Leading with Passion and
Paradox: Harnessing Personal Depth and
Breadth
And it seems like
we walked the talk, that is, the workshop itself proved to be a powerful energy
– sharing, learning, and bonding – generator:
In fact, many thought the program felt more like a professional
“retreat.”
Nov 9, 2015
Mark, Heard some great feedback. Comment that resonated was that it was like a retreat for practitioners and the timing couldn't have been better! Sorry that I had a conflict but wanted to stop by and say hello, after such a long time!!! Jim
Jim O'Hair
Coordinator, Employee and Family Assistance Program at Northrop Grumman Corp.
-----------
Mark, Heard some great feedback. Comment that resonated was that it was like a retreat for practitioners and the timing couldn't have been better! Sorry that I had a conflict but wanted to stop by and say hello, after such a long time!!! Jim
Jim O'Hair
Coordinator, Employee and Family Assistance Program at Northrop Grumman Corp.
-----------
Hi Mark,
Thank you so much for the great
training yesterday! I really enjoyed it and feel that everyone really liked
having the interaction amongst our groups. It really helped us all learn more
about each other which was nice.
I will surely keep you in mind for some
upcoming events I am doing in the New Year.
Best,
Kate
Kate Black
Senior Marketing Coordinator
Maryland. Washington
DC. Northern Virginia. Delaware
~~~~~~~~
Actually, a prelude
to the energy exercise question was my quickly (and unexpectedly) soliciting
feedback from the audience about how I was projecting myself to the group. As anticipated, someone commented on my “high
energy and passion.” And this segued to
my sharing, before and after the exercise, thoughts on maximizing personal
performance energy and presentational presence.
Let me highlight two psycho-behavioral concepts – Passion and Paradox – that ignite, shape, and focus fiery energy
and creativity:
1. The Unrecognized Notion of Passion. The
term passion often evokes “s”-word associations: sex, sensuality, and soap opera; in Wash, DC
it used to conjure the word “Senator”…but then Bill Clinton ruined my joke ;-). Actually, if you have a good dictionary, the “s”-word
for passion is suffering, as in the
“Passion Play” – the sufferings of Jesus
or, more generically, the sufferings of a martyr. (Of course I can’t resist the easy laugh
line: “Imagine all this time I never
knew my Jewish mother was such a passionate woman.”)
And having this
expanded notion of “passion” once helped a professional find the pass in her
career impasse: During a break in
a Safe Stress Program, a social worker approached me about her interest in
doing public speaking. People have told
her she has a flair for communicating with groups. When I encouraged her to choose a subject
that evokes feelings of passion, her immediate reply: “That’s what everyone says.” But alas, she claimed she wasn’t feeling
passionate about anything right now; she couldn’t focus on a particular
subject.
I realized my
reply had been reflexive, without genuinely considering what this woman, likely
struggling with third-stage burnout, really needed. Understanding the soulful connection between
pain and passion, I asked, “What’s the source of your pain and suffering, past
and present?” Being more consciously
engaged, I now raised several suggestions and questions:
1) identify a
source of or an experience related to major personal pain, suffering, or trauma
and/or life-identity challenge or crisis
2) reflect broadly
and deeply on how this experience impacted you and significant others?; what
were past-present-future fears, frustrations, and fantasies exposed or
cultivated by this trauma or challenge?
3) how did you not
just cope but fight through the warring external dungeons and dragons and
internal self-doubts and demons?
4) what did you
learn from the initial or ongoing trials, failures, and successes? What aspects of your life – roles and
relations, substance and style, mind-body-spirit – were transformed? and
5) how will you nurture
and integrate your newfound understanding in your head and heart?; how will you
package and share this hard-earned wisdom?; how will you walk your talk and
inspire others?
And suddenly the
light went on. This seeker had a
pregnant concept to ponder, nurture, and pursue. She stated that she would credit me for her
launch once she’s on the national speaking circuit. And with practice and persistence, along with
a healthy dose of such attitude, she just might make it! Remember,
For the Phoenix to rise from the ashes
One must know the pain
To transform the fire to burning desire!
2.
Develop a Paradoxical Personality. Increasingly we are becoming a
hybrid society, whether as a multicultural workforce, being in love with cars
that run on gas and electricity, or craving devices that combine the best of
tablet and laptop. Is it time to build
on this socio-techno-cultural diversity by also cultivating a mindset and
temperament that integrates and harnesses sharply contrasting qualities? Can we fundamentally forsake the exclusive and
judgmental “black or white” for “black and white” as well as a rainbow spectrum
of color? Can we unite and synergize “High Tech and Human Touch?
What might be some
advantages of having a holistic Yin/Yang nature, beyond increasing options and
possibilities, ala Woody Allen who years ago observed that he “could see the
potential in being bisexual…it would dramatically increase his chance for getting
a date on Saturday night.” For me, being
able to see both hill and valley views, and the biases therein, to explore the
highs and lows of life, to recognize the cognitive differences between “manic and
melancholic” (see below), and somehow integrate these divergent mood swings, to
synthesize masculine and feminine energy, etc., means being able to:
a) thoughtfully
consider and even harmonize multiple perspectives; e.g., to be logical and
psychological,
b) resist rigid
simplicity and inflexibility; be a more responsive and adaptive problem-solver;
as acclaimed author and contemporary essayist, Adam Gopnik, noted: Repetition
is the law of nature but variation is the rule of life,
c) engage with
diversity and contradiction to heighten a tolerance for uncertainty; be more
comfortable exploring and enjoying novelty; challenge a “b.s.” – be safe – culture,
d) understand and
resonate with the multifaceted-multicultural complexity of human nature and
life itself, and sometimes
e) flow with oppositional
tension spurring a mind to original, synthesis building or barrier-breaking
conceptualization; such as my pioneering efforts in the world of
psychologically humorous rap music – Shrink
Rap ™ Productions!
