Anger “R & R”: Disarming Rage, Defusing Hostility, and Deflating the Bully -- Collection III

Last week and…this is my time of “Anger”:

1) Great video promo of Four Faces of Anger Stress Doc/Sovereign Health Centers webinar

2) “Outstanding webinar” (email stressdoc@aol.com for PPt Slides)

3) And a new Stress Doc ™ collection of Anger “R & R”:  (Shrink) Raps & Rhymes! (see collection following webinar material)

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1) A great video promo for my “Four Faces of Anger:  Model & Method for Disarming Aggression and Conflict” Webinar for Sovereign Health Treatment Centers Breaking Attendance Records:  Over 600 Sign Ups

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx4yZb2WU-M&feature=youtu.be&utm_campaign=Webinar&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=2&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9vkqjBbSHWwUUhKjjqEWT3ifXwHpEwzIO-Fc4L-L9Vaym06Y6vHbs9KJWIvTmDpFnobd81kBlgcJTaPo0NQ6kRx9OofQ&_hsmi=2

5 Minute Video getting "super awesome reviews":  synergistic blend of Stress Doc word artistry and Sovereign Health Group digital technology.

2) A great webinar:  “Please accept our sincere appreciation for the outstanding presentation you made to the Sovereign Health webinar; it was all time successful webinar! as we had highest number of registrations i.e. 622, and highest engagement till date. You have been the most astonishing Webinar speaker so far.”  SV, Sovereign Sr. Marketing Executive

You can request a copy of the free webinar: 

Shruti Vashisht

Sr. Marketing Executive

s.vashisht@sovhealth.com | www.sovhealth.com

Sovereign Health Group/Treatment Centers, HQ'd in San Clemente, CA; 1-hour Webinar on "Four Faces of Anger: Model & Method for Disarming Aggression and Conflict; highest number of registrations i.e. 622, and highest engagement till date.

May 17, 2017

Greetings Mark,

Please accept our sincere appreciation for the outstanding presentation you made to the Sovereign Health webinar; it was all time successful webinar! as we had highest number of registrations i.e. 622, and highest engagement till date. You have been the most astonishing Webinar speaker so far.

We are grateful for the time and effort you took to share your thoughts and experiences with our audience. The audience attentiveness was also very high. People are excited to watch your presentation on our website.

However, we are working on the webinar recording, so once it gets ready, I’ll share it with you. The points, which you covered, were so interesting that it has opened our eyes as well as minds. We will definitely incorporate the same in our daily lives. Your lively speaking style blends humor and researched conclusions well - it enabled our audience to remember several of your key points.

Judging from the comments of those who attended, the webinar was very successful!

I, once again, would like to express my sincerest gratitude towards you for such a commendable job and hope to get a chance to hear such motivational speeches from you in the future.

Many Thanks

Shruti Vashisht

Sr. Marketing Executive

Plot No: 78, 4th Floor, Sector-44 | Gurgaon | Haryana | 122002

Office: 91-124-416-6400 Ext 238 | Mobile: +91 981-021-8296

s.vashisht@sovhealth.com | www.sovhealth.com Sovereign Health Group Treatment Locations Serving Adults, Adolescents, and Families San Clemente, CA - Culver City, CA - Palm Springs, CA San Diego, CA - Chandler, AZ - Fort Myers, FL - Delta, UT Office: 888-889-1157

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3) Anger “R & R”

Fast Food for Thought for a Digital Age:  Collection Three

Anger “R and R”:  Raps and Rhymes – Disarming Rage, Defusing Hostility, and Deflating the Bully

Anger! That double-edged power source. It's the high-octane emotion for blazing performance and for igniting a legitimate grievance. Yet, when it's bottled up we smolder away; when we erupt, it may engulf us. And, when we are the target of a volatile flamethrower, there will be scars.

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Bullies, Bullies Everywhere

(Oh Where Is There a Shrink?)

How many bully types

Can you start to name?

All those shapes and stripes…

Seeking targets for mind games.

Know-it-alls and demons

Stalking you at work.

Can’t wipe out their venom

Just muttering, “You jerk!”

For they will tease and taunt

Get underneath your skin.

Your dreams they too will haunt…

Oh, where do you begin?

Bully for you, Bully for Me

It’s time for your third degree

Bully for Me, Bully for you

Why are you turning so blue?

Let’s give them a label

Let us expose their rear –

The mean and the miserable

Craving status and your fear.

They’re sharks in the water

Smelling beads of oozing blood

Preying on the weaker

To quench a power-hungry mood.

First the “HE Man” Nation

All those lusting for control.

