Transforming The KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) of Death: Part I

Transforming The KISS of Death: Part I -- 

(or, At Least, Stop Decaying Brain Cells and Spreading "Diss"-eased Relations)

I don't know if there's a generational divide regarding familiarity with the communicational maxim: Keep It Simple, Stupid or Keep It Simple Stupid. (The latter really advocates dumbing down the content). But I know it was an institutional slogan for the Boomerangs. As you may have discerned from this essay's title, I’ve never been a big fan of the teaching truism KISS:  And whether the word “stupid” is a) a directive from the "authority," b) downgrades the content, or c) describes the audience from a so-called expert’s “bird’s eye” or perhaps more “bird-brained” view…frankly, for me it’s de-meaning and degrading; a “superior-subordinate” method of learning and relating.

Perhaps most egregious, this haughty KISS ignores the potential for discourse and disclosure, discovery, and synergy in the room. IMHO, performance-partnership synergy occurs by a) knowingly engaging with your audience on a respectful and insightful, emotional, and skill-building basis and b) encouraging audience members to interact with and share, support, spur on, challenge and cooperate with -- lean on and learn from -- one another. And by synergy, I’m talking:

1) the interaction of individuals yielding a “whole greater than the sum of the parts” effect,

2) an increase of reciprocal mind-body-communicative energy along with a surprising, mind-opening, and thought-provoking impact on the system, .e.g, program speaker and audience, and

3) these interrelating parts evolve and transform into high performance partners.

Actually, the iconic writer and humorist, Mark Twain, seems to have succinctly yet insightfully captured this triptych definition of synergy with his notion of "wit": Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation! As we'll note shortly, Mr. Clemens' adage definitely KISSed it.

Also, I prefer a touch of compassion over a stale or deadly KISS, for example, the mind- and empathy-expanding maxim:  People don’t care what you know till they know that you care…duh!!!  And once folks know you care and you’re willing to “dialog” – acknowledging difference, allowing others to disagree and dare…better be aware; you will be getting much more than you imagined possible!  (I suddenly recall an old Stress Doc maxim:  Difference and Disagreement =/= Disapproval or Disloyalty; nor, conversely, does acknowledgement mean agreement.  But thoughtful attention and acknowledgement of another's "lived experience, emotional framework, and worldview" is my definition of respect, the foundation for authentic and stimulating, if not inspiring, communication and connection.)

Bringing KISS Back to Life (and Life Back to KISS)

Then recently an obvious KISS replacement leaped into consciousness:  Keep It Short and Smart!  And while the new adage-acronym was not word tight it felt right.  Of course, everything is “smart” these days – from phones to cars, with their digital diversity and dexterity.  According to Dictionary.com, from a systems perspective, smart means “operating as if by human intelligence by using automatic computer control.”  (Of course the irony of the aforementioned smart phones and cars is the numbers who engage in “stupid and selfish,” criminally dangerous behavior – texting while driving!)  No wonder at times I wax nostalgic.

Growing up, the word “smart” was immediately linked with mere human “intelligence” or being “clever.”  Now, in addition to its technological pedigree, it also connotes being “elegant or fashionable” – as in stylish, trendy, or chic.  Another synonym for “smart” is “lively”:  vigorous, energetic, or quick (which brings us back to keen and clever).  Of course “smart” has a shadow side:  e,g., insolent, rude, sarcastic, etc. and a connection with “pain” as in sting, burn, hurt, etc.  A smart comment can definitely smart; I call this “scarcasm."  With this caveat, I still like my second "S" candidate for the new KISS. These days being "smart" might as well be a synonym for survival!

So what's behind the first "S" door?

When Paired with Smart You Can't Come Up "Short"

In a social/media world that bombards with non-stop messaging, perhaps the critical question is: Are you being heard...or are you just adding to the noise? And clearly, even a meaningful message may be misconstrued as noise (if not totally ignored) in a multi-tasking culture with ever shrinking attention spans. So in addition to being "smart" -- sharp and lively, perhaps possessing some style or sauce if not a touch of sass -- effective communication increasingly needs to be effective and efficient. Whether it's texting, blogging, speaking at a meeting or conference, or running for public office, how to be heard among the maddening crowd? Initially, at least, capturing an audience's attention invariably requires bullet points, lines that carry a punch, if not punch-lines, and/or "sound -- as in brief yet substantive -- bites." A high impact communicator must distill information and ideas in a concise, brief, succinct, compact, economical manner. Condensed does not have to be dense -- as in thick, impenetrable, complicated...or stupid!

