Psychohumor ™ Pop Imagery of Workplace Bully Types and Stop Bullying Program

This is my first attempt at writing a Resiliency/Shrink Rap ™ on "Workplace Bully Types."  I am drawing upon:

1) professional experience, e.g., as a “Hazardous Workplace” expert for federal and city government agencies, as a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, as a Critical Incident/Trauma Debriefing Consultant, and as a Licensed Psychotherapist (LICSW) and Executive Coach

2) previous writings, including my book, The Four Faces of Anger:  Model and Method – Transforming  Anger, Rage and Conflict, along with several lyrics/raps on children’s bullying, and

3) current thinking as well as planning for a March 2015 program with Wash, DC Federally Employed Women (FEW), "Coming Out of the Bullying Closet:  Personal Examination and Workplace Intervention."

In this "Rap," evocative types are skewered less with the KISS of Death ("Keep It Simple Stupid") and more with the spirit or the "Breath of KISS"…My spearing/sparing goal:  Keep Images Short and Smart!  It's 5similar to the life-force of my Psychohumor Pop:  Poetry with Pith and Punch.  (Email for previous “Pops.”)  Enjoy.

 

Mark

 

A little lagniappe – a “bullying” program blurb/objectives posted after the Rap:

Coming Out of the Bullying Closet – Personal Exploration and Workplace Intervention: Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying

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Bullies, Bullies Everywhere

(Oh Where Is There a Shrink?)

How many bully types

Can you start to name?
All those shapes and stripes…
Seek toys for their mind games.

Know-it-alls and demons
Stalking you at work.
Can’t wipe out their venom
Just muttering, “You jerk!”

For they will tease and taunt
Get underneath your skin.
Your dreams they too will haunt…
Oh, where do you begin?

Bully for you, Bully for Me
It’s time for your third degree
Bully for Me, Bully for you
Why are you turning so blue?

Let’s give them a label
Let us expose their rear –
The mean and the miserable
Craving status and your fear.

They’re sharks in the water
Smelling beads of blood
Preying on the weaker
To quench their own mood.

First the “HE Man” Nation
All those lusting for control.
Driven by H…“Humiliation” and E…“Envy”:
Trapped in a Type A-hole.

Next the “Savior” SHE Hound
Could be dudette or a dude
Ever bossing you around
Of course, for your own good!

Bully for you, Bully for Me
victim or Victor…can’t you see
Bully for Me, Bully for you
As long as you give Me my due.

There’s the one “Too BIG to Fire”
She shakes the money tree.
The top dogs give her a flyer and
Brown nose this mighty SHE.

The “Critical Aggressor”
Needs an “Approval Addict.”
They dance affixed together –
Codependent rules so strict.

Finally found your “Mr. Right”
You searched for nights and days
Who knew he’d be so uptight
With a first name of “Always!”  **

The “Explosive Flasher”
Her face flamethrowing red.
A “blame-aholic” boozer:
To lose is to be dead!

Bully for you, Bully for Me
Now here’s My final decree
Bully for Me, Bully for you
Go find one to bully, too!

The “Hollywood Strong Silent Man”
With those big broad shoulders
For him to be strong…You be silent, ma’am!
Just watch him seethe and smolder.

Composed on the outside
On razor’s edge within:
The “Dr. Jekyl-Mr. Hyde”
Backstabs with a Cheshire grin!

Mr. “Hostile Humor’s”
Trail of tears scarcasm.
A serial abuser
Joking off…his orgasm!

These bulbs on the bully tree
Have two things in common:
“The World Evolves Around Me”
And there’s but one opinion:

[For these last lines to ring most true
Sing it just like “Tea for Two”]

you for Me and Me for Me
Oh how nurturing you will be.
Forget to be or not to be…
Just simply think of ME, ME, ME!

