Transforming Critical Feedback into Purposeful Play

Hi,

Here's a concise essay on how a clever and courageous leader was able to give her partners palatable critical performance feedback by presenting a message that was both meaningful and mirthful. Of course, some foundation of mutual respect and TLC modeling is advisable.

And upon reading my essay, here's the quick response from the above cutting-edge leader:

Thanks, Doc! :-)

And thanks so much for attending on Saturday -- I am so glad that the "Whimsical Awards" went over well -- I was SO nervous about doing those! :-)

I would LOVE to have you participate as a contributor to the Regional newsletter!! And I'd like to share your articles on leadership and team-building with colleagues here at NGA as well -- don't be surprised if I ask you to come give a workshop here! :-)

I will gladly share this information with the Chapter Presidents, and with the other Regional Managers to share with their chapters, too, and look forward to seeing you again real soon!! :-)

Have a Great Monday!

Valerie

Valerie Stringer
Regional Manager, DC Metro
Federally Employed Women
[Working for the Advancement of Women in Govt.]

[MG: If anyone is interested in using my articles and essays in an organizational newsletter, please email stressdoc@aol.com or call -- 301-875-2567.]
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Transforming Critical Feedback into Purposeful Play
Or Confronting the Intimate FOE: Turning Fear of Exposure into the Fun of Embarrassment

I just experienced a wonderful way of giving relevant performance feedback, especially of the critical variety. And, challenging feedback convention, the “calling out” is even occurring in a public forum. In addition, making the process surprising and special is the fact that all are laughing, including the object of the criticism. But all are laughing with not at the so-called target; everyone can and has walked in those far from perfect performance shoes (and can feel the overworked bunions). One analogy coming to mind is a celebrity “roast” except, in this particular instance, there are a number of sacrificial lambs who, actually, have already been lionized earlier for various achievements. (Once again we see the value of pairing positive affirmation when providing some critical comments.)

To be specific, I attended one of those end of the year Awards functions. It was for the DC Metro regional and chapter reps and chair persons of FEW – Federally Employed Women. Actually, all members were invited. And despite it being a rainy Saturday, about forty were in the audience. The program was humming along with the dispensation of diploma-like appreciations in blue folders and an occasional small plaque with neat lettering, followed by the requisite photo op with the Regional Manager. (I suspect we were also humming in anticipation of the bountiful potluck lunch provided by attendees.)

However, about three quarters of the way through the program, said Regional Manager, Valerie Stringer, definitely went outside the Awards Box. Valerie announced that this year’s proceedings would be spiced up with some “Whimsical Awards.” Let me share some of my favorites. For the chapter that has still not quite been able to get their website and a regular newsletter up and running, Valerie gave an FTL – “Failure to Launch” Award. (Wisely, Valerie mentioned that some of the inertia occurred under her tenure with the local chapter.) Another personal favorite was the recognition bestowed upon the chapter behind in collecting members’ dues: “Treasurers Need Not Apply” Award. And a general award for attitude, “You Got Some Nerve” went, appropriately enough, to DC Women with a Mission! Of course, Valerie, herself did not escape a touch of roasting by a chapter rep. For a busy if not at times beleaguered leader, what better recognition than an “If You Send Me Another D..M Email” Award. (Actually, the “D” word was “Darn”; forgive my poetic emphasis.)

“Whimsical” Context

Of course, some interpersonal context is needed. During the initial business part of the event, Valerie’s openness to feedback – whether general observations or, more pointedly, what the chapter leadership needs to be initiating or following-up on – was evident. In fair turn, when necessary, this Regional Manager seemed comfortable providing summation or direction after some group discussion. Group, communication was clearly two-way. Also, obvious was Valerie’s low key, occasionally self-effacing and playfully sly sense of humor. I suspect most folks understood the “Whimsical Awards” (WA) was a reflection of her mirthful and mischievous nature and not an attempt to play gotcha with the recipients.

Still, Valerie was exercising a necessary leadership function: holding accountable those she most directly counts on to fulfill the organization’s mission, goals and objectives. Enough different individuals received a WA so I doubt any one person felt truly singled out. And despite the public critique, which in other contexts can have a humiliating impact, poking good-natured fun evoked cheers of acknowledgement. It’s true, one or two recipients appeared mildly embarrassed walking up for the award. However any touches of red were quickly overshadowed by the audience’s warmth and an award winner’s own knowing laughter. For example, one recipient reframed her dues collection issue as a “marketing strategy to get new members.” And, finally, a bear hug from Valerie quickly dissolved any lingering discomfort.

With hindsight, in light of the potential risk, perhaps a necessary foundation for a successful “Whimsical” process is some baseline level of mutual respect and reciprocity between a leader and partners. And it certainly didn't hurt having Valerie model what I've called "A Leader's Greatest Gift -- TLCs: Inspiring Trust, Laughter and Creative Collaboration." [Email stressdoc@aol.com for the original article or information about my speaking program of the same name.]

Playful yet Purposeful Conclusion

Let’s summarize the ingenious nature of this two-way, leadership-and-partners feedback process:

1. The leader transforms her concerns or frustration into clever and relevant quips; aggressive energy is converted into creative activity
2. While providing an element of risk, the public forum enables the leader to underscore key operational issues and values; simultaneously, everyone hears and, potentially, takes to heart the meaningful messages
3. The light-hearted nature of the messenger and message softens its pointed quality
4. A “being singled out” effect is also tempered by the preexisting reciprocity, trust and respect in the room, as well as the event’s and the audience’s positive energy
5. Finally, when a group can allow for the mutual poking of fun around significant issues without generating feelings of disrespect or humiliation – in fact, eliciting just the opposite, cheers and reassuring acceptance – the result invariably is an enhanced feeling of camaraderie and trust. And just maybe, developing such relationship skills and strategies can help us all…Practice Safe Stress!


Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs. In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits and is AOL's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is an Adjunct Professor, No. VA (NOVA) Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas. A former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.