A winning message needs to Smart...but also Short!...but preferably not SHORT which is mostly shouting. And while short also connotes a small amount or brief, momentary, temporary, short-lived, impermanent, when paired with smart, short packs a thought-provoking and memorable if not Mark Twain "wit"-laced proverbial punch. How about these Stress Doc remedies for those who have difficulty setting boundaries or grimace and grind their teeth when having to disappoint others: A firm "No" a day keeps the ulcers away...and the hostilities, too! And, Do know your limits and don't limit your nose!

So in my mind, a message or story that is “Short and Smart” – is clear and compact while also being clever, lively, and quick; such a message may be "cutting edge" or may have a bit of an edge. (And may keep an audience on the edge of their seats.) As "The Bard" himself noted: Brevity is the soul of wit! Finally, speaking of grinding, consider this "S and S" example:  when reviewing stress smoke signals with an audience, I’ll ask if anyone deals with TMJ.  (It’s often a stress-related condition involving the chronic clenching of the jaw.)  Invariably several hands flutter.  My immediate reply, “And we know what TMJ really stands for:  Too Many Jerks!  Most assuredly short, smart, and sassy on several levels.

Closing Summary

In Part I, a case has been made for placing the "superior" slogan KISS -- Keep It Simple, Stupid or Keep It Simple Stupid -- out to the proverbial pasture. To be a high impact communicator in today's TNT- Time-Numbers-Technology -- driven and distracted world one must cultivate and spread a new and compact message-delivery technique. It's a practice and performance that is energetic and edgy, deceptively simple, yet packs a quality punch. Are you ready to become a "Short and Smart" KISSer? If so, stay tuned and puckered...Part II: The Stress Doc's KISSing Technique -- Skills, Steps, and Strategies!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as a "Motivational Psychohumorist & Communication Catalyst." Stress Doc programs help an audience "Get FIT"– by being FUN, Interactive, and Thought-provoking. The Doc is a Training and Stress Resilience Consultant for TrainingPros and The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group. He has also led “"Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Humor, and Team Building" leadership retreats for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. .  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).

With his singular wit and wisdom, real world tools, and especially his surprising and engaging small group exercises, the Doc encourages participants to "go for it."  Audiences develop skills and strategies for unleashing dynamic energy and reducing status barriers. Learn to purposely inspire and collaborate with others. As SHRM and IPMA-HR Program Chairs noted, Mark has a way of captivating an audience and makes them want to hear more...Take a passionate and creative ride with the Stress Doc!

The Sound and the Synergy: Leading with Purpose and Passion

This essay on "Synergy" was inspired by two recent speaking programs:  a) Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity at the June 2015 International Public Management Association (IPMA-HR) Eastern Regional Conference and b) Building Stress and Change Resilience through Humor for ENDependece Center of Northern VA, Disability Advocacy Org.  In a human system, the free-flow of ideas, positive conflict, unexpected happenings, encouragement, etc., provide the foundation for expanded parts-whole synergy.  And experiencing group synergy also helps unleash individual creativity along with interactive community, as these testimonials suggest.  Consider the testimonials and enjoy the essay.

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International Public Management Association for Human Resources (IPMA-HR) -- 2015 Eastern Regional Conference; Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity; 1.5 hours; 50 attendees

July 13, 2015

Mark Gorkin, aka "The Stress Doc," was a recent presenter at the Eastern Region IPMA annual training and development forum (Jun 2015).  He led the participants on a passionate and creative ride through the topic, "Leading with Passion."  His unique training style was full of surprises and encouraged the participants to "go for it."  Mark was very interactive and he provided extensive materials for the attendees to use as resources.  One of the comments from the attendees was, "Bring him back :>)".

Vicki Arpin, IPMA-CP
2014 Program Committee Chairperson
CT Department of Transportationvicki.arpin@ct.gov
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From a Congressional Senior Staffer:

ENDependece Center of Northern VA; Disability Advocacy Org; Building Stress and Change Resilience through Humor; Staff & Clients; 2 hrs

July 10, 2015

Morning, Mark:

Likewise!  In fact, I enjoyed your presentation so much I was planning to get your contact information from Bob.  Sorry I had to leave before you finished, but I had a ride scheduled that I had to meet.

The immediate thought I had was that your message would be a great complement to the National Rehabilitation Hospital's programs.  I would promote the thought that both, patients and staff, would benefit from your program. So please do shoot me your promo material.

Of course, I have no idea if they have a budget or who they allow to contribute to sponsor presentations such as yours.  However, I am glad to find out and let you know.