And as acclaimed 20th
c. novelist, F. Scott Fitzgerald (along with many others in the arts and
sciences) observed: The test of a first-rate intelligence is the capacity to hold two
opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. For example, one should see things as
hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.
For illustration, let
me return to our workshop-retreat. As
part of the post-“best energy” exercise discussion, I shared having a somewhat
paradoxical temperament, including both melancholic
(moody, reflective, in-depth, and convergent thinking) and manic (high energy, quick thinking, rhyming and rapid talking,
divergent thinking) tendencies. This
psychic dichotomy corresponds to my two basic natures:
1) Cave Persona (e.g.,
as an introverted and introspective writer) and
2) Stage Persona
(e.g., as a dynamic and extraverted speaker).
Each holds sway in a particular space-time-role context. And both mind-settings are vital to a sense
of self as well as exploring and designing opportunities-strategies for being
and engaging with my world. For example,
grappling with this bifurcation predisposes me to see the proverbial glass as
“half empty and half full.” (You
know how to tell where certain women fall on this familiar ratio: look
for the lipstick stains.)
Here are some tools and tips for tuning into
contradiction and turning on creative conflict:
a. Of Time and Thrustration. Of
course, avoiding less complex “black vs. white” thinking and judging, trying to
reconcile contradiction to achieve higher-order unification requires an
investment of time and energy. Not
surprisingly, trying to weigh and synthesize multiple viewpoints or conflicting
parts or people often generates a stage of “thrustration” – when you’re torn between thrusting ahead
with direct action and frustration; you haven’t yet put together the
kaleidoscopic pieces of the puzzle.
But staying with this tension, mulling over your hunch, taking an “incubation
vacation” – from days to decades – is a cornerstone of the creative
process. Quick and easy won’t cut it;
however, with energy, focus, and sustained effort you just may hatch a new
perspective or paradigm!
b. Fire
and Flow. Not only does grappling with opposites fuel
head and heart, task and touch synthesis, but optimal problem-solving tension may
both fire up your brain and generate a state of flow – heightening a capacity
for acute observation and being in the zone; this space-time often stimulates
recall, imagery and imagination, along with ingenuity.
c.
Shades of Gray. Tension between “black or white” polar
opposites or scalar endpoints also creates a spectrum or gradient with the
potential for evoking gradation, subtle differentiation, a series of steps, as
well as shades of gray.
d. Parts,
Partners, and Possibilities. And when you can create a jazz riff synergy,
people reverberating and harmonizing to the free flow and exchange of soulful
sounds and rhythms, provocative images and ideas, even and because of
doscordant strains, this means:
1) the whole is
greater than the sum of its parts,
2) the parts often
magically turn into partners, and
3) new
possibilities tend to emerge from post-conflict, variation-hued horizons.
e. Cave
and Stage Psycho-humor. And, if nothing else, grappling with
contradiction just may yield some “psycho-humor.” As renowned humorist, Mark Twain,
observed: Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not
perceived to have any relation. For example, I recently realized the
possibility for expanding my personal “Cave and Stage” dichotomy with a
three-part professional setting-role spectrum.
Now there’s a new gradation between Cave and Stage: “Office” Persona. Then the resolution of this
thesis (introvert-Cave) and antithesis (extravert-Stage) tension,
opened my mind to pairing setting with role titles, and voila…a Stress Doc
witticism:
At the “Office” I’m
a Psychotherapist
On “Stage” I’m a Psychohumorist ™ (Of course, I let the
audience decide on the placement of semantic emphasis.)
And in the “Cave”…I’m
just a little “Psycho.” (Now it’s
obvious why I let the audience determine where the stress on “Psychohumorist”
should go!)
Closing Summary
Two tools and
techniques – Passion and Paradox –
have been explored and illustrated for engaging one’s own mind as well as for
inspiring – breathing spirit into –
others. Discovering the link between
pain and passion along with the multi-perspective and creative tension inherent
in contradiction and paradox will widen and deepen understanding of one’s own
personal nature. P & P will also add flexibility, subtlety, adaptability, and
creativity to a leader’s or high impact communicator’s tool kit.
Mark Gorkin,
MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and
"Psychohumorist" ™, is a former psychotherapist and Stress &
Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service. The Doc is a Trauma Debriefing and Critical
Incident Consultant for variety of organizations, including the national
post-earthquake, Nepali Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. He has led
numerous transformative -- silo-breaking and communications bridge-building --
Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for US Army
Senior Officers and Sergeants. He also provides international Stress
Resilience and Burnout Recovery Phone-Skype Coaching.
The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress,
Burnout & Depression and The
Four Faces of Anger: Transforming
Hostility and Rage into Assertion and Passion, and Resiliency Rap: The Wit and
Wisdom of the Stress Doc. His award-winning, USA Today
Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a
"workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). Email stressdoc@aol.com for more info.
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