 

 

** (Can’t recall the name of the female comic from whom I head the “Always” punchline)

 

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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Coming Out of the Bullying Closet – Personal Exploration and Workplace Intervention: Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying

 

Bullying...it’s not just for school yards and lunch rooms; it’s increasingly found in offices and work-floors, and, of course, in cyberspace.  And workplace bullying, too, has seriously disruptive and damaging effects and consequences.  Bullying doesn’t just adversely impact an individual…when ignored or downplayed, it creates a climate of fear (“Where’s is leadership?”) and self-blame or shame that, like a virus, eats away at respect for leaders, individual and team trust and coordination, organizational performance and morale.  And there often is a communal wall of silence around this issue.  It’s way past time for “Workplace Bullying” to “Come Out of the Closet”!

 

And Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc will help us take off the blinders and shed light on this critical and controversial subject.  The Doc draws on years of experience as a: a) Psychotherapist (as well as a “Psychohumorist” ™ ;-), b) Crisis, Hazardous Workplace, and Critical Incident Consultant (including being a Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service), c) Stress Resilience-Team Building Speaker, Consultant, Workshop/Retreat Leader for the US Army, e) author of Practices Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap, and e) his own powerful memories being bullied as a child and young teen.  Through a mix of poignant and energizing lecture, as well as thought-provoking and fun group exercises, all will have a better grasp of:

 

1) Workplace Culture, the Bullying Process, and Basic Definitions

2) “The Bullying Process” Behavior Patterns of both “The Bully” and “The Bullied”
3) The Four Faces of Anger Model for Transforming Rage and Hostility into Passion and Assertion
4) Defusing Power Struggles and Aggressors:  Assertive Communication-Negotiation Skills
5) Workplace Action Steps for “Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process”

 

Outline/Objectives

 

A.  Workplace Culture & the Bullying Process:  Overview

B.  Bullying Definitions and Derivations

C.  Bullying Process Practices and Environments:  Dynamic Dozen

D.  Bullying Personalities and the Bullying Processes:  Dynamic Dozen

E.  Warning Signs:  The Bully’s Behavior Patterns

F.  Warning Signs:  The Bullied’s Behavior Patterns

G.  Anger Dynamics and The Bullying Process

H.  Assertive Communication-Conflict Negotiation Skills

I.   Initial Bully Process Intervention

J.  Transforming Burnout, Loss & Grief and Creative Expression Skills

K. "Out of the Closet" -- Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process:   Action Steps

Don’t miss your Appointment with the Stress Doc:

 

It’s time for all to “Come Out of the Bullying Closet!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW
The Stress Doc ™
Stress& Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Bullying/Conflict-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person
301-875-2567
www.stressdoc.com
stressdoc@aol.com
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“Ageless Passion” and Personal Reinvention: An Inner and Outer Dialogue

Here is a two-part mailing inextricably linked by a personal/relationship crisis challenging me to reinvent myself (once again).  First is another of my “Psychohumor Pops:  Poetry with Pith and Punch.”

And the second offering is both a highly personal response and then a somewhat academic one regarding the “Medical Model of treatment for Veterans grappling with Severe Mental Illness.  The first two “Self-Assessment Narrative Questions” are part of a one-year VA Psychosocial Rehabilitation Fellowship Application.  The VA is looking to attract individuals interested in pioneering new models and then have the purpose, passion, and presentational presence to spread these models throughout the VA System.  Attached is the entire Narrative.  So despite the age gap between myself and the typical applicant…here’s my best shot.

When a friend heard I was applying for this VA Fellowship, she noted that "passion is ageless."  She knows my Boomer/Medicare status.  I couldn't resist my brain's unfolding conversation.  Whatch'a think?

A Question of "Ageless Passion":

An Inner Dialogue

You're nearly sixty-seven
Way beyond ol "sixty-four"
Just who are you kiddin...
Time for sittin and a rockin
Sunshine State hibernatin
"Ageless passion," pshaw.

Are you comin or a goin?

That depends; where's the door?

Is this a mighty vision
Or more hallucination?

Ya know, I'm not sure...

But I'm itchin to explore!

