Jooble-us.com Link

Friday, January 6, 2017

The Danger of Not-Being Present or Being Who You Are Not: In Another Voice

In talking with a colleague at the close of a support group meeting, I asked why he had not shared this evening.  He usually does.  This night he said he was unsure how to organize his thoughts; he seemed concerned about how they would come out, how they would be perceived, how he might be judged.  So, in essence, he stifled himself, though acknowledged a headache had been building throughout.

I reflected on my less than smooth share.  On the one hand, I stumbled out of the gate, not exactly sure what I wanted to say, or how I would connect the disparate elements, though convinced of the need to talk.  And while gradually getting my verbal-emotional footing, I also recalled the voice of a group member who had previously challenged my typically (in his ears/eyes) “down and heavy” manner of presenting.  While sharing in the group, I was also wrestling with myself to just be real, pushing his words to the side.

Awakening this morning, I recognized a need to identify some forces of suppression.  Then wanted to concisely capture guidelines for disarming critical voices, often triggered by a struggle between our ideal and real self.  Would appreciate hearing if this abbreviated substance and seemingly omniscient style works for you.  Thanks,  Mark
~~~~~~~~~~~

Closing the Gap Between the Ideal and the Real

Do not try to impress or disarm by being who you are not.

Be your authentic self – strengths and liabilities – even when falling short of an ideal to which you aspire.  Of course, be careful this ideal is one you genuinely desire; not an impostor image to deceive, please, or appease others.

See this ideal-real distance less as a critical gap – a psychic hole to fall into, thereby receiving censure or ridicule, surely from self (including old voices), possibly from others – and more as a path for self-discovery.

Such honest, albeit at times painful exploration, helps generate new perspective as well as strengthens emotional muscles, including muscles of self-affirmation.  You are demonstrating the courage to both challenge critical inner and external voices and to be your flawed, imperfect self in the potentially daunting, if not damning, public arena.

Finally, each time you take this courageous path, facing those lurking antagonists, coming out becomes easier.  You are confronting your biggest enemy…you are “Confronting Your Intimate FOE:  Fear of Exposure!”  Now take a bow.  ;-)

Just remember…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative.  Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters.  A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army.  Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services.  The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High Tech World.  Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite"www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info, email:  stressdoc@aol.com

No comments: