A Tale of Two Dreams: A Streaming Short Story of Loss and Recovery – Part I

The Stress Doc explores transforming two bookend dreams into a powerful and poignant three-part short story -- about losing and rediscovering one's mind and voice.

Having recently given a talk on “Finding Your Voice at Any Age,” I too must walk my talk, perhaps pitter my patter.  Here’s an attempt to encapsulate a dream into a short story.  For me, dreams are not just, to quote Freud, “the royal road to the unconscious.”  Dreams are like a time machine, enabling travel back in psychic space…or a time warp jump to some (un)imaginable future.  And sometimes, in paradoxical fashion, there is a space-time, imaginative stream of confluence of past-present-future.  Like now, using a very recent, up-to-date dream to reconnect to a decades old nighttime visual metaphor-hallucination.  And this psycho-existential gestalt of present and past consciousness ignites a simmering desire:  to explore whether short-story writing can be a part of my creative future?  And desire might not be the right word.  Perhaps it’s a familiar. gnawing obsessive need:  survival in the psychic jungle.  Perhaps branching out once again reflects the wise observation of author and essayist, Adam Gopnik:  Repetition is the law of nature; variation is the rule of life!  It’s my inaugural effort; who knows what subsequent forays will bring, what life may emerge.  What do you think?  Thanks, MG

A Tale of Two Dreams:  A Streaming Short Story of Loss and Recovery – Part I

Fast forward forty years…four decades between iconic-existential dreams.  Yesterday’s subconscious video probably had to do with hearing a support group member talk about a traumatic phase of his young adult life – from losing a two-year old daughter when his ex remarried (turns out, biologically, the child was not his) to the sudden death of a sister in a car accident.  The 40-something held it together while sharing; actually, had a fairly coherent, well-ordered timeline of events, but you could see traces of water in his eyes.

How would he, a senior, recount the early childhood trauma of his life?  As powerful and surprising as the recent dream, a bookend of sorts to his primal family Holocaust dream-nightmare, it did not have the same vivid clarity, metaphoric transparency, and grief-like outpouring of the original.  Nonetheless, he goes back in time; the cloudy mist starts to fade, the memory vault opens, now the visual hallucination envelops him…

They are hurriedly approaching an incoming train at the station.  In truth, it’s less a train than an endless chain of WW II, Nazi-like cattle cars bound for some unknown terror.  The open doors of the car demand their presence.  His uncle is in the lead, moving at a pace and with a purpose in which he and his mother barely can keep up.  The mother-child tandem is slowed as they are holding, no, anxiously gripping, each other’s hand.  In this desperate, symbiotic clutch, it’s not clear who is squeezing harder.  Only that the two are locked into a life and death grip; their survival is inexorably linked to a codependent fate.  Hopefully, his uncle, the boy’s hero, the family member he has always blindly trusted, knows what he is doing.  There’s no time, there’s no peace of mind, to question what is occurring.  He is the good-loyal six-year-old little boy, without voice, in a silent state of panic, robotically doing what he is told.  His mind has mostly shut down; for him, it’s a not uncommon traumatic default, disconnected from his feelings, barely able to notice his surroundings, unable to intentionally focus outward beyond his own consuming sense of dread.  Yet, being an acutely sensitive child, he is subliminally and subtly absorbing an emotionally charged land- and mindscape that overwhelms and basically paralyzes his conscious mind.

But then, just before they are to enter the boxcar, out of the corner of his eye, he notices a human figure slumped against a wall and the station floor.  It his father…with the emaciated look – sullen grayish appearance, dressed in a simple, nondescript manner (neither the worn and tattered rags of one who is homeless nor the stylish manner of dress for which his father was known), sunken eyes, bony angular facial features – of a wasted drug addict.  While he cannot make out more details, nonetheless, there’s a deep sadness, a bowed head, arms encircling bent stick-legs, as if dearly holding onto a mangled two branch life raft.  Ultimately, emanating from his father’s face and bodily form, a sense of resignation and hopelessness – an inability to imagine a future worth living.  The boy knows that face and form.  And why is it that only the boy notices his obviously destitute, pale, and sickly father?  Beyond awareness, at some biologic-psychic conjunction, the existential question echoing deep within: “Who are you?  Who me?!

Finally, he awakens from his dream, more a nightmare, “inspired” by a mid-late ‘70s television special, a historical fiction blockbuster about the Holocaust.  Actually, his nocturnal drama was less an inspiration and more an excavation, a subterranean visual metaphor, resurrected, at the age of twenty-eight or twenty-nine, from the shadows of his soul.  Clearly, the envisaged scene reveals parallels in his mindscape between a dramatic moment of the Holocaust and the secretive “survival” dynamics of his family, dynamics emitting toxic emotional radiation, never acknowledged, let alone discussed throughout his childhood and teen years.  He only learned about his father’s breakdown and hospitalization, and subsequent “rehabilitation” – the shameful family secret – nearly two decades after it occurred.  The boy has a tender psyche, teeming with subconscious images and emotions of abandonment and suffocating closeness, with periods of sheer terror; hallucinatory memories of being swallowed whole inside a woman’s stomach, his only shelter in the storm.  (A little over a year out of graduate school, in his mid-20s, he shared this memory with a Social Worker Manager providing him supervision.  Her non-verbal look of upset told him this was DSM diagnostically serious.)  Formless, unimaginable, and chaotic questions whirlpool about the ground of reality, pulling him down, down…until the questions themselves, along with any self-awareness, go into deep freeze. 

Or, the wake-up dream is a mind-quake revelation.  Never before the Holocaust series has a subterranean video broken his plain of consciousness, capturing the family dynamic with such startling metaphoric clarity.  And the unprecedented subconscious eruption releases a shocking tsunami of emotion. Fortunately, soon after the dream, he was able to cry unashamedly at a woman friend’s house.

On the surface, this inner drama was mostly repressed.  But in the boy’s childhood, so many stressors triggered the everyday fear of being exposed or the humiliation of failing.  Alas, a well-honed mask meant that his acute vulnerability and tension was rarely seen (or was usually denied) by his parents and other significant adults.  There was a poignant exception:  In sixth grade, his teacher, Mr. W, deviating from the class routine, had the students do a free-form drawing exercise.  Likely startled by the boy’s passionate outpouring, in contrast to his typically more passive, quietly anxious, too good persona, Mr. W approached him after class.  Trying to connect with the boy, he says, “You’ll be going into junior high soon; high school is not far off.  Maybe you should think of applying to New York City’s School of Music and Art.”  His puzzlement quickly morphs into subterranean shame and self-doubt.  Not allowing expression to seep through the mask, the boy thinks to himself:  “Mr. W doesn’t think I’m smart enough to go to a regular school.”  And he continues his stony silence.  And the subject is never again broached…with anyone.  And another lock is added to the prison cell.

A primal emotional core of abandonment, emptiness, and loneliness could not be anesthetized, despite all his efforts, one example, through desperate masturbation.   When combining this “troubling trinity” with trepidation around speaking up, rarely displaying any form of real angry protest – with family or bullying peers – the mind-body manifestation was predictable:  a seething and numbing inner mindscape would finally implode with stomach aches, skin infections, difficulty sleeping, etc.  Or an inability to concentrate at school or school work, along with periodic lying, cheating, minor shoplifting (as a young teen, an obvious cry for help).  Now, exploding to the surface chronic symptoms of anxiety, guilt, and shame and, ultimately, unrecognized depression – likely both clinical and situational.  And icing on the psychic cake:  sometimes more, sometimes less overt smoldering dread along with periodic bursts of panic and terror.  The boy’s life invites the paraphrasing of the three-word alliterative original, now an apt psycho-architectural axiom:  form may also follow family dysfunction! 

And Part II will place his primal hallucination, actually, more retrospective family X-ray vision, in some historical and psycho-social context.  (The word psycho-social reminds him that as a speaker after telling an audience he’s a “Psychohumorist, the immediate punchline:  “I let you all decide where the emphasis on that word should go!”  This dream let's him know from where both emphasis and flow and even his quirky humor stem.)  Finally, Part III, will get us current; telling a tale of a life of running:  running from and running to.  And now that he has slowed his gait, in a semi-retired state, where will his mental motor take him?

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.

When the Worst that Could Happen Is Actually the Best Thing

The Stress Doc illustrates a creative problem-solving process for turning despair into new determination, even daring.

When the Worst that Could Happen Is Actually the Best Thing

When my architect friend heard that I had left all the preliminary sketches of my intricate verbal/visual-spatial Mandala Model 2.0 on an interstate bus, her immediate reaction was, “Oh, s_ _t.”  (See Linked-In or Facebook or email stressdoc@aol.com for the essay “Mandala Vision.”)  Mine was even stronger:  “Oh, d_ _k!”

All those hours of work over the course of a week– drawing a multi-octagonal structure with its interconnected web of triangles, choosing and precisely positioning psychological concepts related to creativity and intimacy – down the brain drain.  How would I ever recreate my final draft, especially with different iterations hiding in the subterranean shadows adding to the confusion?  I wasn’t just frustrated; I was feeling helpless, experiencing a real sense of loss.

The Function of Funk or The Funk in Funktion

Not unlike when I inadvertently delete an important document that hasn’t been properly saved.  This happens frequently enough, you’d think I’d be inured to the “disaster.”  But no, each time there is that stab of panic – what will I do now?  And then gloom begins to descend.  Alas, I must allow myself to be in a funk, if I’m eventually to find the key that reopens the trunk.  I try to remember the Stress Doc aphorism:

There’s a real difference between “feeling sorry for yourself” and “feeling your sorrow.”  When you are feeling sorry for yourself you often or mostly blame others.  When feeling your sorrow, you have the courage to face your pain and self-blame.  Alas, there are times when we all need to face, even more, embrace our sorrow.  And that choice to be courageous, to lick my wounds, to accept my human flaws and foibles, helps me turn the corner, helps me come out from under the cover.

The Power of External Loss and Inside-Out Living and Wilding

In fact, having allowed myself to grieve, I’m beginning to see a glimmer at the end of the mind tunnel.  As French-Algerian writer/philosopher, Albert Camus, noted:  Once we have accepted the fact of loss we understand that the loved one obstructed a whole corner of the possible, pure now as a sky washed by rain.  In fact, I’m not just seeing light but, wait, a different light source!  Can one really go from dark to light to enlightenment???  I suspect it’s often a well-trod, persistent yet, ironically, pedestrian path that leads to surprise and discovery.  As acclaimed 18^th c. French author, Gustave Flaubert, observed:  Live your life like a bourgeois…so your heart and mind can run wild!

Learning Tips, Tools and Techniques

So, what have I specifically learned about breaking through the brain fog-clog?  Let me count three ways:

1.  Good Grief.  Going through a grief process (with or without actual tears), is like “braino” for unclogging or jump-starting a seemingly jammed or inert mind.  Grief turns frustration into “thrustration” – when you’re torn between thrusting ahead with direct action and frustration…you don’t know if you can retrieve let alone reassemble the puzzle pieces.  However, this mental/emotional tension primes your subconscious mind.

