I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully: Parts I & II

For an upcoming Health Fair at the US Patent and Trademark Office, exhibitors (of which I’m one) were asked to come up with activities for the children accompanying their parents, that is, the PTO employees.  My activity will be helping the kids – ages ten to teens – write their own Resiliency Raps.  I also thought I’d better be a role model.  So here is my latest effort, a subject that, alas, too many kids can relate to – bullying!  I wrote this Rap using language and imagery that, hopefully, can span the age spectrum.  There also are discussion questions after Parts I and II.  If you like it and think “I’m a Bully” might have value in a classroom or discussion group, please share with friends, colleagues, and family, any and all educators, counselors, and students, etc.

 

In this season of Passover (liberation) and Easter (rebirth), developing a mindset and skills for escaping psychological or physical bondage and for greater psychological competence and confidence, renewal and freedom, seems especially apt.  My May 3rd Busy Women's Retreat surely captures this spirit.  Email for more info.

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  I’m a Bully, You’re a Nerdie – Part I

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

It’s getting way late

Clam up and listen to me

Gonna set you straight.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

The “T-Rex of the School”

I’m a Bully, you’re a baby

You better follow my rules.

 

At home I must hide

Never good or smart enough

When I escape outside

I’m king or queen of mean and tough!

 

I’ll make fun of you

Maybe curse you out

What else can I do

Full of raging doubt.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

You’re either weak or strong

I’m a Bully, who’s being silly?

Don’t ever tell me I am wrong!

 

I may not like myself

But I sure hate feeling sad.

So I’ll threaten your health

Now we both can feel bad.

 

When I put you down

I build myself up.

I’m like a volcano

That’s about to erupt.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Dark Prince of village and the hood

I’m a Bully, you’re a nerdie

Give me your money, phone, or food.

 

If you freeze from fear

My wolf pack will attack

A wounded deer; that headlights stare.

Better watch you’re back when you’re in Iraq.

 

My in-crowd may be jealous

Cause you’re pretty or smart.

We’ll gossip among us

Tearing your friends apart.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Are you lonely, out of your mind?

I’m a Bully, catch my fury

Time to Sandy Hook…or Columbine?

 

Some bullies have a snake sense

With a sudden toxic bite.

Don’t suffer in silence

Because of shame or utter fright.

When you see me come a hunting

Tell me, now what will you do?

Some keep forever running

Some form a rival gang or crew.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I won’t let you rest

I’m a Bully, ain’t it funny

I’m your biggest test.

 

 

Possible Discussion Questions

 

Before moving into Part II, the group might discuss the following:

1.  Does the Bully character seem real, like someone you know?  Why might someone engage in bully-type behavior?

2.  Can you describe a bully character that you know?  Have you ever engaged (or thought about engaging) in bully-type behavior.  If so, why; if not, why not?
 

3.  Have you ever experienced being bullied or made fun of and/or put down on a regular basis?

4.  If so, how did it feel?  What were your biggest fears or concerns, for yourself, with your friends, with your family, with classmates, etc.?

5.  If you have been bullied, or know someone who’s been bullied, how did you (or this individual) attempt to deal with the bully situation?

a) What specific steps or actions were taken?
b) Were some steps or actions helpful; were some steps not helpful, even harmful?
c) In hindsight, were actions not taken that might have been helpful?

6.  Or, if it’s easier to generate discussion, ask the group how they would deal with the bully situation described in the “Resiliency Rap” ™?

 

The level of group discussion and audience age/attention span, may determine the best time to read and discuss Part II.

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  You’re a Nerdie, I’m a Needy – Part II

 

You don’t have to be a hero

Shouting “Make my day!”

You are not a zero

When you simply walk away.

 

Hey, it shows real nerve

To just stand; neither flee nor fight

There is strength in smart reserve:

All that might still don’t make it right!

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I pretend to be cool

I’m a Bully, can’t you see through me?

So who’s the bigger fool?

 

Don’t hang with kids or teens

Who think they’re the only stars.

Make one or two friends

Who like you for who you are.

 

But with chronic fears and safety

Alas, friends are not enough.

A rites of passage journey…

Facing your emotions – now that’s real scary stuff!

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Maybe acting like a common thug

I’m a Bully, that’s real needy

For some tough loving wrapped in one bear hug.

 

Find a teacher-counselor guide

Someone you can really trust!

A grown-up by your side

Learning skills for feeling safe…is the only must!

 

A wise dolphin – man or woman

With wide open eyes and ears

As you swim the roughest ocean

No longer drowning in your tears.

 

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Could this happen to me?

I’m a Bully, hey, my Nerdie

I need you to set me free.

 

Talking with a caring shepherd

Is not being a snitch

It’s not being a “b”-word

That rhymes with witch.

 

It takes real courage

To admit to having fear

And to do the right thing

When no one seems aware.

 

I can’t admit it, but it’s plainly true

As a bully, I am sorry…

Cause I need all the help

Just as much as you!

 

 

Possible Discussion Questions

 

1.  What do you think of the “dealing with the bully strategies” suggested in the Rap?  Which ones seemed most or least helpful?

