Part II further extends the progression of “telling to selling (or from the dry to the dynamic) to being out-rage-ously compelling.” Illustrations come through opening bullet points, to a pivotal quote, and, finally, to a story that brings to life the power of poignant and playful passion. Discover how the Stress Doc help a team in the throes of trauma be reborn though “Gospel Shrink Rap ™” and a powerful group exercise that enables the dead to still “walk the halls” with the survivors.
The Cultivation of “Passion Power” – Part II
Designing the “Out-Rage-ous”
Telling to Selling: Four Points, a Line, and a Story
To go from telling to selling, to transform the dry into the dynamic, means the data and its packaging must be:
1)
seen as having intrinsic and relevant, meaningful and striking characteristics
and qualities if not tangible “features and benefits,”
2)
placed in a head- and heart-provoking and useful if not significant context that
illuminates parts and connects pieces to a whole or gestalt with which people in
actuality or in their imagination identify; the data is now truly speaking to
your audience; (bonus points if the context is “surprising”), and
3)
if the message is designed and delivered in a lively, captivating, and engaging
manner. (And remember, dynamic
encompasses a range of energy – from the exciting and forceful to the darkly
satirical or playfully droll.)
Additional
bonus points if…
4)
capable of not just touching one individual but able to pull the head- and
heart-strings of a group or community.
Bottom
line: “Are you being heard or are you
just making noise?!”
Finally,
to put conceptual flesh on the above skeletal bones, let me share a pretty
“Out-Rage-ous” vignette.
Amazing
Grief: When Resiliency Magic Springs
from the Tragic
Once again, magic arose from the ashes of
tragedy. And the magic appeared in
separate manifestations of individual and group resilience, one spontaneous,
the other planned. Let me quick-sketch
the background. I was making my second
critical/group grief intervention at a social service agency after the
unexpected, heart-wrenching and unexpected suicide of a much beloved staff
member. This individual seemed to play a
mother or big sister role for many of her multi-generational colleagues. Not surprisingly, the first time meeting with
the group, most were in a state of shock, though several had watery eyes, a few
were quietly weeping.
The second gathering, three days after my
initial encounter, revealed fewer glazed looks; still the mood, understandably,
remained somber. During the opening
check-in, a former policeman turned the tables on me. Seemingly parts inquisitive, parts
confrontational, he asked how I dealt with "stress." Viewing his question as an opportunity to
move outside my professional cover, to engage in some personal sharing, I
responded, "I like to walk; and I enjoy creative writing."
He then asked about my writing. When I said "poetry," he
immediately asked me to share some.
Alas, the performer more than the grief consultant momentarily took the
stage. I mentioned my work as a
"Shrink Rapper" ™, which induced a mix of groans and chuckles. I quickly decided to "rap" the
first four lines of a favorite:
When it
comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?
Is tough
John Wayne your emotional guide?And it's not just men so proud and tight-lipped
For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette!
After two lines (and the improbability of what they were seeing and hearing), the metamorphosis was palpable – from the relaxing of individual facial expressions to increasing group energy and body movement; several people had started to sway and clap. By the end of this first stanza their eyes (and my ears) were twinkling (buzzing) with (and from the) laughter. Now I just blasted through any sound barrier and sang the entire "Stress Rap." Being "shocked" was no longer just associated with grief. (Considering that all but one in the group were people of color, most African-American, with hindsight, perhaps this was the birth of "Grief" or "Gospel Rap" or "Gospel Grief Rap." I have great memories of being electrically if not soulfully charged in many N'Awlins Jazz Fest Gospel tents. ;-).
Jolted to the Light
The enthusiastic applause told me how much this group needed some healing humor and "lightening the mood" laughter. At the same time, despite the recent trauma, there was clear and reassuring evidence of a vital group pulse. FYI, their cheers certainly did not reflect my "rapping" talents. In fact, as a "Shrink Rap" performer, when the show of appreciation dies down, my standard rejoinder: I can tell when an audience is applauding out of relief.
Now, recovering my consultant mindset, I dispensed with added banter, but noted how our immediate process reflected a truth captured by the pioneering comedic film genius, Charlie Chaplin:
A paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it is precisely the tragic which arouses the funny. We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and in order not to go crazy!