Kent

T. Kent Keyser
601 30th Road South
Arlington, VA  22206
703 379-6381
tkentkeyser@gmail.com
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The Sound and the Synergy:  Leading with Purpose and Passion

I wasn't a class clown, by any literal or figurative stretch of the imagination.  As a child, I was mostly socialized to "be good" and not stand out. And, unfortunately, I wasn't a rebellious adolescent.  In my angst-ridden yet also suppressed and academically underachieving teen years I never felt confident let alone cocky enough to take on authority figures or play to my peers.  (Fortunately or not, overt childhood depression was submerged by expending large doses of bottled-up aggression in competitive schoolyard athletics and mindless TV.)  Maybe this helps explain why as a presenter I love being a tad "out-rage-ous," and am mischievously pleased when notified that my room's energy and volume is a distraction for our classroom neighbors.  Though I do make a three-quarter-hearted effort to rein in the excitement.  Alas, not an easy task with a program titled, Passion Power:  Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity.  For once again, this was the scenario at the June 2015 International Professionall Managers Association (IPMA) Eastern Regional Conference.  And, naturally, my ego glows a little brighter when folks come up and say, "I should have been in your session."

Actually, there is a more objective reason I appreciate this "outside" feedback.  It's further verification, beyond my subjective impression, that presenter and audience are creating tangible collective synergy:  not only is the whole greater -- as well as louder and more energetic -- than the sum of the parts...but the parts, especially through the "Get FIT" -- FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking -- small group exercises transform parts into purposeful and passionate partners.  Communicational flow helps a community grow!

Synergy or Bust!

So what key factors facilitate the synergistic -- speaker-audience -- experience?  Interestingly, these factors resonate with my "Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership:

Attention:  Almost immediately say or do something that makes your audience "Stop, Look & Listen."

Anticipation:  Now project some edginess; have people on the edge of their seats wondering "what is this guy (or gal) going to do next?"

Animation:  Share something personal, for example, a story that reveals your vulnerability and flawed yet determined humanity; most important, be a model:  in small groups, have the audience engage in moderately intimate sharing; subsequent exercises can incrementally increase the personal sharing.

Activation:  Orchestrate a series of small and large group discussions that encourage sharing, laughter, the release of aggressive energy, and help people explore or find their own voice along with their common humanity.

Actualization:  Provide a conceptual model for "Higher Self Integration" and an exercise for achievable application; and then close by modeling the model.

Five Steps-Strategies for Speaker-Audience Synergy

Here are key "synergy" steps and strategies from the recent successful IPMA program:

1.  Quickly Establish Your Credibility and Absurdity.  Living in the Washington, DC area, when I do local presentations most in the audience have a federal government connection.  A typical opening:  "My goal is to help audience's 'Get FIT' with a program that is FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking.  And I have my Triple 'A' Method:  grappling with some anxiety, acting out a little aggression, and engaging life's 'slings and arrows' with playful yet purposeful absurdity.  FIT...Triple 'A'...You already know something about me...That I've lived in the DC area way too long.  I'm convinced if you lived in the DC area for a year or more, or you interact at work with the federal government, you should be mandated to a new Twelve Step AA group (of which I'm the founding member):  Acronyms Anonymous!  The knowing laughter indicates the degree of recognition.  Hand waves signal the immediate volunteers.

My follow-up:  "Hey, while we'll have fun, this program is not all fun and games.  I can be tough.  During a stress program, I recall this somewhat pompous State Department Manager challenging me:  'What do you call it if you don't have any stress?'  My rapid counter:  Denial!  Now the group is chuckling if not cheering me on.  (I have their Attention.)

2.  Be Puzzling and/or Risk-Taking; Have the Audience Engage, Even Challenge, You.  After this engaging -- a bit provocative yet empathic and amusing -- opening, I make a 180 degree turn:  What do you think of this guy up here, besides the fact that he's a BMWG -- Bald Man with Glasses?  The effect of this sudden shift in focus is revealed both by the initial silence...then cascading comments.  Most of the responses focus on my energy and obvious "love" of what I do.  Some note my being an attention seeker.  My retort while pointing to myself:  "You know the old saw:  Vanity thy name is Gorkin!  (I have definitely created some edgy Anticipation.)

However, I'll never forget one rejoinder:  "Now you're going to tell us how your were scarred by childhood!"  I laughed, then said, "No, I'll spare you for now," but acknowledged she was insightful.  In fact, this was just the challenging, even caustic comment I wanted to evoke.  When an audience sees you can handle this kind of interaction the trust and safety level in the room increases tangibly.  And this is vital when you are also using such repartee to set the stage for your first self-disclosing group exercise.

3.  Structure a Somewhat Intimate Group Exercise.  Building on the comments regarding my energy level, I show a power slide on "Personal Energy:  Boosters & Barriers" with the following questions:

When do you have your best personal and/or interpersonal energy?

What enables you to express this energy and “go with the flow”?

What factors stifle courageous and creative “head and heart” energy release?

What is the connection between pain, purpose and passion?