2. Staying with and Breaking Away. If you stay with the rumbling and gurgling, both listening to the inner whisperings and occasionally breaking away, taking a walk, a nap, briefly playing a video game, etc. – taking an incubation vacation – so that you can continue to let the braino work. Bringing fresh eyes and mind turns a poignant problem into a pregnant one. Now…you just might recognize, if not hatch, a new perspective. Purposeful tension helps percolate ideas and images from the recesses of your psyche. As I recently penned: Laser angst focuses the mind…carving new images on the horizon!

3.  From Letting Go to Letting Flow.  It doesn’t mean you will suddenly have this mind-shattering, Aha!  But you start feeling less despairing and more determined; even beginning to show a touch of daring.  Hey, I can rebuild and maybe even generate some new connections, new possibilities.  That “one right way” is being exposed as an impostor.  Now flow is what you know!  And a richer and wiser Mandala 2.0 is the outcome.  Like I said:  When the Worst that Could Happen Is Actually the Best Thing!  Amen and women to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

Transforming Loss and Memory into “Human Touch” Moments: Two Critical Incident Vignettes

What does “high tech” mean to you?  “Making our old ways slow and useless” or “The far flung, wild creativity of our plug and play connected world” (Joshua Cooper Ramo, The Seventh Sense:  Power, Fortune, and Survival in the Age of Networks, 2016)?  No doubt, the physical and psychic landscape and mindscape are being transformed by our always on and everywhere linked “Digital/Social Media Age.”  However, every once in a while, time and space slow down, if not come to a sudden halt; and I’m reminded of the critical importance of “human touch” in handling everyday life and death struggles.  Let me share two vignettes where high tech takes a back seat to human touch.

This week I did Critical Incident/Stress Management (CISM) work for a state government agency.  More specifically, I provided Grief Facilitation-Counseling both in groups and one-on-one for about forty employees who, just the day before, learned of the death of a beloved upper level administrator/manager. The news was as sudden as it was shocking.  R was forty-seven, seemingly healthy, married with two kids.  Towards the end of last week, he went home feeling bad…went to the hospital…and by Sunday night, incomprehensibly, he was dead from a stroke.

This was a mostly blue-collar crew – equally divided racially, more men than women, fairly wide age distribution, etc.  Many had expressed doubts about the value of this “grief stuff.”  However, by the end of our session, all expressed heartfelt appreciation.  One likened it to a family wake…where everyone has a chance to share a personal memory about or a shared moment with the deceased.  After people expressed their shock, or shed some tears, or made a point of saying how R was not like some of the other managers walking around, I guided the sharing thusly:  What’s one trait of R’s that you especially admired and might be willing to try and cultivate in yourself and “play forward” with others?  (In light of this universal outpouring, it seems especially significant that he’d only been with this facility for three years.  Many marveled at R’s personal-professional impact in such a relatively short period of time.)  Consider their “trait” list:

1.  He always listened, even when he didn’t agree with you; he would think about your position, at the same time acknowledging he may still see things differently.

2.  He was always personally willing to help resolve a bureaucratic or operational problem.

3.  He would go to bat for you when you needed an ally with the “higher ups.”

4.  He took the time to get to know you personally.

5.  You always knew where he stood; he didn’t play games (with your head).

6.  Yet, he was fun-loving; a game player who could take kidding, even criticism.

7.  He went out of his way to drop in and talk with folks, and for more than five minutes.  (One secretary expressed total surprise when, one day, R talked with her for forty minutes about her educational-professional goals, encouraging her to expand her horizon.)

8.  He was concerned about your career and would frequently be talking with you about it.

9.  He treated everyone fairly and with respect.  (It was only after the group session did I even discover that R was African-American.)  And…

10. He made you feel special!

Inspired Musings:  Endings and Beginnings

This was a “Human Touch” gentleman in a “High Tech” world…who was truly curious and concerned about his colleagues.  R’s essence touched hearts and minds, maybe even souls.  Reviewing this list, I can only say, from the perspective of the Jewish religion/culture, R would be considered a real “mensch,” a truly wise and caring, a down to earth good man.  One closing “human touch” observation:  though today technology appears omniscient and omnipotent, there are some human depths that still elude the digital.

Case in point:  my next vignette involves human intuition leading to a “mitzvah,” another Yiddish expression meaning a “blessing, or truly good, often compassionate deed.”  (I wonder if the subject of death and grief is a pipeline to memories of a language spoken in my childhood household, occasionally by my parents, but especially by a beloved grandmother.  A woman in a wheelchair, who lost both her legs, first to medical incompetence, then, years later, to diabetes…A woman who personified “human touch,” without speaking a word of English, and was truly a “mensch.”)

Connecting the Grieving:  Sisters in Sorrow

Shortly after the group gathering, I had a chance to sit down with various individuals; in this instance two experienced female administrators.  (One had to leave the group session early.  The other was stationed at another facility and had come by for an admin meeting.  Both seemed to have close working relations with R; the visitor knew him for fourteen years in other state agencies.  The two women, roughly similar in age, had never met; however, they had talked briefly on the phone.)  Both women had cried openly in my one-on-ones, expressing disbelief having seen R just the week before.  One, with a sense of irony, even expressed expecting R to show up at work, then exclaim it was all a “sick joke.”  I was talking with the visitor when the obvious hit me:  these two ladies should be commiserating with and supporting each other.  A new role – grief matchmaker was born!

I now asked the visiting admin if her collegial counterpart might join us.  A bit surprised, nonetheless she agreed.  I jumped up, went to the other’s office, and got quick consent.  (I had made a strong connection with her earlier.)  Suffice to say, the two symbolically fell in each other’s arms, alternatively providing “lean on me” shoulders for one another.  Perhaps the seeds of a sisterly bond were being nurtured.  And wouldn’t that be a fitting legacy:  in this time of tragedy, two women having a near-brotherly relation with R, discover their own kindred connection.  All I can say is amen and women to that!