© Mark Gorkin  2015
Shrink Rap ™ Productions

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INTERPROFESSIONAL FELLOWSHIP PROGRAM IN

PSYCHOSOCIAL REHABILITATION and RECOVERY-ORIENTED SERVICES

 

For Care of Veterans

Who Experience Serious Mental Illness

 

(SOCIAL WORK ANNOUNCEMENT)

 

The VA Palo Alto Health Care System is pleased to announce openings for the 2014 – 2015 academic year of its Interprofessional Fellowship Program in Psychosocial Rehabilitation and Recovery-oriented Services for veterans with serious mental illness. The Fellowship Program is a state-of-the-art, clinical training program that focuses on the theory and practice of psychosocial rehabilitation and recovery.

Individualized, mentored clinical and research training is combined with a curriculum that emphasizes a comprehensive psychosocial rehabilitation approach to service delivery, education, and implementing change in a mental health care setting. Fellows will work with veterans with serious mental illness, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, or other psychoses and receive training in delivering a range of evidence-based practices. Veterans may also have co-morbid diagnoses, such as PTSD, substance use disorders, depression, and anxiety. The purpose of the Interprofessional Fellowship Program is to develop future mental health leaders with vision, knowledge, and commitment to transform mental health care systems in the 21st century by emphasizing functional capability, rehabilitation, and recovery.

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Self-Assessment Narrative

 

1.         What limitations do you see of the medical model of treatment for individuals who experience severe mental illness?

 

The medical model has evolved some since my father’s alleged enraged “manic depressive” breakdown sixty + years ago, six weeks in a mental hospital, and fifteen years of shock therapy treatment.  (Based on an immigrant family tree littered with psychiatric labels and the pressure of being a twenty-something breadwinner with a 1.5. year old child, a breakdown and need for “time out” does not seem so aberrant.)  Parenthetically, I suspect his diagnosis may have been “agitated depression” with hypomanic tendencies and some self–medication with alcohol and tobacco, as, 1) he never had a Lithium trial, 2) and, after fifteen years, once he stopped the shock therapy, then 3) went into individual psychotherapy for several months followed by twelve years of group therapy; 4) he never had another shock treatment in the ensuing half century, and even quit smoking while moderating his alcohol intake.  And the only time he took psychotropic medicine, some anti-anxiety meds I believe, was during a brief audit by the IRS.

 

He functioned well enough as a salesman to retire at sixty, walking to his new daily therapy – the tennis court!  However, at mid-life, it took existential desperation and a heroic act to stop the shock-a-thon despite my mother’s and his doctor’s misgivings.  (Okay, there was the encouragement of an outside resource, i.e., a woman with whom he had a brief affair, before deciding to work things out at home.  According to my dad, the woman said, You’re nuts; you don’t need shock therapy, get into psychotherapy!   From the time I first heard about dad’s medical diagnosis and regimen, it took six years, and my own individual and group therapy, to finally have the courage to ask him about his shock therapy trials and hard-earned liberation. His breakdown and shock treatments had been a nearly twenty year family secret.)

 

While a vintage vignette, some of the current “limitations” of the medical model come into view:

a. while any therapeutic method – whether medical or psychosocial – may misdiagnose, the medical model, often relies on treatment procedures administered by “the expert” to a passive patient, hardly a partner in the healing process, mostly dependent on the authority, knowledge, and skill of said expert.  The good patient is “compliant” and follows “medical procedure,”

b. as the medical model often emphasizes symptom relief and the ability to “function” adequately in one’s environment, (my father was able to be a good “breadwinner,” though a somewhat depressed and distant father around the home during the regimen era), it may not examine holistically a person-patient’s life; the method just might overlook the many work-family-life roles a person plays beyond “patient,”

c. the medical model may not envision the patient as active treatment partner; nor may it have a genuinely interdisciplinary partnership team working with the “client” or “patient” (depending on the local/professional vernacular).  Hence, it may be more difficult for a patient (or even a professional team member) to question, let alone challenge, the established therapeutic protocol,

d. the medical model is not predisposed to fully appreciate the perspective and power of “community resources,” such as the “other woman” in this family drama or use resources like www.uspra.org  www.psychrehab.com, or even other 12-step recovery groups,

e. while often  “keeping members informed,” the medical model may not actively engage with and integrate family members and significant others in developing a psycho-social, in-patient, and/or discharge career & community rehabilitation plan, beyond bringing the patient home (if so fortunate to have a home base).

