Stress Doc: Notes from a Motivational Psychohumorist ™: October 2016

Do good things also come in threes? If not, let’s start a precedent. First, my new e-book is on Amazon: Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love. (See synopsis/link immediately below.) And two recent dynamic presentations – on leadership and communication skills – inspiring today’s essay, “Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes” (following the book info). Enjoy, Mark

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Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love Kindle Edition by Mark Gorkin, The Stress Doc ™; Nice Price, 3.99

https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Longing%E2%80%A6Fiery-Loss-Relearning-Laugh-ebook/dp/B01M0JS9NJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474730355&sr=8-1&keywords=Fierce+Longing...Fiery+Loss%3A++Relearning+To+Let+Go%2C+Laugh+%26+Love

Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss is a comic-to-tragic-and-back-again “Resiliency Poetry” and "Rebuilding the Fire" essay road-map. It’s the insightful-edgy expression of a one-of-a-kind Psychohumorist ™ and Shrink Rapper ™, yet all too human Stress Doc ™. Journey with Mark as he explores varieties of love – from vital to delusional – in an array of intimate (okay, sometimes more sensual than intimate) relationships. FL2 also examines love and loss in a variety of work-family life battlefields (symbolic as well as literal) – and puts you on the path of codependent discovery and courageous recovery.

The work reveals an individual who often must deep dive into dark shadowy grief – the shock, the rage, the searing pain of loss…yet also struggles and persists – three strokes forward two strokes back or v.v. – to resurface, moving closer to the light; to reviving and rediscovering a now more en-light-ened head and heart. For example, see the wickedly fun lyric, “Double-Edged Depression” where you choose between “chemistry or confession” and ultimately find salvation in “creative expression.” Conversely, discover the Doc’s collateral damage when a ten-year partnership suddenly is no more: his ex-communication from the family and the gut-wrenching loss of his ex’s 3-year-old granddaughter. Still, you’ll be touched and tickled by the love Lil Charlotte inspired, and you’ll cheer the Doc’s decision to take on those all-powerful Queens of Hearts…if only in his “curiouser and curiouser” if not slightly crazed mind.

The book is divided into four sections: 1) Fierce Longing, 2) Fiery Loss, 3) Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love, and 4) Grief Journaling, including truly evocative, spectrum of emotion eulogies written for special loved ones. Engage with the book’s distinctive four-part structure: 1) the creative context for the poem or essay, 2) the evocative piece, 3) a sometimes brief, sometimes more developed commentary and thoughtful retrospective on Poetic Perspective and Power, along with 4) Discussion Questions that sharpen poetic meaning and intensity while providing you stimulating “fast food for thought” voices, insight, and intimate engagement.

This unique collection will definitely assist in your “head work, heart work, and homework.”

• Encounter vivid and visual ideas and images, insightful and inspiring analogies, and “Resiliency Poetry” strategies for once again “letting go, laughing, and loving”

• Embrace those “grief ghosts” and internalize the difference between “feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow”

• Be inspired to embark on your own self-inventory as well as voyage of self-discovery and invention: grapple with demeaning inner voices, work through meaningful relationship anger, harness pain into Mountain Vision purpose, and laugh with “higher power” healing humor

• Use Resiliency Poetry & Shrink Rap ™ as a learning-discussion tool in a variety of classroom/learning settings, psycho-educational support, study, and book groups, as well as around the family, coffeehouse, or breakroom and boardroom table

Be energized by the Stress Doc’s “New KISS Mantra”: Keep It Short & Smart. Amen and Women to that!

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Today’s Essay:

Many mistakenly believe you have to be an orator, a standup comic, or a spellbinding storyteller to quickly capture an audience. In fact, I do like warming up a group with a slightly playful introduction, often sharing some quirky yet relevant personal background info. I also want to demonstrate an ability to speak the group’s or community’s language, perhaps reveal some understanding of the world they inhabit or the conceptual air that they breathe. But without having developed the aforementioned communication skills, to quickly capture any audience – large or small, mature or youthful, professional or student, diverse or homogeneous, etc. – consider reverting to the role of “Get FIT” orchestra leader: structure a dynamic and meaningful group experience that enables individuals and teams (not unlike soloists and quartets) to play with “power” and “passion.” Help folks bring out their best music! (And if you’d like some guidance or want the “live experience,” don’t hesitate to email: stressdoc@aol.com.)

Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes:

The “Get FIT” Nexus of Power & Passion

Within four days, from Daytona, FL to Catonsville, MD, from a world-wide aeronautics university to a local community college, from a leadership retreat to a basic communications class, from supervisors and middle managers to Millennial undergraduates…What’s the connection? Simple: in each venue, the Stress Doc ™ introduced a variation of his non-traditional traditional warm-up, the “Three ‘B’ Stress Barometer” Exercise. And the impact was compelling, helping launch “awesome” learning and sharing, whether for a day or for an hour. As the head of the Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University Leadership Program affirmed, she was so glad her folks had “The Stress Doc Experience (TSDE)!” (Ah, you know the old saw: Vanity thy name is Gorkin! ;-)

And a key component of TSDE is the power of quickly engaging and capturing an audience with a stimulating/mind-expanding small group exercise. Actually, this tactic is part of a larger “Get FIT” learning-sharing-synergizing strategy – to make our experience FUN-Interactive & Thought-provoking! So let’s provide some program context and illustrate the specific exercise questions and group responses:

Embry-Riddle: The Stress Doc’s “Three ‘B’ Power Barometer” Exercise

My one day workshop was titled, “Building Power through Conflict.” Of course, if power is to be mutual and shared, that is, not a win-lose outcome, then we are striving for collaborative conflict resolution. As give and take dialogue occurs and each party’s deeper concerns, emotions, and hidden agendas are gradually revealed…trust grows. Jazz riff brainstorming often unleashes novel and creative possibilities. All sides are feeling empowered. Naturally, this is the ideal. In the real world…

Breaking the larger audience into groups of four or five produced six groups. The room is divided in half: Three groups engage with the following:

1. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior” let you know when you are feeling “powerful”?

The other three groups with:

2. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior” let you know when you are feeling “powerless”?

And finally, a question for both sections:

3. How does feeling “powerful” or feeling “powerless” affect your ability to deal with conflict?

(Upon my return from Florida, hearing these questions, a friend who works for a major State University Medical Center shared that she would need to retreat and reflect on these questions for a week. Okay, so I gave folks about 10 minutes. You, on the other hand, take as long as you want. ;-) Hand gestures, animated facial expressions, erect or forward leaning body posture were the order of the day for the “powerful.” Except for the one woman who started dancing in her seat.

While I will not be providing an in-depth analysis here, I will say, as an “observer,” it was fascinating to watch the body language of the “powerful” as opposed to the “powerless” groups.

Alas, for the “powerless,” more signs of depression than animation was on display: slouching, sighing, a sense of uncertainty if not inertia, etc. And when it came to conflict problem-solving, not surprising, one contingent was more optimistic and confident, the other more pessimistic, not feeling very hopeful.

Yet, this was a pretty sophisticated crowd; they didn’t just see the glass as “half full or half empty.” Both segments eventually realized their “half full and half empty potentials.” For example, “the powerful” realized the possibility of becoming “full of oneself,” getting caught up in one’s sense of might makes right “power,” ultimately believing one can dominate the negotiation process. While “the powerless” eventually got tired of their passivity and helplessness. They came to life through guerilla strategizing – how to break out of confining walls, both external and, sometimes, self-imposed, that is, succumbing to a perception of futility.

Catonsville Community College: The Stress Doc’s “Three ‘B’ Passion Barometer” Exercise

My one-hour college guest lecture for Communications 101 was “Captivating an Audience in 5 Minutes.” When it comes to public speaking, whether addressing a group or responding to individual questions about the art of presentation, first and foremost I underscore the following: Passion and Purpose is more important than “Polish” or “Perfection.”