The sighs and nodding heads affirmed Chaplin's wisdom. As I once penned: "People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor." Having been jolted with some positive energy, folks seemed more willing to acknowledge feelings of disappointment and regret, even some anger, for a beloved colleague who would no longer inhabit and share their physical space. Perhaps we were creating a yin-yang/light-dark mind-body flow. A Stress Doc rule of thumb in helping people evolve through emotional loss and change: take time for the pain, and then help folks move from negative to positive energy.
Recalling and Committing to the Positive and the Person
As part of the grief intervention experience, the group also would benefit from being reminded of their own individual and collective humility, strengths, and skills. And, paradoxically, we would do this by focusing on the uncommon qualities of their deceased colleague. Let me outline the process. I asked each participant to reflect on one trait of their former colleague that they especially valued or admired. However, we were not simply doing an inventory. I also asked for the chosen trait to be one that, moving forward, they would attempt to cultivate or nurture within themselves. (I'm calling this recognition-realization process "I and I" – Identification and Internalization. Also, the deceased had loved gardening, so the "cultivation" metaphor was particularly apt.) Hands sprung up, some people and traits intertwined, and the list steadily blossomed:
1. Always had a smile on her face; we tackled this one because for some it stirred feelings that she had been mostly wearing a mask. I suggested that maybe throwing herself into work was one way this woman both felt vitally alive and could escape a more pressured and chaotic outside life. Yet we agreed…the tragic irony was that while she was always ready with a shoulder for others -- patients or staff -- she was unable to ask for one for herself. Not surprisingly, this discussion also became a platform for underscoring the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) as an available resource – counseling for personal or family issues, financial counseling, etc.
2. Many admired how she advocated for people in the program.
3. She was involved; a team player. Also acknowledged was that the presence of gossip for some dampened a sense of individual-group trust and involvement. People agreed this was an issue requiring further exploration. However, one member liked my challenge: to evolve from a "little brother" seeking attention to a "big brother" assisting others.
4. She paid attention to details; her assessments for patients improved their therapeutic regimen. In fact, we came up with a new operational mantra; I dubbed it the Triple "A": ATTENTION-ASSESSMENT-ADVOCACY. I suspect there will soon be a sign or a banner hanging somewhere in the premises.
5. She was a good friend, who went over and beyond the call many times.
6. She engaged in volunteer projects; she was a "truly good person" with a "caring and generous heart."
7. Finally, her dependability was noted; her words were backed by actions.
We then discussed ways of sustaining remembrance beyond a memorial service -- for example, planting a garden in her honor; or creating a scrapbook or bulletin board with stories and pictures, especially ones with staff members. A second scrapbook might even be offered to her family. The supervisor was also encouraged to empower a memorial task group for more ideas.
The hour was running down; people had to return to their patients. There was time for one final observation: I shared the belief that if each person dedicated him- or herself to nurturing the selected trait, two vital chains of events would be set in motion: first, they would be giving themselves the beautiful gift of remembrance and honor as personal growth; and second, from a larger perspective, their colleague's essence would remain intact. The collective, "parts to partnership" synergy would provide "life" restoring elan vitale (or "vital force"). While this commitment would never replace her physical presence; her spirit would palpably walk the halls and echo off the workplace walls. People seemed to exit with a good deal more energy, hope, and possibility – a more resilient spring to their step, as it were – than they had coming in. We had engaged in a process that transformed the “suffering” into a provocative, passion-driven pain with a purpose (seven spiced my some “Gospel Rap” humor), what I call, and will further illuminate as, “The 5 ‘P’s of Passion Power!” Amen and women to that!
P.S. After the group intervention, the previously mentioned former policeman approached me. He's been talking to a colleague seemingly bottling up some stress. "And he won't open up! What should I do?" My reply: "How about asking this person if you could check in periodically, maybe once a week, to see how s/he's doing?" This "old school" guy's reply: "Oh, I shouldn't try to make him talk." I smiled and nodded. The gentleman was displaying some maturity and resilience: considering a novel, more flexible strategy for dealing with personal frustration and interpersonal boundaries, for relating with and assisting another. A good way to help one and all...Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc leads one-day "Stress Resiliency" workshops for "METRO" Managers and Supervisors of the Washington Metro Area Transit Authority (WMATA). "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.
Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions. And click https://vimeo.com/69053828 for the Stress Doc's wildly pioneering "Shrink Rap" video.
Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve) and be out-rage-ous!"
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