 

2.         How do you currently conceptualize a psychosocial rehabilitation model and recovery oriented services for individuals who experience severe mental illness?

 

Let’s use the above vignette as a “what not to do” template for generating “psychosocial rehabilitation model and recovery oriented services for individuals who experience severe mental illness.”  The PSR model:

 

1. establishes a diagnosis and intervention plan based on an integrative bio-psycho-social-cultural assessment; a plan that empowers an open, “helmet’s off,” interdisciplinary team climate and practice,

2. strives to help each person-patient reach their full potential as an active healing/rehab process partner,

3. regularly evaluates it’s diagnoses and intervention procedures based on the individual’s: a) daily functioning, b) capacity to consciously if not empathically connect in a variety of relations and roles;

c) overall competence and confidence; d) a capacity for vital engagement as well as “R & R”; e) it’s a model that wants to explore realistically the person’s capacity to thrive not just survive and be mostly coping with symptoms (especially to another’s satisfaction),

4. provides a purposeful mix of individual and group, clinical and educational, in-house, team-, family-, and career & community-building practices, services, and relationships,

5. engages with the strengths, resources, anxieties, and vulnerabilities of the patient and family system; actively seeks to involve friends and/or non-traditional significant others in a rehab process and plan,

6. explores using interactive-educational-camaraderie-building group “playshop” exercises and the power of healing and harmonizing humor as part of a PSR process; as I once penned:  People are less defensive and more open to a serious message gift-wrapped with humor, and

7. integrates the “Stress Doc’s ™ Formula for Natural SPEED to Strengthen Stress Resiliency and Brain Agility”:  Sleep-Priorities/Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet!

 

5.         How do you see yourself implementing PSR/recovery-oriented services after completing this Fellowship?

 

First, I want to deepen my clinical and psychosocial understanding and engagement with SMI patients – their pain and problems, passions and purposes.  Then I want to combine this “head-heart-and-hands on” knowledge with my powerful military (and non-military) interactive group workshop and  training/leadership experience.  (Are my “interactive educational-playshop methods” viable with this group?)  Such clarification and unification becomes the basis for my “Education Dissemination Project.”

 

The synergy of clinical assessment with group support and skill-building activity along with advocacy will enable me to deliver group-psychosocial rehabilitation education-training to both:  a) patients in the VA Hospital System (soldiers know the critical value of teamwork), and b) to all levels and locations of professionals as well as to family members who work with or support these patients.  A longstanding goal is to share information-ideas-and purposeful activities that I have developed and about which I am passionate, i.e., that will make a difference in people’s lives.  Being on stage allows me to share my fullest self without, hopefully, being full of myself.  Usually, my presence has an inspiring impact on others.  I also would be excited at the prospect of “developing continuing education or research conferences for health professionals, curricula for health professions training programs, patient education materials, or clinical demonstration projects.”  With my love of writing (see my Google blog: http://www.blogger.com/home), I would enthusiastically “develop didactic projects and disseminating educational materials through a variety of efforts (e.g., planning regional invitational meetings; though developing a training website I would need to partner with one more tech savvy), in order to educate health professionals and advance psychosocial rehabilitation training and collaboration.”

 

I believe a solid, synergistic foundation would enable me launch and spread a “PSR/Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building” Model and Message throughout the VA.  (Akin to my approach with all grades of soldiers, especially at Ft. Hood.).  And I choose the word “synergistic” purposefully – not only does my “assessment-activity-advocacy” paradigm achieve a “whole that’s greater than the sum of its parts” but, the real magic, is that these parts/people often transform into productive partners.  (See attached testimonials.)