Small groups grapple with these questions.  In addition to engaging insights from team members and cultivating a climate of openness and trust, report backs from the teams to the larger audience expand the sharing.  Learning, letting go,  and laughing are also community builders!  (We are surely engaged in a spirited Animation phase.)

4.  Encourage "Letting Go" and Surprise the Group with an "Out-Rage-ous" Exercise.  Next the groups wrestle with the concept of letting go.  "What does it mean to 'let go' within a personal context or an interpersonal relationship?  Provide examples.  What enabled you to 'let go' (the decision or action); what made "letting go" (the process) difficult?"

Invariably, examples of moving on from a toxic job situation and a dysfunctional personal relationship, to the loss of a loved one or a long-sought dream surface.  During the small group sharing and even somewhat in the large group discussion, fears and emptiness are acknowledged; stages of grief are recounted; our vulnerable humanity is embraced.  (These exercises provide "hands on" Activation tools, including "Emotional Intelligence" skills and "hard-earned wisdom" for "letting go," for "voice exploring" and "resilient or creative mobilization.")

I then expand the articulation of "letting go" by engaging in behavior perceived to be deviant, on the wild side, outside a comfort zone, if not a tad "Out-Rage-ous!"  Donning a black Blues Brothers hat and black sunglasses, shaking a black tambourine, I start performing one of my psychologically humorous, Shrink Rap ™ ditties -- this time, Double-Edged Depression.  The words range from the poignant to the playful...and are often provocative (as in mind arousing).  You can't miss the gaping mouths...or the enthusiastic applause upon finishing.  (Of course my riposte:  "I've been doing this long enough.  I know when an audience is applauding out of relief.")

And there is a method to my madness:  First, I'm modeling and activating a dramatic if not daring (okay, maybe delusional) form of "letting go."  I'm preparing us for a liberating moment.  I want the group to experience a version of letting go that's highly personal in an interpersonal -- power struggle -- context.  People pair up choosing a letter, A or B.  Each participant must think of one person, past or present, who is or has been "a pain in your butt."  Person A will say, "You can't make me!"  Person B:  "Oh yes I can!"  Final instructions:  after a couple of "YCME...OYIC" volleys, each is to say what they would really like to say to that "pain in their head (and butt)."  Maybe I should call this the "Butthead Exercise."  ;-)

Not surprisingly, at some point during this exchange, for many folks there is an eruption of laughter.  (When we can both exhibit moderate aggression and also laugh at ourselves, for me, that's one cathartic letting go.  People often comment the venting exercise is stress relieving.  Actually, at a military spouse program, the outpouring was so loud and animated the soldiers in a room across the hall became startled and concerned; they were about to storm into our meeting.)  Perhaps it’s the somewhat artificial and absurd nature of the interaction.  Also, some folks cover up intense emotions, such as angst or aggression, through nervous laughter.  Of course, the spouses had been holding in a lot of emotion for a good while, that is, being "strong" for their "in harm's way" soldier.  The exercise allows them to break out of character and/or role, to engage in a mostly playful yet still purposeful “primal scream,” as it were.  Still, for me, the number of people who get hooked by the battle, who “want to win,” seems significant.  (Hurt and anger if not tempered by some self-reflective humor or acknowledgement of a mutual humanity just may impede "letting go.")

If a mix of vital energy, liberating laughter, and free flowing yet reflective communication is fundamental to relational synergy...we are there!

5.  Provide a Model and Opportunity for Expanding Self-Concept, Confronting the Intimate FOE, and Collaborative-Integrative Flow.  The self-awareness and expression expanding template is my "Five 'P's of Passion Power Model."  This 2x2, Mindset (Cognitive -- Affective) and Moodset (Gravitas -- Comedia) Matrix yields four "Passion Power" cells:

Cognitive-Gravitas:        Purposeful -- attending, understanding, and responding to self and others

Cognitive-Comedia:       Provocative -- viewing conflict as a source of trust, learning, and growth

Affective-Gravitas:        Passionate -- transforming pain into practice, progress, and possibility

Affective-Comedia:       Playful -- humbling, healing, and harmonizing diverse ideas and people

(Email stressdoc@aol.com for my writings on The Four "P"s of Passion Power.)

And the integration of these Ps spawns a Five "P" Model, that is, engaging the Philosophical (the exploration of inner and outer/individual and team spirit and wisdom).

Passion Power Model in Action

Initially, I have small group members identify themselves within the Four "P" framework:  which of the "P"s -- Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful -- is a "strength" and which is a "shadow" (an underdeveloped emotional-communicational muscle)?  Next "strengths" and "shadows" pair up and share what helped turn a "shadow" into a "strength."

