader for various military units at Ft.
Hood, TX; workshops at Ft. Meade, MD, etc.
c. ten years
Adjunct Asst Professor at Tulane University School of Social Work teaching
graduate level course on "Crisis Intervention and Brief Treatment"
d. Co-Founder of
post-eathquake mental health-focused Be Well Initiative for the U.S. Nepali
Diapora
e. led 2015 “Anger and
Conflict Management Workshop” for faculty and staff of Wash, DC Carlos Rosario
Intl Charter School
f. two years Stress
Resilience and Anger Management Trainer with “Welfare Mothers” in a MD Career
Support/Independence Skills Program
g. author of The Four Faces of Anger – Model &
Method: Transforming Anger, Rage, and
Conflict andPractice Safe
Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face
of Stress, Burnout & Depression
h. 20+ years experience
as a “Psychohumorist” ™ pioneering the field of psychologically humorous rap
music, Shrink Rap ™ Productions
i. ground-breaking
children’s lyrics and “Resiliency Raps” on “Bullying,” “Family Dynamics/Family
Communication,” (email stressdoc@aol.com to read the lyrics/raps; he is
the self-described Dr. Seuss of Stress for Adults (and kids of all ages)
j. “The Stress Doc’s ™
Stress Resiliency and Brain Agility Formula for Natural SPEED –
Sleep-Priorities/Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet and, most important,
k. own personal
experience being bullied as a child and young teen for too many years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Burt Rosenberg
Former NYC
International High School Principal
National
Coach for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
Consultant
with several national education reform programs
New York
City Department of Education (1969-2004)
- 36
years as a teacher (grades 6-12), counselor, assistant principal and
principal
- Thirty
of those years at two innovative high schools on the campus of LaGuardia
Community College (CUNY), Middle College High School serving at-risk
students and International High School serving recently arrived
immigrants.
- Retired
in 2004 as Principal of International High School
Middle
College National Consortium (2004-present)
- A
nationally acclaimed school reform organization, which was one of the
first organizations to receive Early College funding from the Bill and
Melinda Gates Foundation. Middle
College National Consortium has also received funding from the Pew
Foundation, the Ford Foundation and the US Department of Education.
- Since
2004, serving as a coach for numerous early and middle college high school
programs throughout the country.
- In addition, has worked with other education reform programs including the North Carolina New schools Project, the School Redesign Network at Stanford University and the Internationals Network for Public Schools (a consortium of schools serving English language learners).
Eddie Waddington
Steps to Recovery, Director of Client Care
Ed Waddington, CNDAI, Director of
Client Care of Steps to Recovery, a Premium Addiction treatment Network, is a
peer advocate for Addiction Prevention, Treatment, and long-term recovery. A treatment outreach coordinator, Ed also
provides intervention services, addiction education, and family education for
Steps to Recovery clients. Currently, he is on course for his CIP
credentialing; Ed has been working in the field of Substance Abuse treatment
for the last 5 years. Due to his own
personal recovery he found a calling in the field to share hope to the
seemingly hopeless. Ed has been asked by
local committees of Bucks County to speak to High Schools, and Grade Schools in
the area about the effects of Substance Abuse and Peer support. As a former member of ATOD (Alcohol Tobacco
and Other Drugs) he provided substance abuse awareness programs to local grade
schools in the Philadelphia Archdiocese.
Ed is also an active member of the recovery community and up and down
the East Coast and speaks at large 12-step fellowship conventions.
In addition, Ed is a founding father of
Phi Kappa Theta Fraternity at Temple University and since working in the field
has been asked by LaSalle University and Temple University to speak to the
Fraternal Community about prevention and guidance with chemical
dependency. In Ed’s free time he is
still highly active in sports, playing on numerous softball teams but his heart
lies with coaching the 10-11 year old Northampton Indians Pop Warner football
team. Ed is well versed in adjusting
his approach to the specific audience, whether an actively using client, a teen
struggling with acceptance, a parent struggling with a teen’s dependency, a
parent in the grips of codependent behavior, or even with his kids on the
football field.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Addendum
Children’s Lyrics and Resiliency Raps – Bullying and Family
Communication
BULLY Boy
[A variation on, yet in the tune
of, the children’s song/camp favorite, “B-I-N-G-O”; can be sung as BULLY Girl]
{In this version, the four (or five lines) of each stanza are sung with
the same melody as in the original; specifically, the last two lines of each
stanza have the same melody as the first two lines. The same rules apply to the B-U-L-L-Y chorus as in the B-I-N-G-O
chorus.}
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my school there is a kid
And Bully Boy’s his name, oh
Blaming me for what he did
And tries to make me cry, oh…
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
And Bully Boy’s his name, sigh.