 

Finally, I believe humor therapy is the icing on my PSR cake.  As the psychosocial pioneer Helen Keller observed:
 

The world is so full of care and sorrow, it is a gracious debt we owe one another to discover the bright crystals of delight hidden in somber circumstances and irksome tasks.

 

All I can say is Amen and Women to that!

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See attached for all the application responses

Phone Coaching Strategy: Defusing a Volatile, Know-It-All Director and Anti-Bullying Program

Let me help you turn a stressful and conflict-ridden world around with a FREE 15 minute consultation and one 30 or 60 minute coaching session.  Here’s the second rapid (30 min) coaching turn-around in two weeks.  (Each had read one of my burnout articles.)  Please email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567 ™.  Let our work together help you:  a) generate new perspective, b) gain focus and energy, c) stop beating yourself down, d) feel more in control, and e) leave the phone session with an action plan, actual disarming phrases to say, as well as more confidence and hope.  Also, do share this with friends, family, and colleagues.  Thanks,

Mark
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Phone Coaching Strategy:  Defusing a Volatile, Know-It-All Director

From Denver to Brisbane Australia.  That’s where my half-hour Conflict Phone Coaching Sessions have taken me these past two weeks.  The first was with an owner of a small web development company, unsure how to handle a whining, demanding, and self-centered, yet “rainmaking,” sales person.  One half-hour coaching session had her refocused and reenergized, more confident on setting boundaries on this “bully.”  And this week with an Australian architect, born in Malaysia, who has five directors to whom she reports, but mostly is under the micromanaging thumb of the son of the owner of the firm.  The son is quick to pass critical judgment, while never at fault himself.  While she has a good relationship with the father, he basically ignores N’s signals for help.  And N has just received a verbal warning for yelling back at the son in the heat of a drawing board battle.

One time, a work efficiency consultant was brought in to assess the office climate.  However, her recommendations were ignored.  N accepted my conclusion that, when all levels of a system are enabling or actively contributing to dysfunction, and you lack resources to check the toxic environment, in the long run, for the sake of mind-body-spirit health, there is little option other than leaving the firm.  Not surprisingly this work triangle (father-son-N) was analogous to her home triangle – intimidating mother-somewhat passive, conflict-averse father, and N who, while somewhat suppressed in the family, was angrily acting out at school, especially as a teen.

Short-Term Survival Strategy

However, a short-term strategy emerged.  And the tip off was when N said she hates to “back down” with the son.  Clearly past ghosts and echoes were swirling and ringing, compromising an ability to more purposefully and productively manage this “stress carrier.”  (And you know the definition of a “stress carrier”:  Someone who doesn’t get ulcers just gives them!)

As I suspected, his aggressiveness was bringing out in N “You”-message reactiveness:  “You don’t let anyone get a word in,” “All you do is criticize others; you never look in the mirror,” “It’s your fault,” etc.  I told her the trick was to not let the son’s venom stay in her system.  (I reminded her that you need to suck the venom out; but don’t spit it in his face, more by his shoe.)  At the same time she needed to avoid hissing and biting back while professionally standing up for her integrity.  As soon as she sensed the two were into their vicious spiral, she needed to say, “I don’t want this to result in more verbal battling and yelling.  Can we discuss an issue professionally, each of us expressing their views in a civil manner?  If not, then I will walk away.  Perhaps we can try again over the phone in thirty minutes.”  N is not allowing herself to be baited; she’s cooling off her own “hot button.”

I helped N realize that her “hot button” was not just conflicting architectural perspective with this bully.  That was more the tip of the iceberg.  The real heat was from the volcanic memories with her intimidating mother, her passive father and the “family” context” once again being played out in this firm.