Driven by H…“Humiliation”

And by E(2)…the “Empty” x “Envy” Fraternity

Trapped in a Type A-hole.

Next the “Savior” SHE Hound

Could be dudette or a dude

Ever bossing you around

Of course, for your own good!

Bully for you, Bully for Me

victim or Victor…can’t you see

Bully for Me, Bully for you

As long as you give Me my due.

There’s the one “Too BIG to Fire”

She shakes the money tree.

The top dogs give her a flyer and

Brown nose this mighty SHE.

The “Critical Aggressor”

Needs an “Approval Addict.”

They dance affixed together –

Codependent rules so strict.

Finally found your “Mr. Right”

You searched for nights and days

Who knew he’d be so uptight

With a first name of “Always!”  **

The “Explosive Flasher”

With face flame-throwing red.

A “blame-aholic” boozer:

To lose is to be dead!

Bully for you, Bully for Me

Now here’s My final decree

Bully for Me, Bully for you

Go find one to bully, too!

The “Hollywood Strong Silent Man”

With those big broad shoulders

For him to be strong…You be silent, ma’am!

Just watch him seethe and smolder.

Composed on the outside

On razor’s edge within:

The “Dr. Jekyl-Mr. Hyde”

Backstabs with a Cheshire grin!

Mr. “Hostile Humor’s”

Trail of tears scarcasm.

A serial abuser

Joking off…his orgasm!

These bulbs on the bully tree

Have two things in common:

“The World Evolves Around Me”

And there’s but one opinion:

[For these last lines to ring most true

Sing it just like “Tea for Two”]

You for Me and Me for Me

Oh how nurturing you will be.

Forget “To be or not to be”…

Just simply think of ME, ME, ME!

** (Can’t recall the name of the female comic from whom I head the “Always” punchline)

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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HE Men and SHE Men

Know any HE Men – one of those strong silent types

Who hide feelings behind all kinds of stripes?

The “H” is for Humiliation, the “E” for Emptiness

Don’t expect ventilation; you’re asking them to undress!

Alas, for this one to be strong, you must be silent…

A small price to pay:  appeasing the violent!   ;-(

Next are the SHE Men – martyrs and Saviors

So quick with an “Amen” when providing their favors.

Of course, expecting rewards for “selfless” behaviors.

But when feeling ignored, start rattling their sabers.

Not to play favorites as I rant and rail:

HE Men and SHE Men may be male or female!

© Mark Gorkin  2015

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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“I” vs “You” Messaging

“You’re wrong!”; “I disagree”

Two words…yet it’s easy to see

Affirming “I”s show civility

Blaming “You”s blow hostility!

The “You” messenger’s mode is often attack

Learn to get this mad monkey off of your back.

Let go of tit-for-tat or “get even” rumor

Instead, perhaps, some subtle cutting-edge humor?

“It’s all your fault”; “You drive me crazy!”

Sounds like an assault from a mind that is lazy.

Do not be shy, here’s one good reply –

Looking eye to eye…with tone a tad dry:

“Time after time, I know you have said it…

Alas, you still give me way too much credit.”

© Mark Gorkin 2017

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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It’s a Long Way from Heaven

When a leader avoids the smoking baggage

How great the group fear of collateral damage?

Does toxic anger have most walking on shells?

Are you entrapped in the office from hell?

Whether explosive, dismissive, or silently passive

Can a culture survive when folks are submissive?

It’s a long way from heaven when duplicity-driven

By gossip, back-stabbin, and sneaky enmity

Has it become the trusty trident trinity?

24/7, 24/7

Whatever happened to heart & soul livin?

One no longer grasps the depth of the scam:

“I am as important as I think I am!”

Well known for all-consuming virtue

Is towering ego now a bronzed statue?

Naturally, forever erect…

As others must humbly genuflect.

It’s a long way from heaven when mostly pride-driven

By status, power, and money

Has it become the supreme trinity?

24/7, 24/7

Whatever happened to heart & soul livin?

Some with sly tact say matter of fact:

You, my good man, just have no impact!

Beware being caught between a hard place and a rock

By folk’s using the Law of Loyalty Loop & Lock:

Those who never want you to answer back

Always want you to back their answer

With, “Yes, sir, No sir, No excuse, sir!”

It’s a long way from heaven when hostility-driven

By “just kidding,” scarcasm, and put-down irony

Has it become our snappy trinity?

24/7, 24/7

Whatever happened to heart & soul livin?

Even with conflict just down the hall

Why not fight behind a virtual wall?

If the “e” in email stands for “escape”

Why bother dealing up front with a scrape.

Now when you send a post that does bristle

Is it less email and more an e-missile?