Concluding Words and Question

A grief belief penned many years ago: Whether the loss is a key person, a desired position or a powerful illusion each deserves the respect of a mourning. The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like spring upon winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal. And by connecting our authentic essence with a caring human touch, “the better angels of our nature” will surely rise once more.

The Last Question:  Must we wait for a tragedy to more purposefully and spontaneously engage in “human touch”…to make “high tech and human touch” equal workplace partners?

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World, and Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

Stress Doc’s New E-Book – Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss: Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love

Well my new E-book is live on Amazon/Kindle.  Of course, I’m biased, but I think it’s a pretty unique and awesome collection on loss and love, with a Psychohumorist’s ™ twist.  Assembled over several decades, the book mixes Shrink Raps ™ and Resiliency Poetry as well as a few poignant essays, and is topped off with thought-provoking Poetic Commentary and Discussion Questions.  (See a more complete overview in the below synopsis.)  FL(2) will stimulate your head, nurture your heart, and inspire your soul! 

Please consider checking out my Amazon book/author page:

https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Longing%E2%80%A6Fiery-Loss-Relearning-Laugh-ebook/dp/B01M0JS9NJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474730355&sr=8-1&keywords=Fierce+Longing...Fiery+Loss%3A++Relearning+To+Let+Go%2C+Laugh+%26+Love

The price of admission is only $3.99.  And if you take the leap…and like the poetic well-spring, please share your thoughts on the feedback page.  Enjoy!  Mark

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Stress Doc’s New E-Book – Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh and Love

Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss is a comic-to-tragic-and-back-again “Resiliency Poetry” and “Rebuilding the Fire” road-map.  Also sprinkled with “how to” essays, the collection is an insightfully edgy expression of a one-of-a-kind Psychohumorist ™ and Shrink Rapper ™, yet all too human Stress Doc ™.   Journey with Mark as he explores varieties of love – from vital to delusional – in an array of intimate (okay, sometimes more sensual than intimate) relationships.  FL2 also examines love and loss in a variety of work-family life battlefields (symbolic as well as literal, e.g., see “Who KNOWS War”) – and puts you on the path of courageous recovery and discovery.

The work reveals an individual who often must deep dive into dark shadowy grief – the shock, the rage, the searing pain of loss…yet also struggles and persists – three strokes forward two strokes back or v.v. – to resurface, moving closer to the light; to reviving and rediscovering a now more en-light-ened head and heart.  For example, see the wickedly fun lyric, “Double-Edged Depression,” where you choose between “chemistry or confession” and ultimately find salvation in “creative expression.”  Conversely, discover the Doc’s collateral damage when a ten-year partnership suddenly is no more:  his ex-communication from the family means the gut-wrenching loss of his ex’s 3-year-old granddaughter.  Still, you’ll be touched and tickled by the love Lil Charlotte inspired, and you’ll cheer the Doc’s decision to take on those all-powerful Queens of Hearts…if only in his “curiouser and curiouser” if not slightly crazed mind.

The book is divided into four sections: 1) Fierce Longing, 2) Fiery Loss, 3) Relearning to Let Go, Laugh & Love, and 4) Grief Journaling, including truly evocative, spectrum of emotion eulogies written for special loved ones.  Engage with the book’s distinctive four-part structure: 1) the creative context for the poem or essay, 2) the evocative piece, 3) a sometimes brief, sometimes more developed commentary and thoughtful retrospective on Poetic Perspective and Power, along with 4) Discussion Questions that sharpen poetic meaning and intensity while providing you stimulating “food for thought” voices, insights, and intimate engagement.

This unique collection will definitely assist in your “head work, heart work, and homework”:

• Bathe in the outrageous insights of a one-of-a-kind Shrink Rapper ™:  from dysfunction and dependence to mindful and “out of mind” transcendence

• Encounter vivid and visual ideas and images, insightful and inspiring analogies, and “Resiliency Poetry” strategies for once again “letting go, laughing, and loving”

• Embrace those “grief ghosts” and internalize the difference between “feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow”

• Be inspired to embark on your own self-inventory as well as voyage of discovery and self-invention: grapple with demeaning inner voices, work through meaningful relationship anger, harness pain into Mountain Vision purpose, and laugh with “higher power” healing humor

• Use Resiliency Poetry & Shrink Rap ™ as a learning-discussion tool in a variety of classroom/learning settings, psycho-educational support, study, and book groups, as well as around the family, coffeehouse, or breakroom and boardroom table

If a picture is worth a thousand words then, by Gorkinian psycho-metrics, a thought-inspiring, heart-jolting, or outrageous metaphor or poetic visual is worth at least one hundred psychological insights, deep-seated projections, and untamed associations!  Be energized by the Stress Doc’s “New KISS Mantra”:  Keep It Short & Smart.  Amen and Women to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

Space-Time Travelers and Lovers: The Path of Letting Go

For well over a year, I have been smoldering about the end of my ten-year, long-distance relationship, and especially, how I was blocked by both mother and, IMHO, indirectly by “Nana,” from having any further connection with my ex’s granddaughter.  I was crazy about this little girl, doting upon her with undivided attention, creative-playful energy, and unconditional love.  Lil Charlotte has been remembered and celebrated in word and song.  (Email stressdoc@aol.com for a Charlotte sampler.)  And she (or a symbolic representation) adorns the cover of my forthcoming e-book, Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss:  Relearning to Let Go, Laugh and Love.

Actually, in the past couple of months the burning fires and depressed embers have been fading; the flood of tears, a few friends, and new creative gears are helping me move ahead and repair that once broken heart.  Ironically, no longer so enraged, no longer feeling so caged, having sufficiently (albeit, not completely) detached, it’s possible to view my ex-partner without all the steam and fury.  I can better distinguish feelings for her and our time together, before my work slowed (and her insecurities increased regarding my financial stability).  And, before a grandchild entered our orbit.

