Creative Evolution -- From Resiliency Rap to Rant: A Generational-Digital Diatribe and a Mentor-Gentor Manifesto -- Part l

There’s a thought-provoking series of events behind the recent modification and expansion of “From Resiliency Rap to Resiliency Rant” and “A ‘Mentor-Gentor’ Manifesto for Bridging the Generational-Digital Divide.”  And this turn and confluence of happenings sheds light on the creative process, especially the provocative role of outside stimuli, both of the aesthetic and human varieties.

The original poetic essay was titled “A Generational-Digital Diatribe:  Still, Don’t Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur.”  The first creative bump in the road arose when I realized a 60+ year old brain was balking at memorizing all those words for a video shoot.  Fortunately, my video guy agreed and a shorter, more rant than rap version became the goal.  This direction was echoed by a colleague and partner of a future “Bridging High Tech and Human Touch” (HT²) Workshop after receiving strong feedback for my 2.5 minute videos. 

(Here are the links:

3 Steps to Overcome Procrastination Video -- http://vimeo.com/73783964
Shrink Rap Video Link: https://vimeo.com/69053828)
 

Around this time I also caught a Van Gogh exhibit in Washington, DC at the small and intimate Phillips Museum.  A recent major snowstorm had thinned the crowds, allowing me to get “up close and personal” with the masterworks.  The show was called “Repetitions”.  This was the artist’s term for the differences now captured on a studio canvas when, for example, Van Gogh reimagined and reimaged a painting originally executed outdoors.   Hey, if Vincent could dip into his own working wellspring and not be derivative…the Doc had a pass to re-(w)rap.  The piece below, isn’t quite Resiliency Rap-lite, but it is a bit more pithy and punchy.

A final voice contributed to the “Rap to Rant to Manifesto” expansion of the poetic essay.  A friend and colleague, Teresa, after reading my latest “rant” version, gave a complex review:  she very much liked the lyric but had wanted the piece to end on a “more positive”, more hopeful note.  In addition, having previously consulted with this savvy grant writing consultant, Teresa was familiar with my “Mentoring-Gentoring” concept.  She thought a link with my generation-bridging concept was in order.  Initially, I was a bit hard-headed, explaining that the videographer and I wanted the Stress Doc, like Martin Luther, to list our protestations of a present day Golden Calf:  the blind, obsessive, and/or impulsive worship of a digital-social media society.  However as it turned out, my thick skull proved pliable:  that night, at 4am, I saw and worked out the “pass in the impasse”:  It’s a Rap:  A “Mentor-Gentor” Manifesto for Bridging the Generational-Digital Divide.  (It appears in Part II.)

And an additional piece of lagniappe:  During my early morning, somewhat manic musings, I discovered my inner Robert Zimmerman.  Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I’m currently reading a fascinating biography:  Once Upon a Time:  The Lives of Bob Dylan, by Ian Bell and have been playing my Dylan CDs.  Read and listen for the “Dylanesque” touches in  Part II, especially the closing segment.

So enjoy the first part of this creative evolution.  To good adventures,

Mark
stressdoc@aol.com
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Generational-Digital Diatribe:  Part -- l
Still, Don’t Be Afraid to Pet the Dinosaur

The digital world is moving too fast.
You think it’s funny…we’ll see who laughs last.

Beware…despite all the battles and scars

Us dinosaurs lived for millions of years.

Remember, the past ain’t over…it’s not even past!

So says acclaimed author, one William Faulkner.

 

We’re all caught up in a TNT World –

Excited by Time-Numbers-Technology

Doesn’t take a degree in psychology…

To see many spinning out of control

Madly juggling work-life and family goals.

 

So little time for sleeping in bed when

Trapped in that 3-D – Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – World Wide Web!

Where everything happens or is expected RIGHT NOW!

Don’t have a cow…better to confess:

Is it a shame:  when “doing more with less” only means more techno-stress?

