Captivating and Inspiring Your Audience: The "Short and Smart" KISSing Technique -- Skills, Steps, and Strategies: Part II

Part I, made a case for placing the "superior" slogan KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid or Keep It Simple Stupid – out to proverbial pasture. To be a high impact communicator in today's TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – driven and distracted world one must cultivate and spread a new and compact message-delivery technique. It's a practice and performance that is engaging and edgy, deceptively simple yet, being concise, packs a high energy quality punch. Are you ready to become a "Short and Smart" KISSer?

The Stress Doc's KISSing Technique – Skills, Steps, and Strategies!

There are several maneuvers for spicing up your KISS without having to resort to the French technique.  (Obviously, I’m keeping said tongue well planted in my own cheek.) Let me count several ways of enabling your communication-message to be “Short and Smart”...and also compelling:

1. Acronyms. Clearly, acronyms allow a message to be succinct and powerful (if not always “smart” in the “Emotionally Intelligent” sense of the word). KISS and my real definition or source of jaw pain – TMJ: Too Many Jerks!…these letters and lines definitely package a message and pack a punch; also, see “Alliteration” below. Through form and function, acronyms allow for the selection of a manageable and digestible number of key “food for thought” elements. Not only do acronyms help make a message seem meaty, in addition they make it memorable or, at least, easier to remember. For example my “Natural SPEED Formula for Stress Resiliency and Brain Agility: Sleep-Priorities-Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet." Of course, use some discretion; it’s easy to OD on acronyms.  I’m a charter member of the new 12-step AA group: Acronyms Anonymous!

2. Analogy. Analogy is a similarity been two things, having features that, at a first glance, are not always seen as related. This categorization process evokes a comparison whereby the resemblance may be more readily and rapidly understood. For example, the great yet ornery Boston Red Sox baseball slugger, Ted Williams, was called "The Splendid Splinter." Not only can a splinter be a symbolic visual for a bat, but "The Kid" could definitely be a pain in the butt!

Analogy enables us to a) take familiar knowledge and experiment in a new arena or have a new situation challenge a conventional view, e.g., my book title – Practice Safe Stress, b) to perceive common threads among disparate elements or situations, e.g., my Shrink Rap™ line, "inside your car looks like a pocketbook on wheels," c) sort wheat from chaff, and d) rapidly and often reliably get to or illustrate the crux of a problem (or healing possibilities), thereby facilitating new perspective, applications, or adaptations…talk about a smart (and survival-driven) conceptual strategy.

Consider how "tree of life" imagery and analogy infuses my post-earthquake draft of a Nepali "Be Well Initiative" Philosophy. (I am a founding member of the BWI community health planning team):

The "Be Well Initiative" (BWI) for the Nepali Diaspora has its roots in the natural earthquake trauma and tragedy. However, it's branches of healing and hope are presently reaching out to both local Nepali and Bhutanese Nepali communities in cities and states across the United States. We wish to touch the overall Nepalese collective throughout our country. And as our tree of research, knowledge, and compassion grows, hopefully, other countries will share the fruits of our labor and plant their own trees.

More Metaphor and Imagery in a Short Story

Or use metaphor or comparative imagery to put some flesh on a message bone. Let me provide a personal example. When I submit program titles for various speaking engagements, a frequent title or subtitle is: “Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront.” People often feel there are war zone elements in their work situation. I recall VA Head Nurses introducing themselves at the start of a stress workshop by barking out their last names and their wards: “Walker, W-14, Thompson, W-18, Jones W-20.” I immediately exclaimed, “It sounds like your reporting from the battle stations!” Their sighs and nodding heads let me know I was on target.

So even if “Burnout Battlefront” is an exaggeration, folks believe I have a sense of their intense work conditions/stress levels. Though for these nurses it wasn’t much of an exaggeration. Their two favorite slogans: Do your eight and it the gate; nine to five and stay alive! (We’ve previously illustrated, a slogan or an adage is another way of generating an effective KISS.) As for the extreme conditions, maybe it was a coincidence, though I don’t believe so…the very caring Director of Nursing who brought me in to lead the workshop was dead within a year from cancer.