After small group feedback and large group discussion, turning playfully provocative, I wonder aloud:  "Is it possible to be Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful simultaneously?  The question is a springboard to the closing "Four Word Exercise":  Share an Embarrassing Moment!  Once again the room yis alive with the sound of manic...and Four "P" music to my ears.  Suffice to say when folks "Confront the Intimate FOE":  Transforming Fear of  Exposure into the Fun of Embarrassment, they often bring the Four or Five "P"s of Passion Power to Life, both individually and as synergistic "high task and human touch" team.

And finally, I demonstrate my "Passion Power" as well as a capacity for embarrassing myself by breaking into a closing Shrink Rap ™.  Both the Five "P" model and my being a "Passion Power" model (hopefully throughout the program) has opened a pathway of expanded integration:  an Actualization process for realizing one's fullest self without becoming full of oneself!

Closing Summary

A path and model of the "Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership" as well as generating individual and group synergy has been outlined and illustrated:

"Five 'A's of Arousing Leadership":

Attention-Anticipation-Animation-Activation-Actualization

"Five Steps-Strategies for Speaker-Audience Synergy":

1.  Quickly Establish Your Credibility and Absurdity

2.  Be Puzzling and/or Risk-Taking; Have the Audience Engage, Even Challenge, You

3.  Structure a Somewhat Intimate Group Exercise

4.  Encourage "Letting Go" and Surprise the Group with an "Out-Rage-ous" Exercise

5.  Provide a Model and Opportunity for Expanding Self-Concept, Confronting the Intimate FOE, and Collaborative-Integrative Flow, including the...

"Five 'P's of Passion Power":

Being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful-Philosophical

This synergy path not only yields "a whole greater than the sum of its parts"...but parts have the potential to become purposeful and passionate partners.  And a little "lagniappe"...a "Passion Power" leader is encouraged to be both "a wise man and a wise guy."  To which I say, Amen and Women!

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

Capturing and Captivating No Matter the Setting: Mastering the Interview Process and Training the Trainer

Two pieces on how to capture and captivate, whether during an interview (an essay) or as a public speaker-trainer-educator (a program blurb-objectives on Training the Trainer and Educator: Informing and Inspiring through Passion Power & Interactive Humor).  Enjoy!

Mastering the Interview Process: Turning (and Dancing On) the Tables

After reading a colleague’s essay on how companies can better manage an interview process, my Janusian nature, quick to discern both (or multiple) sides of an issue, fairly jumped out of its skin, declaring, Au contraire!  How about the interviewee strategically, if not outrageously, stealing the evaluative show?  (FYI, Janus, is the double-profiled ancient Roman God.  The god of beginnings and endings, leavings and returns, gazes left and right simultaneously.)

Actually, I had been quietly percolating on this subject ever since an HR Professional at a Washington, DC Public Charter School recently commented on my unique approach to being interviewed.  Meeting with her, her boss, and the COO of the school, my mission was clear:  to convince the troika that the “Stress Doc” ™ was the best person to deliver a training workshop on “Managing Conflict” to school administrators, faculty, and staff.

My method, apparently, was compelling.  Actually, the HR Pro (who I’ll call Z), in a post-workshop chat, acknowledged that my unexpected methodology was outside her realm of “interview” experience, and certainly made an impression.  Let me illustrate.  Almost from the outset, not letting the encounter settle into a predictable Q & A rhythm, I suddenly turned the interview into an interactive performance-learning lab.  More specifically, I challenged them to play my “Four Faces of Anger” Game.  Basically, it was a word association to constructive or destructive, purposeful or spontaneous expressions of anger.  Instantaneously, the room became alive with energy and expectation:  I definitely had their attention and all were wondering where this quirky fellow was taking them?  This instructor-expert was challenging his “students” to think on their feet.  (I was no longer the only person in the room being evaluated.)  And no matter the responses, some encouraging if not affirming feedback was provided…The first rule of “how to make friends and influence people.”

And to prove I was not a one-hit wonder, we jumped into a second exercise.  I had the HR folks pair off:  one had just given an important presentation at a board meeting; her colleague was to give her feedback.  In the instructions, it appears that the feedback will be balanced; the reality is quite different.  Her colleague, reading from a sheet that I quickly scripted, the presenter hears, Wow, you fumbled the data.  I thought you said you prepared!  While the first exercise mostly challenged the head, this one definitely massages both head and heart!

And finally, the COO’s use of the word “compromise” as a conflict-resolution ideal became my cue for introducing the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles Inventory.  The five styles are based on the “high” or “low” degree of an individual’s “Assertiveness” and “Cooperativeness:  Competition-Avoidance-Accommodation-Collaboration-(and in the middle)-Compromise.  While each style has positive and negative aspects, I differentiated my ideal – “Collaboration” (High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness) – from middle-of-the-road “compromise.”  Compromise is quick and dirty, a convenient agreement.  Collaboration takes time and energy as you uncover hidden ideas, agendas, and emotions, allowing difference and diversity to spark short-term conflict for evolving creativity.  Another potential payoff:  an opportunity for real buy-in and to forge productive partnerships.