Chasing me right after school
Bullying’s his game, oh
Calling me a “little fool”
My oh my oh why, oh?
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
And Bully Boy’s his name, sigh.
Why does he just pick on me?
The Boy should be ashamed, oh
Is he green with jealousy?
Or just a red bull guy, oh…
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
And Bully Boy’s his name, sigh.
I must learn to take a stand
And nurture my heart’s flame, oh
Not give in to his demands
And look him in the eye, oh…
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
And Bully Boy’s his name, sigh
I will find one trustworthy
To talk out all my pain, oh
Then stand tall as an oak tree
Or walk away, nothing to say
But with my head held high, oh…
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
And Bully Boy’s his name, sigh
Now I see…a scared boy like me
Who hides his pain and shame, oh
If he wants to talk to me
I’ll share how I wrestled free
But he must want to try, oh…
B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…
I won’t play his bully game, oh
B-R-A-V-O… B-R-A-V-O… B-R-A-V-O…
I stood up for my own name, OH!
© Mark Gorkin 2014
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reaching Out and Within to Disarm the Bully
Mom is overload edgy
Dad is big boss upset
Sis is boyfriend angry
And you’re in a sweat!
The in-crowd at school
Shoves you to the side
While they pass by so cool
You wish you could hide…
Panic and terror
Like lightning and thunder
Where is a big rock
For me to crawl under?
But charging down the hall
Like a mad bull in heat
As you feel so small
Resigned to defeat…
The schoolyard bully
Laughing at your fear
Taking your lunch money
Leaving you in despair!
Panic and terror
Like thunder and lightning
Why do I find
So many things frightening?
And why, oh why
Isn’t a teacher around?
To hear your silent cry
Or the bull’s snorting sound!
When life seems hopeless
With nowhere to turn
There’s help for your stress
Sit back…listen and learn.
Panic and terror
Like lightning and thunder
Is it much sound and fury?
I’m starting to wonder.
Let Me Be Brief:
Key Pillars of Relief
First, be wary of “friends”
Who act like big shot stars
They use you for their ends
And ignore who you are.
But the biggest mistake
Is to bottle up fear
From this you will break, so…
Find a trustworthy ear.
She’s older and wiser
Shows you how to hold them
He’s artful in poker
So knows when to fold em.
Reframe panic and terror
As more trial and error
Embrace flaw and failure
Expand human nature!
Now speak calmly, move swiftly
The Poet-Ninja Way:
Eye the bully coolly
Like a fox, no delay.
Breathe out anxiety
Smartly walk away.
Reflect in a diary…and live
To fight (and write) another day!
Reframe panic and terror
As more error and trial
Grow from flaw and failure
You’ve walked the toughest mile!!
Actions, Reactions, and
Trans-actions:
Logical, Psychological, and
even Spiritual
To disarm this cruelty
Find a strong allied voice.
Talk with the Bull family
But, if left no other choice…
March with authority
To the principal’s office.
Rid your back of the monkey
You are through playing nice!
You are not a snitch
Nor squealer or tattler
Less disloyal witch
More real gutsy battler!
Rename terror and panic
Rethink flaw and failure
You’re just a bit “manic.”
Don’t let labels nail ya!
We all have fantasies:
“Go ahead…make my day!”
Alas, the “real” enemies
Are oft hidden away…
Inside one’s caged mind
To be gently torn apart
As you explore humankind
Through the beat of a heart!
To view panic and terror
As neither error nor trial
Receive flaw and failure
With a sly Buddha smile!
Natural SPEED for Kids (of all ages):
Stress Resiliency Rap (and other outrages)
When the crisis is past
And you no longer bleed
For strength that will last
Try the Doc’s Natural SPEED!
© Mark Gorkin 2014
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Stress Doc
explores a range of family life dynamics in this powerful lyrical piece
based on a familiar Civil War tune. This offering has relevance not
only for families, and also for the military, educators, social workers,
counselors, and a wide array of family-allied health professionals. And while sliding from the joyful to the
poignantly painful, the lyric closes on an uplifting note of grace and hope!
Who’s Coming through the Door Again?