2.  Is it difficult to find or talk to a trustworthy adult about a bullying situation?  If so, what makes it difficult?

3.  There are schools that have conflict resolution programs led by trained students with adult counselor advisors.  Would it be easier to talk with a student/peer about bullying than with an adult?  If so, why?

4.  Is it possible that the “Bully” and the “Nerdie” might have some common fears and concerns, issues or problems?

5.  With adult and peer guidance, is it possible for a bully to recognize and admit his own pain and needs related to jealousy and unworthiness, as well as for love, acceptance, and validation?

6.  Is it possible for both the Bully and the Nerdie to change; to make healthier, more interpersonally successful psychosocial-behavioral adaptations?

 

© Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions


Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Building Stress Resilience and Personnel Retention: Balancing “Work-Wellness” Steps and Strategies

[This Q & A was written for Workforce.com]

 

Dear Workforce:

I am an HR generalist at a nonprofit social-services agency that deals with domestic violence.  Due to the nature of the work, we have always experienced a turnover rate between 30-40%.  I have two questions in one:  1) Is our turnover similar to benchmark data for this line of work and 2) Knowing we can't change the stressful nature of the work, how do we help keep our best people from burning out?

Stress is Killing Us, HR/facilities manager, nonprofit, Phoenix, Arizona

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Let me jump into your first question by noting I was not able to find specific percentages regarding employee turnover in agencies working with domestic or family abuse.  However, the extensive number of articles and research grants on “secondary burnout” and “compassion fatigue” – where the level of emotional engagement and identification with a client’s trauma, rage, and/or helplessness exhausts the caregiver – speaks volumes regarding the immediacy and gravity of the issue.  Also, some jobs are meant to have a shorter shelf life, at least when it comes to front-line work.  Having trained and coached many units in the military, for example, once a soldier goes beyond two or three consecutive “in harm’s way” tours of duty, the potential for some post-traumatic effects significantly increases.  That said, now let’s address question two.  Here are “Five ‘Work-Wellness’ Steps for Strengthening Organizational and Individual Stress Resilience and Personnel Retention”:

 

1.  Maximize the Triple “A”.  Organizations that recognize and support individual knowledge and experience (“Authority”), encourage reasonable decision-making discretion (“Autonomy”), and hold all managers and employees to high and ethical yet attainable performance standards (“Accountability”) not only have more committed people but also more resilient professionals and teams.

 

2. Hold Task and Touch Meetings.  Hold team meetings that are not just task and numbers driven. Carve out ten-fifteen minutes to discuss how the team is doing as a mutual support system.  Are there any relationship conflicts that need to be addressed by the group or need to be addressed in primate with the supervisor?  Sometimes you may want to use this segment to focus on the kinds of people/cases that are the most difficult or volatile, that tend to emotionally drain most professionals.  Also, this is a good time and place for getting input from members on policy, practices, and procedures that impact people daily routine.  This process helps folks feel more in control and less prone to burnout.

 

I also believe there’s more commitment and camaraderie when team members, rather than the supervisor, facilitate this meeting on a rotational basis.  And speaking of rotation, job rotation or job sharing/partnering may inoculate for burnout, including the opportunity for special assignments.  As the Stress Doc says:  Fireproof your life with Variety!

 

3.  Individual Consultation to Professional Counseling.  Schedule regular coaching/consultation sessions, at least one or two/month with a supervisor or an in-house coach, experienced in a particular subject area.  Consider developing a mentor system.  In addition, supervisors and managers need to create time for “as needed” drop-ins.  Another resiliency building idea:  encourage a stress buddy relation; a trusted colleague who will provide the Stress Doc’s TLC:  Tender Loving Criticism and Tough Loving Care!

 

Two of the biggest psycho-social challenges working in the field of abuse:  a) beware rigid, “save the world” idealism and b) respond positively when one’s own personal history and painful memories bleed into a client’s domestic dysfunctional drama.  Front-line employees need ready access to professional counseling, ideally provided by a high quality and confidential organizational Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

 

4.  Pizza Parties and Promotions.  Foster “work-wellness balance.”  If possible, once a month, let all the staff meet informally, in the office or off site, e.g., Friday afternoon at 4pm, for collective social-support, for “R & R” – Recreation & Resilience.  You might even explore if a sister social agency would join you.  It’s good for the mind, heart and soul to share a knowing laugh about life’s absurdities with folks who not only have walked in our shoes, but also can feel our bunions.  Speaking of which, what about a reward system where an employee wins a day at a health spa?  Btw, encourage your staff to take periodic long weekend tune ups or escapades instead of just one big vacation.

 

5.  Resilience Education and Application.  Have periodic workshops on “Compassion Fatigue” and developing “Stress Resilience” focusing on such topics as Sleep-Priorities/Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet, i.e., the Stress Doc’s formula for Natural SPEED.

Improving employees sleep patterns, helping them set boundaries with self and others, productively escaping into a passionate hobby, finding a solid and empathic “stress buddy,” getting regular exercise, and eating to fortify one’s mind and mood will go a long way to fostering individual and organizational hardiness.  (Email for the Natural SPEED article.

 

These five strategic “work-wellness” steps will help cultivate more rested and resilient, “psychologically hardy” professionals and organizations; people will learn to pace themselves for a career marathon, or at least for the mid-distance race, not just the burning star-burnout dash.

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.