Is it a game:   when the media-video scene turns you “lean and MEAN?”

What is the frame:  a time of breakthroughs or more a time for breakdown?

In this Present Shock world…please don’t be blue:

I’ve got some Stress Doc Poetic Shock Therapy for you!

Let’s begin with this Generational Divide
It sure has taken me for a ride.

OK, I’m the tortoise; the Gens are the hare

They’re always racing…but why and to where?

Of course, with a smart phone ever-plugged to their ear.

 

And those short cut acronyms…geez, what a crock

My poor old English teach…the last I looked, still in anaphylactic shock!

Twitter, apps, Instagrams, come on, what’s next?

It used to be “Safe Sex,” now it’s Practice Safe Text!

 

Let me ask… When were you born:

Before or after the Net Age dawned?

Why do I care?  It’s red-state/blue-state warfare out there –

“Internet Immigrants vs. Internet Natives,” one tech expert called it.

My label: It’s the battle of the Dinos vs. the Digits

 

Dinos and Digits, each gives me the fidgets

Digits and Dinos, they both can be whinos! 

Be honest:  it doesn't make you moan
That these Digits won’t talk on the phone?

You want to connect – Text! Text! Text!

When I was growing up, someone “all thumbs” was a clod

Today you’re a whiz kid….that doesn’t seem odd?

 

Yet you’re also a leper with status that’s brittle

With a smart phone lacking the right apps and whistles.

Here’s the sad truth:  Life can be tough

When you’re smart phone just ain’t quite smart enough!

Now a conflict with a colleague, just two doors or cubes away

Sparking Dirty Harry fantasies…Go ahead, make my day!

Forget about walking down the hall or aisle

Just put on that mask with a toxic smile.

No need for a word; fire away on that "killer" keyboard.

 

When the “e” in email stands for “escape”

Just blast that e-rocket fueled by sour grapes.

Be honest, when I hear that whistle:

Are you sending an e-mail or launching an e-missile?

 

Who needs to be civil when you’re invisible?

Technical efficiency trumps dignity and empathy

With “tough guy or tough gal” anonymity!

Turn smoldering anger on a foe or stranger:

You’re livin large on the safe edge of danger.

So “talk thumb trash” and bully; “be happy, don’t worry”…

Having an avatar means never being sorry.

 

Okay, three hundred emails are screaming

Forget about thinking…your brain is exploding
Out of the box...perhaps it's time for Cyber Detox?

Well at least it’s not PTSD; more PTDS:

Post-Technological Deluge Stress!

 

Dinos and Digits, there’s got to be limits

Digits and Dinos…the fate of White Rhinos?

Hey, if you’ve grooved with this Shrink Rap ™ chant…
Stay tuned for Part II of Resiliency Rant.
Just so you’ll know…be ready for “The Manifesto.”

©  Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Vortex of Violence: The Columbia Mall Shooting and Beyond

To paraphrase "Ol Blue Eyes," If it can happen here...it can happen anywhere!

The Columbia Mall shooting has a personal cast for me.  Not only do I live three miles from the complex, but during the football season I was there most every Sunday pulling for the Baltimore Ravens.  (On a lighter note, often invaluable during serious times, last weekend, while the Ravens weren’t playing in the conference championship games, the sports bar’s turkey sandwich with very crisp bacon, slices of avocado, lettuce, and tomato, add some ketchup, on dark rye with potato chips was also a draw.)  Alas, many people were and will continue to be impacted by this tragedy beyond the obvious victims:  first and foremost, those who saw the shootings, next those who heard the exploding sound, as well as folks scrambling for cover or those anxiously barricaded in back rooms, then employees in the Mall, shoppers who were there, future patrons who will glance nervously over their shoulders, etc.