[To the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again”]
When mommy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
When mommy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
My mind will dance, my heart will sing
When I hear the doorbell ring
And we’ll all shout “Hurrah” when mommy comes home again!
When daddy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
When daddy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
He’ll lift me high, like a bird I’ll fly
“Never put me down,” I’ll cry
And we’ll all shout “Hurrah” when daddy comes home again!
When mommy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
When mommy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
Now my shouts turn to self-doubt
As I pout or just lash out
Oh we miss you mommy, please come home again!
When daddy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
When daddy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
My heart no longer has a song; my hero’s missing
Something’s so wrong
Oh we miss you daddy, please come home again!
When mommy and daddy fight again, uh oh, uh oh
When mommy and daddy fight again, uh oh, uh oh
When mommy yells and daddy hits
Now my tummy’s having fits
And we all feel bad when mommy and daddy fight!
When mommy and daddy drink again, oh no, oh no
When mommy and daddy drink again, oh no, oh no
“No place like home” more battle zone
And all I want to be is gone
And we’re all sad when mommy and daddy drink!
When mommy and daddy fight and drink, watch out, watch out
When mommy and daddy fight and drink, watch out, watch out
My head against the wall I’ll bang
Help…I don’t want to join a gang
And we’re all mad when family fight and drink!
When angry silence comes marching in, please no, please no
When angry silence comes marching in, please no, please no
A once happy home feels like a tomb
Covered by a shroud of gloom
I can’t even hide in my room
For overhead the sword of doom
We’re all numb when angry silence comes through the door.
Why can’t we be a family again, oh please, oh please?
Why can’t we be a family again, oh please, oh please?
We’ll laugh and sing and even fight
Not might – but help – will make it right
Talking together helps shine a light
And fear will finally sleep tonight
Holding each other warm and tight
And we’ll be a family, ‘Hoorah,” we’ll be a family again!
© Mark Gorkin 2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grief Ghosts: A Viral or Vital
Metamorphosis
And the Grief Ghosts will rise
from the ashes
When one tries to bury the pain.
Feeding a fire that chokes dreams and desire
Oh when will your tears fall like rain?
When one tries to bury the pain.
Feeding a fire that chokes dreams and desire
Oh when will your tears fall like rain?
Too late…look, soul-sucking phantoms
Spiral higher and higher, madly morph and conspire
As Trojan worms raiding while aerating your brain.
Wait…Perhaps there is still
time to reach for the sublime:
Grieve, let go…and grow with
the flow!
© Mark Gorkin 2012
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a Critical Incident Consultant, I’m poignantly aware how unexpected
dramas and tragedies lurk behind every corner and crevice of our hearts and
minds…and also lie in the shadows of our homes, schools, and places of
work. Out of the quiet, out of The Death of a Salesman closet, Arthur
Miller screams: Attention must be paid! And
sometimes we must risk trusting our gut, risk "overreacting" and
being mislabeled, and say something to the right someone...or be the right
someone!
Learning from the Fatal Flaw
Did she really take her life over a phone?
Taken from a colleague…now all’s undone!
One woman dead, one torn apart
Guilt spears a throbbing heart
Regret for filing that stolen report
Who is at fault? Who is at
fault? Who is at fault?
Can one grasp obscure knowledge
On the all too human fatal edge?
To get on the same page, one must leave a stage
Masked by “got it together” pain and rage.
Even with the latest gauge, who knows faux-taupe from beige?
Who is a sage? Who is a
sage? Who is a sage?
Yet a friend sensed her look, a fearful absent look.
Still her head stayed by the book...
Why didn’t she speak up?
Neither one trusted their gut
"Don’t be a pain in the butt!”
So we doubt? So we doubt? So we doubt?
Do we pass in the hall and nod
In a hazy-distant fog
And mouth, “How you doing?”…
But only reminiscing; more simply whistling
Who has time for real listening?
Do your thing? Do your
thing? Do your thing?
Now so sad; maybe wiser: are we respecting one another?
Whatever happened to “sister” and “brother”?
Wide-eyed to foreign experience
Energized by expressive variance
Growing through world view contrariance.
Will you dance? Will you
dance? Will you dance?
Is it too risky to share
Without some faith in the air?
Of course, you can’t flip a switch, still
Pull one from a ditch; let another bitch…
The sky’s not falling – more like a glitch.
For a culture to be rich, offer a broad-shouldered niche.
Hey, it’s "get real" or be a bust:
Now they might trust! Now they
might trust! Now they might trust!
© Mark Gorkin 2014
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