P.S. Surely, another way to convey “short and smart” is through a pithy "short story," especially one that effectively and efficiently ranges from the playful to the poignant or vice versa.

3. Alliteration and Rhyme. Or try animating a KISS by using alliteration (see above); repeating the same letter at the beginning of a word, e.g., “burnout battlefront” and "TnT" (Trauma and Tragedy); or repeating similar sounds, which takes us into the realm of rhyme. The aforementioned nurses’ slogan will do: “Do your eight and hit the gate; nine to five and stay alive.” Walk the talk clearly has permeated mass consciousness. Alliteration and rhyme give your words a “rhythm” – a beat, a pace, a cadence, a pulse – which makes your message vibrate, makes it distinctive, and helps capture peoples’ attention. A radio host recently thanked me for being on his show and added, You have a unique rhythm to your speech that I want to tap on; you have great delivery. Thanking him, I mentioned trying to project the emotional valence of just about every word or phrase that I use. As well as employing purposeful pauses. (Many moons ago, as a novice starting in radio, getting speech lessons from a theatre actress definitely helped.)

4. Short and Smart but also Silly or Sly. Clearly, so many try to employ or simply enjoy humor as it helps grab attention, may facilitate social bonding, or defuse interpersonal tension; and a good laugh relieves stress. As many humor students have noted, laughing with gusto is like turning your body into a big vibrator, giving vital organs a brief but hardy internal massage…talk about a “short and smart” message! (Of course, in addition to healing or harmonizing humor there’s the hostile variety. Darn, now I may need to start an Alliterations Anonymous group as well.) And when your message can both quickly, and mostly gently, poke fun of cultural icons while helping us knowingly laugh at our own flaws and foibles…well that’s one desirable if not delicious KISS. Consider the opening lines of the Stress Doc’s Stress Rap:

When it comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?

Is tough John Wayne your emotional guide?

And it’s not just men so proud and tight lipped

For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette!

As I once penned, People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor!

5. Be Surprising and Provocative. For some, a message that’s both short and smart may seem contradictory if not oxymoronic. Actually, as noted in Part I with Twain's quote, when you place “short and smart” content in a quick and unexpected package you basically have captured the definition of thought-provoking "wit." Practice Safe Stress anyone?

Or consider this provocative short story. I recall a government agency alienating a number of its administrative staff by not eliciting their input regarding a change process directly impacting the employees' day-to-day document processing operations. First, I helped management acknowledge their major misstep. People were grieving the loss of the familiar, also needing to express appropriate frustration with top-down and exclusive decision-making. There definitely was a dark cloud sense of loss of control, if not feeling devalued as meaningful team members. Fortunately, my suggestion to hold a "Forms Funeral" (catch the alliteration?) – whereby folks could eulogize some of the old and share their concerns about the new, combined with management committing to a more participatory operational culture – proved to be the pass in the impasse!

Closing Summary

This essay illustrates a variety ways of enabling your KISS-message to be “Short and Smart”...and also compelling:

1. Acronyms: KISS and TMJ

2. Analogy: The Splendid Splinter and Tree of Life

3. Alliteration and Rhyme: Burnout Battlefront and Walk the Talk

4. Short and Smart but also Silly or Sly: Shrink Rap and Rambo and Rambette

5. Be Surprising and Provocative: Practice Safe Stress and Forms Funeral Story

Whether using pithy poetic-like nicknames or phrases or sharing passionately purposeful short stories, your reputation as a persuasive KISSer will precede you. All I can say is...Amen and Women to that!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as a "Motivational Psychohumorist & Communication Catalyst." Stress Doc programs help an audience "Get FIT"– by being FUN, Interactive, and Thought-provoking. The Doc is a Training and Stress Resilience Consultant for TrainingPros and The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group. He has also led “"Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Humor, and Team Building" leadership retreats for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. .  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).