It’s a long way from heaven when TNT-driven

By “Time, Numbers &Technology”

Has it become today’s trinity?

24/7, 24/7

Whatever happened to heart & soul livin?

24/7, 24/7

Whatever happened to heart & soul livin?

© Mark Gorkin 2013

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  I’m a Bully, You’re a Nerdie – Part I

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

It’s getting way late

Clam up and listen to me

Gonna set you straight.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

The “T-Rex of the School”

I’m a Bully, you’re a baby

You better follow my rules.

At home I must hide

Never good or smart enough.

When I escape outside

I’m king or queen of mean and tough!

I’ll make fun of you

Maybe curse you out.

What else can I do

Full of raging doubt.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

You’re either weak or strong

I’m a Bully, who’s being silly?

Don’t ever tell me I am wrong!

I may not like myself

But I sure hate feeling sad.

So I’ll threaten your health

Now we both can feel bad.

When I put you down

I build myself up.

I’m like a volcano

That’s about to erupt.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Dark Prince of village and the hood

I’m a Bully, you’re a nerdie

Give me your money, phone, or food.

If you freeze from fear

My wolf pack will attack

The dazed stare of a wounded deer

All I’ll say:  “Better watch your back!”

My in-crowd may be jealous

Cause you’re pretty or smart.

We’ll gossip among us

Tearing your friends apart.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Are you lonely, out of your mind?

I’m a Bully, catch my fury

Time to Sandy Hook…or Columbine?

Some bullies have a snake sense

With a sudden toxic bite.

Don’t suffer in silence

Because of shame or utter fright.

When you see me come a hunting

Tell me, now what will you do?

Some keep forever running

Some form a rival gang or crew.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I won’t let you rest

I’m a Bully, ain’t it funny

I’m your biggest test.

Possible Discussion Questions

Before moving into Part II, the group might discuss the following:

1.  Does the Bully character seem real, like someone you know?  Why might someone engage in bully-type behavior?

2.  Can you describe a bully character that you know?  Have you ever engaged (or thought about engaging) in bully-type behavior.  If so, why; if not, why not?

3.  Have you ever experienced being bullied or made fun of and/or put down on a regular basis?

4.  If so, how did it feel?  What were your biggest fears or concerns, for yourself, with your friends, with your family, with classmates, etc.?

5.  If you have been bullied, or know someone who’s been bullied, how did you (or this individual) attempt to deal with the bully situation?

a) What specific steps or actions were taken?

b) Were some steps or actions helpful; were some steps not helpful, even harmful?

c) In hindsight, were actions not taken that might have been helpful?

6.  Or, if it’s easier to generate discussion, ask the group how they would deal with the bully situation described in the “Resiliency Rap” ™?

The level of group discussion and audience age/attention span, may determine the best time to read and discuss Part II.

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I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully:  You’re a Nerdie, I’m a Needy – Part II

You don’t have to be a hero

Shouting “Make my day!”

You are not a zero

When you simply walk away.

Hey, it shows real nerve

To just stand; neither flee nor fight.

There is strength in smart reserve:

All that might still don’t make it right!

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

I pretend to be cool

I’m a Bully, can’t you see through me?

So who’s the bigger fool?

Don’t hang with kids or teens

Who think they’re the only stars.

Make one or two friends

Who like you for who you are.

But with chronic fears and safety

Alas, friends are not enough.

A rites of passage journey…

Facing your emotions – now that’s real scary stuff!

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Maybe acting like a common thug

I’m a Bully, that’s real needy

For some tough loving wrapped in one bear hug.

Find a teacher-counselor guide

Someone you can really trust!

A grown-up by your side

Learning skills for feeling safe…is the only must!

A wise dolphin – man or woman

With wide open eyes and ears

As you swim the roughest ocean

No longer drowning in your tears.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Could this happen to me?

I’m a Bully, hey, my Nerdie

I need you to set me free.

Talking with a caring shepherd

Is not being a snitch

It’s not being a “b”-word

That rhymes with witch.

It takes real courage

To admit to having fear

And to do the right thing

When no one seems aware.

I’m a Bully, I’m a Bully

Still sitting on the fence

I’m a Bully, now I worry

Will I ever learn from experience?

What I despise in you

Is a haunting echo inside me.

By calling you a “Fag” or “Jew”

I take no responsibility!

I can’t admit it, but it’s plainly true

As a bully, I am sorry…

Cause I need all the help

Just as much as you!

Possible Discussion Questions

1.  What do you think of the “dealing with the bully strategies” suggested in the Rap?  Which ones seemed most or least helpful?