While my observations are second-hand, a recent Critical Incident Stress Debriefing with bank tellers after a robbery by a man, possibly possessing a gun, has increased my understanding.  (One of the most surprising factors gleaned – all the tellers had experienced previous bank robberies in different banks or branches; for one woman, this was her fourth incident.  Over time, working for a bank without high security conditions, you may face Las Vegas odds for a traumatic experience.)  And if you are already dealing with disruptive life stressors or are carrying unresolved emotions from previous losses and traumas, and you’re caught in the vortex of such a violent episode, look out for psychological smoke signals.  Know that chronic anxiety, disturbed sleep, moodiness, misusing substances for numbing purposes, or even panic attacks may for a period of time follow you around.

With all this in mind, here is a previous “Stress Doc” ™ essay outlining how an organization or company might positively and pro-actively help people impacted by critical trauma.  Be safe.

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Maximizing the Healing and Growth Potential of Critical/Grief Intervention: Benefits of Structured and Spontaneous Workplace Grief Consultation

 

After a “loss of life” critical incident – for example, whether a valued employee “dies unexpectedly in his sleep,” is “murdered outside of work,” “succumbs quickly to a diagnosed or undiagnosed disease,” is “killed in a horrific motor vehicle accident while driving to work,” or “takes his own life,” how the company or organization structures and manages the grief debriefing process is critical.  It is vital to have a grief counselor/critical incident specialist:  a) address employees as a whole, b) when operationally feasible and appropriate, allow the grief specialist both to formally meet with employees in a private setting and also to walk around and tactfully converse with personnel, and c) engage especially with teams or departments most closely connected with the deceased colleague.

 

Expecting individual employees to find their way to a room in which the critical incident-debriefing counselor is sequestered limits the personal healing as well as the professional learning, problem-detection, prevention, and growth potential.  Remember, by definition, a critical incident, especially when involving the loss of life, is a “strike when the psyche (and culture) is hot” grief tragedy.  That is, many people are emotionally upset or in turmoil; just about all are open to words that facilitate understanding, soothing, or healing.   And a well-timed, knowledgeable, and compassionate connection has the ability both to help relieve some of the immediate pain and even to safely touch employees with preexisting wounds related to loss, threat, and trauma.  A healthful or hazardous work setting just may be in the balance.

 

Psychologically-interpersonally wounded employees enter the workplace every day, impacting productivity, relations, morale, and overall environmental ambiance.  There are major personal, team, and organizational benefits and opportunities for a company that facilitates a more open, “all hands-heads-hearts” and a “friendly grief counselor walking the halls and floors” intervention approach.  Consider these “Key Workplace Grief Intervention Benefits”:

 

1) Walk the Talk, Don’t Fuel It – the organization “walks its talk” about having compassion for their employees; a company acknowledges that certain critical events take precedence over “business as usual”; not responding appropriately, for example,  may open top management to speculative criticism about their actions while the employee was still alive,

 

2) Facilitates Expression and Acceptance – it facilitates if not the full the expression of pain at least an acceptance of grief emotions and the asking of questions about the deceased, his or her family, ways of memorializing the deceased, or supporting the family; in general, structured openness illuminates and validates the grief process,

 

3) Opportunity for Education and Evaluation – allowing a grief counselor to address large and small groups of people not only is an opportunity to provide grief (and perhaps mental health/illness) education, it also enables employees to check out the grief counselor; that is, is this an individual I might feel comfortable talking with individually, someone I might be willing to risk sharing my own vulnerability?; improving supervisory awareness of normative grief symptoms in contrast with signs of depression and/or disrupted work performance is a valuable diagnostic tool for identifying employees in need of additional psychological support and/or referral,

 

4) Identifies “Grief Ghost” Carriers – invariably, a significant percentage of employees are walking around with work-family-personal stress that drains energy and attention and/or are harboring “grief ghosts” (intense and/or unstable emotions and memories connected to past losses or traumas) that affect both productivity and the quality of work relations.  When compounded by a tragic event or some kind of crisis, people already in an emotionally sensitive, uncertain, or vulnerable place are in need of and especially ripe for a “reach out and touch someone” message,

