The Community Awareness and Impact Program: Bridging and Healing the Violence, Trauma & Grief Divide

We live in a real and social media world saturated with sources of aggression, weapons, and violence, – whether random or “home-grown.”  Almost daily, media headlines affirm this grave reality…with another and another, and yet another tragic loss of life.  In addition to societal forces and pressures, the “home-grown” battlefront may involve:

a) intense family stress or breakup along with reintegration of a family member, e.g., a returning Veteran,

b) peer bullying – whether in a schoolyard or workplace, or gang-related activity,

c) cyber-bullying: with greater isolation and anonymity, with the loss of genuine human connection, empathy decreases, aggression increases,

d) substance and/or domestic abuse and its spiraling tension on family members, friends, colleagues, etc.

In such a volatile culture and work-life-cyber space, it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish vulnerable from “it can’t happen here” communities, schools, playgrounds, shopping malls, workplaces, etc.

What is truly critical in such volatile, TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven & Distracted times is for individuals, couples, families, businesses, organizations, institutions, and communities to dismantle these “us vs. them” perceptual walls.  Such mind-culture barriers prevent seeing our vulnerable space-time as a “human ecology” problem that transcends cultural diversity, ethnicity, or financial disparity.  (Alas, sometimes with more money we just build higher and more rigid, seemingly “impregnable” walls.)  These mental blocks make it harder to empathize with our neighbors – whether “inside or outside a beltway” or on the “right or wrong side of the tracks.”  Such ideas also feed the illusion that one community’s “life and death” struggles can be quarantined or isolated from surrounding communities.  And sadly, such a mindset, as Lincoln noted many score years ago, impedes our reaching “the better angels of our nature.”

So, if you are wondering whether this is a time of breakthrough or breakdown…There’s a multifaceted team on call:  Dr. Charles Hicks, acclaimed Baltimore Psychologist and Personal Empowerment Life Coach and Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, the “Stress Doc” ™, acclaimed Speaker, Workshop Leader, and Critical Incident/Trauma Intervention-Debriefing Consultant.  Let this Dynamic-Diverse Duo help you and your social and work groups, institutions and neighborhoods engage in “Community Bridge-Building as a Healing Response to Violence, Trauma and Grief.”  In this workshop, engage with lively "Get FIT" -- FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking – “on-point” presentation, powerful social-psychology-communication concepts, tools, and techniques, along with real, “hands on” group exercises/role plays, and care-griever/caregiver strategic discussion.  Expanded awareness, dialogue, and collaborative action planning, will help us design a “One Human Touch Relationship:  Community Bridge-Building & Healing – Model and Method”:

Ø  Be part of the emerging and integrative community conversation

Ø  Collaborate and develop tools with individuals and families, colleagues and groups

Ø  Develop stress resilience and trauma/grief/anger management and creative adaptation skills for emotional intelligence maturation and personal-organizational recovery and growth

Ø  Build psychological and cognitive agility to respect tradition and think out of the box

Ø  Learn how other families, organizations, companies and leaders grapple with emerging challenges and opportunities

Ø  Identify and begin to repair and overcome communication-culture barriers

 

Ø  Experience challenges and benefits of conflict thru creative thinking: building bridges and designing your personal Grief Rejuvenation/Stress Resilience Tool Kit.  (Remember, your mind is the most creative psycho-social medium!)

And, of course, this half-day workshop is only the first step.  There will be a follow-up program to discuss, plan, and launch community action initiatives.

Program Objectives

A.  Community Bridge-Building as a Healing Response:  Overview

1.  Provisional Vision/Mission Statement:  educate and sensitize, increase and inspire the public's knowledge and awareness of those persons, families, and organizations that have been impacted by the random and societal acts of violence, trauma, and grief!

2.  Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress:  Is it a personal illness and/or a societal issue?

3.  Do we know enough about "human behavior" to advocate a frame work of understanding that generates opportunity to provide programs/services of relief-help-healing-resiliency-recovery?

4.  How do mental, emotional, psychological, (age), developmental (including early childhood/family experiences), environmental, and social maturity factors, along with access to supportive and healing resources, influence one's vulnerability to violence and rage or one’s capacity for managing anger, trauma, and grief?