In light of previous painful exchanges only a couple of months ago, and considering that we still have not met face-to-face since the last time we were in the same room in Jan 2015…was this new mindscape trustworthy?  Was I ready to express appreciation for the loving times and spaces that we shared:  would I be opening a wound or inviting myself to be once again wounded?

So a debate raged within, and then an opening…a poem was dawning.  “Space-Time Travelers and Lovers” is now ready to come out of the creative closet.  It is followed by an introduction to another grief-themed poem, “On the Ode to Letting Go.”  (A poem, I am proud to say, that was recently used as a teaching tool by a Lutheran Church Ministry group; see below.  It also appears in the aforementioned Fierce Longing…Fiery Loss.)  I hope you find the tandem w/rite of passage meaningful.  Peace,  MG

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™

Author of the new e-book on Amazon, Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World: Writings, Raps, & Rhymes on Stress Resiliency, Burnout Recovery, and Digital Sanity

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GIPXVH4/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb

Synopsis:  An insightful and inspiring guide for self-discovery and heart-to-heart connection, Preserving Human Touch... is the painful, playful, and soulful outpouring of a one-of-a-kind – stage and page – "Motivational Psychohumorist" TM and "word artist."  Whether poetry or prose, purposeful or poignant, the language is colorful yet clear – a tapestry of meaningful substance and magical style.  As a psychohumorist, the Doc has been pioneering the field of psychologically humorous "rap" music -- Shrink Rap Productions! This ingenious synthesis is best captured by the “Stress Doc’s” ™ quest to be the Dr. Seuss of Stress for Adults (and kids of all ages).

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Space-Time Travelers and Lovers

Once upon a time and so far away…

Love meant never having to say you're sorry

But it's all relative

When space-time bends chemical trends

Turning a “Yes” into “NO!”

So much more EBB than flow

As starship lovers no longer friends

Passing in the night…once out-of-sight

The gravity glue between two dark-distant bodies

A delayed, weak soular signal:

An ex-paramour’s dashboard amends.

Best and Worst of Times

Going round and around

Earth Mother in elliptical circles…

Sometimes a flyaway comet

Sometimes cradled in each other’s orbit

A partner planet

Then a little moon arrived

With her crescent smile

That drove me good crazy

And magnetic halo that lit up the sky

Don’t ask me why

My career/work was aborted

And a trust-line shorted.

Instead of coming closer, now apart further

Revealing two ego-alien natures

A heartbreak space station...once a force-field of dreams.

But how would one know with Earth’s silent screams?

Perhaps best to say

In this galaxy, anyway

Two orbs are company

Three is a crowd!

Especially when in the mind of one

The other won’t find another way.

And in the mind of the other

One won’t take another look:

Each reads from a different (work)Book!

Rages, Stages, and Steps

Once ejected from the family solar system

Wounded soul flares erupt

Spewing radioactive rage

Toxic heat and heavy light in a Dark Age

Sucking the air from black hole grief.

Turning point:  reaching for 12-Step relief:

A reflecting pool, a time to cool

Down blazing shadows

To wade in the shade

Fury, finally, starting to fade

And none too soon

Enabling this far from heavenly body

To ponder his eclipse by the Earth

No longer blinded by his lost little Moon.

Hard to believe:  being so helpless

All alone in the darkness

When days feel like weeks

The one vital sign-source:

Core lava waterfall wrath

Cherry-magma tear-dyed cheeks

Turning pain into war paint

Words drawn from blood, sweat, and tears

To disarm voices that split me in half.

Letting Go to “No” and Flow

In the fiery furnace of that dark night

Oh how can self-doubt

Morph as a flaming red light?

Do know your limits…Don’t limit your No’s!

Stop justifying to friends or foes

Trust the prose of soul sisters or bros

No shame stepping on some big toes.

Now transform “fight or flight”

Into let go luminous loss

That will run its course

As a gentle rain path

Washing away scarlet shame ranting

Magma mask finger point painting.

Embracing my sadness

Much stronger than madness.

Half Full/Empty Memory Scope

Recalling starlit games at bedtime

Pot-belly laughs and zippy high-lines

Yellow stones…to mountain climbs

Coastal shores and tundra pines

Not to mention vineyard wines

Your matzoh ball soup, latkes, and Seders

Helping you deal with plant-loving Jew baiters.

For a good while this was quite fine

But my being weird wired

I know you got tired with

A world of “word artist” designs

Sans bottom line recovery signs.

We weathered some storms…just not stormy weather

Alas, for me, 9-5, a dead letter

Yet, some regrets:  could I have done better?

Never astral bodies of a feather

Still… grateful for time travel together!

©  Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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A Spiritual Path for “Ode to Letting Go” 

Recently, with the help of a good friend/colleague, I led a “Practice Safe Stress” workshop for her church ministry group.  We all had a great time:

Trinity Lutheran Church/Stephen Ministry Program, N. Bethesda, MD; "Developing Stress Resilience through Humor:  A Caregiver's Playshop"; 1.5 hours

June 22, 2016

Mark - my go-to-stress-reliever -
THANK YOU & below I'm sharing a message from Miriam.
Yes, we "talked about you" -- all in a good way - our group was amazed and positively positive --
THANK YOU for braving the storm and making this "anniversary" a time to work out, work through, and work toward more healing in so many ways.

We'll be in touch -

HUGE Gorkin Fan

Donna Shriver
dshriver79@aol.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Donna,

Thanks for bringing Mark to our Stephen Ministry Program. He was absolutely great and offered so many good ideas and coping mechanisms for stress. I am definitely interested in his E-book and in getting him back to Trinity...The timing you chose bringing Mark in for his talk was perfect.