 

5) Potential to Reduce Hazardous Environments – in an age of workplace harassment and bullying, grief intervention has the potential for early detection of troubled individuals and/or disruptive work relations; when workplace (and community) violence routinely make headlines, prevention is your most important intervention process!,

 

6) Receptivity for Support and Problem-Solving – people touched by mourning are often ready for momentary venting and a reassuring shoulder as well as being receptive to new problem-solving resources; e.g., after a brief one-on-one with a grief counselor, people are frequently more open to a “building stress resiliency” suggestion or life-health style change; they may seriously consider a recommendation to call an “in-house,” company sponsored Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for short-term counseling,

 

7) Affirms a “Work Family” and Allows for Venting – in light of the close professional and often personal nature of work relations, a grief session for members of the deceased’s team or department is especially vital and valuable; such a session affirms a sense of “work family” or a close-knit caring community, as individuals share personal associations or connections to the tragic loss; it helps members discover they are not alone with their jumble of emotions; people may vent their confusion or even anger at the deceased, at God, at the company, etc., and group discussion may help clear up any misunderstandings or circulating rumors, and finally,

 

8) Recognize and Integrate the Deceased’s Strengths – with proper facilitation, a team session may encourage individuals to recognize the qualities in the deceased they particularly admired and transform this sharing into two processes that enable the spirit of the deceased to symbolically, psychically, and productively walk the workplace halls and floors:

a. Individual Identification/Integration – for example, if a team member says he admired the deceased’s ability to give people undivided attention in conversation, this individual can be encouraged to practice and apply more undivided and empathic listening and questioning skills; and by doing so, the deceased’s spirit more strongly lives within the individual, and

 

b. Collective Identification/Integration – if an entire team or department selects a variety of admired qualities to emulate and assimilate, then a “fallen soldier’s” spirit truly burns not just within an individual psyche but also in the mental maps and heartbeats as well as the soulful rhythms and courageous communications of the collective consciousness.

 

 

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Amazing Grief: When Resiliecy Magic Springs from the Tragic

Once again, magic arose from the ashes of tragedy.  And the magic appeared in separate manifestations of individual and group resilience, one spontaneous, the other planned.  Let me quick-sketch the background.  I was making my second critical intervention at a social service agency after the unexpected, heart-wrenching death of a much beloved staff member.  This individual seemed to play a mother or big sister role for many of her multi-generational colleagues.  Not surprisingly, the first time meeting with the group, most were in a state of shock, though several had watery eyes, a few were quietly weeping.

The second gathering, three days later, there were fewer glazed looks; still the mood, understandably, remained somber.  During the initial check-in, a former policeman turned the tables on me.  Seemingly parts inquisitive, parts confrontational, he asked how I dealt with "stress."  Viewing his question as an opportunity to move outside my professional cover, to engage in some personal sharing, I responded, "I like to walk; and I enjoy creative writing."

He then asked about my writing.  When I said "poetry," he immediately asked me to share some.  Alas, the performer more than the grief consultant momentarily took the stage.  I mentioned my work as a "Shrink Rapper" ™, which induced a mix of groans and chuckles.  I quickly decided to "rap" the first four lines of a favorite:

When it comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?
Is tough John Wayne your emotional guide?
And it's not just men so proud and tight-lipped
For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette!

After two lines (and the improbability of what they were seeing and hearing), the metamorphosis was palpable -- from the relaxing of individual facial expressions to increasing group energy and body movement; several people had started to sway and clap.  By the end of this first stanza their eyes (and my ears) were twinkling (buzzing) with (and from the) laughter.  Now I just blasted through any sound barrier and sang the entire "Stress Rap."  Being "shocked" was no longer just associated with grief.  (Considering that all but one in the group were people of color, most African-American, with hindsight, perhaps this was the birth of "Grief" or "Gospel Rap" or "Gospel Grief Rap."  I have great memories of being electrically if not soulfully charged in many N'Awlins Jazz Fest Gospel tents. ;-).