5. Who are the caregivers?  Who are the care-grievers?  How best to support each group?

6.  The criticality of professional and public as well as communities wide-recognition of the impact of social-cultural violence and aggression, trauma and grief on individuals, families, schools, workplaces, churches, and an array of institutions

7.  The collaborative challenge of building interpersonal-group bridges within and between communities and social-cultural-religious institutions for “Bridging and Healing the Violence, Trauma & Grief Divide.”

B.  Rage, Trauma, and Grief:  A “Crisis” Model

1.  Definition of “Crisis” and “Crisis Stages Model”

2.  Key components of the “Vulnerable State”:  Threat, Loss & Challenge

3.  Time-limited “Crisis Window of Danger and Opportunity”

4.  Different types of trauma/grief situations:  “Fight & Flight, Freeze & Flow”

5.  Link between past and present pain and loss in traumatic stress reactions

C.  Violence, Loss, and Trauma (VLT):  Overview

1.  Defining the VLT Sandwich (and each of its ingredients)

2.  What are key personal-situational precursors to Violence? Self-Defeating Conflict? Domestic Violence, Bullying? Workplace Disruptions? Road Rage? and Suicide, etc;

3.  The special cases of Violent Death and Loss of Young Life

4.  Stress-Trauma Assessment:  Holmes-Rahe Life Change-Stress Index

5.  The critical issue of sense of control of one’s emotions and one’s environment; “You Can’t Make Me” and “You Fumbled the Data” Exercises

D.  Nature of Trauma

1.  TNT Trauma:  Overwhelming Crisis or Chronic Condition; Illness or Socio-Cultural Issue?

2.  What is the nature of trauma? Why is it so devastating?  Can the process be reversed?

3.  Situational Trauma:  "homicide trauma," "war trauma," "rape trauma", "discrimination trauma," "socio-economic/job loss trauma," "domestic violence trauma," "oppression trauma," etc.

4.  “Bad Kids or Traumatized Kids”:  Understanding the person-situation context

5.  Dr. Hicks’ “Trauma:  Twenty Questions”:

6.  Witnessing Violence or Second-Hand Exposure:  PTSD contexts and reactions

 

 

E.  The Nature of Grief and the Grief Process

1. “Unfinished Grieving,” “Grief Ghosts,” and the multifaceted types and dynamics of loss and grief

2.  Classic Stages of Loss and Grief, including Shock, Denial, Rage, Helplessness, Guilt, Ambivalence, etc.

3.  Cognitive, Affective, Behavioral, and Social-Cultural Methods of Grieving

4.  Difference between “Feeling Sorry for Yourself and Feeling Your Sorrow”

5.  The Magical Healing Path of Grief

6.  The Stress Doc’s Recipe for Group Grieving the Loss of a Vital Member

F.  Violence, Loss, & Trauma Interventions

1.  Once the rage or anxiety (or depression) trigger has been engaged…how can I press the pause button?  How can I steadily moderate my intensity?

2.  Basic self-regulation and constructive conflict resolution mindsets and communication skills and strategies; the “Four ‘R’s of PRO Relating:  being Respectful-Real-Responsible-Responsive

3.  Building the the TnT Relationship:  The Power of Trust & Transparency

4.  Gaining a basic understanding/application of “Emotional Intelligence” for self-regulation and empathic emotional connection

5. The Power of Psycho-Drama:  enabling participants to act out these emotions/reactions in a safe environment, more effectively managing emotional and cognitive-behavioral responses and social interactions through support, guidance and shared experiences

6.  The “Power of “Creativity” and “Engaging with Nature” for expressing grief and healing trauma

 

G.  Save the Retreat Wrap-up

1.  Brainstorming “Community Building & Healing” next steps

2.  Forming action plan/task groups

3.  Choosing a “Stress/Battlefield Buddy” and the Power of the Stress Doc’s TLC

4.  Go round:  What will I take home, what workshop seeds will I plant:  on a personal-professional, family, organizational, and/or community level?

5.  Stress Doc will close with a “Healing Humor” Shrink Rap ™

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Presenter Bios

Dr. Charles Hicks

Charles’ professional career started as a Public School Teacher, evolved into Teaching in Academic Departments at various Universities – Howard University, Duquesne University, Morgan State University, Towson State University, the University of Baltimore, and The Johns Hopkins University.  Dr. Hicks was also a staff member in the Student Affairs Department at the California Polytechnic State University where he served as a Career Counselor and Career Center Coordinator. He was an Industrial Social Psychologist in the Human Resources Department of Gulf Oil Corporation, a Sr. HRD Consultant at Blue Cross and Blue Shield, and a Staff Consultant at Personnel Decisions, Drake Beam Morin, Lee Hecht Harrison, and Right Management - Career Outplacement Firms. In addition, he has been an executive coach with the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL®) for 25 years and has staffed programs at the Greensboro facility and also at the National Leadership Institute – a CCL Affiliate at the University College, University of Maryland. Roles have included facilitator of experiential team activities in the program modules and as also as a developmental assessment feedback coach, delivering 1 on 1 client assessment feedback, and follow-up coaching services. In addition, Charles has extensive adjunct affiliation (25 years) with the Federal Executive Institute in Charlottesville, VA. Currently he is affiliated as a Personal Empowerment Coach with the Inspirit Counseling Services of Baltimore, Maryland.

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Mark Gorkin, “The Stress Doc” ™

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring, and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a Training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “"Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Humor, and Team Building" leadership retreats for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

The Silent Wall of Shame

Writing about “Bully Types” resurrected an emotion I have grappled with much of my life:  a) being part of a family, especially as a child and teen, riddled with mental illness and shrouded in family secrets, b) as a child and young teen, threatened and emotionally bullied by peers for too many years, c) as an oft underachieving student and, finally, d) as a financially vulnerable speaker/word artist.  The emotion is “SHAME!”  And the crown with the cross:  The ability to harness shame for uncommon empathy as well as creative and inspiring performance.  Perhaps you may relate and/or resonate with this piece.  Peace!

Mark

 

I just showed the latest version of "The Silent Wall of Shame" to a thoughtful high school female who works at Mad City Coffeehouse.  And she immediately said her English teacher could turn this into a class lesson/discussion; "the poem sends a great message."  I sent her the poem and encouraged her to share. 

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The Silent Wall of Shame

Why is it so hard to talk about “shame”?
What makes it the feeling we all fear to name?
How has our “shame” become a straitjacket?
“Shame” must break from that ghost-ridden closet!

"Why can’t you focus; make a decision?"
The shame-brain "iGnaws" mindful attention.
High noon to full  moon text-video dumb
Still can't quite get that frontal cortex numb.

Low scores at school, you're so far from cool:
“How can someone ‘so smart’ be a damn fool?”
Some veil their shame by being too good
Others act out...won't be understood.

When the shamed person gets flame-throwing red
To lose at anything…better to be dead!
Some will crawl under…others will throw rocks
Never try putting "the leper" in a box.

Admitting to shame, you’d wave a white flag.
Keep dragging that black-hole memory bag!
Sins of the family your DNA pulse…still
Why can’t you be like everyone else?

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Others blame you; you do the same.
The “Shame Game”; deceptive frame
It’s time to change a view that is lame.

When the culture is “win at all cost”
Then anything less means everything’s lost.
Meek against mighty, there’s no more high road
All know who’s right when there’s no moral code.

Where is shame’s trailhead, and where will it roam?
How does this virus make the mind its home?
An unwanted touch, a whiplash tongue
"Don't embarrass us":  You’re always wrong!

Though not an assault or stinging curse
Haunting family secrets may be the worst.
Like smoking those butts…puff, puff, puff toxin
Slowly…deadly…five senses corrosion.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
It’s not all your fault; some can’t say the same.
The “Shame game”; devious frame
It’s time to change; know what’s insane.

Each day one fails to secure safe haven
One more soul tremor if not spirit cave-in.
Whether for months or forty desert years
The shame cactus thrives on a trickle of tears.

Like the small lizard ever sensing danger
Changing colors for both friend and stranger.
More than noxious words or violent deeds
Inside our head, shadowy seeds.

Day after day betraying themselves
Souls lost in sealed jars alone on dark shelves.
Some shatter glass; others dwell in “sin”
Most learn to hide to save their own skin.