With his singular wit and wisdom, real world tools, and especially his surprising and engaging small group exercises, the Doc encourages participants to "go for it."  Audiences develop skills and strategies for unleashing dynamic energy and reducing status barriers. Learn to purposely inspire and collaborate with others. As SHRM and IPMA-HR Program Chairs noted, Mark has a way of captivating an audience and makes them want to hear more...Take a passionate and creative ride with the Stress Doc!

Transforming The KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) of Death: Part I

Transforming The KISS of Death: Part I -- 

(or, At Least, Stop Decaying Brain Cells and Spreading "Diss"-eased Relations)

I don't know if there's a generational divide regarding familiarity with the communicational maxim: Keep It Simple, Stupid or Keep It Simple Stupid. (The latter really advocates dumbing down the content). But I know it was an institutional slogan for the Boomerangs. As you may have discerned from this essay's title, I’ve never been a big fan of the teaching truism KISS:  And whether the word “stupid” is a) a directive from the "authority," b) downgrades the content, or c) describes the audience from a so-called expert’s “bird’s eye” or perhaps more “bird-brained” view…frankly, for me it’s de-meaning and degrading; a “superior-subordinate” method of learning and relating.

Perhaps most egregious, this haughty KISS ignores the potential for discourse and disclosure, discovery, and synergy in the room. IMHO, performance-partnership synergy occurs by a) knowingly engaging with your audience on a respectful and insightful, emotional, and skill-building basis and b) encouraging audience members to interact with and share, support, spur on, challenge and cooperate with -- lean on and learn from -- one another. And by synergy, I’m talking:

1) the interaction of individuals yielding a “whole greater than the sum of the parts” effect,

2) an increase of reciprocal mind-body-communicative energy along with a surprising, mind-opening, and thought-provoking impact on the system, .e.g, program speaker and audience, and

3) these interrelating parts evolve and transform into high performance partners.

Actually, the iconic writer and humorist, Mark Twain, seems to have succinctly yet insightfully captured this triptych definition of synergy with his notion of "wit": Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation! As we'll note shortly, Mr. Clemens' adage definitely KISSed it.

Also, I prefer a touch of compassion over a stale or deadly KISS, for example, the mind- and empathy-expanding maxim:  People don’t care what you know till they know that you care…duh!!!  And once folks know you care and you’re willing to “dialog” – acknowledging difference, allowing others to disagree and dare…better be aware; you will be getting much more than you imagined possible!  (I suddenly recall an old Stress Doc maxim:  Difference and Disagreement =/= Disapproval or Disloyalty; nor, conversely, does acknowledgement mean agreement.  But thoughtful attention and acknowledgement of another's "lived experience, emotional framework, and worldview" is my definition of respect, the foundation for authentic and stimulating, if not inspiring, communication and connection.)

Bringing KISS Back to Life (and Life Back to KISS)

Then recently an obvious KISS replacement leaped into consciousness:  Keep It Short and Smart!  And while the new adage-acronym was not word tight it felt right.  Of course, everything is “smart” these days – from phones to cars, with their digital diversity and dexterity.  According to Dictionary.com, from a systems perspective, smart means “operating as if by human intelligence by using automatic computer control.”  (Of course the irony of the aforementioned smart phones and cars is the numbers who engage in “stupid and selfish,” criminally dangerous behavior – texting while driving!)  No wonder at times I wax nostalgic.

Growing up, the word “smart” was immediately linked with mere human “intelligence” or being “clever.”  Now, in addition to its technological pedigree, it also connotes being “elegant or fashionable” – as in stylish, trendy, or chic.  Another synonym for “smart” is “lively”:  vigorous, energetic, or quick (which brings us back to keen and clever).  Of course “smart” has a shadow side:  e,g., insolent, rude, sarcastic, etc. and a connection with “pain” as in sting, burn, hurt, etc.  A smart comment can definitely smart; I call this “scarcasm."  With this caveat, I still like my second "S" candidate for the new KISS. These days being "smart" might as well be a synonym for survival!