Jolted to the Light

The enthusiastic applause told me how much this group needed some healing humor and "lightening the mood" laughter.  At the same time, despite the recent trauma, there was clear and reassuring evidence of a vital group pulse.  FYI, their cheers certainly did not reflect my "rapping" talents.  In fact, as a "Shrink Rap" performer, when the show of appreciation dies down, my standard rejoinder:  I can tell when an audience is applauding out of relief.

Now, recovering my consultant mindset, I dispensed with added banter, but noted how our immediate process reflected a truth captured by the pioneering comedic film genius, Charlie Chaplin:

A paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it is precisely the tragic which arouses the funny.  We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and in order not to go crazy!

The sighs and nodding heads affirmed Chaplin's wisdom.  As I once penned:  "People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor."  (Pun actually not intended.)  Having been jolted with some positive energy, folks seemed more willing to acknowledge feelings of disappointment and regret, even some anger, for a beloved colleague who would no longer inhabit and share their physical space.  Perhaps we were creating a yin-yang/light-dark mind-body flow.  A Stress Doc rule of thumb in helping people evolve through emotional loss and change:  take time for the pain, and then help folks move from negative to positive energy.

Recalling and Committing to the Positive and the Person

As part of the grief intervention experience, the group also would benefit from being reminded of their own individual and collective humility, strengths, and skills.  And, paradoxically, we would do this by focusing on the uncommon qualities of their deceased colleague.  Let me outline the process.  I asked each participant to reflect on one trait of their former colleague that they especially valued or admired.  However, we were not simply doing an inventory.  I also asked for the chosen trait to be one that, moving forward, they would attempt to cultivate or nurture within themselves.  (I'm calling this recognition-realization process "I and I" -- Identification and Internalization.   Also, the deceased had loved gardening, so the "cultivation" metaphor was particularly apt.)  Hands sprung up, some people and traits intertwined, and the list steadily blossomed:

1.  Always had a smile on her face; we tackled this one because for some it stirred feelings that she had been mostly wearing a mask.  I suggested that maybe throwing herself into work was one way this woman both felt vitally alive and could escape a more pressured and chaotic outside life.  Yet we agreed…the tragic irony was that while she was always ready with a shoulder for others -- patients or staff -- she was unable to ask for one for herself.  Not surprisingly, this discussion also became a platform for underscoring the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) as an available resource -- counseling for personal or family issues, financial counseling, etc.
2.  Many admired how she advocated for people in the program.
3.  She was involved; a team player.  Also acknowledged was that the presence of gossip for some dampened a sense of individual-group trust and involvement.  People agreed this was an issue requiring further exploration.  However, one member liked my challenge:  to evolve from a "little brother" seeking attention to a "big brother" assisting others.
4.  She paid attention to details; her assessments for patients improved their therapeutic regimen.  In fact, we came up with a new operational mantra; I dubbed it the Triple "A":  ATTENTION-ASSESSMENT-ADVOCACY.  I suspect there will soon be a sign or a banner hanging somewhere in the premises.
5.  She was a good friend, who went over and beyond the call many times.
6.  She engaged in volunteer projects; she was a "truly good person" with a "caring and generous heart."
7.  Finally, her dependability was noted; her words were backed by actions.

We then discussed ways of sustaining remembrance beyond a memorial service -- for example, planting a garden in her honor; or creating a scrapbook or bulletin board with stories and pictures, especially ones with staff members.  A second scrapbook might even be offered to her family.  The supervisor was also encouraged to empower a memorial task group for more ideas.