When drugs or drinking keep all on egg shells…
Will this be the night of family from hell?
An iceberg of torment, trapped base of rage…
Cracks in the ozone melting your courage.

An unknowing transfer of adult shame
An unconscious part of the psychic game:
“Damned if I’ll be like mom…the old man”
Tells me you’re scarred deep, deep from within.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Don’t close your eyes; look at the stain!
The “shame Game”; fictitious refrain
It’s time to change; wake up your brain.

Sometimes a “Rap” needs a true story
One that reveals a soul’s grief or glory:
A failed rite of passage, when but a tyke
My dad could not teach me to ride a bike.

Was the bike too big, his patience too short?
Was I so afraid?  Why did we abort?
Nothing was mentioned; for now, trust broken
In this cycle of life…hope went unspoken.

For so many years, I watched my friends ride
It’s “No big deal”…but, in truth, was sick inside.
And saddest of all when wearing a mask
You vanish so well…people no longer ask.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Please open up…despite the pain
The “shame game”; counterfeit frame
It’s time to change; fiercely complain!

The shame around failure breeds over time
Becomes a monster – no reason or rhyme.
You are possessed by the “Intimate FOE”:
Fear of Exposure chokes the will to grow.

Why should one try with peril so high?
Better set goals that are pie-in-the-sky.
No risk of failing when caught in a breach…
Simply avoid or just short-arm your reach.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Life involves risk; don’t buy chronic drain
The “s-game”; a corrupt frame
It’s time to change; explore your range.

Why pour out my words in this tale of pain?
Now recall never fails to fire my brain.
To no longer run, to no longer hide
Unlimited source of affirming pride.

A fount of purpose, raging river passion
Ride out those waves of humiliation.
Your storm tossed quest…only two life jackets:
Reach out for help…do your best to hack it.

Build muscle memory, steady those nerves
Nothing can replace a true learning curve.
Oh yes, a final thought you might like:
I did teach myself to ride that darn bike.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
One step at a time; forge your own lane
The s-game; big bogus frame
It’s time to change; so what’s wrong with strange?

To break through that blocked head of shame
First bore a hole – a self-aware frame.
Sure you have that complex family tree…still
Shakespeare rings true:  To be or not to be?

Next, challenge a sense of dishonor
Not all alone…with trusted advisor.
Learn when to hold on, accept that things end…
Know when a hug is your most precious friend.

There is no disgrace in losing a race
When mind-body-spirit fused time and space.
Now discontent spurs determination
Or allows for “incubation vacation”…

Brood with kindred souls; lick wounds, let go…grieve.
Learn from past invective...now your reprieve:
Hatch new perspective – hopeful days and morrows
For having the courage to embrace all sorrows.

The “Shame Game,” The “Shame Game”
Burn that old frame with your inner flame
“Strive High, Embrace Failure” your new middle name
You’re ready to change the rules of the game.

Aha!  An answer to Shakespeare’s query

It’s not existential; just start “to bee” –

Circle your egos, unravel the guilt
Weave “brainbow”-colored threads as a group quilt. **

There’s limited juice squeezed from self-abuse
Harness pain and rage; tie a well-oiled noose.
Pull on the reins; guide your human-horse brain…
Now cry out and leap that “Silent Wall of Shame!”

**  “brainbow” – from Douglas Hofstadter & Emmanuel Sander, Surfaces and Essences:  Analogy as the Fuel and Fire of Thinking, Basic Books, 2013


© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

“Who’s Coming through the Door” Lyric and a Shrink Rap ™ on Team

Here are the latest lyrical (and quite poignant) adaptation and a playfully punchy “Shrink Rap"™ on Team.  Both reflect on the dynamics and consequences of groups of people either working or not working together.  Do you believe the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again” lyric to be too dark or is it shining light on serious issues that need to come out of the domestic closet?

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The Stress Doc explores a range of family life dynamics in this powerful lyrical piece based on a familiar Civil War tune.  This offering has relevance not only for families, and also for the military, educators, social workers, counselors, and a wide array of family-allied health professionals.  And while sliding from the joyful to the poignantly painful, the lyric closes on an uplifting note of grace and hope!

 

Who’s Coming through the Door Again?