Closing Note

As N wrote in a follow-up email:  Thanks for the invoice.  I enjoyed the discussion, too. It's managed to take the edge off how I feel about the situation. I can focus on managing the situation rather than just being consumed by the problem.  N seems more confident that she won’t bring along nearly as much of her baggage to the next firm.  Certainly N is on the path of distancing herself from this dysfunctional system and of…Practicing Safe Stress!
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Coming Out of the Bullying Closet – Personal Exploration and Workplace Intervention:  Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying

 

Bullying...it’s not just for school yards and lunch rooms; it’s increasingly found in offices and work-floors, and, of course, in cyberspace.  And workplace bullying, too, has seriously disruptive and damaging effects and consequences.  Bullying doesn’t just adversely impact an individual…when ignored or downplayed, it creates a climate of fear (“Where’s is leadership?”) and self-blame or shame that, like a virus, eats away at respect for leaders, individual and team trust and coordination, organizational performance and morale.  And there often is a communal wall of silence around this issue.  It’s way past time for “Workplace Bullying” to “Come Out of the Closet”!

 

And Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc will help us take off the blinders and shed light on this critical and controversial subject.  The Doc draws on years of experience as a: a) Psychotherapist (as well as a “Psychohumorist” ™ ;-), b) Crisis, Hazardous Workplace, and Critical Incident Consultant (including being a Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service), c) Stress Resilience-Team Building Speaker, Consultant, Workshop/Retreat Leader for the US Army, e) author of Practices Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap, and e) his own powerful memories being bullied as a child and young teen.  Through a mix of poignant and energizing lecture, as well as thought-provoking and fun group exercises, all will have a better grasp of:

 

1) Workplace Culture, the Bullying Process, and Basic Definitions

2) “The Bullying Process” Behavior Patterns of both “The Bully” and “The Bullied”
3) The Four Faces of Anger Model for Transforming Rage and Hostility into Passion and Assertion
4) Defusing Power Struggles & Aggressors:  Assertive Communication-Negotiation Skills
5) Workplace Action Steps for “Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process”

Outline/Objectives

A.  Workplace Culture & the Bullying Process:  Overview
B.  Bullying Definitions and Derivations
C.  Bullying Process Practices & Environments:  Dynamic Dozen
D.  Bullying Personalities and the Bullying Processes:  Dynamic Dozen
E.  Warning Signs:  The Bully’s Behavior Patterns
F.  Warning Signs:  The Bullied’s Behavior Patterns
G.  Anger Dynamics and The Bullying Process
H.  Assertive Communication-Conflict Negotiation Skills
I.   Initial Bully Process Intervention
J.  Transforming Burnout, Loss & Grief and Creative Expression Skills
K. Out of the Closet & Short-Circuiting the Bullying Process:   Action Steps

Don’t miss your Appointment with the Stress Doc:

It’s time for all to “Come Out of the Bullying Closet!”

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, The Stress Doc ™
stressdoc@aol.com<>www.stressdoc.com
301-875-2567
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coming Out of the Bullying Closet:  Short-Circuiting the Cycle of Workplace Bullying Program is based on the Doc’s:

a. long-recognized expertise as a Stress & Change Resilience and Critical Incident – Grief & Trauma – Debriefing Consultant, Inspiring Speaker, Workshp/Retreat Leader, Group/Team Facilitator; Stress Doc Program help audiences “Get FIT” by being FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking; over twenty years as a private practice psychotherapist

b.  decades experience as a Stress & Violence Consultant for the US Postal Service and a Stress Resilience-Humor-Tean Building Retreat Leader for various military units at Ft. Hood, TX; workshops at Ft. Meade, MD, etc.; working on a project with Celena Flowers, Community Services/Family Advocacy Manager at Ft. Meade (celena.flowers@us.army.mil);

c.  ten years Adjunct Asst Professor at Tulane University School of Social Work teaching graduate level course on "Crisis Intervention and Brief Treatment"

d. books, The Four Faces of Anger – Model & Method:  Transforming Anger, Rage, and Conflict and

Practice Safe Stress:  Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression,

e. 20+ years experience as a “Psychohumorist” ™ pioneering the field of psychologically humorous rap music, Shrink Rap ™ Productions,

f. ground-breaking children’s lyrics and “Resiliency Raps” on “Bullying,” “Family Dynamics/Family Communication,” (email stressdoc@aol.com to view the lyrics/raps; he is the self-described Dr. Seuss of Stress for Adults (and kids of all ages),

g. “The Stress Doc’s ™ Stress Resiliency and Brain Agility Formula for Natural SPEED – Sleep-Priorities/Passion-Empathy-Exercise-Diet and, most important,

h. own personal experience being bullied as a child and young teen for too many years.