And as previously outlined for the leadership participants, I let the students know my goal is to help them “Get FIT” – by making our experience FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking! This time, with “passion” not “power” being the driver, I chose the conceptual polarity of “focused” and “distracted.” (Surely, “passion” has been known to induce both states.) Once again, dividing the audience into groups of four or five produced four teams. The room is divided in half: Two groups engage with the following:

1. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior” let you know when you are feeling “focused”?

The other two groups with:

2. How does your “Brain, Body & Behavior” let you know when you are feeling “distracted”?

And finally, a question for both sections:

3. How does feeling “focused” or feeling “distracted” affect your ability to communicate in general and, more specifically, present in public?

Once again the double-edged nature of each state was acknowledged, though initially several in the “focused” camp expressed feeling “relaxed” when “focused.” (I suspect they saw the opposite of focused as “scattered” and “anxious.”) However, I shared being somewhat puzzled by the “relaxed” response, asking: “Has anyone ever played sports? Do you need to be “focused” to play your best?” Upon seeing a room full of nodding heads, I continued: “Are you totally relaxed or is there some intensity to your focus?” Again, an “intense” chorus emerged. And then I shared that both perspectives are like Yin and Yang: The creative performance state often involves “relaxed attention.”

And the dangers of rigid focus were recognized: becoming preoccupied with one aspect of a situation and overlooking other possibilities, perspectives, or options. So too with “distracted,” though I had to lend a helping hand. My example of “positive distraction” – daydreaming. Quickly the stress relieving, imaginative, even creative possibilities emerged.

And as the author of Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World, I couldn’t resist underscoring the challenge of staying focused and not being distracted by all our digital bells, whistles, and vibrations. Conversely, many educators and psychologists worry that constant texting, for example, means we are forfeiting that precious daydreaming/self-reflecting/imaginative problem-solving space-time.

And while I was tweaking our technological obsession, I still managed to bridge the digital-generational divide. One useful tool was my “Passion Power Model.” Basically, this model is a 2x2 matrix illustrating key foundational “mind” and “mood” concepts of dynamic communication – “Cognitive-Affective” and “Gravitas-Comedia.” The interaction yields the “Five ‘P’s of Passion Power”: being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful. And when these pillars are simultaneously synthesized…you are entering the realm Philosophical. (Email me for more info on the model.)

FYI, the colleague who invited me to speak, shared some feedback from the class: Yes! The students really appreciated the discussion ~ one spotted the word "philosophy" and asked about that. (I had only illustrated the four pillars.) Another said that you modeled all the qualities you described in the (Passion Power) chart.... neat, huh?

Closing Strategic Summary

Let’s review what enabled these opening 3 “B” Exercise variations to so rapidly and effectively capture audience attention and imagination. Consider this “Quick Captivating Top Ten”:

1. Personal and Universal Recognition. Asking about a participant’s “Brain, Body & Behavior” reactions lends itself to a myriad of personal-professional issues – from “power” and “passion” to “joy” or “distraction.” The exercise is accessible to all.

2. Get FIT Strategy. Being able to share one’s reactions, especially bodily manifestations, or quirky habits of mind or behavior, often evoke knowing laughter. A group frequently goes from “Haha to Aha” humor. It is easier to laugh at our own flaws and foibles. Not only is the experience FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking but is also trust- and cohesion-building.

3. Emotionally Charged Topic. Of course, it’s easier to engage with the 3 “B”s when talking about emotionally charged and personally relevant issues and motivators like “power” and “passion.” These psychological concepts are often on people’s minds or, like for my friend, they would be if they had more time and space for reflection. Away from the daily routine, this is why a retreat can be such a precious space.

4. Ask “Good Questions.” Making questions open-ended, e.g., “How does your ‘Brain, Body & Behavior’ react when it’s feeling powerful?” To answer the question, the individual must self-reveal and elaborate. Each person’s response adds to the group’s pool of knowledge as well as providing a basis for self-reflective comparison and contrast.