Closing Commentary and Addendum

The hour was running down; people had to return to their patients.  There was time for one final observation:  I shared the belief that if each person dedicated him- or herself to nurturing the selected trait, two vital chains of events would be set in motion:  first, they would be giving themselves the beautiful gift of remembrance and honor as personal growth; and second, from a larger perspective, their colleague's essence would remain intact.  The collective, "parts to partnership" synergy would provide "life" restoring elan vitale (or "vital force").  While this commitment would never replace her physical presence; her spirit would palpably walk the halls and echo off the workplace walls.  People seemed to exit with a good deal more energy, hope, and possibility -- a more resilient spring to their step, as it were -- than they had coming in.  Amen and women to that!

P.S.  After the group intervention, the previously mentioned former policeman approached me.  He's been talking to a colleague seemingly bottling up some stress.  "And he won't open up!  What should I do?"  My reply:  "How about asking this person if you could check in periodically, maybe once a week, to see how s/he's doing?"  This "old school" guy's reply:  "Oh, I shouldn't try to make him talk."  I smiled and nodded.  The gentleman was displaying some resilience:   considering a novel, more flexible strategy for dealing with personal frustration and interpersonal boundaries, for relating with and assisting another.  A good way to help one and all...Practice Safe Stress!


Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" - www.stressdoc.com - called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Learning from the Fatal Flaw

In light of another school shooting…

As a Critical Incident Consultant, I’m poignantly aware how unexpected dramas and tragedies lurk behind every corner and crevice of our hearts and minds…and also lie in the shadows of our homes, schools, and places of work.  Out of the quiet, out of The Death of a Salesman closet, Arthur Miller screams:  Attention must be paid!  And sometimes we must risk trusting our gut, risk "overreacting" and being mislabeled, and say something to the right someone...or be the right someone!

Learning from the Fatal Flaw

Did she really take her life over a phone?
Taken from a colleague…now all’s undone!
One woman dead, one torn apart
Guilt spears a throbbing heart
Regret for filing that stolen report
Who is at fault?  Who is at fault?  Who is at fault?

Can one grasp obscure knowledge
On the all too human fatal edge?
To get on the same page, one must leave a stage
Masked by “got it together” pain and rage.
Even with the latest gauge, who knows faux-taupe from beige?
Who is a sage?  Who is a sage?  Who is a sage?

Yet a friend sensed her look, a fearful absent look.
Still her head stayed by the book...
Why didn’t she speak up?
Neither one trusted their gut
"Don’t be a pain in the butt!”
So we doubt?  So we doubt?  So we doubt?

Do we pass in the hall and nod

In a hazy-distant fog

And mouth, “How you doing?”…

But only reminiscing; more simply whistling

Who has time for real listening?

Do your thing?  Do your thing?  Do your thing?

 

Now so sad; maybe wiser: are we respecting one another?

Whatever happened to “sister” and “brother”?

Wide-eyed to foreign experience

Energized by expressive variance

Growing through world view contrariance.

Will you dance?  Will you dance?  Will you dance?

 

Is it too risky to share

Without some faith in the air?

Of course, you can’t flip a switch, still

Pull one from a ditch; let another bitch…

The sky’s not falling – more like a glitch.

For a culture to be rich, offer a broad-shouldered niche.

Hey, it’s "get real" or be a bust:

Now they might trust!  Now they might trust!  Now they might trust!

 

 

© Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

Cowardice or Choice: From Vice to Voice

Two events led to this mixed-conceptual piece – part poem, part poetic questionnaire.  First, there was a powerful dream.  When away from my normal Greater Washington DC work world, snowed in east of Cleveland, my brain seems to dream more vividly.  I often awake to an integrated reverie-narrative.  Two mornings ago, I bolted upright aware that I’d been dreaming about recent conflict with a family member in light of a history being emotionally taunted and bullied through much of my childhood.  (The Catch-22 of being caught in the “Abusive Triangle” as a child:  there is usually a dysfunctional – overt or covert – family system lurking in the shadows.  Still the abused often attributes his behavior to personal failure, i.e., “being a coward” or "being defective"…an example of “attributional bias” or labeling error.  Unfortunately, over time, a youth’s passivity-anxiety-timidity-rigidity – at least in the interpersonal conflict realm – can become an adult personality, or even bio-chemistry, pattern requiring therapy or trial and error/sometimes terror relearning).  Anyway…while the transparency of the dream was unnerving, it also was confirming.  Akin to the current real world family drama, the dream reflected my refusing to be a passive victim.  I quickly realized the need to convert this psychic theatre into some form of literary oeuvre.