The program can be expanded or streamlined to meet audience needs and logistics; it may also be adapted as a workshop series.
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Stress Doc’s ™ Stress & Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation

I’m adding a new shingle to my speaking and training activities:

Stress & Change Resilience Counseling-Coaching-Consultation
Crisis Intervention-Burnout-Relation Tension-Loss-Grief
Phone-Electronic-Skype-In-Person

301-875-2567
www.stressdoc.com
stressdoc@aol.com

Please spread the word and do email or call with any questions, ideas, etc.

Mark
~~~~~~~~~~~

Stress Doc’s ™ Credentials/Experience

·         Successful Phone Counseling-Coaching-Consultation experience (see testimonials below)

·         Long-standing Stress Resilience Expert-Speaker-Trainer for many government agencies, institutions, companies, associations, etc.

·         Stress & Violence Prevention Consultant for US Postal Service

·         Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreat Leader for US Military

·         Critical Incident/Trauma & Grief Debriefing Consultant

·         Crisis Intervention/Brief Treatment Adjunct Professor for Tulane University Graduate School of Social Work

·         Author of Practice Safe Stress ™:  Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress Burnout & Depression, The Four Faces of Anger:  Transforming Anger, Rage& Conflict, and Resiliency Rap:  The Wit & Wisdom of the “Shrink Rapper” ™

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Overview of the Phone Consultation/Coaching Process

A recent phone coaching session with an owner of a small IT company in the Mountain West (I’m in Columbia, MD) once again reminded me of the possibility and power for distance connection in our digital age.  This business owner was having difficulty dealing with the behavior pattern of a sales employee -- aggressively immature and self-centered – who recently helped her land a big contract.  She was also burdening herself with unrealistic if not perfectionistic expectations regarding client performance delivery demands.  (Of course, hers is an ultra-competitive industry.)  She was straining her brain and body from “bending over backwards” too many times.

This business owner had read one of my popular articles on burnout.  (See attached.)  She recognized the signs of energy drain as well as diminished focus and increased confusion, and emailed asking for a consultation.

Initial Consultation and Subsequent Coaching

First, there was a free 15-minute consultation to: a) help me understand the problem basics and b) make sure we both believed working together made sense.  Mostly I listen and ask questions, and, finally, provide a summary and an initial action plan.  We both thought there was a good match and a 30-minute coaching session was set up later in the day.

Basically, the coaching session helped this owner:  a) realize that the employee was engaged in disruptive behavior that was not just affecting her health but also her leadership presence, b) understand that being “too nice” perpetuated the problem, c) recognize some similar interactional patterns with family members, and finally, d) gain communication-management skills (including documentation of the employee’s disruptive behavior and, literally, provide words the business owner could say) to give this employee a chance to change her communication behavior or face termination.  I also suggested offering a couple of company-sponsored coaching sessions for this potentially valuable employee.

Email Thread

After the coaching session, there was a brief flurry of emails (no extra charge ;-), beginning with this observation:

Was thinking about the initial contract with your clients.  Since you have a track record of on time/high performance delivery, would it be useful to add something like this?:

“High Expectations and Contingency Tweaking”

Inform (your clients) ahead of time regarding the need for a schedule or operational tweak, so you both don't get caught in 11th hour changes; also less rush confusion, missteps, etc.  I suspect you can word this more aptly than I.

MG

[My motivation was to help the owner reduce some of her self-imposed expectation-performance pressure.]
----------------

The coaching client’s response:

This is really great! Thank you!
----------------

My reply:

Great; one more thing:  if I say something that's not so great or seems “off the mark,” as it were, or that you just don't agree with, please don't let it slide; tell me; thanks; it will be useful for us both.
-------------

And then a closing client response to my message:

Sure, will do! I'm already on my way to getting work done. Thanks so much for your help. I will definitely be in touch for a follow up appointment.