2.  Is it difficult to find or talk to a trustworthy adult about a bullying situation?  If so, what makes it difficult?

3.  There are schools that have conflict resolution programs led by trained students with adult counselor advisors.  Would it be easier to talk with a student/peer about bullying than with an adult?  If so, why?

4.  Is it possible that the “Bully” and the “Nerdie” might have some common fears and concerns, issues or problems?

5.  With adult and peer guidance, is it possible for a bully to recognize and admit his own pain and needs related to jealousy and unworthiness, as well as for love, acceptance, and validation?

6.  Is it possible for both the Bully and the Nerdie to change; to make healthier, more interpersonally successful psychosocial-behavioral adaptations; to not just “talk the talk, but to also walk it”?

©  Mark Gorkin  2014

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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BULLY Guy/Gal:  A Workplace Variation

[A variation on, yet in the tune of, the children’s song/camp favorite, “B-I-N-G-O”; can be sung as BULLY Gal]

{In this version, the four (or five lines) of each stanza are sung with the same melody as in the original; specifically, the last two lines of each stanza have the same melody as the first two lines.  The same rules apply to the B-U-L-L-Y chorus as in the B-I-N-G-O chorus.}

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At my work, there’s a “big” dude

And Bully Guy’s his name, oh

Blaming me for what he did

Pumps his inflated ego.

B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…

And Bully Guy’s his name, sigh.

Stalking me all down the hall

Controlling is his game, oh

When did “scarcasm” get so cool?

Isn’t this against the rules?

Not when the boss’ bud, oh!

Why does he just pick on me?

The Guy should be ashamed, oh

Is he green with jealousy?

Or just a red bull guy, oh…

B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…

And Bully Guy’s his name, sigh.

Meetings are ruled by his “facts”

There is no room for doubt, oh

Speaking up gets you the axe

Or, he will just storm out, oh

Just because he makes it rain

All look the other way, oh

While morale goes down the drain

Does money make a hero?

B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…

And Bully Guy’s his name, sigh.

I must learn to take a stand

And overcome self-blame, oh

Not just bow to his demands

Nor play the helpless zero.

I will find one trustworthy

To talk out all my pain, oh

Then stand tall as an oak tree

Or walk away, nothing to say

But with my head held high, oh…

B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…

And Bully Guy’s his name, sigh.

Now I see…the real tragedy

Leaders’ heads in the sand, oh

A virus kills a company

When no one takes command, oh.

B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y… B-U-L-L-Y…

I’ve overcome self-doubt, oh

B-R-A-V-O… B-R-A-V-O… B-R-A-V-O…

I will give a shout, oh

No longer just an also ran

I now am my own wo/man

Cause I got the way hell out, Oh, Yeah!

© Mark Gorkin  2017

Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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The Self-Righteous Rap

You didn't know life is all right or wrong
Your victor or victim…or just don't belong
There is no question; life's but bleak or white
Forget ambiguity when hooked on Freud-lite.

What happened to subtlety and shades of gray?
The world's drinking and shrinking its brain cells away
The rage that's stirred by mental oppression
Compels this shrink rap regression confession.

When others demand you follow their lead
(For they, of course, realize just what you need.)
Don't get upset over autonomy
Just ask where they go for a lobotomy.

Or, are you a martyr in self-imposed prison?
Denying your needs becomes heaven's vision.
When you've been hurt you just quietly pray
But wish you could scream,
"Go ahead, make my day!" (Pow, Pow)

There's a real craft to fine confrontation
But first let go of those "acc-you-sations"
Like "It's all your fault" or "you drive me crazy."
All this reveals is a mind that is lazy.

Be thoughtfully outraged and learn to reframe
Make the strange familiar, the familiar strange.
We really are at a critical juncture
So little time…so many egos to puncture. (Pop, Pop)

To disarm those who intimidate you
Some self-defense lessons in the art of "tongue fu."
With an all-knowing boss who wants to be feared, hey
One more grad of the Institute for the Compassion-Impaired.
The Institute for the Compassion-Impaired.

Or, if you've had enough of that self-righteous scam:
"I am as important as I think I am."
You don't have to listen to this bovine fodder
Just say you're allergic; it makes your ears water.

And for those who demean with, "Grow up, act your age"
Here's some advice that's worthy of a sage.
While only young once, it's true, however,
You intend to be immature forever.

So, if life's a soap opera: "As the Head Swells"
No need to be walking on those ego shells.
When the righteous start ranting they're all of a kind
The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind!

© Mark Gorkin 1992
Shrink Rap Productions

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a nationally acclaimed speaker, writer, and "Psychohumorist" ™, is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative. Current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: stressdoc@aol.com.