The second happenstance occurred when my girlfriend, trying to create more closet space, (is this a female fixation?), asked me to discard or refile some old articles and workshop handouts.  In the process, I discovered a favorite piece written in the ‘90s – “WHY’s UP:  20 QUESTIONS” – that never really found a niche in my speaking repertoire.  However, as I mulled potential poetic topics, I began to envision a complementary role for this existential survey.   Here is my hybrid offering:

 

Cowardice or Choice:  From Vice to Voice

 

A coward dies a thousand deaths; a hero dies but once **

No matter the total breaths; when it mattered…did you give your every ounce?

The saddest part of cowardice, the sacrifice of peaceful sleep

To cold night sweats of moral vice; a haunted voice that makes you weep.

Still…that twilight coliseum, a dreamscape of battling foes

A second chance for wresting demons; will you now go blow for blow?

 

You may not win each contest; there will be trails of blood

But you may slowly lay to rest that nightmare-stalking brood.

Each hour brings another choice – to take a stand or run

Even lacking true clear voice, in no way are you dumb.

Dig deep for that rich ore of shame; you are close with fear or rage

Let a guide reveal a novel game; get off the “b.s.” (be safe) stage.

 

Lurking in shadows psychic, bubbling lava primal pain

Sculpt and dance until there’s magic; Pygmalion’s art shall rise again.

No longer that once robot child, head twisting madly side-to-side

Yes, pursue the “Call of the Wild”; beware that, “Well, I tried.”

“Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn”; please forsake the craft of cool

Fiery spirit will once more burn when com/passion and purpose rule!

 

So WHY’s UP:  20 QUESTIONS

 

1.  Why dredge up rage and shame?

2.  Why feel and reveal, instead of conceal, psychic pain?

3.  Why mourn, let go, and work with the same?
 

4.  Why confront “The Intimate FOE:  Fear of Exposure”?

5.  Why become more risk-taking; why learn The Art of Designing Disorder?

6.  Why tolerate living with uncertainty and vulnerability?

7.  Why become less dependent on another’s approval or on respectability?

 

8.  Why learn to accept criticism without feeling so anxious, humiliated, or rejected?

9.  Why not just settle into the role or image that is typically expected?

10. Why strive high and embrace failure…being home on the range with text and context?

11. Why make the strange familiar, the familiar strange; the complex simple, the simple complex?

 

12. Why challenge superficial, narrow-minded, and self-righteous thinking or posturing?

13. Why waste time in irrational, silly, fanciful, or out-rage-ous imagining or playing?

14. Why evolve a capacity for tenderness and aggression, logic and intuition, meditation and dynamic expression…why embrace ambiguity and most contradiction?

15. Why practice and synthesize diverse knowledge and ideas, talent and skills experiences and an array of emotions?

 

16. Why bother exploring, shaping, pursuing, and fighting for precious dreams… even when they may not be what they seem?

 

17. Why raise these questions every day of your life?

18. Why share these questions every day of your life?

19. Why should life be absurd and you be outrageous?

20. Why…not?  Because…

 

            For the phoenix to rise from the ashes

            One must know the pain

            To transform the fire to burning desire!

 

Psychologist Salvatore Maddi’s Existential Position:  Life is a series of decisions, each of which can be made in a direction that propels the person into future-oriented growth through new experience or pulls him back into the stagnation of a familiar past.


[** Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar]

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.