[To the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again”]

When mommy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
When mommy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
My mind will dance, my heart will sing
When I hear the doorbell ring
And we’ll all shout “Hurrah” when mommy comes home again!

When daddy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
When daddy comes walking through the door, hurrah, hurrah
He’ll lift me high, like a bird I’ll fly
“Never put me down,” I’ll cry
And we’ll all shout “Hurrah” when daddy comes home again!

When mommy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
When mommy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
Now my shouts turn to self-doubt
As I pout or just lash out
Oh we miss you mommy, please come home again!

When daddy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
When daddy can’t come home again, boo-hoo, boo-hoo
My heart no longer has a song; my hero’s missing
Something’s so wrong
Oh we miss you daddy, please come home again!

When mommy and daddy fight again, uh oh, uh oh
When mommy and daddy fight again, uh oh, uh oh
When mommy yells and daddy hits
Now my tummy’s having fits
And we all feel bad when mommy and daddy fight!

When mommy and daddy drink again, oh no, oh no
When mommy and daddy drink again, oh no, oh no
“No place like home” more battle zone
And all I want to be is gone
And we’re all sad when mommy and daddy drink!

When mommy and daddy fight and drink, watch out, watch out
When mommy and daddy fight and drink, watch out, watch out
My head against the wall I’ll bang
Help…I don’t want to join a gang
And we’re all mad when family fight and drink!

When angry silence comes marching in, please no, please no
When angry silence comes marching in, please no, please no
A once happy home feels like a tomb
Covered by a shroud of gloom
I can’t even hide in my room
For overhead the sword of doom
We’re all numb when angry silence comes through the door.

Why can’t we be a family again, oh please, oh please?
Why can’t we be a family again, oh please, oh please?
We’ll laugh and sing and even fight
Not might – but help – will make it right
Talking together helps shine a light
And fear will finally sleep tonight
Holding each other warm and tight
And we’ll be a family, ‘Hoorah,” we’ll be a family again!

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
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Who Says “There Is No ‘I’ in Team”?

Do you ever want to scream
When you hear that tired theme
Or see the poster in your dreams?
There is no “I” in team!

All you do is close your mind
Leave real differences behind
Learn what it means to be aligned:
Fall in line with the group grind!

I scream, you scream
There’s no “I” in our team!

Of course you need to check EGO
As you relate with sis and bro
And know connections ebb and flow
As your team evolves and grows.

But I’m about to start spinning
Even worse, maybe sinning:
There are two “I”s in the word “WINNING”
And this, my friend, is just the beginning!

I scream, you scream
There’s still no “I” in our team!

No “I” teams push conformity
Winning “I”s have identity:
First…”Individuality”
Next comes “Interactivity.”

And these two “I”s most surely “C”
One sheds new light – “Creativity”
The other builds live “Community”
Advantage:  non-conformity!

I scream, you scream
It’s just a dream:  an “I” in team.

So “Winning Teams,” can we agree?
Take “Individual Creativity”
Mix with “Interactive Community”
Voila…IC² yields “Synergy.”

When the “whole is greater than parts” sum
The Beatles group – a rule of thumb
Marching to a different drum
Healthy conflict makes teams hum.

I scream, you scream
Maybe there’s an “I” in team.

Less need to shut down, become numb.
Nor hurry up, just get it done
Partly jazz riff, minds on the run
Takes more time…Wait, Here Comes the Sun!

Open channels make all smarter
No superheroes or those martyrs
Just groups pushing tired borders
Or jumping into unknown waters.
Sections work a little harder
When not just “parts” but truly “partners.”

I scream, you scream
Can we be an IC team?

Teams that foster this give and take
Despite ideas that seem half-baked
Are ones that “C” and learn from mistakes
Forge the big picture:  know what’s at stake…
Take that lead foot off the brake
Leaving No “I” teams in their wake!

I scream, you scream
We are now an IC team!
I scream, you scream
We are now an IC team!

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions
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Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc leads one-day "Stress Resiliency" workshops for "METRO" Managers and Supervisors of the Washington Metro Area Transit Authority (WMATA).   "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies.  Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, and leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.  And click https://vimeo.com/69053828 for the Stress Doc's wildly pioneering "Shrink Rap" video.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"