So what's behind the first "S" door?

When Paired with Smart You Can't Come Up "Short"

In a social/media world that bombards with non-stop messaging, perhaps the critical question is: Are you being heard...or are you just adding to the noise? And clearly, even a meaningful message may be misconstrued as noise (if not totally ignored) in a multi-tasking culture with ever shrinking attention spans. So in addition to being "smart" -- sharp and lively, perhaps possessing some style or sauce if not a touch of sass -- effective communication increasingly needs to be effective and efficient. Whether it's texting, blogging, speaking at a meeting or conference, or running for public office, how to be heard among the maddening crowd? Initially, at least, capturing an audience's attention invariably requires bullet points, lines that carry a punch, if not punch-lines, and/or "sound -- as in brief yet substantive -- bites." A high impact communicator must distill information and ideas in a concise, brief, succinct, compact, economical manner. Condensed does not have to be dense -- as in thick, impenetrable, complicated...or stupid!

A winning message needs to Smart...but also Short!...but preferably not SHORT which is mostly shouting. And while short also connotes a small amount or brief, momentary, temporary, short-lived, impermanent, when paired with smart, short packs a thought-provoking and memorable if not Mark Twain "wit"-laced proverbial punch. How about these Stress Doc remedies for those who have difficulty setting boundaries or grimace and grind their teeth when having to disappoint others: A firm "No" a day keeps the ulcers away...and the hostilities, too! And, Do know your limits and don't limit your nose!

So in my mind, a message or story that is “Short and Smart” – is clear and compact while also being clever, lively, and quick; such a message may be "cutting edge" or may have a bit of an edge. (And may keep an audience on the edge of their seats.) As "The Bard" himself noted: Brevity is the soul of wit! Finally, speaking of grinding, consider this "S and S" example:  when reviewing stress smoke signals with an audience, I’ll ask if anyone deals with TMJ.  (It’s often a stress-related condition involving the chronic clenching of the jaw.)  Invariably several hands flutter.  My immediate reply, “And we know what TMJ really stands for:  Too Many Jerks!  Most assuredly short, smart, and sassy on several levels.

Closing Summary

In Part I, a case has been made for placing the "superior" slogan KISS -- Keep It Simple, Stupid or Keep It Simple Stupid -- out to the proverbial pasture. To be a high impact communicator in today's TNT- Time-Numbers-Technology -- driven and distracted world one must cultivate and spread a new and compact message-delivery technique. It's a practice and performance that is energetic and edgy, deceptively simple, yet packs a quality punch. Are you ready to become a "Short and Smart" KISSer? If so, stay tuned and puckered...Part II: The Stress Doc's KISSing Technique -- Skills, Steps, and Strategies!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as a "Motivational Psychohumorist & Communication Catalyst." Stress Doc programs help an audience "Get FIT"– by being FUN, Interactive, and Thought-provoking. The Doc is a Training and Stress Resilience Consultant for TrainingPros and The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group. He has also led “"Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Humor, and Team Building" leadership retreats for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. .  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).

With his singular wit and wisdom, real world tools, and especially his surprising and engaging small group exercises, the Doc encourages participants to "go for it."  Audiences develop skills and strategies for unleashing dynamic energy and reducing status barriers. Learn to purposely inspire and collaborate with others. As SHRM and IPMA-HR Program Chairs noted, Mark has a way of captivating an audience and makes them want to hear more...Take a passionate and creative ride with the Stress Doc!