And, in fact, during the interview process we had generated some synergy:  not only had the individual pieces/people created a whole greater than the sum of the parts, but magically the parts had begun building a partnership.

Actually, there were two final steps – first, homework was assigned:  I would write-up a program draft with objectives based on our discussion, and the interview team would solicit staff to further shape our workshop focus.  Then I ended the meeting giving all a small sample of my pioneering efforts in the field of psychologically humorous rap music…Shrink Rap ™ Productions!

Key Structures and Strategies for Capturing the Interview Process

1.  Quickly take charge of the interview process

2.  Initially, don’t be afraid to puzzle your audience, or to be a bit edgy or quirky

3.  Actively engage interviewers in some structured (even if spontaneous) learning exercise

4.  Turn the interview process into your planned and improvisational stage

5.  Make sure the “audience” is part of the show

6. While an educational and entertaining experience, give the interviewers a chance to “show off’ their knowledge and expertise; as Ernest Becker, acclaimed American philosopher, observed, The most important human urge is the desire to feel important!

7. Make it easy for the interviewer or interview team to imagine you as a dynamic performer-contributor in whatever your future role-assignment with the company or organization: Stand Out, Don’t Just Be Outstanding!

8.  Assign post-meeting tasks that encourage follow-up

9.  Between the interview and your “start date,” share and discuss new or evolving information and ideas

10.  And finish with a memorable close, one that has both pith and punch, that is, the Stress Doc’s “New KISS” – Keep It Short & Smart!

Oh yes, a little “lagniappe”:  The process generates real synergy – the individuals begin working as a motivated and coordinated team!

Some tips to help you Practice Safe Stress before, during, and after an interview.

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Training the Trainer and Educator: Informing and Inspiring through Passion Power and Interactive Humor

In a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven and Distracted World, getting and holding people’s attention is critical.  Capturing your audience is necessary, but still not sufficient.  As noted by a Diversity Consultant and Program Coordinator for Human Resources of Palm Beach County, FL, the local SHRM affiliate:  (The Stress Doc ™) has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more…a must hear!

When information inspires and inspiring methods inform, then the Director of Diabetes Education, Mercy Medical Center/Baltimore, acclaims:  Great presentation. It really inspired me to improve my own presentation skills and brainstorm with my coworkers how to make our diabetes education classes more fun.

Have no fear…Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, acclaimed speaker, author, educator, therapist, Stress Resilience Consultant, and “Psychohumorist” ™ is here to share his experience and expertise.  Help your folks “Get FIT” – through FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking – speaking, training, and workshop methods and programs.  Enable your organization or company trainers and educators to be informative and inspiring…and to share the wealth of stimulating and strategic ideas and exercises with potential learners.  Actually, the Doc’s “how to” blend of mind-jolting concepts and dynamically engaging small-large group exercises is for anyone that wants to be a more compelling leader-communicator.  Or for a leader that wants to build more productive, better communicating and coordinating teams.

Whether in a one-hour keynote or a two-day (or more) intensive, let the Doc boost your team or your company to the creative learning-performing edge!

Objectives:  Dynamic Dozen

[This menu can be adapted to your specific time logistics and learning needs]

1.  The Five “A”s of Arousing Communication: Attention-Anticipation-Animation-Activation-Actualization

2.  Opening Techniques for Quickly Capturing an Audience’s Attention…and Wondering, “What’s Next?”

3.  Harnessing the Power of “Self” and Dealing with Group Process to Hold, Captivate, and to Build Trust

4.  Imparting Concepts (& Power Points) with the Stress Doc’s “New KISS”:  Keep It Short & Smart!

5.  Turning Key Concepts into Playful and Powerful Group Exercises for Applied-Integrated Learning

6.  Discover the “Stress Doc’s 5 ‘P’s of Passion Power”:   Generating a More Compelling Presence & Creative Essence – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful-Philosophical

7.  Using Healing & Harmonizing (esp. Self-Effacing) Humor without being a Stand-up Comic

8.  Helping the Audience Generate Its Own Playful and Powerful Sharing Experiences:  The Art of Storytelling and Group Drawing; Transforming Angst and Aggression into Artful Absurdity

9.  Fielding Difficult Audience Questions; Dealing with Challenging Audience Members

10. Defining the Role of the Individual and the Group to Maximize Brainstorming

11. Group Reflection on Learning Achieved and Gaps, and Techniques/Tools for “Saving the Retreat”

12. Designing an “M & M” – Memorable and Motivating – Close…and Have Them Wanting More!

Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor:  May the Farce Be with You!