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Coaching Logistics & Testimonials

In general, sessions will be for 30 or 60 minutes.  We begin with a free 15 minute consultation to determine if there is a basis for a mutual, productive working relationship.  Fees to be determined.

Phone Counseling Testimonial

Oct 12, 2013

I am so glad you are offering your services to many. You are an insightful man who helped me to have clarity and find my strength in chaos. I honestly believe that "God" put you in my path. I am still unsure of my future but I do know that I made the right choice. Without your understanding, patience and knowledge, I would not have been able to make that move. I may have slip-ups but I hear your voice and your words in my head and you continue to guide me.

A
Long Island, NY
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Phone Coaching Testimonial

Oct 30, 2007

Hi Mark,

What growth has occurred since our work several weeks back.  I am most certain you were a gift to me during those months of coaching together.  As I remember, the most memorable character trait to me is your ability to blend courage and personal understanding; as one who has experienced suffering and risen to overcome.  Only one who has experienced the depth, could so acutely and masterfully, handle the heart of one suffering, to guide, to point out, to encourage voice to feelings.  Mark, Thank you, for your accurate assessment, time and again.  I am grateful beyond words.  I appreciate your flexibility in time zones and the presence with which you showed up is just solid.  I enjoyed your humor that you inflected with such appropriateness.  It means so much to have had you 'in my corner' through such an ordeal I found myself in.

My health has turned for the best and I deeply believe it has all to do with my state of mind.  As Victor Frankl observed over 40 years ago:  "Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man -- his courage and hope, or there lack of -- and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect."

I am well.  I have had several courageous conversations.  There is movement.  Don't be surprised if our paths cross again ~ smile.

T
Associate Certified Coach, Speaker, Stunt woman
Valencia, CA
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In-Person Consultation Testimonial

Dec 7, 2010

Hi Mark.

It's been ages since we talked/met but I will always give u credit for referring me to Dr. B, recommending a low dose of anti-depressant, etc...I do give myself credit for seeking help and finding you in the first place...

It's been over 10 yrs but I've gone farther since than I'd ever dreamed....I got hired by my (large) client to do internal recruiting, moved into a semi high profile Human Resources generalist role for 2 yrs, then transferred to our federal human capital consulting practice...along the way I began facilitating various training workshops (from behavioral interviewing techniques to technical training on applicant tracking software to coaching skills…Wanted to drop a line to reconnect and say thanks again for steering me onto a path that led to my current path...in which I feel both challenged and successful!

Happy holidays Mark!
C

NoVA
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For more information, call 301-875-2567, or email stressdoc@aol.com.

 

Speaking & Educational Videos-Essayshttp://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
Google blog: http://www.blogger.com/home

2.5 min 3 Steps to Overcome Procrastination Video -- http://vimeo.com/73783964
2 min Shrink Rap Video Link: https://vimeo.com/69053828
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Mark Gorkin, the Stress Doc ™, www.stressdoc.com, acclaimed Keynote and Kickoff Speaker, Webinar Presenter, Retreat Leader and Motivational Humorist, is the author of Practice Safe Stress and The Four Faces of Anger. A former Stress & Violence Prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, "The Doc" is also a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Stress Resilience/Wellness Consultant for the international corporate wellness/insurance brokerage group, The Hays Companies. Mark leads highly interactive, innovative, and inspiring programs for corporations and government agencies, including the US Military, on stress and brain resiliency/burnout prevention through humor, change and conflict management, generational communication, and 3 "R" -- Responsible, Resilient & Risk-Taking -- leadership-partnership team building.

Email stressdoc@aol.com for his popular free newsletter & info on speaking programs and phone coaching sessions.

Stress Doc Mantra: "Think out of the box, perform outside the curve (the Bell Curve), and be out-rage-ous!"
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