Peace,
Miriam

Directormamendenhall@verizon.net

~~~~~~~~~~~

And then, about a week later, I received these ego-boosters from Donna S. who, herself, has a very lively and distinctive style of expression that waxes from the lyrical to the spiritual:

Hi Mark - FYI - YES, we are using your poetry & discussion questions for tonight's Stephen Ministry supervision meeting.  ALSO (yes, we talked about you -- all in a good way). -- I must tell you how enthused Miriam is about you -- last night (Monday, July 18) a smaller group of us - Miriam, Louise, Sarah, Patricia & I -- the "cheer squad" - got together for dinner -- I think you met Miriam & Louise - and Miriam read your poem to prepare us for Tuesday's meeting -- hoping we will think about it and have our discussion ready.  She likes "growl, howl, eat crow" -- she loves the word play and the rhythm of the sounds -- and the depth within the fun.  She mentioned several times how the "fun" and "depth" can be an interesting mix - and very effective - and so on-board with what we do as Stephen Ministers.  She is definitely working on a schedule to bring you back to a larger group - in the works for later…

Well, we definitely continued our education -- On the Ode to Letting Go - was dynamic and a different version of our regular Stephen Ministry (SM) training.  Miriam read the poem with wonderful force and emphasis.  Fun to hear her growl and howl.  She had us break into groups of 2 --10 people so 5 groups -- and we had private discussions with our partners.  One-on-one we bring out private information that doesn't always make it to the big group - and that shows the intimacy of sharing thoughts and ideas with only one person -- which is one of SM's positive roles.  “Don't throw in the towel -- Fight another day” -- for those of us struggling with job stress, these images hit the target. 

Our private pairs talked for about 20 minutes before sharing our main ideas with the group.  The famous 5 stages of grief were paralleled in your vision-inducing words:  howl, stew, tears, peace, learn -

Rise up - study - know - learn -

An interesting dimension - it was discussed how the poem and the "Ode to Letting Go" thrust was to use our strength from within -- to "heal yourself" -- lick wounds -- peace in gut and soul -- rather than our SM (thrust / view / push -- seeking the right word) -- our SM Christian thrust - we always look to our savior's guidance, reassurance, live-affirming love and way of life -- and we use Biblical references, God's everlasting love -- and a strength based on dependence -- letting go to Let God take our problems -- Letting Go to Forgive, and Letting our Heavenly Father be our shepherd. 

The SM dimension adds - without apology -- God's love and the idea that we "walk with Jesus" -- to walk along care receivers in their journey through the problem -- through aging -- through life's struggles and eventual debilitation.

Your prelude, ("epiphany" hits a familiar chord with this crowd -- Miriam understood the power of wordplay -- TNT - 3D - 11th Commandment -- she is familiar with Adam Gopnik, Darwin/Lincoln -- Albert Camus -- voila -- Phoenix rising from the ashes --

I was thrilled that Miriam was gung-ho about using your material (something outside the SM-approved training guide book)!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the Ode to "Letting Go"

At some point towards the end of 2014, at long last…an epiphany.  I finally began to grasp that in today's TNT - Time-Numbers-Technology - World ever-clouded in a "3-D" - Driven-Distracted-Disruptive - Web, lengthy essays were not the way to attract a cyber-audience.  Once again the imperative "to do more with less" rules.  (Actually, if feels like it has become the 11th Commandment!)  Makes me think of writer Adam Gopnik's powerful mantra from his book on Darwin and Lincoln:  "Repetition is the law of nature, but variation is the rule of life."  Now uncertainty and adversity, along with necessity, became the progenitors of invention.

The opportunities in separation and loss was beautifully and succinctly captured by the 20th c. French-Algerian Nobel Prize-winning author, Albert Camus:

Once we have accepted the fact of loss, we understand that the loved one obstructed a whole corner of the possible…pure now as a sky washed by rain.

Surely, one way of putting more into a smaller (yet meaning-filled) package is by shifting from prose to verse.  And voila…the concept of "Resiliency Rap" became the poetic Phoenix rising from the Internet ashes.  I suppose this "Ode" is fitting, as it begins to capture my understanding of the struggle of letting go in all domains – from the virtual to the actual.

On the Ode to "Letting Go"

To start "letting go" you must rise up and growl

Then let out a howl

Study that which seems foul –

Lick wounds for a while…stew in your woes.

Just don't throw in the towel; better…

Do know your limits, don't limit your "No"s!

Hmm…What do you know?

Those critical voices, grief ghosts on the prowl

Now flushed from your bowels

As tears flood timeworn echoes:

Peace flows through gut and soul.

So "strive high, embrace failure"

Jump into the fray

Still learning to fight another day.

For when you let go to life's ebb and flow

You will even know when it's time to eat crow!

©  Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

-----------------

Perspective on the Poem, Power to the Poet

I key component of working through loss and grief often involves engaging and harnessing rage and hostility.  This dynamic often raises its head when you feel manipulated, put down, overrun, or victimized by another; attributing the flash of feeling to perceived injustice, insult, and/or invasion…and there's no recourse other than "letting go."  And, most surprising, being "powerless" does not necessarily mean being "helpless."  I'm allowing myself to more gradually feel and sit with these emotional charged states of aggression before engaging an antagonist.  I'm doing a psychic scan:  are past hurts confounding present heat?

Also vital…acknowledging the loss of "fair or reasonable world" expectations.  It is unrealistic to think I can control another adult's behavior (and detrimental to want to, other than protecting my own boundaries, preserving self-integrity, and building healthier relationships).  I can express or assert my needs and desires, but must learn to accept that others may not subscribe to my vison or values; many will choose not to walk "the word artist" path.

Finally, grief not only helps us regulate anger with others, but enables us to more gently own our flaws and failings.  In the game of life, a deeper and wiser sadness sometimes can even trump or dampen those raw and raspy as well as shrill-shaming voices.

-----------------

Discussion Questions