Generating Virtual Synergy: Turning Iteration into Creation Or "Dialogic Dancing with the Stars" -- Part I

I'm slowly catching up with the telecommuting-conferencing virtual work world.  Shedding my "Lone Stress Doc," writer-cave persona, I finally have plunged into a collaborative "iterative" process with online colleagues.  Truth be told, I wasn't exactly sure what "iterative" meant when first mentioned by Dr. Terence Jackson, a Corporate Culture-Organizational Development-Business Strategist. 

According to the online Miriam-Webster, iterative is a procedure in which repetition of a sequence of operations yields results successively closer to a desired result...and/or, IMHO, a divergent and unanticipated, if not novel, outcome or product.

Dr. Jackson and I were virtually connected by an insightful entrepreneur, Linked-In colleague Will Berry.  Having at least spoken with both parties, (Will and I also had a stimulating f-2-f) Will believed Dr. J and the Stress Doc was a conceptual union waiting to happen.

The Beginning Process

From the start, there was a sense of synergistic potential with our different yet somewhat overlapping and complementary career and cultural backgrounds and experiences, skills and talents.  However, just what a joint presentational system-program would look, sound, and taste like was still a mystery, at least to this member of the brain trust.  Early back and forth, both through email and an initial phone call definitely generated more questions than answers.  For example, one of my early emails, details strengths, vulnerabilities, and sweet spots...and the need to ask clarifying and thought-provoking questions (while, alas, mixing some metaphors):

Looked over your coaching and customer service modules.  I am very impressed with your well-structured and comprehensive deliverables, especially for a course series...I have less experience doing a series, more experience with keynotes and 2 hr to 2 day workshops and retreats.  That said, before I can proceed to write, I need for us to talk.  I need a better sense of how we will interrelate -- both on a content level and in delivery format -- whether as a course, conference presentation, workshop or retreat.  Perhaps, over time, we might develop several shoe sizes...I need an umbrella focus for this collaborative effort:  is it team development, managing change, leadership...possibly all three?

And a phone dialogue was just the spark to glean Dr. J's purposeful concepts and passionate focus:  his system terms resonated with my conception of creative communication and "synergy" -- "culture," "rhythm," "improvisation," along with "generating harmony by maxing the input and talents found in employee diversity" along with bedrock (and bottom line) ideas of "accountability" "transparency" and "trust" (a definite source of T 'n T.  Oh by the way, we both are charter members of that 12-step AA group:  Acronyms Anonymous.)  We've also had considerable success coaching and/or counseling individual leaders.  He is a certified authority on "Emotional Intelligence."  (I'm just acutely "emotionally insightful"; okay, also pioneering the field of "Humor Intelligence" ™.)

However, Dr. J had much more in-house experience in major companies as a strategic leader; he brought a more sophisticated understanding of the "big picture' system.  The Stress Doc's specialty was stress resilience, anger and conflict management, loss and grief, as well as team building, more within teams or between divisional units.  And while Dr. J was a "down to earth visionary," a dynamic and motivating coach-educator-presenter, I'm a quirky yet inspiring "psychohumorist" ™ (who lets the audience decide where the emphasis on that word should go. ;-)  Of course, I've had a private psychotherapy-coaching practice for several decades.

Still I resonated with his distinction between "change" (external, physical, reversible) and "transformation" (internal, psychological, and bringing to life a new entity).  Our "Yin/Yang" potential was increasingly apparent.

The Mind-Expanding "Iterative" Process

The final partner glue occurred when Dr. J was sharing thoughts on being "iterative."  As he was explaining the concept, it's back and forth, jazz riff, synergistic potential leaped to the forefront of my neologism-producing mind.  (A neologism is a synthetic word formed by combining two or more existing words.)  Our hybrid baby:  CREiterative!

So here is the one week back-and- forth conceptual-waiting-to-be applied offspring of the electronic interplay of two individual and idiosyncratic minds -- a system-program titled:

Organizational Resilience and Rhythm:  A Creative and Collaborative Model and System -- Achieving High Tech and Human Touch Harmony (and Profitability)

And Part II highlights a fairly comprehensive compilation of factors making this "dialogic dancing with the stars" both effective and efficient as well as integrative and creative.  Here are "The Key Steps and Strategies, Tools and Techniques for CREiterative Process and Product."  Are you ready to find a partner and go back and forth for it?

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Organizational Resilience and Rhythm:  A Creative and Collaborative Model and System -- Achieving High Tech and Human Touch Harmony (and Profitability)

Culture is the driver of all corporations and organizations. Bottom line!

Culture is 1) the Belief System, 2) that determines Accountability and Commitment, 3) that stimulates Collaboration and excites Innovation...or INERTIA!

• When leaders set and model a Corporate Culture of Triple "A" Responsibility & Resilience generating focus, coordination, and flow
• When your company creates a "helmet's off" -- authentic and inclusive -- climate, so that status no longer stifles the free exchange of ideas
• When diversity is the catalyst for expanded perspective, global market penetration, creative conflict and stronger productivity-profitability, along with employee recruitment & retention,
• When individuals, teams, leaders, and systems  discover and design their own unique sense of TIME:  Transformation-Inspiration-Motivation-Empowerment...
• Then you are into the new "R and R" -- Resilience and Rhythm -- and are blazing the creative and collaborative path of Organizational Harmony!

And two diverse and unique Organizational Culture Warriors -- Dr. Terry Jackson and Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™ -- have joined forces to help your culture "Get Fit" through their FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking speaking programs, workshops, and leadership retreats, always tailored and targeted to your team and organizational strengths and needs.  Their experience and expertise will seed and empower a TIME Conscious Culture. [See program blurb below.]

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Ø  With their unique and diverse chemistry and synergy, DR. J and the Stress Doc will help  evolve management and front-line mindsets and skill sets, bridge generational and other cultural divides, thereby expanding personal, professional, and organizational coordination and performance excellence!

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For more information on designing, integrating, and launching this synergistic and innovative -- conceptual and applied -- model and system, whether for keynotes, workshops, courses, and leadership retreats, email.....stressdoc@aol.com

The Art of Counseling and Coaching: The Evolution of a Healing and Liberating Path

The Stress Doc's Skype and Phone Counseling and Coaching Services: Evolving Your Path through the Art of Counseling and Coaching

Recent Skype and Phone coaching sessions reminds me of two sayings by an old Social Work field instructor:  "Not everyone needs therapy (or coaching)...but all (at some point) can use it."  And, "therapy (or personal-professional coaching) is like taking a course on self."

I have decided to more actively let folks know of my availability as a warm, witty, and wise battle-tested video and/or audio counselor and coach.  And as indicated below, I have a track record of making a difference, that is helping folks drill for resources within, contain if not extinguish external smoke and fires, and bravely design their own "pass in the impasse."

For more information, including my head and heart, task and crisis-focused approach, time frame, and fees (on a sliding scale based on ability to pay), email stressdoc@aol.com.  (Also, more background info after the essay.)  I begin with a free 15-20 minute consult to gain a sense of the issue, whether it's appropriate for this method of intervention and, finally, for both parties to assess if there is a good counseling or coaching fit.  I believe there is an opportunity for genuine synergy:  when individual parts work at becoming partners!

To hard work and good support,

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™

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The Art of Counseling and Coaching:  The Evolution of a Healing and Liberating Path -- Recognizing Danger, Redesigning Opportunity

What makes the right coach, counselor, or consultant such a valuable resource?  Invariably it's the fact that when feeling stuck, confused, or overwhelmed we cannot see, conceive, or act our way out of a draining, fearful, or paralyzing conflict.  The rocky road seems steep, long, and dark...and we can't seem to take that first step.  Alas, we may need to lean on another's experienced, concerned, and objective shoulder to regain a sense of equilibrium and competence.  We need a knowing "intimate outsider" to help us reconnect to our strengths; to realistically assess challenges or obstacles; to recognize overlooked and untapped resources or allies.  A coach also helps the vulnerable individual realize that present anxieties or feelings of helplessness are likely being skewed or exaggerated by past "emotional echo experiences," perhaps even "grief ghosts."