Don’t miss your appointment with the Stress Doc.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Cultivation of “Passion Power” – Part II: Designing the “Out-Rage-ous”

Part I provided a variety of perspectives on the concept of “Passion – from a critical tool for sales people along with leaders and orators to passion’s oft surprising connection with pain and suffering.  Also noted is the potentially creative connection between passion and emotional memory.  (http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2015/01/psychohumor-poetry-and-passion-power.html)

Part II further extends the progression of “telling to selling (or from the dry to the dynamic) to being out-rage-ously compelling.”  Illustrations come through opening bullet points, to a pivotal quote, and, finally, to a story that brings to life the power of poignant and playful passion.  Discover how the Stress Doc help a team in the throes of trauma be reborn though “Gospel Shrink Rap ™” and a powerful group exercise that enables the dead to still “walk the halls” with the survivors.

The Cultivation of “Passion Power” – Part II
Designing the “Out-Rage-ous”

Telling to Selling:  Four Points, a Line, and a Story

To go from telling to selling, to transform the dry into the dynamic, means the data and its packaging must be:

1) seen as having intrinsic and relevant, meaningful and striking characteristics and qualities if not tangible “features and benefits,”

2) placed in a head- and heart-provoking and useful if not significant context that illuminates parts and connects pieces to a whole or gestalt with which people in actuality or in their imagination identify; the data is now truly speaking to your audience; (bonus points if the context is “surprising”), and

3) if the message is designed and delivered in a lively, captivating, and engaging manner.  (And remember, dynamic encompasses a range of energy – from the exciting and forceful to the darkly satirical or playfully droll.)

Additional bonus points if…

4) capable of not just touching one individual but able to pull the head- and heart-strings of a group or community.

 

Bottom line:  “Are you being heard or are you just making noise?!”

 

Finally, to put conceptual flesh on the above skeletal bones, let me share a pretty “Out-Rage-ous” vignette.

 

Amazing Grief:  When Resiliency Magic Springs from the Tragic

 

Once again, magic arose from the ashes of tragedy.  And the magic appeared in separate manifestations of individual and group resilience, one spontaneous, the other planned.  Let me quick-sketch the background.  I was making my second critical/group grief intervention at a social service agency after the unexpected, heart-wrenching and unexpected suicide of a much beloved staff member.  This individual seemed to play a mother or big sister role for many of her multi-generational colleagues.  Not surprisingly, the first time meeting with the group, most were in a state of shock, though several had watery eyes, a few were quietly weeping.

 

The second gathering, three days after my initial encounter, revealed fewer glazed looks; still the mood, understandably, remained somber.  During the opening check-in, a former policeman turned the tables on me.  Seemingly parts inquisitive, parts confrontational, he asked how I dealt with "stress."  Viewing his question as an opportunity to move outside my professional cover, to engage in some personal sharing, I responded, "I like to walk; and I enjoy creative writing."

 

He then asked about my writing.  When I said "poetry," he immediately asked me to share some.  Alas, the performer more than the grief consultant momentarily took the stage.  I mentioned my work as a "Shrink Rapper" ™, which induced a mix of groans and chuckles.  I quickly decided to "rap" the first four lines of a favorite:

 

When it comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?

Is tough John Wayne your emotional guide?
And it's not just men so proud and tight-lipped
For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette!

After two lines (and the improbability of what they were seeing and hearing), the metamorphosis was palpable – from the relaxing of individual facial expressions to increasing group energy and body movement; several people had started to sway and clap.  By the end of this first stanza their eyes (and my ears) were twinkling (buzzing) with (and from the) laughter.  Now I just blasted through any sound barrier and sang the entire "Stress Rap."  Being "shocked" was no longer just associated with grief.  (Considering that all but one in the group were people of color, most African-American, with hindsight, perhaps this was the birth of "Grief" or "Gospel Rap" or "Gospel Grief Rap."  I have great memories of being electrically if not soulfully charged in many N'Awlins Jazz Fest Gospel tents. ;-).

Jolted to the Light

The enthusiastic applause told me how much this group needed some healing humor and "lightening the mood" laughter.  At the same time, despite the recent trauma, there was clear and reassuring evidence of a vital group pulse.  FYI, their cheers certainly did not reflect my "rapping" talents.  In fact, as a "Shrink Rap" performer, when the show of appreciation dies down, my standard rejoinder:  I can tell when an audience is applauding out of relief.

Now, recovering my consultant mindset, I dispensed with added banter, but noted how our immediate process reflected a truth captured by the pioneering comedic film genius, Charlie Chaplin:

A paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it is precisely the tragic which arouses the funny.  We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and in order not to go crazy!