1.  Why is growling and howling often a vital part of truly "letting go?"

2.  What might be some benefits of "studying that which is foul" and "stewing in (your) woes"?

3.  What does the phrase "grief ghosts" conjure?  What images and ideas?

4.  What does it take to "strive high" and "embrace failure?"  What might be some benefits of embracing contradiction?

5.  Have you ever "learned to fight another day" or had "to eat crow"?  If so, what feelings are aroused at first, then over time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.

“Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools & Techniques for Surviving Trauma, Transition, and Everyday Stress

I have been a co-founding partner of the Be Well Initiative for the Nepali Diaspora in America.  The tragic April 25, 2015 earthquake ignited a vision for a friend and colleague, Dr. DK Gurung.  (DK called me a day after, both for some venting and to share his communal dream.)  Born in Nepal, he understood that mental health services were needed in the face of such a natural disaster, but not just for people living in Nepal.  The stress was also great for family and friends 10,000 miles from ground zero.  But beyond the immediate disaster, cultural norms, honor and shame, and indirect or secretive communication patterns made it difficult for Nepalis to fully acknowledge let alone discuss emotional issues of stress, anxiety and depression.  The US Nepali community had to come out of the trauma, immigrant transition, and pressure of “Pursuing the American Dream” as well as everyday stress, closets.

This past year, Be Well Initiative has put into motion “Stress Survey” data collection, mind-body wellness and mental health educational reach out, along with running focus groups at various community events, centers, and programs.  We will close out the year with a memorial EQ15 service on April 24^th in Herndon, VA.  (Email stressdoc@aol.com if you’d like more information.)  As part of the interactive/community participation service, attendees will engage in small group discussion about past and present stressors and coping strategies.  Participants will also provide ideas for developing future mental health resources and services.  It should be a very moving, meaningful, and uniquely affirming experience.

“Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools & Techniques

for Surviving Trauma, Transition, and Everyday Stress

This past year we have witnessed how imbalances and stressors in nature may suddenly erupt producing devastating consequences.  While not as cataclysmic, work-family-life imbalances and pressures may manifest in confusing, overwhelming and destructive, even life-threatening, emotions and behaviors.  As one Nepali community leader articulated:  “We too will erupt if our life gets out of balance, if we deplete ourselves, run ourselves to the ground, stretch ourselves thin, and live for all the wrong reasons.  We will either collapse into ourselves or explode onto others.”

We need a powerful stress tool kit to manage such stressors as: a) being emotionally connected to two homelands, b) separated from significant others as well as from geographical and cultural markers, c) everyday pressures pursuing the American Dream, including adapting to new cultural values, d) the challenges of finding meaningful employment, and especially, e) being an individual new to the US, feeling like “a stranger in a strange land.”

Perhaps most critical, as a community we need to affirm that reaching out for mental and emotional health services (the mind-heart) is as natural and normal as seeking help for physical illness (the body).  We must help our under-served community come out of the shadows of shame, stigma, and silence and discover a new horizon of hope!

Here is Be Well Initiative and the Stress Doc’s ™ “Top Ten” Stress Resilience Tools and Techniques for Surviving Crises and Everyday Stress:

1.  Find a “Stress Buddy.”  When it comes to stress, we initially may need to share our feelings outside of our immediate family, perhaps with a trusted friend or community leader.  Having another help put the situation in a more reasonable or calm perspective, may reduce feelings of guilt and self-blame and make it easier to later discuss the situation with family members.  If still relatively new in the US, it’s vital to have a “Stress Buddy” who understands the “trials and pressures” of immigrant stress.

2.  Speak to a Professional.  If you are feeling intense levels of stress, anger, and/or depression, with disrupted patterns of eating and sleeping, misusing alcohol and drugs or simply wanting to withdraw from life, it is time to speak with a person trained in providing mental health counseling.  There are Crisis Hot Lines for you to call.  If you are not sure where to go, contact one of the counseling/clinical members of the Be Well Initiative Team:

Bharati Devkota,  Nepali Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone # 443-742-2575

Anshu Basnyat, Nepali Speaking, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) – telephone #  443-574-3430; call for an appointment

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc, Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW) – telephone # 301-875-2567

3.  Join a Support Group.  Share your pain, purpose, and passion with a group of like-minded community members and a qualified facilitator; talking with one another, we lean on, learn from, and then provide an ear or a shoulder to our brothers and sisters.  Consider starting a Nepali/community support group.  BWI will be glad to assist.  Also, there are a variety of free, 12-Step Groups – from dealing with problem drinking (or being a family member of a problem drinker) to handling difficult emotions – located in schools, churches, community centers, etc., throughout the Greater DC-VA-MD area.

4.  Understand Change, Loss, and the Need to Grieve.  Whether it’s a devastating earthquake trauma or just a more quiet realization of missing loved ones, alive or deceased, no longer close by, or longing for our former life…we need to take time to remember.  The challenge of change is omnipresent for people adapting to a new land and way of life, or just going through transition.  Grief stages – shock, sadness, anger, fear, confusion, disbelief – are not just products of death and dying; grief can be stirred by the loss of a job, the loss of health and mobility, or the loss of a dream.  Grieving may help you make peace with both your past and present…and open paths for a more productive future.  Of course, there is not one way to grieve; each person has his or her own grief rhythm and time frame.  However, if after 2-4 weeks you are not back into your routine, find a trustworthy and understanding stress buddy or, even better, consider consulting with a professional counselor.