And timing may be everything...as often there is a "crisis window," as no less a psychological authority than William Shakespeare, noted:

There is a tide in the affairs of men [and women], which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.

From Julius Caeser

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Of course, the two Chinese characters for "crisis" are danger and opportunity:  the "danger" of not acting is not simply inertia.  Nor is it only the escalating pressure surrounding you and the problem, whether this tension is conscious or not.  No, the danger is enhanced by emotional defenses worn down by hyper-vigilance and  uncertainty, stress and worry, along with confusing emotions and memories (sometimes dream images disrupting sleep).  All add to your mind-body burden and baggage.  And if not proactive you may resort to a maladaptive or regressive way of coping, attempting to block out this mind-body stress cocktail, e.g., by withdrawing, increased drinking or smoking, blowing up, lack of concentration or increasing impatience, excess sleeping, mindless video gaming, becoming a "shopaholic," etc.

In turn, an "opportunity" arises just because of your approach-avoidance, "damned if I do, damned if I don't, damned if I stay, damned if I leave" conflict.  Finally, you're in enough pain, times running out, and you are finally ready to admit you can't get out of this dark and scary maze without some outside support and enlightenment.

These dangers and opportunities come in many shapes and sizes.  Here are two:

1a) danger:  a mother in the throes of a tense family breakup and her own depressive state, troubled by her verbal explosions with her children

1b) opportunity:  to reach out for resources, such as the Stress Doc's book, The Four Faces of Anger:  Transforming Hostility and Rage into Purpose and Passion; joining a support group; being open to a new way of expressing anger, e.g., recognizing when her own voice volume and tone are escalating; having the maturity to acknowledge that she more than the kids needs an immediate "time out" to regain composure.  Realizing when out of control she, also, is an "emotional child" not able to exercise parental authority.  Now with some coaching able to say and act:  "I don't like this  (specific) behavior.  I can tell I'm getting too angry...I will step away for two minutes and then return...and we will discuss and resolve this problem."

2a) danger:  a professional knowing her job situation has been toxic for a good while, is reluctant to leave.  Is it just the golden handcuffs and benefits?  (Logically, her husband is supporting her escape.)  Is it that the devil we know is less frightening than the potential ogre awaiting?  Or, wanting to totally break up the puzzle prison and do something radically different...she is paralyzed by not trusting the soundness of any option, an option that must be just "right."  Alas, trial and error mostly conjures shame and terror!

2b) opportunity:  sometimes a person must go through transitional liberation.  We must learn patient small steps; not rashly attempt that hell to heaven breakout passage in one breathtakingly bold leap, especially when the mental chasm is wide and deep.  Too often, perfection breeds paralysis.  So helping her consider downsizing from a major, Type A-driven company to a smaller, more intimate scale one, still relying on her basic toolkit, seemed to thaw the freeze.  And a manageable learning curve not only provides data for future decision-making, but makes the next risk-taking venture less daunting.

As the medical/polio pioneer, Jonas Salk, observed:  Evolution is about getting up one more time than you fall down; being trusting one more time than you are fearful; and trusting just one more time than you are anxious!