The sighs and nodding heads affirmed Chaplin's wisdom.  As I once penned:  "People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor."  Having been jolted with some positive energy, folks seemed more willing to acknowledge feelings of disappointment and regret, even some anger, for a beloved colleague who would no longer inhabit and share their physical space.  Perhaps we were creating a yin-yang/light-dark mind-body flow.  A Stress Doc rule of thumb in helping people evolve through emotional loss and change:  take time for the pain, and then help folks move from negative to positive energy.

Recalling and Committing to the Positive and the Person

As part of the grief intervention experience, the group also would benefit from being reminded of their own individual and collective humility, strengths, and skills.  And, paradoxically, we would do this by focusing on the uncommon qualities of their deceased colleague.  Let me outline the process.  I asked each participant to reflect on one trait of their former colleague that they especially valued or admired.  However, we were not simply doing an inventory.  I also asked for the chosen trait to be one that, moving forward, they would attempt to cultivate or nurture within themselves.  (I'm calling this recognition-realization process "I and I" – Identification and Internalization.   Also, the deceased had loved gardening, so the "cultivation" metaphor was particularly apt.)  Hands sprung up, some people and traits intertwined, and the list steadily blossomed:

1.  Always had a smile on her face; we tackled this one because for some it stirred feelings that she had been mostly wearing a mask.  I suggested that maybe throwing herself into work was one way this woman both felt vitally alive and could escape a more pressured and chaotic outside life.  Yet we agreed…the tragic irony was that while she was always ready with a shoulder for others -- patients or staff -- she was unable to ask for one for herself.  Not surprisingly, this discussion also became a platform for underscoring the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) as an available resource – counseling for personal or family issues, financial counseling, etc.

2.  Many admired how she advocated for people in the program.

3.  She was involved; a team player.  Also acknowledged was that the presence of gossip for some dampened a sense of individual-group trust and involvement.  People agreed this was an issue requiring further exploration.  However, one member liked my challenge:  to evolve from a "little brother" seeking attention to a "big brother" assisting others.

4.  She paid attention to details; her assessments for patients improved their therapeutic regimen.  In fact, we came up with a new operational mantra; I dubbed it the Triple "A":  ATTENTION-ASSESSMENT-ADVOCACY.  I suspect there will soon be a sign or a banner hanging somewhere in the premises.

5.  She was a good friend, who went over and beyond the call many times.

6.  She engaged in volunteer projects; she was a "truly good person" with a "caring and generous heart."

7.  Finally, her dependability was noted; her words were backed by actions.

We then discussed ways of sustaining remembrance beyond a memorial service -- for example, planting a garden in her honor; or creating a scrapbook or bulletin board with stories and pictures, especially ones with staff members.  A second scrapbook might even be offered to her family.  The supervisor was also encouraged to empower a memorial task group for more ideas.

 Closing Commentary and Addendum

The hour was running down; people had to return to their patients.  There was time for one final observation:  I shared the belief that if each person dedicated him- or herself to nurturing the selected trait, two vital chains of events would be set in motion:  first, they would be giving themselves the beautiful gift of remembrance and honor as personal growth; and second, from a larger perspective, their colleague's essence would remain intact.  The collective, "parts to partnership" synergy would provide "life" restoring elan vitale (or "vital force").  While this commitment would never replace her physical presence; her spirit would palpably walk the halls and echo off the workplace walls.  People seemed to exit with a good deal more energy, hope, and possibility – a more resilient spring to their step, as it were – than they had coming in.  We had engaged in a process that transformed the “suffering” into a provocative, passion-driven pain with a purpose (seven spiced my some “Gospel Rap” humor), what I call, and will further illuminate as, “The 5 ‘P’s of Passion Power!”  Amen and women to that!

P.S.  After the group intervention, the previously mentioned former policeman approached me.  He's been talking to a colleague seemingly bottling up some stress.  "And he won't open up!  What should I do?"  My reply:  "How about asking this person if you could check in periodically, maybe once a week, to see how s/he's doing?"  This "old school" guy's reply:  "Oh, I shouldn't try to make him talk."  I smiled and nodded.  The gentleman was displaying some maturity and resilience:   considering a novel, more flexible strategy for dealing with personal frustration and interpersonal boundaries, for relating with and assisting another.  A good way to help one and all...Practice Safe Stress!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc leads one-day "Stress Resiliency" workshops for "METRO" Managers and Supervisors of the Washington Metro Area Transit Authority (WMATA).   "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies.  Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.  And click https://vimeo.com/69053828 for the Stress Doc's wildly pioneering "Shrink Rap" video.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"