5. Build in and Recognize Difference. By dividing the room into the “Powerful” and “Powerless” or “Focused” and “Distracted” you are building in not just contrast, but also some tension if not group competition. Engagement is heightened by interest in the other group’s perspective and experience.

6. Jazz Riff Synergy Both Within and Between Groups. To return to our “orchestra leader” metaphor, each person is his or her own musical instrument, generating their own unique sound – raw or soft-spoken, polished or passionate, etc. Openly sharing and blending these tones and tunes is what helps create the rich symphony (or tapestry, if you prefer a more visual image). And reaching a Yin/Yang, multifaceted perspective means moving beyond “black or white” thinking. Using each section’s discussion and observations, folks are challenged to see the Yin/Yang perspective of “focused” and “distracted.” This paradoxical if not synergistic state yields relaxed attention. And such back-and-forth, thesis-antithesis contriving is often at the heart of creative flow. In addition, consider the Stress Doc’s “higher power” notion of “group synergy”: first, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts (that is, 2+2 = 5 is due to the fact that open and novel communicating yields something unexpected, a new form of relating transcending the four riffing components). And second, over time, interactive “parts” may just magically transform into “partners.”

7. From Concept to Application, from Memory to Motivation. Another tool to heighten the thought-provoking nature and meaning of the exercise is, for example, exploring how being “focused” or feeling “powerless” actually effects an ability to deal with “performance pressure” or “conflict resolution.” This state-impact question is almost existential, inviting participants to open their memory banks and reflect on personal inventory and social comparison.

8. Use Time as a Motivator. Having a defined time limit, with occasional “time remaining” prompts, definitely adds energy and focus to the already lively discussion. I also add some pressure by encouraging sharing by all parties. (Task-time pressure demands may increase some frustration; overall, based on my experience as a facilitator, it’s a positive tradeoff. And, if I sense the groups are not quite ready to close – by assessing body language and buzz in the room – I typically will extend the interaction by a couple of minutes.) This is an opening engagement exercise; longer (though not long) and more in-depth exercises will follow. Especially in a digital age of shortened attention spans and need for novelty and variety, a mix of KISS – Keep It Short & Smart – exercises has most hungry for more!

9. Feedback Process: Affirm Perspective and Challenge and Expand Mindset. Discussion and feedback typically occurs in three realms: within the small groups, between the groups, with my facilitation, and the groups as a whole interacting me. Though, by asking additional questions, challenging assumed positions, etc., I also bring the interaction back to the groups and collective for further exploration. Good questions can be a mirror for helping one take a more honest, reflective look as well as for encouraging below the surface introspection.

10. Allow Participants to Be Stars and Become Winning Teams. I believe it was Maya Angelou who said, and I’m paraphrasing here, people won’t remember so much what they heard you say but more how you made them feel. My experience is that these “Get FIT” small group exercises stir emotion; the 3 “B”s and their interactive ilk get people to open up and engage with each other. There’s an opportunity to show empathy; to not just walk in another’s shoes, but to feel their bunions! Taking risks, and knowing you are being heard, sometimes laughing together, realizing you are not alone with your issues, even being constructively challenged, all contributes to a sense of relief and a lightening of one’s load. This group process also is affirming; each individual is a meaningful contributor to the communal goal if not a greater good. And while “introverts” may initially be less comfortable than more social, out-going extraverts, I find the gap closes pretty quickly with small group intimacy.

A final process observation: in my book, the individual voice should never be lost or stifled. While there may be no “I” in team…There are two “I”s in “winning.” And these “I”s definitely can “C”: Winning teams blend Individual Creativity & Interactive Community! Healthy tension between the individual and the communal can heighten creative and adaptive problem-solving. After a few of these “Get FIT” exercises, most groups are morphing into high task and human touch teams! (Not surprisingly, one of my new e-books on Amazon is titled, Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Amen and women to that! ;-)

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.