5.  Make Sleeping/Rejuvenating and Healthy Eating a Top Priority.  When it comes to sleep, we often provide solid guidance with our kids, but don’t follow our own advice.  Try to apply those sleep routine principles that you’ve designed for your children:  turn off the gadgets, take a shower or listen to soothing sounds of nature, or do quiet reading in bed.  And, limit alcohol and caffeine several hours before bedtime.  Meditation or taking a ten-fifteen minute “power nap” can be an effective way to rejuvenate during the day.

As for food and fuel intake, beware of picking up some of the sloppy eating habits of too many Americans.  Reduce your intake of salts, sugars, and saturated fats – those cans of soda and bags of chips.  Eat more fruits, especially the berries, and green and leafy vegetables; whole grains, beans and legumes and, if not going vegan, Omega-3 fish – salmon and sardines, are heart-healthy choices.  Listen to your grandmother!

6.  Get Regular Exercise.  Do you get thirty minutes of brisk exercise three-five times a week?  Regular exercise provides both physical and psychological advantages.  Thirty minutes (or even two fifteen minute segments) of vigorous, non-stop, large muscle movement activity – brisk walking, swimming, bike riding, dancing, etc. – releases brain chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine which are the mind-body's natural mood enhancers and pain relievers.  It's less a runner's high and more that we can step back and see things with a calmer disposition and fresher perspective. 

When stressed, everything feel’s up in the air.  The answer: to feel grounded.  There is nothing like a brisk thirty minute walk for creating a beginning and end point for a tangible sense of accomplishment and control.  Actually, you’re developing a “success ritual.”  And while I don’t always love to exercise, after my ten-minute “while still in bed” morning routine of stretching, sit-ups, push-ups, yoga positions, etc. and my early evening walk…well, I do like feeling virtuous.  And if you’re having difficulty getting started…find a walking partner.

7.  Learn to Say Set Limits.  During my workshops, more people have said to me, “Mark until I learned how to say ‘No’…I was living on the edge of stress!”  Remember, being a mature adult means that sometimes you will have to disappoint people.  For friends and family, for example, let them clearly know what you cannot do (at this moment in time) but also perhaps what you can do.  Give people the option to call you back in two days when your schedule might not be so busy. Naturally, expect that your initial “No” might prove upsetting.  But don’t overly explain your position; excess talking undermines your own sense of control and authority.  People see you as wishy-washy.  Briefly remind people of your stated position.

On the other hand, when relating with an impatient or “the sky is falling down” authority figure, e.g., the big boss at work, the key is not to let this person’s false or exaggerated sense of urgency become the only reality.  Remember, for something to be urgent or an emergency, it’s “life and death.”  Everything else can be prioritized.  So to regain some control, say to that boss, “I know this is a very important matter.  Because it is important, let’s take five minutes; help me prioritize – what should I put on the backburner while I focus on this new vital priority.”  Don’t let someone else’s false urgency become your anxiety!

8.  Identify and Defuse Stress Triggers.  We all have emotional areas in which we are especially sensitive or reactive – for example, someone questioning our honesty or intelligence, talking badly about a friend or family member, or trying to tell us how we must do something his or her way, etc.  We tend to overreact emotionally and verbally when someone hits our “hot button.”  To improve your capacity for self-regulation, before reacting:  a) take some deep breaths, b) pay attention to those “3 B” – Brain-Body-Behavior – stress smoke signals; as I like to say:  Count to ten...and check within, c) can I observe the other without making a snap judgement and if they are judging me not “shake, rattle and BLOW?,” d) learn to use assertive “I” messages instead of blaming “You” messages, for example, “I don’t agree” or “I am not comfortable with…” as opposed to “You’re wrong!” or “It’s your fault!”

Actually two of my favorite stress defusers also help set limits:

A firm “no” a day keeps the ulcers away and the hostilities, too.

Do know your limits and don’t limit your “No”s.

9.  Get Organized.  Chronic clutter in a room or office (or even a car) creates a messy mind.  Recognize that anger, fear, boredom, or depression often contributes to ongoing procrastination.  Develop an ABCD system:  “A” or “top priority” items deal with promptly; “B” or important items file in a “to do” file that’s visible or easily reachable; “C” items discard whenever possible; and have a “D” box or file for future reading or reference.  (Discard most items after a short period of time if not read.)   Again, if this ABCD system is not working, reach out to a concerned friend or a counselor.  Consider this variation of the “Serenity Prayer”:  Grant me the serenity to discard the things I really do not need, to save and file the things I do, and the wisdom to know the difference (or to brazenly eviscerate 90% of my in-box)!

10.  Discover a Hobby or Engage in an Art Project…Or Just Laugh.  A life that completely revolves around responsibilities to family and work, with no time for mind-body-spirit nourishment and rejuvenation, is a life at-risk.  Remember, burnout is less a sign of failure and more that we gave ourselves away!  Hobbies or art projects, engaging in sports or physical activity that especially integrate the mental-emotional-physical, e.g., digging in a garden, walking in parks or forests, going for bike rides, trying your hand at water coloring, writing poetry, playing tennis, regular meditation, taking dance lessons (research shows this is a an especially good activity for preventing dementia as it is both spontaneous and structured)…all enable us to step back, shift gears, have fun, and rediscover the sublime in nature and our true essence.  And if not quite ready for a hobby, at least read books or watch TV, videos, or movies that make you laugh.  Laughing with gusto is like “inner jogging,” giving vital organs a brief but hearty internal massage!

In closing, if you begin to apply these “Top Ten” tips and techniques you will become commander of your own stress ship, being able to navigate stormy seas and eventually reach your own island or homeland of mind-body-spirit resiliency and serenity.  Just remember…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com.