Hopefully, this short essay will help you assess whether a counseling or coaching session is a potentially valuable option, a path to help you...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A former psychotherapist, “The Doc” is a training and Stress Resilience Consultant for the national, Atlanta-based company, TrainingPros and The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group.  He has also led “Resilience, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service and is a recognized Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing expert.  The Stress Doc is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

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The Stress Doc's Skype and Phone Counseling and Coaching Services

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™

Stress & Change Resilience Speaking--Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Bullying/Conflict-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person

301-875-2567
stressdoc@aol.com
www.stressdoc.com

Speaking & Educational Videos-Essays
http://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
Google blog: http://www.blogger.com/home
2.5 min 3 Steps to Overcome Procrastination Video -- http://vimeo.com/73783964

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My expertise is based on decades of experience as a national speaker on stress and burnout as well as a former private practice Psychotherapist, Adjunct Professor at the Tulane University (ten years teaching Crisis Intervention & Brief Treatment) and Visiting Professor at Catholic University Schools of Social Work and Social Services.  I have worked with a myriad of government agencies, including a variety of branches of the US Military, along with corporations, and non-profits.  I'm comfortable working with angry or aggressive clients;  I am a former Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service.  My Counseling-Coaching experience and expertise integrates several realms and roles:

¢ Stress and Change Resilience Coaching

¢ Caregiver Stress and Caregiver Fatigue Intervention

¢ Critical Incident and Crisis Intervention

¢ Mind-Body Depression Coaching & Intervention
¢ Stress and Burnout, Trauma and Grief Consultant

And my own personal journey grappling with burnout and clinical depression helps make the counseling/coaching distinctly insightful and uncommonly empowering.   Perhaps my singular perspective comes from being a "Motivational Psycho-humorist" ™.  (The title of one of my books is Practice Safe Stress:  Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression.  Another book:  The Four Faces of Anger: Transforming Anger, Rage, and Conflict Into Inspiring Attitude and Behavior.)

Coaching Logistics

In general, sessions will be for 30 or 60 minutes.  We begin with a free 15 minute consultation to determine if there is a basis for a mutual, productive working relationship.  Fees to be determined.

Testimonials are provided below, as well as an essay on a more recent consulting experience.

Feel free to pass the announcement on to friends, family, and colleagues.  For more info:

301-875-2567 or
stressdoc@aol.com

You can also obtain much information, articles, testimonials, videos, radio interviews, etc., from my website - www.stressdoc.com .
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Phone Consulting/Coaching Testimonials

Oct 12, 2013

I am so glad you are offering your services to many. You are an insightful man who helped me to have clarity and find my strength in chaos. I honestly believe that "God" put you in my path. I am still unsure of my future but I do know that I made the right choice. Without your understanding, patience and knowledge, I would not have been able to make that move. I may have slip-ups but I hear your voice and your words in my head and you continue to guide me.

Ann-Marie Connor
(Phone Coaching Client)
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And here is a coaching testimonial from a woman on the West Coast.  (I'm on the East Coast.):

Date: 10/30/2007
From: Stuntsista

Hi Mark,

What growth has occurred since our work several weeks back.  I am most certain you were a gift to me during those months of coaching together.  As I remember, the most memorable character trait to me is your ability to blend courage and personal understanding; as one who has experienced suffering and risen to overcome.  Only one who has experienced the depth, could so acutely and masterfully, handle the heart of one suffering, to guide, to point out, to encourage voice to feelings.  Mark, Thank you, for your accurate assessment, time and again.  I am grateful beyond words.  I appreciate your flexibility in time zones and the presence with which you showed up is just solid.  I enjoyed your humor that you inflected with such appropriateness.  It means so much to have had you 'in my corner' through such an ordeal I found myself in.

My health has turned for the best and I deeply believe it has all to do with my state of mind.  As Victor Frankl observed over 40 years ago:  "Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man -- his courage and hope, or there lack of -- and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect."

I am well.  I have had several courageous conversations.  There is movement.  Don't be surprised if our paths cross again ~ smile. 

Most Sincerely,

Terri

Terri Cadiente A.C.C.
Associate Certified Coach, Speaker, Stunt woman

Strength And Grace Inc.
25050 Avenue Kearney Suite #109
Valencia, CA 91355
Office: 661.294.7841
Mobile: 818.489.4842www.StrengthAndGraceInc.com

~to inspire courage, provoke action and live from a heart at choice ~my life purpose
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