Well my new E-book is live on Amazon/Kindle. Of course, I’m biased, but I think it’s a pretty unique and awesome collection on loss and love, with a Psychohumorist’s ™ twist. Assembled over several decades, the book mixes Shrink Raps ™ and Resiliency Poetry as well as a few poignant essays, and is topped off with thought-provoking Poetic Commentary and Discussion Questions. (See a more complete overview in the below synopsis.) FL(2) will stimulate your head, nurture your heart, and inspire your soul!

Please consider checking out my Amazon book/author page:

The price of admission is only $3.99. And if you take the leap…and like the poetic well-spring, please share your thoughts on the feedback page. Enjoy! Mark

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Stress Doc’s New E-Book – Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh and Love

Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss is a comic-to-tragic-and-back-again “Resiliency Poetry” and “Rebuilding the Fire” road-map. Also sprinkled with “how to” essays, the collection is an insightfully edgy expression of a one-of-a-kind Psychohumorist ™ and Shrink Rapper ™, yet all too human Stress Doc ™. Journey with Mark as he explores varieties of love – from vital to delusional – in an array of intimate (okay, sometimes more sensual than intimate) relationships. FL2 also examines love and loss in a variety of work-family life battlefields (symbolic as well as literal, e.g., see “Who KNOWS War”) – and puts you on the path of courageous recovery and discovery.

The work reveals an individual who often must deep dive into dark shadowy grief – the shock, the rage, the searing pain of loss…yet also struggles and persists – three strokes forward two strokes back or v.v. – to resurface, moving closer to the light; to reviving and rediscovering a now more en-light-ened head and heart. For example, see the wickedly fun lyric, “Double-Edged Depression,” where you choose between “chemistry or confession” and ultimately find salvation in “creative expression.” Conversely, discover the Doc’s collateral damage when a ten-year partnership suddenly is no more: his ex-communication from the family means the gut-wrenching loss of his ex’s 3-year-old granddaughter. Still, you’ll be touched and tickled by the love Lil Charlotte inspired, and you’ll cheer the Doc’s decision to take on those all-powerful Queens of Hearts…if only in his “curiouser and curiouser” if not slightly crazed mind.

The book is divided into four sections: 1) Fierce Longing, 2) Fiery Loss, 3) Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love, and 4) Grief Journaling, including truly evocative, spectrum of emotion eulogies written for special loved ones. Engage with the book’s distinctive four-part structure: 1) the creative context for the poem or essay, 2) the evocative piece, 3) a sometimes brief, sometimes more developed commentary and thoughtful retrospective on Poetic Perspective and Power, along with 4) Discussion Questions that sharpen poetic meaning and intensity while providing you stimulating “food for thought” voices, insights, and intimate engagement.

This unique collection will definitely assist in your “head work, heart work, and homework”:

• Bathe in the outrageous insights of a one-of-a-kind Shrink Rapper ™: from dysfunction and dependence to mindful and “out of mind” transcendence

• Encounter vivid and visual ideas and images, insightful and inspiring analogies, and “Resiliency Poetry” strategies for once again “letting go, laughing, and loving”

• Embrace those “grief ghosts” and internalize the difference between “feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow”

• Be inspired to embark on your own self-inventory as well as voyage of discovery and self-invention: grapple with demeaning inner voices, work through meaningful relationship anger, harness pain into Mountain Vision purpose, and laugh with “higher power” healing humor

If a picture is worth a thousand words then, by Gorkinian psycho-metrics, a thought-inspiring, heart-jolting, or outrageous metaphor or poetic visual is worth at least one hundred psychological insights, deep-seated projections, and untamed associations! Be energized by the Stress Doc’s “New KISS Mantra”: Keep It Short & Smart. Amen and Women to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.

Stress Doc: Notes from a Motivational Psychohumorist ™

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Friday, October 28, 2016

Stress Doc: Notes from a Motivational Psychohumorist ™: Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes: The “Get F...

Captivating Any Audience in 5 Minutes: The “Get FIT” Nexus of Power & Passion

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Stress Doc’s New E-Book – Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love

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